Words left unspoken
Okay, I know I promised an action chapter, but realised that after the review response this had to be put in first. I got three reviews saying not to do Gippal's semi-breakdown, and I decided not to. At least not for now, so for those who wanted it don't lose hope yet! This way however, you get more fluff, because Rikku is the one to stop the insaneness occurring. Therefore this chapter is mostly romance, with a few more glimpses at Nooj's tasks. I'm no fan of Shelinda, but I tried to make her character seem semi-nice. I did try.
This was pretty fast for me, no? with the holidays here, I have more time. This story is definitely nearing an end, with either four or five chapters left to it! I'm off to Scotland with the family soon, and I suspect I'll finish writing it there. After that my attention will be focused on my ff9 fic. I've already begun written some chapters for the other three stories I plan to do, the most being Three Years of surviving you, due to it being more popular and the one I'll end up writing first.
I may be able to post another chapter before going to Scotland, I've already started writing it. updates will definitely be a lot quicker from now on. Anyway, I'll shut up now.
In the absence of sight: 5
Three years of surviving you: 7
Tale of two Gippals: 4
rikku-thief: lol, thanks for the advise about self-blame, I added some in this chapter, and it worked great in it! at least, I think it went okay. Lol, you made it your MSN name? lol, glad you like it, I thought it was quite clever when I first put it in, and very Gippal like. Thanks for the review!
Starling94: computers are so evil when they don't work. Lol, but I'm glad you're enjoying it, after this chapter it gets pretty angsty deep.
Shakai: yep, it was, this chapter was even worse with her in. lol, you'll see why, I had to actually make her nice! He may 'spazz' out again later on, when he meets his dad (or after) not sure yet, depends how it goes. Lol, this story seems to write itself. Lol, no one else has guessed yet! So you get to laugh even more.
Motet: will do.
amylia: Here you go!
Back of Beyond: Insane Gippal might not be here for a while now, we'll have to see. Glad you liked the chapter!
Violent: The idea's…just sort of write themselves, I have no idea where they come from. It's kinda spooky, lol. He snapped out quickly because Paine is very persuasive, lol. But just because he's not laughing insaney anymore doesn't mean he's back to normal ;) No exams feels so good!
Feilian: thanks, your support means a lot, cause I was really worried about the breakdown thing. I'm glad you like the story!
kinana: thanks for your opinion, he won't have one like that again, but this chapter is about fixing his weakness in sanity. Hope its okay.
Noelly and Chloe: thanks! GippalxRikku are definitely a great couple!
Emmy-miester: yeah, that's what I thought too, glad you liked it!
Al Bhed Tears: thanks for the invite! I posted my one-shot on your site too, if that's okay. Lol, you site is really nice!
no name: thanks for the opinion, you've helped me make this chapter different, and I definitely prefer it this way, hopefully you will too.
kairiyuna: I've read your chapters now! So cute! I so want to know what happens! I liked that part too, but I wasn't sure if people would find it funny, oh well. Had no complaints. I've definitely lost reviewers from not updating fast enough, especially with my ff9 fic! But that's okay, I won't stop writing any of them, I'm weird that way, I have to finish a story but it does usually take years to do. This one is nearly a year old now.
Princess of Sorrow: Really? You have to take a picture and send it to me!
Breaking Down, Healing Me
You keep giving me this frightened look ever since my little outburst in the woods. I'm sorry Rikku, I'm trying to 'get a grip' but it's suddenly a lot harder than before. We're getting closer to him; I'm really going to have to confront him again. I'm going to have to…
I don't think I can do it. Not without losing myself, who I've tried so hard to be. I'll become him, a murderer who thinks killing Al Bheds is saving their soul. Because that's what I believe for him, that to kill him will free the Cameo he once was. Nothing else has worked, so maybe death is the only solution.
I'm going to become what I hate the most, how can I be with you after that? How could you stand to love someone who kills his family? I've already put you through a lot, and you've forgiven me for it, but will this be too much? I wouldn't blame you if it was, it's too much for me and I'm the one a part of it.
It's so hard being strong all the time. I used to try when I was with him, for my mother's sake, and then for the thought of freedom. Then I was safe with Lance, and I didn't have to be the strong one all the time, yet the memories haunted me, they always will.
And then I met you; you gave me purpose again. I love you so much I can't help but be strong, just so you won't have to be all the time. But I'm not sure I can be strong right now, the memories are too near, too hard to ignore or escape.
Wow, how selfish do I sound? You've done so much to help me, and still I'm not fighting properly. I guess I saw your reaction to my small lapse in sanity, and I saw you couldn't help me. Only I can help myself. But am I strong enough to do it alone? Can I fight the damage he's done inside me alone? He's damaged Spira, but you and the others are there trying to fix that, but in my mind I'm all alone.
Fayth I'm such an idiot, how can I be thinking us? I'm making it sound as though you're not doing enough, but you're doing more than you should be. You deserve some peace Rikku, but I'm not sure you can ever find it with me. I've never found eternal peace in my soul, because he will always be there, haunting me, a part of me.
…I'm scared, and I feel guilty for that. I have no right to be scared after what I've done. You must be so scared, learning the whole truth about me and then having me lose control in front of you, twice. I'm such a selfish…sigh. How do you do it Rikku? How do you put up with all the idiots in your life? There's Cid; Brother; me; that Lucan salesman who once tried to sell you a baby Barbuta…how do you cope with all of us?
Paine's right, I need to get a grip, it's stupid to fail now just because I have a few bad memories. Everyone has those. I should destroy the reason for the memories, and then finally try to forget it all. It's the Al Bhed way after all; memories are nice, but that's all they are. My memories aren't nice, but they're still memories. They create the fear in me, but it was a fear which couldn't hurt me until recently. Now I have to overcome that fear, be strong, and destroy the reason for my nightmares once and for all. Without losing my mind in the process.
Sounds easy doesn't it? I wish it was, because I can already feel my grasp on reason slipping. And I don't know if I can stop it.
I need your help. But I don't know how you could give me any.
I don't know how to fight it.
I can't be strong anymore.
…Help me.
Nobody had ever been so thankful to leave the enchanted woods before, yet Gippal couldn't help feeling he'd felt something behind again. The first time it had been his old life, this time it was something he couldn't do without. His confidence; his strength.
"How's he doing?" Gippal asked quietly, Baralai looked up and managed a weak smile.
"He doesn't seem fatally injured, but it will be better for him once we reach the Travel Inn." The Al Bhed hadn't woken since they'd found him, which was unusual, especially when no wound was visible.
"Maybe he was poisoned." Gippal thought aloud, trying to concentrate on something other than what was to come.
"I don't see any bite marks or powder on him." Rikku added, relieved that the silence had been broken. Gippal gazed over to her, noticing with a heavy heart she was avoiding his eye-line. Gippal turned away and shrugged, giving up on easing the obvious tension between them.
"Hurry up!" Came Paine;s impatient call from ahead, relieving the group from the awful silence. "The hover is waiting to take us to the Inn; we can't carry him and fight so I used Gippal's money to pay the driver."
"Why mine?" Gippal whined. "Your man's richer than me."
"Because he's actually helping by carrying the Al Bhed." Paine called back coldly. Gippal sighed and dropped the issue, knowing he was in grave danger of losing any respect Paine may have had for him before. And now Rikku wouldn't even look at him.
Fate was not being kind today.
"Will there be enough room for all of us?" Yuna asked as they approached the distant hover.
"Me and Gippal will walk." Rikku volunteered quickly, finally meeting his gaze and giving him a meaningful look. "You guys just hurry to the Inn and get help for him." No one bothered to argue, though all looked at her with a questionable frown, Gippal included.
"Fine." Paine said as they reached the hover. She was obviously in no mood to argue, especially when this meant Gippal was away from them. "Everyone else get on."
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Yuna asked her cousin worriedly. "Maybe I should walk with you."
"I'll be fine Yunie, honest!" Rikku told her impatiently, lowering her voice to a whisper. "I just really need to talk to Gippal alone right now." Yuna nodded reluctantly before climbing onto the hover beside Tidus.
"Just be careful." She ordered as the hover started to move away. Paine glanced back at the two Al Bheds for a moment before climbing on herself; her look had told Gippal he only had one chance to sort himself out.
"Well, this will be fun." He said; no humour present in his voice. To give Rikku some credit, she did try to smile at him before grabbing hold of his arm with a death grip.
"Come with me." She told him, and he knew he wasn't being given an option.
This was definitely not a happy day.
Shelinda took in a shaky breath with reluctant nervousness on what she was about to do. She was only a few minutes from broadcasting across the commspheres all over Spira, telling the world that the Machine Faction was innocent without really knowing it herself. She was a professional, yet she had once again been bullied into doing something she didn't want.
"I'll get you some damn evidence. Until then the least you can do is explain that High Summoner Yuna is tracking down the one responsible; that should make sure they don't start panicking." Those had been the Meyvn's words, the words which had laid her this heavy responsibility. Could she really ignore he better judgement and follow his instructions? The conversation had been on the previous day, but already just a few hours earlier he had contacted her, insisting he had evidence, and that he would reveal it to Spira himself soon enough. But it's her who had to tell this to Spira, and if Nooj were wrong it was her who would be blamed.
Despite her previous promises to herself she began to feel an old resentment directed towards the Youth League. It was little over three months ago when the two groups had been on the brink of war, and she couldn't help but feel biased against the angry group. She had always favoured New Yevon, and she realised she always would, despite her revolution not to. Her faith to Yevon would simply not fade, despite finding out it had been based on lies. New Yevon still had their beliefs, but in a different way, in a way which made Yevon more than a person, but the actual spirit of Spira; the spirit which lived in everyone. Even the Al Bheds.
Knowing this, Shelinda had tried the past two years to grow a litter fonder of the race on Spira, and was secretly proud of her achievement. But even now she had her old doubts, ones which would take time to leave her, and this incident had only made sure she could not ignore them. This incident, she realised, would decide her view on the Al Bheds once and for all.
Could she trust them? Could Spira trust them? The Meyvn certainly did, and he was not an easy man to gain loyalty with. But the Faction leader was his friend, was that obscuring his judgement?
"The broadcast is starting in sixty seconds." Her co-worker told her with a smile, giving an encouraging good luck sign. Shelinda smiled, her stomach tying into a painful knot. What should she do? The Yevonite sighed heavily, shuffling to get more comfortable before obtaining a blank face.
High Summoner Yuna is tracking down the one responsible. Came Nooj's words once more, causing the healer to smile. High Summoner Yuna believed they were innocent, and she would do anything for Spira, she would never lie to it. It had to be true; maybe the Machine Faction really wasn't responsible for this.
"Okay, you're on in three, two…"
"Are you sure they'll be okay?" Yuna asked once more, directing her question towards Paine. Paine had seemed so confident that leaving them behind was the right choice, she was the only one who seemed so confident in what would happen and why it was worth the delay.
"We can't continue our journey when Gippal is in such a fragile state of mind, only Rikku can help him overcome that. Trust me, when they arrive here it will have been worth the worry you feel now." Yuna wasn't so sure about that, but decided arguing would be pointless.
"I never realised it was so hard on him to do this." Baralai said quietly. "I should have seen it."
"He's good at hiding his emotions; he would have to be after his past." Paine reassured him. "It's not your fault he snapped now; it was going to happen eventually, even if this hadn't happened. Its better he confronts it with people who care about him rather than when he's alone. Rikku will help him heal, I'm sure of that." Baralai nodded, not looking convinced as he turned back to the unconscious Al Bhed, who they still were unsure of the reason he refused to wake.
"About his past...me and Yuna still haven't heard about it." Tidus pointed out. "We didn't spy on them like you did."
"I was not spying!" Baralai defended, making Paine smirk at his shocked expression. She had to admit that he looked adorable when trying to obtain some dignity he'd previously lost.
"Sure." Tidus teased, causing the gothic mood to vanish from the room.
"I'll tell you." Paine said at last, sighing deeply. "It's the least I can do, because I know Gippal will actually try to fight this, and I owe him to be supportive any way I can. He is my friend after all." She explained truthfully; for once not hesitant to admit it on front of others. Gippal had taught her Al Bhed, been one of those who helped her trust again after her difficult childhood. And now that she knew his past, she realised how some of it was similar, and she refused to see him break, she refused to think that may happen to her too one day. And so, with that in mind Paine began to recount the tale she and Baralai had heard that morning.
Clasko, luckily, appeared to be on his rounds when the two Al Bheds entered the Choco Ranch. Rikku sighed in relief, not wanting to deal with the perky boy at the moment, not when she was so determined to have a nice, long heart-to-heart with her boyfriend.
"This way." She said, beginning to lead him to the area where the golden chocobo was kept. Gippal had remained quiet the whole way across the Calm Lands, not even calling out his usual battle cries against any fiends. Rikku was getting really worried, and she needed to figure out a way to help him cope with what was happening. She wanted the old, cheerful Gippal back; she wanted to see him happy again.
"I'm sorry Rikku." She suddenly heard him mutter, so quietly she knew she wasn't meant to hear it. They were now in front of the golden chocobo and she gently pulled him into the left corner before deciding not to ignore the comment.
"Sorry for what? It's not your fault this is happening."
"Yes it is, but it's not that I'm apologizing for, I'm sorry because I'm not strong enough to handle it. I can't be strong anymore."
His words contained such defeat that Rikku felt her heart ache and unwanted tears enter her eyes. Had the memories of Macalania really caused him so much pain to relive that he was now a broken man?
"Sasuneac lyh uhmo rind oui ev oui mad dras." (Memories can only hurt you if you let them.) She told him, holding one of his hands tightly in hers, wanting to squeeze the hope back into him. "And even if they do, you have your friends here to help you heal."
"Some wounds can't be healed Rikku, at least I can't see a way…I, I don't know what to do anymore." Rikku frowned at his words, a slight impatience filling her which she couldn't push away.
"You have to fight, that's what you have to do." She told him firmly, for a moment convinced she'd seen a flicker of a smile on his face due to her commanding tone. "You can't just give up after how far we've all come, you owe it to yourself, to your dad, and to….to me. On Mi'hen after…I almost gave up fighting, you told me to stay strong, and soon I'd be able to stop fighting and just settle down. It's the same for you Gippal; you have to keep fighting just a little longer."
Gippal looked at her then, a slight sparkle returning to his eye, one she hadn't seen since he'd told his story. But as soon as it had appeared it vanished once more. Yet the moment had given Rikku hope for him, hope that his past had not yet completely destroyed the arrogant, cocky man she loved so dearly.
"I will fight Rikku, I will. It's just after that I'm worried about; when this is all over…I don't know if I will be able to settle, not like I wanted to anyway. It's been so hard since Guadosalam, because I realised this journey has changed so much, it's changed you and me too."
"What do you mean?" Rikku asked frowning. "You mean our relationship?"
"Partly, but I meant just us as people too. Before this you were just, well, wandering, loving adventure. Now you want to settle down and have peace."
"Your making it sound like a bad thing." Rikku said angrily. Gippal looked up at her in surprise, for once in his life not making some smart ass comment.
"I didn't mean it like that, I think it's a great thing you want to settle and have a permanent home. It's just…I'm not sure you can find that with me, not anymore." The realisation of what he was saying hit Rikku hard. She felt herself gasp in physical pain at the very thought, after everything they'd already been through was he really...?
"Y-yna oui pnaygehk ib fedr sa?" (A-are you breaking up with me?) She half sobbed, not caring if she was acting ridiculous or like a stereotypical hysteric girl.
"Fryd? Hu! Dryd'c hud fryd E sayh!" (What? No! That's not what I mean!) And then he laughed! He laughed at her! "Kuey, what made you think I'd ever let you go?"
Rikku wanted to stay mad at him for laughing and making her feel stupid, but the pet name made her heart instantly warm. He hadn't called her that since he'd told his story that morning; she didn't realise she'd missed it so much.
"Sayhea." (Meanie.) She grumbled, deciding to fall into a familiar pout instead. Gippal tried to stop laughing, which she thought she had to give him some credit for. And even though he couldn't stop, it wasn't the chilling, pain filled laugh he'd done in Macalania, it was light and true. And that made her realise there was hope, that he could overcome his past. He just needed the reason to.
"Kuey, please don't be mad, all I meant was I don't know what the future holds anymore." Rikku was tempted to point out the obvious with that statement, but thought her pouting plan was more important. Just because his sanity was in danger didn't mean he shouldn't have to beg for her forgiveness. "Kuuuey." He whined, making her smirk, but luckily he couldn't see it, she'd turned her back to him. "I'm sorry." She heard him shuffle closer, and then felt one of his hands cradle her neck, gently stroking the spot where the concealed love bites where.
She involuntarily shivered with pleasure at the touch, not wanting to show any weakness…not yet anyway. But she knew Gippal had seen it, and could practically feel the smirk on his face as his lips touched her neck.
"H-hey!" Rikku protested. "I don't want another gross thing on my neck!"
"Alright." Gippal practically purred, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to face him. It was then, seeing his devious smirk that she understood he was planning something big. "I won't go anywhere near your neck." Instead his mouth moved towards her forehead, coming so close she could practically feel his solid breath on her skin. Rikku swallowed loudly in anticipation for the touch of his lips, but they didn't come, he was only remaining teasingly close.
"G-gippal." She moaned, as he breathed on her forehead again. He was torturing her, making her long for him in a way she didn't want him to see. She was strong, she didn't need a man to make her feel complete…at least, that's how she used to feel. Until now.
"I'm not even touching you." Gippal smirked, now with one hand held close to her cheek, tickling the fair hairs there. "And I'm no where near your neck."
"You're such a meanie." She moaned, trying her best to resist moving her face to his hand, to give into the need for his touch. She tried to ignore the reaction he was causing, and instead focused her mind as best she could on her original task.
"What future were you hoping for?" She managed to ask, his hand now tracing her bottom lip, making it quiver slightly in anticipation.
"I thought that was obvious." Gippal told her quietly, his eye moving from the sight of her lips up to her swirling eyes. "You and me together, living a peaceful life at the Faction with twenty children."
"T-twenty?" Rikku spluttered. "I'm not going through twenty labours!" Gippal chuckled at her reaction, noting to himself she hadn't objected to the fact of having some children.
"I was joking Kuey, ten will do." He knew he shouldn't be openly admitting he'd planned out their future after only a few days of dating, but he couldn't help it. It felt so right, even the argument of the kid number when they were at no stage in their relationship to even think of having sex. He wasn't going to blow this, not like everything else.
"We can still have that Gippal…eventually." Rikku told him, allowing herself to admit defeat and leaning into his touch. The movement caused Gippal's eye to wander back to her lips, which he lovingly caressed.
"Not unless the Faction is proved innocent in the attacks. We can't live there if it's shut down." He whispered; a hint of desperation in his voice.
"We'll get the evidence Gippal, we'll stop him. Together we'll do it, I promise." She told him, for the first time feeling completely confident about this fact. They had to succeed, for the sake of Spira, and for Gippal's planned future. It was something she would willingly go into battle for.
Gippal however didn't look so sure, but that didn't haze her determination. She felt suddenly stronger than she had since the journey began, a new tidal wave of hope filling her. She would help Gippal face his past, and then he would overcome it. As long as she was there for him, they could do anything together.
With that thought Rikku forgot about her silly resistance and opened her lips, sucking on his finger slightly with a seductive smile.
"I won't let him destroy our future; he won't take you from me." She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer so his lips met hers. She felt him stiffen in surprise, which made her smile as she teasingly sucked on his bottom lip. No taste could compare to that of her Gippal.
It was only after a few minutes in which Gippal's tongue had explored her own when the couple became aware of the commsphere flickering to life. Gippal groaned in obvious annoyance at the interruption, which caused Rikku to giggle teasingly. Maybe Gippal was just as defenceless against her as she was against him!
"Ekhuna ed." (Ignore it.) He begged, his hands rummaging through her now loose hair. The hungry look in his eye made her shiver with desire, but she sighed in defeat. The commsphere had already begun showing the broadcast and she knew it would be too important to ignore.
Nooj glanced up from the report he'd received and allowed a slight smile. Since he had contacted Cid the search for evidence had been considerably easy. Not only had he been informed of who the man behind the attacks was (this had been told by Lance) but he had also discovered the reason, and the way in which he'd deceived the Faction in order to steal the parts.
"We're still in need of physical evidence though." He said aloud. "The man is a good start, if we capture him. But considering he's an Al Bhed, more will be needed to prevent distrust spreading across Spira once again." This was considerably tricky, especially if people were to find out whose father this man was. "Why did it have to be Gippals? The Faction will fall due to this if we don't find something!" The Meyvn sighed in annoyance, muttering a familiar 'brat' comment under his breath before glancing over to the flickering commsphere. This action only increased his growing foul mood; what was Shelinda going to tell the rest of Spira?
The small screen displayed the square in Luca, a young child was peering at the camera and waving in the background as the Yevonite Shelinda began her speech.
"Good afternoon Spira! Today news of the machina attacks currently occurring over Spira has been presented by Meyvn Nooj of the Youth league. He has informed me that the man responsible is known to those tracking him, which includes none other than the High Summoner Yuna. Evidence pointing to the innocence of the Machine Faction has been said to have been found, both by the Mevyn and by the High Summoner's company.
"The safety of Spira is being taken care of once again by the Lady Yuna, so there is no need to panic or fear. Blame cannot be pointed, so please remain calm and refrain from any attacks of revenge. The leaders of Spira are working on the situation, including the Al Bhed leader Cid. Please know that nothing is more important to them than your safety, and they will not stop until the threat has been erased, and the evidence against it has been made clear.
"Thank you for listening, and please, be cautious but not judgemental to the Al Bhed. They too have suffered due to these events, and have not caused any problems over the past two years to make any suspect they are to blame. Together we will gain back our eternal calm, please remember that Spira, together we are strong."
Yuna couldn't help but beam in pride at Shelinda's words. The young woman had grown so much the past two years; she finally had faith in something other than her religion.
"Well, at least we don't have to worry about Spira declaring war on the Al Bhed." Paine commented.
"Thanks to Nooj." Baralai said, smiling slightly. "I wonder if Gippal and Rikku saw this."
"They will have." Paine said confidently. "And it's exactly what Gippal needs to pull himself together."
Gippal could only stare at the now blank sphere, blinking in confusion. He'd done it, Nooj had actually done it. How could he ever repay him? How could he have forgotten for a moment about the good friends he has?
"Looks like the Faction will be okay after all." Rikku said; Gippal could sense the smugness in her voice.
"Yeah, as long as we stop him and bring him in." Gippal added, though not in a defeated tone. He allowed a smile to form on his face as he stared down at his girlfriend. "And I…I think I can handle it, just as long as you're there with me."
"I'll never leave you Gippal, never." She told him firmly, fiddling about with his hair, a playful smile on her features. "We'll finish this together."