Chapter Two
Author's Note: A lot of you enjoyed "Yoshi 007" a lot, so thanks for that. As a treat, I'll put a tiny (and I mean tiny) sneak peek of the next chapter of "Yoshi 007" for you at the end of this chapter. Oh, by the way, this story is almost finished. Just one more chapter!
Now, I probably don't have to say this again, but review, or I'll get really mad and break random things, and you wouldn't want to see that, would you? Of course not. So PLEASE review!
And finally, I apologize in advance to any vegetarians out there. If you like soybean products, that's your preference, not mine. I just don't and thought it would be a good subject for a joke.
(Divider)
Fox woke up from a nap. "Hmm. I smell beans…and not the bean dip kind." He stumbled off to the dining room.
When Fox entered the dining room, Zelda was looking happy, Link was looking happier, Yoshi was looking the happiest, and everyone else was looking…well, for lack of a better word, absolutely f(bleep)ed up.
"What's going on, and what is that revolting stink?" Fox asked Roy.
"That, my friend, is Zelda's idea when you and Bowser had a little éclair fight yesterday." Roy responded sullenly. "Now, she's replaced all of the food with soybean substitutes, and it smells awful-"
Link glared at Roy.
"Awfully good!" Roy said quickly.
"It can't be all that bad." Fox said. He took a soybean sausage and put it into his mouth.
What occurred in the next minute would probably cause you to lose your lunch, as well as every other item you've ever eaten, so I won't describe it in full detail. Know only that something came out of Fox's intestines, went out his mouth, and splattered all over the table.
(Divider)
'I can't stand this.' Fox thought to himself.
"I have to go to the bathroom." Fox announced. He left the table.
"Now, for a little snack." Fox said. He sneaked over to the fridge, and opened the door to find…
"Game and Watch?" Fox yelped. "What are you doing in the refrigerator?"
"Freezing, you idiot. Get me out of here."
Fox yanked G&W out of the fridge and began to scavenger through it.
"Yes! Bean dip!" Fox exclaimed, clutching a box in his hands.
"Fox…"
"What?"
"That's Dr. I. D. Iots' 100 percent soybean dip, and it tastes like…well, something that begins with the letter 's' and has four letters."
"Fine. I'll just have plain chips." Fox snatched a bag out of the cupboard.
"Fox…"
"Whaat?"
"Those chips are made with soybean flour."
"Darn it! Fine, I'll have a milkshake."
"Fox…"
"WHAT!"
"That milkshake is made with soy milk."
"Is there anything in this fridge that's not made with soybeans?"
"If there was, I ate it." G&W said.
Fox sighed. "I'm going to Falco's room."
(Divider)
Falco sighed. "Oh well, at least I still have a nice, nourishing supply of Oreos and potato chips in my secret drawer." He pushed a button on the wall, entered a code, and found…crumbs.
(Divider)
Ness and Pichu were building a house, or rather, a castle of cards.
"Just one more and we'll break the world record!" Pichu squeaked excitedly.
As Ness placed the final card on top of the behemoth…
"HEY! WHERE ARE THOSE SNACKS I SAVED FOR EMERGENCIES!" someone roared. (You won't need to guess who that is.)
The card tower collapsed, and Ness and Pichu began crying. Aww, Fox made some kids cry. I hope he's happy.
(D I V I D E R)
After a week of unbearable torture, Fox, Roy, and Yoshi were lying on the couch watching the news. Roy and Yoshi were unbearably thin, but Fox, somehow, was still…Fox.
"In other news," the reporter continued, "there have been reports of a masked burglar breaking into stores such as A&P and Pathmark and demanding that the cashiers hand over the bean dip, corn chips, and cream donuts. The thief was armed with a laser blaster and had pointed ears and a fuzzy tail. If you know who this is, please call 1-800-IJUSTWITNESSEDACRIMESOIMCALLINGTOGETAHUGEREWARD and you will get a large reward."
PHHHHTTT!
"I was just leaving." Fox said as he zipped away under Roy and Yoshi's suspicious eyes.
(Divider)
Disclaimer: I do not encourage you to steal from stores. That is very bad and will most likely end with you getting put in jail. I am only adding this act for the sake of comedy. (I sound so serious…) And don't do drugs either.
"Fox?"
"Go away."
"It's Roy and Yoshi."
"All right, come on in."
"Fox, you stole those snacks, didn't you!" Yoshi gasped.
"Well…there are lots of people who have laser blasters and have pointed ears and a long, fuzzy tail!" Fox yelled.
"Fox, I know you're suffering. We all are. But that's still no reason to go steal the food of innocent, paying, members of society. There are people that would give their left arm to have this kind of food, so- just don't steal!"
"I also pilfered some white-chocolate chunk vanilla ice-cream." Fox said, taking out a bucket from under his bed. (I don't know if that flavor exists, but if it does, tell me where I can buy it.)
Roy and Yoshi looked at the bucket of ice cream. They looked at each other.
"Do you have an extra spoon, Fox?" Yoshi asked.
"Or two?" said Roy.
"What happened to stealing from society?" Fox asked.
"Ah, it can wait. JUST GIVE ME THAT ICE CREAM!" Roy yelled.
"It's okay. I've got three." Fox said, pulling out more buckets.
(Divider)
"Fox, you seem a bit…" Dr. Mario said.
"Obtuse?"
"No, it's called obese."
"Am I going to get cancer?"
"No, but you will get a heart attack, high blood pressure, malnutrition, etc, etc. All of those are bad."
"I didn't eat anything bad!"
Dr. Mario looked Fox in the eye.
"All right, I ate some chips and donuts. Happy?"
PHHHTTT!
"And some bean dip."
"Just start eating more healthy, McCloud. That's all I can tell you."
(Divider)
"How can I eat more healthy?" Fox asked his pals before dinner.
"Do mine ears deceive me?" Roy said, while Yoshi snickered. "Fox McCloud wants to eat healthy?"
"I'm serious!" Fox said.
Roy and Yoshi began ROTFL. (Rolling on the floor laughing. As if you didn't know.)
"Really!" Fox yelled.
"Fox, stop!" Yoshi said, laughing. "You're making me LMAO!" (I don't need to tell you what that means.)
"REALLY!" Fox screamed.
A few crickets chirped.
(Divider)
A few crickets chirped.
(Divider)
A few crickets chirped.
(Ten dividers later)
"Fox…you're serious?" Roy asked.
"Yes."
Roy and Yoshi began ROTFL again.
(A LOT of dividers later)
"Fox, you really must eat fruits and veggies." Roy said. "Now, here's a fruit bowl. Eat all of this and we'll check on you."
(Divider)
Roy and Yoshi peeked into Fox's room.
"Yuck." Roy said.
"Well, at least he's eating them, right?" Yoshi responded.
"Perhaps, but I don't dip my banana in ketchup before I eat it." Roy muttered.
(Divider)
"Fox, this is broccoli. It's a vegetable. Now eat it, and please don't choke it back up again."
Fox looked at the broccoli, tore a small piece off it, and put it in his mouth.
"Not bad." Fox said. "I WANT MORE!" Fox then devoured the whole broccoli.
"Wait…something's wrong." Roy whispered to Yoshi.
"Yeah…Where'd you get this broccoli?"
(Divider)
Ness, Pichu, and Young Link were sitting in Ness's room.
"I got a candy broccoli and the candy store. It looks like broccoli, but it's actually made of sugar that's thickened with green dye to make it look and feel like broccoli!"
Each of the three kids took a head of the "candy" broccoli.
"Ness, this doesn't taste like sugar." Pichu said, just before he vomited.
"It tastes like-BLAUUGH!"
(Divider)
"We'll never get him to eat good food." Roy said to Yoshi.
"He'll probably stay fat forever." Yoshi said back.
Fox heard this, and weighed himself.
"150 pounds? I don't think that's normal, even for a fox."
Fox looked in the mirror, and he did indeed look a little…well, chubby.
"NOOOO! If I wish to stay handsome, I must make a great sacrifice!"
Fox took his blaster from his pocket, and shot several holes in the corn chip bag. He then destroyed the bean dip, and destroyed all of the donuts.
"I must eat the vegetables!" Fox said as he slunk off to the kitchen. He then found a REAL broccoli and began chewing on it.
"Pleh." Fox said. "This broccoli didn't taste like sugar and artificial coloring." He was about to throw the broccoli into the garbage when he caught sight of himself in a glass bowl.
"But, I shall one day conquer the broccoli!" Fox yelled as he brought the broccoli to his room for closer inspection.
Will Fox ever conquer the evil broccoli? You'll have to find out in the next and last chapter of Fox's Eating Habits! REVIEW!
Now, here's a little sneak peek of chapter 7 of "Yoshi 007", just like I promised. Hope you enjoy!
"London is such a big place." murmured Pikachu. "I wonder if they have any good martinis?"
"Pikachu, we're going to rescue Fox, Roy, and Yoshi. So keep focused." said G&W. He took out his tracker. "There's a distress signal coming from over there. To the northwest."
"That's where Bowser said he got the distress signal from, according to these coordinates." Marth said.
"Come on." G&W said. He and his fellow operatives raced to the mansion.
A bit later…
"Here we are." Marth said as he pounded the doorbell. A butler answered.
"Yes?"
"We're looking for someone in here."
"You-" The butler pulled out a gun, but Pikachu quickly slammed into his head and he fell down.
"Let's go." Pikachu said. He snatched the butler's fallen gun and raced forward.
No sooner had Pikachu opened the next door, however, that a dagger shot at him, missing him by a few millimeters. Pikachu's heart leaped into his throat.
"Apparently, this place isn't very welcoming to people." G&W said.