Chapter 9- Don't Push Love Away
Sam knew it. Jason didn't want her anymore. She was sure it was going to happen. She had, after all, cheated on him. But she hadn't expected him to be so abrupt about it. She hadn't just expected him to storm out. She felt hurt, lonely, guilty, and dirty. She didn't think she deserved Jason anymore. She didn't want his forced pity.
The door to her hospital room slowly opened and Jason slid in, nearly completely undetected. After a long moment, Sam looked up and saw Jason.
"Hi" he said softly as he sat down on the bed next to her.
Sam scooted away from him and he looked at her confusedly. He reached out for her, stroking her hair, but she cringed away from his touch. Jason's heart ached and the pain was intolerable. It reminded him of when they lost Hope. His heart had been tormented by her. Every time she pulled away from him and every time she accused him of not loving her he died a little inside. And they seemed to be back in that predicament right now.
"What are you doing here?" she snapped.
"I'm here for you" he explained. "I'm here to help you. We're in this together Sam, we always have been"
"I don't need your pity, nor do I want it" she said coldly. "I get it. I understand where you're coming from. I cheated on you, and you don't want to be with me anymore"
"Sam, what are you talking about!" he exclaimed in disbelief. "You didn't cheat on me. You were raped. You weren't given a choice. And if you think that's going to get rid of me, than you are sadly mistaken. You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm here for good" he told her.
"Please don't lie to me. It is fairly obvious where you stand. I can see it in your eyes Jason. I can see the disappointment and the anger"
"What you're seeing is me feeling for you. Me being angry because of what Abdale did to you. But I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at him. I want to just rip him limb for limb for what he did to you. I love you, more than anything. You are my soul mate Sam, and I can't imagine life without you. Please, please don't push me away" he said as his voice became thick and his beautiful blue eyes became glossy.
Sam started to cry, big fat tears, rolling down her cheeks. Jason wanted so desperately to take her in his arms and comfort her and kiss away her tears. But he held back from doing so, knowing that he would be unable to take her flinching away from his touch. Knowing that he would die from a broken heart.
"Please don't cry" he begged her. "Please. I'm here for you. I am not leaving your side"
"You need to Jason. I just can't be with someone right now who is only sticking around out of pity. Someone who really just thinks I'm a dirty slut"
"I would never think of you like that" he maintained, his thick voice cracking and a lone tear tricking down his cheek.
"You do think of me like that Jason. You are mad that I slept with another man. I know you Jason"
"Sam, this is not your fault. You didn't have sex with this guy willingly!"
"It is my fault!" she yelled. "I was the one who got involved with Charlie in the first place. I was the one who let him use me all those years ago. And I was the one who left the hospital in the first place when he kidnapped me. I was the one who let him become infatuated with me! This whole thing is my fault!" she bellowed.
"No, it's not" he said as he pleaded with her softly. "It is not a crime to be beautiful and have an amazing personality. And it is not an open invitation for any one to come and take advantage of you. This is Charlie's fault. This was his fault for doing what he did to you. But it doesn't change the way I think of you. Well, maybe it does a little. Because it makes me think of you as even stronger than before. Even more strong-willed and even more of a fighter. I love you Sam, and every second I love you more than the last, if that is even possible!"
"I need to be alone Jason" she ordered.
"Fine, I'll come back in a few minutes. It's my turn to get you some real food. I don't want you eating this hospital crap" he said as he got up off of the bed.
"No, Jason. I need to be alone right now for a lot more than a few minutes. Please understand" she begged.
Jason looked down at the floor, unable to meet her eye as he swallowed down his tears. He suddenly felt the loneliness all over again. The loneliness that he felt when she was taken, and the loneliness he felt before Sam came into his life. When he saw Carly and Sonny all happy and together, and he was the odd man out, standing on the sidelines, doing the dirty work, as he watched other lovers embrace their lives together.
"Alright" he said, resisting the urge once again to run over to her and take her in his arms or kiss her all over. "I'm going to put a guard on your door, ok?" he asked her in a voice barely over a whisper.
"That's fine" she agreed in a similar soft voice. "Jase?" she called out to him as he walked out and he looked up at her with hopeful eyes.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Please tell him no visitors" she said, breaking him down and robbing him of all of his hope.
"Sure" he said as he walked out of the room, knowing that no visitors meant no him as well.
It had been a week since Jason had rescued Sam, and he had basically gotten into a new routine. He'd get out of bed at 6 in the morning after a restless and sleepless night. Right away, he'd call the guard outside of Sam's door and make sure she was ok. He would shower and dress, try unsuccessfully to force some food down his throat, and then he would go the safe house. He would beat Charlie to a pulp, awaiting the day when he decided he tortured the guy enough and would end his misery by shooting him. Then, he would go to the hospital and relieve the guard of his duty. He would just sit outside Sam's hospital room, guarding her, leaning against the door, daydreaming about feeling her in his arms. Then, he would go home, attempt to eat something, and then just lie down in bed. But Jason was done with the mundane routine. He wanted Sam, and he needed her. As Jason returned to the penthouse after guarding Sam, he let his anger get the best of him. He grabbed the desk chair and flung it across the room, listening to the sounds of glass breaking as it crashed into the mantle, sending things flying. He growled as he picked up the couch and did the same thing, followed by destroying every other piece of furniture in the room. He flung a lamp and it hit something. He watched as the picture frame fell and the glass broke. Jason felt a lump in his throat as he walked over to the frame and bent down, staring at the picture inside. It was of he and Sam, and both were happy and smiling. Jason felt the hot tears run down his cheeks as he reached into the broken glass and removed the picture. His fingers brushed the broken glass and his skin got cut up. The blood trickled down onto the picture, and he cursed under his breath as he and Sam's faces became undistinguishable under the heavy red liquid.
"I am so sorry Sam" he murmured before letting his tears and sobs overtake him.
Emily and Liz both took deep breaths as they exchanged glances. Walking purposefully to the door, they came face to face with a guard.
"We need to see Sam" said Liz.
"No visitors" the guard gruffly answered.
"Oh, we're not visitors" explained Emily. "She's a nurse and I'm a med student. We need to see her for medical reasons"
"Yeah, you know. Check on the status of her healing. The bruises and what not" said Liz nervously.
The guard did recognize them from the hospital, and he knew that the med student was Jason's little sister, so he moved away from the door and allowed them to pass.
"What are you two doing in here?" asked Sam. "There weren't supposed to be any visitors allowed in"
"We tricked our way into here" said Liz.
"Why?" asked Sam.
"Because we need to knock some sense into you!" exclaimed Emily. "We need to convince you to stop pushing Jason away"
"He doesn't want to be with me anymore, and I can't say I blame him" maintained Sam.
"Are you crazy?" asked Liz. "Of course Jason wants to be with you. He sits outside of your door everyday longing to be with you. He hasn't eaten, or slept, or showered. He's a complete and total mess without you!"
"You think I'm being unfair to Jason" stated Sam.
"No, we understand what you're going through. We've both been there, remember? But you know how we got through it? With support from the people who loved us. Lucky was there for Liz, and although it was difficult, Nikolas was there for me"
"Nikolas was falling for Courtney at the time" scoffed Sam.
"No, Nikolas was hurt because I was pushing him away and turned to someone else. But once I got over myself, our relationship went right back on track, as did hers and Jax's"
"So you think I need to get over myself" said Sam.
"No, we think you need to let Jason help you get past this. Emily learned the hard way that pushing away the man you love isn't the way to go about handling a rape" explained Liz.
"Jason thinks I'm dirty. I'm damaged goods" Sam said sadly.
"No, he doesn't" argued Emily. "Jason loves you, and he can't imagine his life without you. He's heartbroken that you are going through this and he can barely make it through the days without having you to hold in his arms. He needs you, but most of all, you need him"
"Rape is difficult, and scary, and it's the worst thing in the world that can happen to a woman. But not having someone by your side the whole time makes it more difficult, and much scarier. So don't push love away. Don't push Jason away. Embrace him" said Liz.
Jason continued to watch the blood trickle from his hand, not really caring. He was in too much emotional pain to feel any physical pain. He heard the phone ring, but he didn't care. He didn't want to talk to anyone. The answering machine picked up and Jason closed his eyes and listened as Sam's sweet voice told people to leave a message. The caller began talking and Jason's eyes flew open.
"Jase, um, it's me" said Sam timidly into the phone. "Everything's ok, I'm still at the hospital. Actually, everything isn't ok" se said as she began to cry, breaking his heart a little more. "I miss you. So much. And I need you here. Emily and Liz came to see me and they made me realize that going through this alone is stupid and more hurtful. I love you, and I am so sorry that I pushed you away" she said as Jason frantically searched his destroyed penthouse for the cordless phone. "I guess you're not there. I just needed to talk to you, so call me back when you get this. Bye. I love you" she finished, right as Jason found the phone.
"Dammit" he cursed when he picked it up and found himself dealing with a dial tone.
Grabbing his keys and leather jacket, he sped downstairs and got on his bike, speeding off in the direction of the hospital. He needed to see her and nothing was going to stop him.
Sam had just drifted off to an uneasy sleep when Emily walked back into her room.
"Sam, Sam wake up" she said lightly shaking the half asleep girl.
"I'm up" Sam said sleepily. "What is it Em?" she asked as she saw her friend's tear stained face. "What happened to Jason?" she asked, knowing what was coming.
"Jason was on his way down to the hospital when he got into an accident. He crashed his bike"
"No, you're lying" said Sam as the tears started to fall down her face. "Jason never loses control of his bike"
"He was tired…" started Em.
"He wasn't sleeping because of me" whispered Sam as she let the guilt overtake her. "What happened to him?" she asked Emily.
"He has a broken arm and a few broken ribs. Plus, he has a concussion and some bad burns from the heat when it crashed. He's unconscious now, and the doctors aren't sure when he's going to wake up"
"No, this can't be happening" said Sam as she leaned back in the bed and cried.
Once she composed herself, she started to get out of the bed.
"What are you doing? Where are you going?" asked Emily. "You're supposed to be staying in bed.
"I have a few bruises and bumps. Jason is lying there unconscious. Right now, he's the most important thing. And I am not staying in bed while he is lying there in so much pain while the doctors don't even know when he's going to wake up. This is all my fault, and I will not just stay here and wait patiently" said Sam, her strong willed personality showing through, and the vulnerable, scared Sam taking cover and hiding.
"Let's go" said Emily as she helped Sam from the room.
A/N: What else am I doing to torture the two of them? How evil can I get? You have to review to find out!