Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Theme: #27 I hate to love…
Pairing: Fuji/Oshitari implied Tezu/Ato
Rating: PG-13/ Angst
Disclaimer: The realm of PoT belongs to Konomi. And the song that inspired the fic belongs to Lifehouse.
Summary: I'm standing here until you make me move…
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Love
To have a deep, warn liking or affection for another person.
Or so says the book known as the Oxford Dictionary anyway…
Love certainly was not what brought us together. As big a romantic I may seem, I am certainly no idealist. There were certainly no falling petals, no dreamy sigh presence when we first met. In fact, we were no more than rivals at that point in time, determined to best each other, our hearts set on the finals.
At that old mountain lodge, there was no flutter; as your slender hand grasped mine over the net, not even a skip in heartbeat as my eyes met your cerulean ones, as you smiled warmly at me after that exhilarating battle.
If so, what is love anyway?
Is it the urge that I have, to take you into my arms and kiss you when other guys flirt with you- the desire to proclaim to the world that you are mine and mine alone?
Is it the strange tingling sensation I feel spread through my body when I watch you sleeping at night, that honey brown halo of yours splayed haphazardly on the pillow.
That urge I have to run my hands through your silken strands; and that smile that always forces itself onto my lips as your brilliant blue eyes stare dreamily at me when you wake, making me want to hold onto you and never let go…
Is that love?
Or perhaps it's the surreal sensations when I feel as your body arches into mine, as we caress, tease each other in the dark, the immense pleasure that wells inside me as you whimper at my touch, begging me to give you release.
… When you grip my shoulders; head tossed back and shudder in pure ecstasy…
And you call his name.
A pain so great as if you've wrenched my heart from its crevasse in my body and drove a knife into me over and over.
The sudden weight in my heart, as if it was tied to the biggest boulder and hurled into the stormy sea to sink where it will be forgotten… when you talk of him and smile in a way you never smiled for me.
Approximately a year after that match; I found you, late one night; your face flushed from one too many sips of sake. I grabbed you, slung an arm around my shoulder and brought you back to my apartment as you rambled nonsensically along the entire way.
That was the night I had made the biggest mistake in my life. Really… I should have known better. I should have let you sleep on my couch and quickly sent you along your way the moment morning broke. Perhaps it would have been better that way.
Yet a part of me was too curious, too human to leave you alone, too sympathetic to ignore you when you cried out in your sleep, shattering the silence of the night. I had given in and went to you. I often wonder if you remember that time, when I found you sitting upright in your makeshift bed, eyes wide open, your body shaking from the nightmare in your mind. You had stared at me for moment before suddenly launching yourself right into my arms… I had simply no idea what was happening back then, but I had held you. Encircled you in my embrace, and would have held you till your tears ran dry.
When you were emptying your sorrows, you had turned to look at me, cerulean orbs glittering in the dark. And it was that moment when you were in your most vulnerable state that something in me decided to never let you go.
After that, I became too obsessed with protecting you; after seeing you, who always seemed so in control of himself, even as if in control of others, in such a fragile state. I let you come to me whenever you wanted to, let you tell me what you wanted, touched you how you wanted. And the first night we spent moaning and panting and twisted sheets, I was so drunk in you when the name you called out in the climax of passion was not mine- I had let it slip. After all, you had looked at me and assured me with a warm smile that it had been and accident.
An accident that happened again, and again…
And in time to come I would come to know how you came be stone drunk that fateful night.
We had gone on a casual group date, a so-called reunion with our old high school friends. The look on your face when you saw him, the raw mix of jealousy and sadness when his hard features had softened, and that rare sight of a smile had broken out on his face when his lover bantered with him… a smile more tender than the one he had greeted you with… it was then that the pieces started to fit together…
That night you were reduced to nothing but a rambling idiot, you were sick. Lovesick. I recalled just earlier that same day, Atobe had called me, saying that he and Tezuka had decided not to hide their relationship from the world anymore. Your dear captain had called you too didn't he?
… Yet each time I had told myself that a stupid name did not matter, that it'd be all right since you were with me. I wanted to be the one who healed you.
I am a fool, I admit, and so are you. We let our hearts get stolen by someone who would never be able to look at us in that special way. Perhaps, that's what brought us together; we both know what it feels like to live with a shattered heart.
I hate this…
I hate to love you.
But that's all I can do.
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A/N: Well, there you have it, my first tensai pair fic and my first fic written in first person come to think of it. I hope it wasn't too OOC and I that you liked it!