See these fun little squiggly letters? That means it's me, Moofin Queen, talking. So, if you don't care about what I have to say, you can skip down to the more normal-looking letters, and get on with the story. Anywho, I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long. Life has been crazy-go-nuts, and I swear my teachers have been conspiring to make my brains a splode. But they cannot stop me! Bahahaha!
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is my Gimli mug, my obsession with Malthoron, and power-tool fetish. So… don't sue me. Or Mary-Sue me. Both are bad.
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Once the Lothlorien Secret Police had Legolas secured (and by secured, I mean strapped to a gurney) they moved him to a super-secret, utterly impenetrable LSP hideout. Translation: the back room of a lembas stand.
Secret Agent Haldir slammed his fist on the table, causing the young princeling to shriek and jerk backward so hard the chair he was strapped to topple over. Once they had set Legolas aright again, another agent took Haldir aside for a brief talk, during which Haldir looked rather put out. He stood off to the side and sulked while the other agent, Secret Agent Rumil, approached Prince Legolas.
"I apologize for his behavior," Rumil said, nodding toward Haldir, who was muttering under his breath. "He gets all worked up, you know." Legolas simply ignored Rumil, as if he were beneath him. Which, technically, he was. But, Elven politics aside, it probably was not wise for Legolas to treat the LSP in such a way, especially when he was strapped to a chair.
"I assume you know why you have been detained…" Rumil continued. If Legolas's treatment of him bothered the agent, he didn't show it. "Lord Celeborn does not appreciate assassination attempts, and you have yet to apologize for your behavior."
"How was I supposed to know he was allergic to peanuts!" Legolas demanded, his gorgeous eyes flashing in anger. "Besides, it was all a big misunderstanding."
"Nevertheless, Lord Celeborn fears for his safety," Rumil continued. "He wishes to speak with you directly."
"Here? Now?" Legolas looked around the dingy room, as if he expected the Elf lord to jump out from behind a crate, or somesuch.
"Yes. Here and now," Rumil replied, and nodded toward Haldir. Haldir, still a bit upset at not being able to interrogate his prisoner, mumbled as he went out the door. Legolas took this opportunity to look around him, and he noticed a boxcutter have been left lying on a small crate near his hands. On the crate, by miraculous coincidence which could only have occurred by an author's twisting of reality, also lay a staple gun.
Haldir returned a few moments later with Lord Celeborn, who bestowed his best gracious, condescending smile upon the incredulous Elven prince. "Elen síla lumenn' omentielvo," Celeborn said, all forgiving benevolence. "I come only to work out our differences, mellonamin.
"Is that why you sent your brute squad after me, mellonamin?" Legolas put a sarcastic emphasis on the word, spitting it out as if it were distasteful.
"I can understand your obj-" Celeborn began, but was cut off when Legolas cut his bonds and grabbed the staple gun. "Nobody move!" He shouted, moving toward the door. Rumil held a sputtering Haldir back, fearing exactly what Legolas was planning on doing with the staple gun. Legolas made it outside, and the other three followed him cautiously. Suddenly, Haldir broke free and charged at Legolas. Celeborn tried to get out of the agent's way, but Legolas panicked and fired the staple gun many times before Haldir managed to tackle him.
Rumil was quick to his lord's side. Celeborn was standing rather close to a large tree, and it only took the Elf lord a few moments to realize his predicament. "That dolt stapled me to a tree!"