Warnings: Extreme angst ahead. Don't read if depressed.
Chapter 22- In the Dark Recesses of the Mind
He almost cried as the familiar setting took shape around him. Oh God, not again, please not again, he just couldn't take it any more. The prison soldified. The walls were slick with water and the ground muddy with tracks. The ver air was tainted with the chill of death. The dream took over and his body began to move, making its way down the hall, against his most dire wishes. It wasn't more than ten paces before he heard the first scream; a woman's scream; Seri's scream. Severus rebelled, trying desperately not to go any further. No, he didn't want to see; he couldn't take the torture. But, as the previous nights, he had no control over what happened . The first door Snape stopped before (A/N: His body I refer to as Snape, his soul Severus just so you have some distinction) was very familiar. Oh not here, please not here. Snape's hands shook with the strain of Severus trying to hold them back, but to no avail.
Th door swung open with a rusty and he stepped in. Blood, filth, vermin, and the smell, oh God the smell! Bile rose in hs throat and Snape swallowed it back, fighting to maintain his composure. He already knew what was here, it was no different than the other dreams. Snape cautiously took a step forward and lit his cane. What it showed sent Severus to tears. Albus, his father, chained to the floor, wearing only the barest of rags for clothes. His glasses were gone, his hair burned to the nape of his neck and beard rudely chopped off. He was almost painfully thin and the clothes barely clung to his gaunt form. He huddled against the wall in a tight ball, trying to draw some small comfort from the place. But there was no comfort to be found, not here. This place was only meant for suffering and suffering was plainly what this man had been through. Before he could flee, Albus stirred and opened his eyes. The pain that shown within them resonated through Severus's soul.
"Why? Why do you leave me here to rot, Severus? Do I mean nothing to you?"
'Yes, Albus, you do. You do!' his sould cried. His body, apparently, did not agree.
"Mean anything to me old man?" his condescending tone cut through the air like a sharp scythe. "You only represent a time in my life where I made my biggest mistake." He lashed out with his foot, catching the Headmaster in the head, knocking him back against the wall. (A/N: Now remember people, he has absolutely no control over his body. Otherwise he would never do that.) "Now I'm getting rid of that mistake, slowly." Albus sat up a bit, his cerulean blue eyes shining with a pain that went deeper than any wound he had received before.
"You are not my son," he stated quietly.
'NO!!!' his sould screamed. His outside snarled.
"That's just fine with me." Snape turned on his heel and swept out of the room.
'No, Albus, Father!!!' he whimpered. Severus was already broken, and that had only been the first stop. Up the spiral staircase he went; taking himself out of the prison and into a home. The first door on his left was his destination. He knocked smartly.
"Come in," was the reply. Turning the knob, he pushed open the door. Inside was a living room much like his own, only instead of green and silver, there was scarlet and black; blood and death.
"Ah, Severus," came Wormtail's jovial greeting from his arm chair.
"What a pleasant surprise. Allow me to get you a refreshment my old friend." The man clapped once. A near by door opened and through it came a pitiful creature. It was Kit. She was dressed no better than a house-elf, a dirty pillow case was the only scant coverings she was allowed. Her hands and ankles were chained together, prohibiting her their full range of motion. Severus knew hat was not all it bound. The air of life around the woman that was so plain you could almost taste it had now all but disappeared into her. Between her shackled hands she held a tray with two drinks, which she presented to Wormtail first.
"Stupid woman!" he yelled, bring a riding crop from seemingly no where down across her back. Kit flinched but maintained her hold on the tray.
"You serve guests first, now move!" He brought up his boot and pushed her roughly towards the Potions Master. She stumbled, caught herself from falling, and handed him his glass. He accepted it, as it was only polite, and took a sip. The bittersweet drink, th name of which escaped him, burned down his throat. He watched as she presented the other to the animagus.
"Good, wench. Now go clean the kitchen or something." He waved his hand in dismissal. Kit mumbled a quiet, "Yes, master," and hurried out. Severus could hardly believe his eyes and ears. Kit didn't defer to anyone who hadn't earned her respect. That she was was like this was almost.....unthinkable.
"You seem to have trained her well." Snape's remark was almost a praise. The balding man seemed to hear that.
"Yes well, she did resist very strongly in the beginning, but it didn't last long. Lucius, now I think he's purposely drawing his training of that Serenity bitch out," he remarked off-handedly. Severus's heart sank. Oh no, oh please no. Not Seri. His love. Snape merely raised an eyebrow.
"Really? What is he doing with her?"
'Oh please don't tell me, oh please don't tell me, oh please don't tell me,' Severus begged silently. Wormtail rolled his eyes.
"Oh you know, something inventive." Snape grunted, taking another swig of the amber liquid.
"If you're so curious, why don't you go see for yourself?" Wormtail waved to the door. The Potions Master sat his glass down with a decided 'clunk'.
"I'll do just that. Good day to you Wormtail." The man chuckled.
"And to you my friend." In the blink of an eye he was across the hall in front of another door. Again Severus rebelled, slamming hard agains the ice walls around him, but he wasn't strong enough, he was. The door swung open. Instead of black and scarlet, as in the other room, it hwas completely black. Lucius looked up from his book as Snape entered.
"Ah, Severus, it's good to see you. What can I do for you?"
"I was just speaking to Wormtail and he was telling me of your....work with the healer." The blonde gave him a malicious grin.
"And you wanted to see for yourself?" Lucius finished, sitting his book aside. "Come," he crooked his finger. The room he led him to was a bedroom, also done in black. Chained to the four poster bed, covered only in a black silk sheet, was Seri. Her skin was ghostly pale except for around her ankles and wrists where she had rubbed them raw with her struggles. Her golden hair was limp and plastered to her head with sweat. Her emerald eyes were fixed unblinkingly on the full glass of water sitting on the night stand.
"Exactly, what are you doing to her?" Snape wanted to know. Severus whimpered at the pityful sight. "Five days! She could die if you don't do something soon," he remarked with a hint of warning. Lucius rubbed his hands together like a gleeful child.
"That's the beauty of it: she has to give in. It's written a healer's blood. They must survive to help others and they will die to save others. If she died, the only one she would be helping was herself and that goes against the very grain of her nature. Watch." The blonde man stode confidently up to the bed.
"Serenity," his voice commanded her attention but she did not look away from the glass.
"Yes?" she rasped feebly. Another piece of Severus's heart was torn away. Oh please not her.
"How many fingers am I holding up?" He held up three. Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned her head to look up at his hand.
"Lucius, I fail to see what this has to do with anything," Snape commented. Lucius made an impatient noise in his throat.
"I told her when this began that if she admitted I was holding up two fingers and not three then I'd let her have a drink. If she admits it, I know I've broken her will."
'No! Stop it you bastard! Leave her alone!' Severus snarled. Snape moved closer, seemingly intrigued by the proceedings. For an eternity the woman stared at the three uphed digits, so long in fact, Snape began to wonder if she even saw them. Then her tortured green eyes arrested him in their gaze.
'Seri!' he wailed helplessly, knowing none fo the anguish he felt showed. When she did not find what she'd hoped she would, she moved her dying gaze back to Lucius. Her lips parted a fraction.
"Two." Voice dead, all hope gone.
'SERI!!!' he screeched, frustrated that he could not speak to her. Lucius's grin widened and he patted her leg as one would pat a faithful dog.
"There, you see?" Severus was screaming every profanity he knew at the blonde man. Snape smiled slightly.
"I must say ,Lucius, I'm impressed. I thought she would have been a harder nut to crack."
"She was a challenge, I'll grant her that, but nothing I couldn't handle. I'm sure she'll be perfectly happy with her new life, as well as her new lover." Severus beat mercilessly at the ice shell and it gave a little.
'He no, you're not going to have her,' he snarled, 'I will not allow you to taint her purity.'
"Unless," Lucius paused in his caress of her leg, "you would like a stab at her first?" Severus froze in his assualt, stunned by the offer. Snape apparently was as well.
'No, don't you dar, don't you dare.' Lucius continued.
"I know you two had a.....thing, in school." His innocent tone belied his not so innocent intentions.
"No thank you, Lucius, I'm not interested," Snape answered and Severus breathed a sigh of relief.
"Too bad," his voice spoke of disappointment, but those eyes did not, "I might have been willing to share."
"I have no interest in her," Snape snarled. "Good day, Lucius." Snape turned his back on the other man.
"Good day, Severus." The room disappeared and as a reward: another door. His soul sobbed, reflecting his immense grief. Seri, why Seri? As if Albus and Kit, his father and friend, weren't enough, but Seri? The only woman he'd ever felt any real attraction to, manhandled by that stinking bastard. It was too much to bear and the dream wasn't even over yet. The door swung open without his touch. It was dark, the only light, as if it were a spotlight, shone over Harry as he was stretched out on a rack.
'Harry!' Severus gathered his strength and slammed into the ice shell. It gave a bit more.
"Come, Severus," Voldemort beckoned as he appeared at the head of the ancient torture device. Snape's steps echoed loudly in the otherwise still room. When he reached the boy Severus rammed the shell again. Harry was worse than he had been when Severus retrieved him from the Dursleys. His skin was stretched painfully tight over his bones. The once wonderously bright, now dim green eyes were sunk into his skull and Severus was sure he could count every rib. The only color he showed at all was the faint blush at his cheeks, indicating a fever.
'This can't be happening, please tell me this isn't happening,' Severus begged. No one answered his plea.
"What do you think?" Voldemort asked casually as he plucked a hair from Harry's head. Severus had many things to say, none of them what the dark lord wanted to hear. Snape smiled at his master.
"You do excellent work, my lord, no one can match you." He bowed his head in acknowledgement to the other man. As he did so, he brought himself close to Harry's face.
"Coward," the boy whispered. Snape drew back sharply and backhanded him soundly across the face.
"Insulant boy! You will not speak to me in that manner!" Snape snarled.
'How dare you touch him!' Severus slammed harder against the ice shell and it cracked. Harry slowly turned his head back, a thin trickle of blood coming from the corner of his mouth.
"I loved you once. What happened to the man I called Father?" He asked hoarsely. Snape came nose to nose to him.
"That man never existed, that love never existed. It was all just an act to lure you here. No one loves you."
'No, Harry, don't listen to him. I love you.' Severus tried desperately to reach through their link but found nothing. He collapsed against the wall of ice, defeated.
"I hate you," Harry whispered venomously.
'NO!' he wailed, burying his face in his hands. Snape drew away.
"As you wish, it means nothing to me." Voldemort watched the exchange with a smile playing on his lips.
"What say we despose of him now, Severus? I no longer see any use for him," the dark lord suggested. The Potions Master nodded.
"Let's do it now, I'm tired of looking at him," Snape said. The dark lord grinned and patted the man's shoulder.
"As you wish, my second." The evil lord vanished, only to reappear seconds later with a Dementor by his side. He paused to nod at Snape before going on to the torture device. Voldemort's second in command, the most coveted prize to the Death Eaters and he, Severus Snape, owned it.
"Deliver the kiss," Voldemort commanded, pointing to the boy. The chains holding Harry fell away as he was lifted up. The Dementor threw back its hood, revealing the decaying gray skin and shapeless maw. The mouth drew closer and closer, and just as it touched Harry's own, he locked eyes with Snape. Hatred blazed from those expressive orbs, once again making them bright. The light was short lived as the Dementor drew in a rattling breath, drawing the life and soul from Harry's body. Snape watched coldly as the light slowly dimmed then died all together.
'NO!!! HARRY!!!' Severus screamed in outrage, slamming one last time into the ice barrier. It shattered.
Severus jerked awake and sat up, biting his lip to contain a scream. It was several minutes before he could convince himself he was awake and that it had only been a dream. It was Albus and Harry he would find beside him, not Voldemort. He drew his knees under his chin and rocked himself back and forth, crooning softly. Harry curled against him, as if sensing his suffering. No, he wouldn't be able to, he shouldn't be able to. He'd made sure to block off his family as best he could so that he might spare them what he was going through. He carefully dislodged himself from the boy's grip and went to the window, drawing a blanket around himself. He curled up in the chair and gazed wistfully out the window at nature's peacefullness.
'If only I could have a bit of that peace for myself,' he thought longingly. There was no point in going back to sleep. All of this had begun on the day Harry had been attacked. It was if Vernon's beating had released a valve an in came a flood of horrendous nightmares. Each one different, yet each the same in the torment it caused him. He avoided everyone by day because it was painful to see them, cheerful and happy when at night they suffered endlessly in his dreams. Albus, Harry, Seri and Kit, all of them; it just hurt too much. There was now way for him to stop the dreams, not that he hadn't tried. He wouldn't tell Albus and Harry, they had plenty to worry about as it was. Albus had the school to run and Harry had to heal. They did not need him to add his burdens to their own.
'I will find a way out of this,' he promised himself as he dropped off to sleep to once more "dream", 'I will find a way out of this on my own.'
A/N: Slightly different than the orginal version but oh well. Please review!