A/N : Big thankage to my wonderful reviewers; Spuffy2008, Bittersweetbabylove, spuffymonica, Lifes-Slayer, Ape18, spikegothicchick, Brunettepet, bella-lover, KelleyTheSelfToastablePopTart, angelfan86, Sandra, katie, velja, Baby Girl Geller-Green, LiLi, spikesbint16, Mita427, and spuffygrl. Now, get ready for some serious emotional overload. Just one more chapter to go after this!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 21 - Crying

"You sure about this, sweetie?" Xander asked his cousin as she slipped on her shoes and checked she had everything she needed in her purse.

"I'm fine, Xand, really" she lied blatantly as she forced a smile and went towards the door, hesitating when she reached it. She really wished she didn't have to face work this morning, most especially because Spike would be there. It was just over thirty six hours since she'd dropped her little bombshell and told Dawn it was very likely they were mother and daughter. Now she faced the very real possibility that neither her little girl or her boyfriend would want her in their lives and that caused a pain in her heart that felt like it could easily kill her.

"I could call in" Xander said behind her, "Tell Giles you're not feeling well"

"It wouldn't be a complete lie" Buffy sighed, "but he'd know why I really wasn't there" she told her cousin what he already knew, "Spike will have told him everything, I have no doubts on that, and I can't not ever go back to my job, Xand. I'm a lot of things but I'm not a quitter or a coward" she reminded him.

"Hey, I never said that" her cousin was quick to point out, "I just hate seeing you all down and gloomy. I wish I could make it better"

"You can" Buffy smiled as he hugged her, "You do, the fact you came here to Sunnydale with me, the way you always supported me no matter what. You're so much more than a cousin to me Xand, it's like having a big brother or something, and I love you so much"

"Love you too, Buff" he smiled as he held her and kissed the top of her head, "Always"

"I should really go" she said a moment later as she pulled out of his arms and took a deep breath, "I'm not the tardy type either" she nodded firmly a she went out of the door at last.

Xander sighed as the door clicked shut behind her. She certainly hadn't had a simple life, and things were going to be rough for a while yet it seemed. He hoped and prayed that Dawn and Spike could find a way to keep Buffy in their lives. If they couldn't it'd mean moving towns again, which was bad enough in itself since it meant new jobs, new home, not to mention Xander leaving his girlfriend behind who he was certain now he was completely in love with.

Then there was Buffy's pain and anguish, all that she'd been through before would pale into insignificance if she lost Dawn so soon after finding her, not to mention Spike. Xander had never known his cousin be this way, so much in love. Even when she was a kid and welded to Angel's side, she was never like this, a weird sort of happy that emanated from her eyes all the time, until Saturday night.

Willow couldn't concentrate on her work. Her first problem was the lack of sleep she'd gotten last night, since the kids had caught some nasty stomach related illness and had passed it to their father. Oz and the two girls had taken turns throwing up and using the bathroom all night long as Willow checked they were all okay and cleaned up a couple of accidents. Her workload was larger due to her husbands absence from work, but at least he was feeling a little better today and was able to cope with staying home alone with the kids, they had it worse than he did.

Still, her tiredness and mountain of paperwork were not the only problems Willow had. Spike and Buffy were bothering her too, or rather the fact they seemed to be avoiding each other was what was getting to her. Each time Buffy passed through the office from her own she gave Spike's desk a wide berth and walked double quick time, most especially on the two occasions when he'd called her name. She had to have heard him since she was right next to Willow when he called and the red-head heard only too clearly.

Willow knew other couples affairs were simply none of her business, but she loved Spike like a brother and Buffy had fast become the best girl-friend she'd ever had. If they were having problems she sort of wished she knew what they were so she could at least help in some small way to smooth things out between them. Still, she didn't like to come out and ask. As sweet as Spike was he had a hell of a temper sometimes. Problem was that by the time lunch time had come and gone, Willow felt she might explode if someone didn't tell her what she was missing.

"Er, Spike" she called to him, deciding it might be best to get up and go over to his desk rather than yell her question and have others hear, "Hey" she smiled as she came to stand by is desk, "I... well, tell me I'm being all interfero girl" she said awkwardly, "but did something happen with you and Buffy?" she asked him.

"Could say that, pet" Spike smiled sadly, "Bit of an incident on Saturday, left Dawnie and Buffy in a bit of a state and neither of them are very big with the wanting to speak to me" he sighed, screwing up a piece of scrap paper from his desk and throwing it at the wastepaper bin across the room. It ricocheted off the side and lay on the floor, taunting him for being a lousy shot.

"...but you two are so great together" Willow was saying as he tuned back into her voice, "Imean, I know you haven't known each other for a real long time or anything but you always look so... together"

"We were, luv" Spike told her, still staring into space, "I'm so bloody head over heels for her, reckon I was from the first moment I laid eyes on her in some ways, and now..." he closed his eyes and expelled a breath, not even wanting to think about how badly things had gone and so fast too. He still held out hopes that Dawn would come around in time, but now it seemed Buffy wouldn't even speak to him.

"Whatever it is, Spike, I hope you can work it out" Willow said kindly as she patted his hand, "Buffy loves you too, I know she does"

"Thanks, pet" the bleached blond forced a smile as he turned his hand over under hers and squeezed her fingers before she went back to her desk and attempted to finish the ordinarily simple task that was proving more than a little challenging today.

Spike got up to get the ball of paper he'd previously thrown and put it into the bin when Buffy came out of her office once again, a pile of paper-clipped documents in her arms. Spike was certain she'd be going to the photocopy room just down the corridor and decided this was his one chance to make her listen for a second. The longer he left it the harder it would become, besides he hadn't made certain yet that she wasn't going to go and leave town on him!

He slipped out of the office and moved down the hall, where he could see Buffy through the glass panel in the door to the room where the photocopier resided. He was in the room and closing the door behind himself when she finally realised he was there and then it was too late to run.

"Buffy" Spike said as she backed up against the copier, "Sweetheart, please, we need to talk" he told her.

"There's no point" she said, swallowing hard as a lump rose in her throat and tears she'd been fighting all day long came to her eyes. It'd been somewhat easier to keep from crying than it might've been since Giles had a last minute appointment to race off to and hadn't been in the office, being all nice and decent as she knew he would. Now she had to face Spike and her emotions were overcoming her. She was forced to look away from his intense gaze but he was just inches from her and put is fingers under her chin, making her look at him.

"Buffy, if you won't talk to me at least listen a for a second, would you, pet?" he begged of her, "'S bloody killing me havin' you avoid me like this" he admitted.

"I'm trying to make it easier" she said, pulling away from him, "Dawn hates me, and I can't stay here..."

"Hey wait a second" Spike interrupted, frowning slightly at her words, "The Bit doesn't hate you" he assured her, "Don't know that Dawnie's got the capacity for it, she's so damn sweet... just like her mother" he smiled slightly but Buffy didn't.

"You mean Drusilla" she said bitterly but Spike shook his head.

"No, luv" he told her, "I meant you. I'm not gonna deny Dru meant a bloody lot to me" he sighed, "My first love, my wife, she made me what I am. She blessed my life and no-one on God's green earth or in any other place could ever replace her" he explained, "I personally think me and her did a bleedin' good job raisin' Dawnie, but Buffy, we both knew we were never going to be her real parents. Now I'm not sayin' it was easy finding out you were what Dru always wanted to be or that there's some git out there that's the Little One's real Dad, but I dealt with it, and she will too"

Buffy sniffed, feeling so overly emotional as Spike's hand went to her cheek and wiped away the one stray tear that fell.

"Why did it have to be so complicated?" she asked him shakily, "Why did you have to make me fall in love with you?"

"Sorry 'bout that, pet" Spike smirked, "but for what it's worth, you're guilty of the same" he told her, "I soddin' adore you, Buffy, love you so much I can't think straight and all this now with you and Dawn so upset and all... tears my heart to shreds seeing either of you cry"

"I'm so sorry" Buffy sobbed, "It's all my fault"

"Hush, pet" Spike told her, pulling her into his arms, "You're not to blame for all this, and you'll see, it'll all work itself out in the end, just give it time"

"Time" Buffy echoed, sniffing loudly as she brought her head up from his chest and looked up at him, "Dawnie, she's going to need time. I should keep away from her until... for a while at least" she decided, but Spike didn't look happy.

"Buffy, please luv, don't tell me you're leaving, I couldn't bear it" he told her solemnly, feeling like he might cry like a nancy too if she said she was going.

"I'm not leaving" she confirmed, though up until a moment ago she was still seriously considering it, "but I can't be with you, we can't spend so much time together" she shook her head, "I love you, I do, but Dawn needs you right now, you and not me" she said, voice wavering as she fought to retain her composure this time.

"I know" Spike agreed although he hated it, "Poor kid's not sure which way's up right now, and I don't think I'm her favourite person either. I lied too y'know"

"She'll forgive you" Buffy told him, "You're her Daddy and she loves you to pieces, she knows you only ever did what's best for her"

Spike stared a moment before speaking again.

"That feel weird to you?" he asked, "Sayin' I'm her Dad when you knew her real father?" he said, the words almost choking him, not only because he hated to remember that Dawnie was not really his little girl, but also because he knew what a total louse her real father was.

"You are her real father, Spike" Buffy assured him, looking right into his eyes, "You brought her up, you love her like a father should and she loves you too. You're the only Dad she's ever known, the only one she ever will know"

Spike smiled at her words but only briefly.

"Easy to say but, what's to say the sod won't come looking for her just like you did?" he sighed.

"He can't" Buffy admitted quietly, "Angel... He's dead"

"Bloody hell" Spike exclaimed, not sure if he should ask for details, or even if he really wanted to know them. It seemed Buffy wanted to tell him, or perhaps felt she should.

"I don't know exactly what happened" she explained, "I only heard, he got mixed up with some people, bad people. He was killed in a street fight, a gang thing I think" she took a breath before she could continue, "I loved him once, and then I hated him. I never wished him dead, Spike, but I can't say I'm sorry he's not around to make all this more complicated than it already is"

"I'll agree with that" Spike said absently as he held her, inside so relieved to know the sod that had hurt Buffy so much could not come storming in to their lives now. At least Dawnie was safe from him.

"So, now we've solved for y we can see that x must be...?" the teacher looked around her algebra class and selected the daydreaming girl at the back of the room as her target, "Dawn?"

"Uh, what?" the young brunette said absently, shaking her head to clear her foggy thoughts, "I'm sorry, Miss Calendar, I missed the question" she admitted and the teacher frowned slightly at the distant look in the girls eyes. She looked tired too, almost ill.

"Are you feeling okay, Dawn?" she checked, moving towards her desk, "You look pale"

"I... May I be excused?" she asked, wishing all the other students would just stop staring at her when she was feeling so close to tears.

"Certainly" Miss Calendar nodded and the girl hurried from the room, taking a couple of deep breaths when she reached the other side of the door.

She forced back tears that wanted to escape her eyes as her fingers went to the silver locket at her throat. It had been Drusilla's and still bore the same two pictures it had when she'd worn it herself, one of Dawn as a tiny baby, and one of Dru and Spike when they were younger.

Dawn's mother, her father, they weren't who she thought, though she'd always known there were another couple out their somewhere who were her biological parents, finding out one was Buffy, it had shocked and upset her. It wasn't that she disliked the blonde, over time they'd got to know each other and she found quite the opposite was true, Buffy was so nice, so easy to like, and Dawn didn't mind at all that Spike had fallen for her.

Now everything was so confusing and Dawn didn't know how much more she could take. She loved her father, the man she had always called Dad, and she loved Drusilla too. She worried that if she didn't accept Buffy she'd regret it later, but equally as much she dreaded allowing the blonde to replace the woman she used to call Mom.

Dawn went towards the girls bathroom and stopped by the sinks, staring into the mirror.

"Who am I?" she said softly to herself as she looked into her own red-rimmed eyes. There was only one person who could really answer that question it seemed.

To Be Continued...