oOo
The Doctor sat on the edge of his bunk and rubbed his eyes. This had been one of the longest days of his life. In any of his lives, and never mind the rotation period of the planet he was currently visiting.
A long day that wasn't even over yet. He pulled the innocent-looking disk out of his pocket and stared at it, memories crowding his mind, ghosts standing before him, staring at him with accusation in their eyes. Melanie Bush. Red hair and pixieish face hiding an inquisitive mind and a love of computers second to none. She'd left because she felt like going home, a simple reason but a good one. Tegan Jovanka, would-be airline hostess and unwilling witness to one too many atrocities. The young Australian had remained on Earth out of fear, fear of what she'd seen during her short time with him--and he regretted her leaving more than anyone, because of that fear. It had been his legacy to her, and one he would have done almost anything to take back. Jo had left out of love, true love for the man she married, but she was just as dead as Tegan now, so in the end, what was the difference? Dead, all of them, just like Romana--no, don't think about her, that grief threatened to overwhelm him when he most needed control.
Romana and Kyris, another painful thought. Who knew when the boy would ever be willing to trust his father. And why should he? As far as Kyris could see, all the Doctor did was bring death. Not deliberately, of course, but simply through being who he was. Adric and the planet Traken were dead because of him, dead because of the Master; the death of a single boy, far from home, hurt as much as the death of an entire planet and its civilisation. Hurt as much as the death of Jamie McKrimmon, who had trusted the Doctor to get him safely home to a world that had no concept of the sort of technology that had both taken and returned him, and wouldn't for centuries. Just as Sarah Jane had once trusted him, and look what that got her. Torture at the hands of a maniac who had nearly succeeded in killing her, saved only by the miraculous reappearance of near-mythical Gallifreyan healing abilities.
That had been a dizzying moment, a dazzling moment, when he realized what his newly-met son was capable of. If not for Kyris, Sarah Jane would have died. There was nothing the Doctor could have done to save her, not even if he'd thrown caution to the winds and brought her to the TARDIS. The movement alone could have done for her. The Doctor breathed a silent prayer of thanks to the Cosmos, thanks that his son's antipathy toward him didn't extend to the people his mother had died trying to protect. That Kyris was as generous as Romana had been, as selfless... "Goodness you're maudlin tonight," the Doctor chided himself.
The soft tap on the door was a relief. "Come in," he called, expecting Ace with some question or other. Another life he held in his hands, another responsibility...
Kyris peered around the corner of the door, startling the Doctor into rising and taking a step forward. "Why didn't you ever come and visit?"
The Doctor stared blankly at his son before gesturing him further into the room. "Why didn't your mother ever try to contact me, to let me know about you?" he countered.
Kyris seemed to relax a little with that question. Not quite enough to smile, but almost. He came fully into the room and allowed the door to shut behind him as he sat down. "Now that we've got the accusations out of the way, maybe we can get to know each other a little." He grimaced. "I'm not usually this stiff, for example."
The Doctor found himself capable of mustering up the faint smile his son wasn't ready to give. "I know we aren't exactly meeting under ideal circumstances, but I'd like that. You already have me at a bit of a disadvantage; you know some things about me already, surely."
Kyris nodded. "But not enough. I want to know more, more than I ever thought I did."
"I didn't want to leave her, not really, you have to understand that," the Doctor said softly. "But she was so determined, she'd found her mission in life as she always contended I'd found mine, only hers would be on a more intimate level." He smiled painfully. "She always teased me, called me a cosmic White Knight after I'd made the mistake of explaining chivalry to her. I was the one destined to kill the dragons of the universe, while she quietly went about saving a single group of people. Who's to say which was the more noble goal? Your mother stayed to face the consequences, she went with her eyes wide open. Only rarely do I reap the harvest of my meddling, or allow myself to see how my initial problem-solving has held up." His voice turned wistful. "I often envy her that."
"She loved it there, she loved what she was doing, how she was helping."
The Doctor smiled. "I wish I could have been there, but I thought I had other things to do, and all the time in the universe to visit. I always do," he added, a shadow crossing his brow. "Leave it to the Master to remind me how foolish a belief that is." He shook his head, managing a ghost of a smile. "But I refuse to allow him to dominate this conversation. We will leave the Master for another time. Right now I wouldn't mind hearing of happier times. What sort of trouble you got into as a lad, what you and your mother did for fun, that sort of thing. And I'll answer any questions you have, any at all."
"Even the ones you don't want to?" Kyris couldn't help asking.
The Doctor nodded. "Especially those. You deserve no less. I only ask that we talk about the good things first. If nothing else, the Master has taught me to value the pleasures in life whenever I can."
"Sounds fair," was all Kyris said, settling down into a more comfortable position. He could certainly see his father's position; too many horrible things had happened, and many more were certain to happen before all this was over. Reminiscing about the good things sounded like just the thing.
"There was one time, when I was about six, that I decided I could navigate like a Tharil," he began.
oOo
Hours passed in amiable conversation before the Doctor broached the subject most on his mind. "Kyris, there are some other things we should talk about..."
"You mean the healing." Instantly the guarded tone was back in his son's voice, but the Doctor knew this discussion couldn't be put off. It was too important.
He nodded. "Yes, the healing. We need to talk about it."
"I know." Resignation and defensiveness, now. But at least resignation. At least he hadn't left in a huff. "Should we wake Ace up and get her in on this conversation? She wants to know too, and," Kyris added in a defiant burst, "I want to tell her."
"She's sleeping?" The Doctor was surprised, then glanced at the chronometer. "Ah, of course she is. So should you be, and me too, but no, don't wake her. You can tell her whatever you want when she wakes up." No point in trying to keep Time Lord secrets now, not when Ace had personally witnessed so extraordinary an event as Sarah's lifesaving. Besides, she knew when to keep shut, that one, if she knew how important it was to do so.
Kyris grinned unexpectedly. "She'll be a grouch about it."
The Doctor smiled back. "Yes, she will." He turned serious. "But you'll just have to deal with that later." He didn't ask again, but his very posture spoke volumes, his eyes a pair of dark question marks rivaling those knitted into the Doctor's vest.
Kyris shrugged. He had been sitting in the room's single chair while his father occupied the edge of the narrow bed, but rose now to roam about, lightly touching random items. The back of the chair, the lamp, the few books on the bedside table. The Doctor waited patiently. "Mom said she knew there was something different about me when I was born, but she didn't figure it out until I was six or seven. The first time I cut myself and she actually saw it heal when she went to take care of it. I guess I'd been doing things like that for years, but she'd never seen it until then."
"What happened next?"
What happened next Kyris would never forget. His mother's reaction had puzzled him at the time, although now he certainly understood her excitement--and fear.
oOo
"Kyris?" His mother's voice was sharp, excited. "How did you do that, luv?" She smiled, but he still felt the tension. He shrugged, looked away, but she turned his face back to hers, her grasp on his chin gentle but firm. "How long have you been able to do that? It's important, Mummy needs to know," she coaxed.
He shrugged again as his mother released her hold on his face. "Dunno. Always, I guess." He looked up at her solemnly. "Can't you do it, Mummy?"
Her smile was tremulous. "No, luv, I can't. No one's been able to do that on Gallifrey for a very long time."
His tone grew wary. "Is it bad?"
She shook her head and pulled him into a swift embrace. "No, it's wonderful. Can you do it for other people, do you think?"
"I guess. I never tried before." Kyris was confused, but happy; his mother seemed so proud, and it was such a little thing he did. It didn't hardly tire him out at all, and it used to. "I used to just do it when I went to bed, 'cause it made me sleepy," he confessed. "Do you have a cut? I could try." He was eager to do so, now that he understood how important this was to his mother.
She shook her head, still smiling. "No, not right now. But next time I get a scratch, I'll fetch you to see if you can fix it up for me, all right?" But she'd never done so, having thought through the consequences and decided in favor of secrecy. Not that he knew it at the time, but later, he realized that was why she'd never let him try it on her or anyone else.
That night, when he was supposed to be sleeping, he heard the murmur of voices downstairs, unexpected voices joining those of his mother. He his slipped out of his room, taking care to be as quiet as he could, because he sensed that he would be sent back if caught.
He lay on his stomach and peeked through the sturdy metal railing at the end of the hall, just short of the stairs. Biroc was there, as he was most evenings, this time with some other Tharils Kyris didn't recognize. His mother was doing a lot of head-shaking and foot-tapping. Biroc was leaning forward, staring at her intensely, his voice a low growly rumble more felt than heard, at least from Kyris' vantage point.
"I have to take him back to Gallifrey, this is too important!" His mother's voice was insistent. She stood up abruptly and turned her back on Biroc, arms crossed tightly against her chest.
"And what will they do with him, these Time Lords of yours?" Kyris could hear Biroc clearly now, as he raised his voice to make Romana listen to him. "Study him, exploit him, use him. You know this is so. He is safer here."
"His father would never allow anything like that to happen, and neither would I." Kyris held his breath to ensure that he could hear. His mother almost never spoke of his father.
"And how would you stop it?" Biroc countered. "You do not deny that such things could happen. Will happen, if you bring him back there."
Kyris must have made a noise, even though he was trying to be as quiet as he could. Biroc's head snapped around, and he met Kyris' eyes with his own. "Your son is listening."
"Kyris!" Romana's voice was sharp, and she waited impatiently as he reluctantly came to his feet and walked down the stairs. "You are supposed to be in bed, young man."
"But you were talking about me," Kyris objected. "Do we really have to leave?" E-Space was the only home he knew, the Tharils the only family he had besides his mother. The idea of leaving frightened him, but excited him as well. He'd been told about Gallifrey and his father, but never expected to see either.
Romana held her arms out, and he ran into them for a warm hug. "Not right away," she replied, pressing a kiss against the top of his head. "But one day."
He knew she was talking as much to Biroc as she was to him, and he wasn't surprised to hear Biroc's reluctant agreement. "One day."
oOo
Only of course that day had been put off and put off until the Master rendered any plans moot. "Biroc was killed when the Master came after us," Kyris finished, collapsing grudgingly back into his seat. "Mother blamed herself for not leaving sooner." He looked up at his father, who had remained silent the entire time. Letting his son tell the story himself. "While we were still in E-Space she forbade me from using my healing abilities or ever telling anyone about them." A ghost of a smile crossed his face. "I still healed myself, it was such a habit by then, but only at night after she'd put me to bed. Besides us, Biroc and the Council members he brought with him to the house that night were the only ones to know, and she swore them to secrecy."
"And you're certain the Master knew nothing about this?" the Doctor asked, watching his son carefully.
Kyris shook his head. "No."
The conviction in his voice was enough to reassure the Doctor. "Your mother was right to want to bring you to Gallifrey," he said quietly. "But Biroc was also right. There are certain factions on our home world who would be very interested in exploiting your abilities, and more than one who wouldn't hesitate to try and use you."
"Like the Master." Kyris knew he would never be able to use that title without bitterness. He looked up suddenly. "Who is Susan?"
"Susan is my grand-daughter."
Kyris, caught off-guard by that blunt, straightforward answer, stared at his father. "Your grand-daughter." The Doctor nodded, and Kyris looked away, dazed. "No wonder he wants her," was all he could think to say. It was a lot to process, that and the things he'd discovered about his father just by talking to him about himself. Susan's identity, he sensed, like a shadow on the edges of his vision, might be more important than the means the Master wanted to use to find her...
"Well." Kyris looked up as his father rose to his feet, automatically joining him. "We've both got a lot to think about, eh?" The Doctor reached out and patted his son awkwardly on the shoulder. "Time for some sleep. You tell Ace whatever you want in the morning, and the three of us will try to put together a plan of action. Ace is right about one thing; waiting for the Master to make the next move is tantamount to giving up."
"So instead, we'll do the moving," Kyris agreed, smiling at his father. It felt natural this time, and he was suddenly glad he'd been able to make peace with him. "Good night."
"Good night." The Doctor watched as Kyris left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him, then collapsed into the chair his son had just vacated.
They both had enough to occupy their thoughts until morning.