Farewell Dear Friend

Disclaimer: The TMNT and all related characters belong to Mirage

Special thanks to Reibeauchaser for editing.

Chapter 4 The Open Wound

Once they were seated on the rooftop of Maggie's brownstone, Michelangelo said, "So Leo, do you want to explain to us what was going on in there?"

All I was doing was talking to Maggie," Leonardo said defensively. "What's wrong with that?"

Donatello's brow furrowed as if he were trying to read Leonardo's mind. "What exactly were you telling her?"

Leonardo really didn't want to have this fight. "If you guys overheard enough to want to give me the fifth degree I think you know what I was telling her."

"But that was all made up, right?" Michelangelo asked hopefully. "I mean, you really didn't walk around like a ghost or anything, did you?"

Leonardo bit his lower lip. How could he explain to his brothers that his two near-death experiences were nothing to worry about?

"It was real!" Raphael said angrily. It sounded like an accusation. "Leo, you almost died and you didn't tell us?"

"You were there," Leonardo shot back. "I didn't think I had to tell any of you anything. You all knew how badly I was hurt."

Raphael wasn't letting him off the hook that easily, though. "All that time we were in North Hampton and you didn't say anything?"

"I didn't really remember while we were in North Hampton," Leonardo tried to explain. "I knew it happened when I first woke up, but during the next two days I gradually forgot what happened.

By the time I was in any condition to tell you, I didn't even remember that it happened."

"You remember now," Michelangelo said accusingly.

Leonardo nodded. "After my experience at the Battle Nexus, I worked at not forgetting what happened there. Gradually I started remembering what happened to me the first time." Leonardo looked at the hurt faces of his brothers and said, "Look, it's not something I'm very comfortable talking about. Master Splinter knows, but when I told him I didn't want to talk about it, he dropped it, so can we please just do the same?"

Michelangelo still looked hurt. So did Donatello, but he also looked thoughtful. He was trying to figure out what was going on. Raphael just looked mad.

"So you're telling us that you wandered around and spied on us during the entire Battle Nexus and you were never gonna tell us?"

Suddenly Leonardo got the impression that Raphael's bad mood had more to do with the Battle Nexus and not with him keeping secrets. As coolly and as even-tempered as he could, Leonardo said, "I didn't see the point of upsetting you all with talking about my near death experiences. I didn't really want to talk about it and you didn't - No," Leonardo paused and rephrased what he was trying to say. "It wasn't that you didn't need to know. It's just that I thought you'd be happier not knowing."

"But you told Maggie," Michelangelo said. He didn't look quite as annoyed as before, but he was still confused.

Leonardo nodded. "Maggie did need to know what happened to me. She's as afraid of dying as anyone else. I figured if I told her what happened to me, she wouldn't be as scared."

"You still should have told us!" Raphael said, still angry.

"Maybe," Leonardo admitted, "but I'm not going to apologize for doing what I thought was best." Then with a sly look at Raphael, "Unless the reason you're so ticked about it doesn't really have anything to do with me, anyway."

Raphael growled and took a hostile step forward. "And what the shell is that supposed to mean?"

"Raphael!"

All four of them turned around to see a very angry Splinter, standing on the edge of the roof. "I could hear your voice all the way down in Margaret's bedroom, and so could she! How dare you bring a fight to her home!"

Raphael's cheeks instantly turned copper with embarrassment. A second later, the hard angry expression returned.

"Well then, I guess I'll take my fight and go home." Raphael said, making his voice as even as possible. It was obvious he was still angry, but he wasn't going to take it out on Splinter. Before Splinter could reprimand him again, he turned to Michelangelo and said, "Tell Maggie I'll see her tomorrow." He then jumped to a neighboring rooftop and vanished into the night.

"Raphael!" Splinter called out, but Raphael was already gone.

Leonardo tried to stifle the impulse to follow Raphael. "I'm sorry, Master Splinter," he said with his head lowered. "I didn't expect he'd be this -"

"Wait a moment, Leonardo," Splinter said. He looked over at Michelangelo and Donatello. "Donatello, you and Michelangelo go downstairs, and please tell Margaret that I will only be a little longer."

Even Michelangelo knew a dismissal when he heard it. With a slightly hurt glare at Leonardo, he and Donatello bowed, said, "yes sensei," got back on the fire escape, and climbed down.

Once he was certain they were alone, Splinter said sadly, "Now, Leonardo, tell me what happened."

With a heavy sigh, Leonardo said, "I was telling Maggie about my experiences at the Battle Nexus, and the others overheard me. I...I didn't want to upset them, so I never told them about it. I guess their feeling a little betrayed because I didn't tell them."

"Your brothers will forgive you, once they realize your silence was not meant to harm them, but because of your care." He tilted his head, twitched his ears, and then gave a small grin to Leonardo. "That will not stop them from worrying, however."

"I know," Leonardo answered. "And I think Don and Mikey figured that part out. It's Raph I'm worried about. He's blowing this way out of proportion. I'm starting to get the feeling that whatever he's mad about has less to do with me keeping this to myself and more to do with something specific I was telling Maggie." Leonardo thought a moment. "Master Splinter, please tell Maggie I'm sorry for causing this. I'm going to see if I can't find Raph and figure out what's bugging him."

"Very well," Splinter said. "I shall tell Margaret that you will see her tomorrow."

Leonardo bowed to Splinter, and then took a running leap for the next rooftop. He didn't see any activity by Casey's house, so Leonardo figured that Raphael went home to the empty lair.

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Sure enough, the moment he entered the lair Leonardo could hear Raphael in the dojo grunting with strain and banging against the gym bag.

Silently, Leonardo moved into the dojo quietly, not turning on the lights or doing anything else that might alert Raphael to his presence. He paused at the doorway and watched as Raphael attacked the punching bag ferociously. When Raphael finally stopped pounding the bag to catch his breath, Leonardo decided that now was the time to get Raphael to talk.

"Imagining me there instead of the bag?" Leonardo asked calmly.

Raphael looked up, at first surprised that Leonardo was there. His face then dropped into his customary scowl. Leonardo could read him instantly. Raphael was mad that he didn't hear Leonardo approach. He was mad that he was in trouble with Splinter, he was mad that he had brought an argument to Maggie's house, he was still mad at Leo for not telling him anything, and he was just plain mad. Leonardo was certain that Raphael wasn't entirely sure why, yet.

With a savage glare at Leonardo, Raphael said, "Don't tempt me, Leo."

"I wish you'd tell me what this is really all about. You need to get this out of your system tonight or you're not going to be good company for Maggie tomorrow, either. I don't know why you're so upset. You've kept more secretes than the rest of us put together. I expected you of all people would respect my privacy."

"That's not it!" Raphael said vehemently

"Then what is it?" Leonardo insisted. "What did I tell Maggie that's got you this crazy?"

Raphael suddenly froze, confused. It was as Leonardo suspected. Raphael didn't know what really set him off. Leonardo waited patiently for his brother to figure it out.

After a few minutes, Raphael said quietly, "I heard you."

"You heard me?" Leonardo echoed. What did he mean?

"At the Battle Nexus," Raphael said, with his voice deceptively low. "When I was fighting Mikey, I heard you talking to someone. I heard you tell them if I lost my temper, Mikey could beat me. I heard word for word exactly what you told Maggie you said." Raphael looked up at Leonardo, gnashing his teeth with a growl in his throat. "I tried to convince myself I had just imagined it all and now after all these months I found out it was true? Damn it Leo, I heard you laughing at me!"

Now Leonard understood what was really bothering Raphael. It wasn't that he didn't tell Raphael about the near-death experience. It wasn't even that he heard Leonard in spirit. It was the fact that he had seen Raphael loose to Mikey.

"I'm sorry, Raph," Leonardo said as gently as he could. "But you had to see it from my point of view. You've spared with Mikey every day since we were old enough to walk. You know how he never shuts up during practice. You know you have to keep your temper or you're beat before you begin. You know all of it and yet you still blew the match. Raph you practically handed the championship to Mikey, when you should have known better."

Leonardo knew that he had just lit the explosions in Raphael's mind, but he intended to. Raphael launched himself at Leonardo with a savage primal roar. Leonardo ducked under Raphael and flipped his brother over his back, causing Raphael to fly through the air and land on his carapace.

Raphael rolled over onto his front, got to his feet, and launched himself at Leonardo again. This time Leonardo side stepped out of the way and tripped Raphael, sending him sliding across the dojo on his plastron.

Again and again, Raphael tried to attack Leonardo, and each time Leonardo managed to avoid the blow and force Raphael to the ground. By the sixth attack, Leonardo judged that Raphael might now be tired enough to listen to reason. Leonardo suddenly went from defensive, to a complete offensive. With two quick blows to Raphael's plastron and shoulders, Leonardo drove Raphael to his knees. Leonardo then drew his katana and rested against Raphael' neck.

Leonardo smiled, pleased when he saw Raphael's eyes widened with shock. He knew then that

Raphael was in enough control to follow regular dojo rules. The flat of his blade against Raphael's neck was the equivalent of a deathblow. The rules dictated that Raphael had to freeze where he was until Leonardo chose to release him.

"Look at yourself, Raph," Leonardo scolded. "You're completely exhausted. If I was an enemy, I could have killed you right now. Do you know what the Foot would do to you if they knew how to get you to blow your temper? Do you know what the Shredder would do? Raph, I didn't laugh because Mikey beat you. I laughed because you let him beat you and you should have known better!"

Still on his knees on the dojo floor, Raphael said, "Don't you think I know that, Leo? Don't you think I KNOW?" He pounded on the floor with his fists once, then sat there with sweat dripping off his forehead, and panting with his eyes close.

Leonardo knew that Raphael was trying to calm down. Once he was sure that Raphael was cool enough that he wouldn't fight anymore, he took his sword off Raphael's neck, releasing him from the floor.

Raphael didn't move. He simply stayed there on his knees with his eyes closed and taking in long deep breaths. Leonardo wondered why Raphael wouldn't move. Was he still struggling with his temper? Leonardo sheathed his katana and waited for Raphael to decide he was ready. Finally, after five minutes Raphael said, "I knew it was happening."

Leonardo said nothing. Raphael's temper could be winding down, or it could be gathering steam for another onslaught.

"I heard what you were saying when I was fighting Mikey. I knew you were right. Shell, I even knew what Mikey was pulling before I heard you, and I still couldn't stop myself. It was like my temper was in control of the rest of me, and the part of me that thinks was just watching. I could see myself blowing the whole fight, but I couldn't stop."

Leonardo felt a pang of sympathy for Raphael. He came forward and knelt down next to his brother. "It's okay, Raph. It was just a tournament. It wasn't important like saving the city from the gang wars or the Triceritons."

"I know," Raphael said dejectedly. "But it still drives me crazy that I saw myself screwing up and I couldn't stop."

"Talk to Master Splinter about it later." Leonardo advised gently. "In the meantime, I know what will make you feel better now." He slipped the sheaths of his katana over his shoulders and placed them in the corner of the dojo.

Raphael eyed Leonardo, amused. "You're serious?"

"We just had a fight didn't we?" Leonardo asked with a grin as he moved to the center of the dojo.

"Well, yeah," Raphael answered still puzzled.

"And we'd have to do it if Master Splinter was here." Leonardo reminded Raphael.

"But he ain't here," Raphael countered. Still he drew his sai as if he were going to go along with it anyway.

"Doesn't it make you feel better?" Leonardo asked.

"Well, yeah, but," Raphael paused in thought. With a shrug, he put his sai on the weapons rack and joined Leonardo in the center of the dojo. "Ahhh, why not."

Leonardo smiled. That was easier than he thought. "Okay then, three, two, one, now."

Very slowly, the two brothers began what they called their quarrel katas. Long ago when they were about ten, Splinter had shown them this set of exercises when an argument between them settled into a partially unresolved truce. It wasn't an ordinary kata. To Leonardo it was an odd cross between a cool down exercise, a meditation session, and a ritualistic dance. Never taking their eyes off the other, Leonardo and Raphael went though the steps of the exercise. Raphael's moves were a perfect mirror image of Leonardo's.

Leonardo often wondered what went thought Raphael's mind when they did this. As they went through the exercise, Leonardo could feel his heart rate and breathing calm. All the tension would leave his body. Looking into Raphael's eyes, he could literally see the fire of his rage fade as they went through the motions of the intricate ballet. There were even times where it seemed that Raphael had trouble keeping his eyes open during the exercise. Leonardo would watch his eyes droop and close for a second or two, but somehow Raphael always managed to move in perfect time with Leonardo.

They finished as they should simultaneously, placing their hands together and bowing respectfully to each other.

"Good," a voice said from the door. Raphael and Leonardo both turned to see Master Splinter standing in the entrance of the dojo.

"I could not have arranged anything better myself," Splinter said. "And your form was excellent."

Leonardo wasn't sure if Splinter was complimenting himself or Raphael. He wouldn't ask though. He didn't want a reason for Raphael to be angry again.

Both turtles bowed to Splinter, and Leonardo took a step back behind Raphael. If Raphael were going to apologize to Splinter, it would be now.

Sure enough, Raphael cleared his throat and said uncomfortably, "Master Splinter, I'm sorry I was fighting with Leo, over at Maggie's house. It was just that something Leo was telling me kinda knocked me out of whack."

"I see," Splinter said.

Before either one of them could say another word, Leonardo took the opportunity to slip out of the dojo.

Donatello and Michelangelo were sitting in the kitchen, sharing some spaghetti and meatballs. Michelangelo grinned the moment he saw Leonardo. "Hey Donnie, you can put your med kit away. Leo survived Hurricane Raph."

Leonardo said nothing. He examined the pot and helped himself to some of the sauce-less spaghetti. He didn't like tomato sauce except on pizza. Instead, he globed some margarine on the hot pasta and added some Parmesan cheese and garlic powder. Mixed together, it made a spicy, cheesy sauce that Leonardo preferred.

"So what was bugging Raph anyway?" Donatello asked. "I mean, we were upset that you didn't tell us, but Raph was going way overboard about it."

Leonardo was not about to betray Raphael's confidence. Twirling the cheese-laden pasta onto his fork he said, "Ask Raph. I'm not about to give away his secrets. I get enough flack for keeping my own." He looked back at Donatello and Michelangelo, who flushed guiltily.

"Okay, okay," Michelangelo relented. "We're sorry, we shouldn't have eavesdropped on you, but, Leo, you had us worried."

"That's why I never told you," Leonardo answered calmly. He took a huge bite of the pasta and chewed slowly to give himself time to think. "I didn't want you guys to worry. There was nothing to worry about."

Michelangelo gave Leonardo the oddest of looks. He finished the last of his pasta and asked, "Leo, are you sure all of that happened. Couldn't you have, like, dreamed it?"

Leonardo smiled and shook his head. "The more I find out about what happened while I was unconscious, the more I'm convinced that it happened." Seeing Michelangelo's worried face, he said, "Relax Mikey. I'm not anxious to go through that again any time soon. For one thing it hurts too much, for another I think the friends I made over there would get pretty mad at me if I get myself killed for a stupid reason."

"So would we," Donatello said with a grin

At that moment, Splinter came into the kitchen. "Donatello, Michelangelo, it is time to practice. Leonardo, you have been training for several hours this evening. You may be excused if you wish."

"No, it's okay, sensei. I'll come," Leonardo said, as he finished his last meatball.

Michelangelo gave Leonardo a look that made Leonardo chuckle. Obviously, he thought Leonardo was crazy for wanting to go to practice when he had been excused.

Leonardo took his place with the others. He then noticed Raphael's absence. He figured that the quarrel kata had made Raphael sleepy, as usual, and he had gone to bed early. Leonardo knew that by tomorrow, Raphael would be in a far better mood.

With that settled, Leonardo put Raphael out of his mind and concentrated on what Splinter was telling them about the way of silence.

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Raphael stretched himself out in his hammock and placed his hands behind his head. He didn't know why that particular exercise drained him so, but every time he did it, he didn't feel like doing anything afterwards. The others all thought he would go right to sleep, but usually he would lay awake for a while and let his thoughts ramble for a bit.

The other thing the exercise did was to calm him enough that he was able to explain to Splinter what his problem was. Raphael was relieved that Splinter's displeasure about the fight evaporated, and he became more concerned about Raphael's problem with his temper.

That didn't get me out of a punishment of course, he thought with a grin, but he knew that he had gotten off rather easy. Even Splinter knew that giving Raphael a harsh punishment over something that upset him, was just putting fuel on the fire. Instead, Splinter's punishment usually focused on the cause of Raphael's problem. So after morning practice, Raphael had to spend two hours with Splinter meditating on his battle with Michelangelo and the fight he had tonight with Leonardo. It was up to him to figure out why he couldn't stop. Afterwards he had to go to Maggie's house early to apologize, clean the whole house, and basically do whatever else she wanted that night. He would have done that anyway as an apology to Maggie, but he wouldn't have thought about cleaning the house. He also had another idea to make it up to Maggie, but he would need Casey's help to pull it off.

Raphael yawned, and rolled over onto his side. Closing his eyes, Raphael allowed himself to drift off into sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day.