A/N: This chapter is toned down a bit from what I had intended to write
because it just wasn't working. It's not a very good chapter but is
necessary in revealing Kathryn's history and why she is the way she is and
exactly how far her hatred for Irina goes. I feel like I left things out,
so any questions just ask, her memories will be dealt with again in the
next chapter for some further explanation. P.S. this isn't intended to be a
pity Kathryn chapter, she's full of surprises.
Redemption
Chapter Thirteen
Jack, Vaughn, Weiss, Dixon and Kendall all stood behind glass. She looked up at them. They were talking. Jack looked angry, his arms were crossed over his chest. Sydney gave her a small smile; "you don't have to do this Katy."
"I have to, if it will help, I just have to. He looks angry," she nodded to Jack who was arguing with Kendall. She swallowed nervously as the doctor restrained her hands.
"He doesn't think that you should do this," Sydney said taking her good hand. "And I agree with him."
"It's my decision," Kathryn said firmly. "If it can help and all this can end." She was silent for a few moments as the doctor arranged the machines and wires and explained their importance. "Will I know what I'm saying?" she asked softly. "I mean I can say anything, I won't really have control over it will I."
"No, you won't have any control, you'll remember what you said after though." Sydney smoothened her hair sensing that there was something that Kathryn was hiding, a memory that she didn't want them to know about. "Whatever happens, you'll be safe, I'll be right behind the door."
"Do they all have to be there?" she asked looking up at the men behind the glass.
"Yes," Sydney nodded apologetically.
"Okay," she gave her a weak smile. "I'll be fine."
"Ms. Bristow, we're ready to begin," the doctor held open the door for Sydney. She squeezed Kathryn's hand one last time before leaving the room and joining the others behind the glass.
Kathryn swallowed hard, her respirations were shallow, forced and her hands shook. She looked up at the window, Sydney gave her a small wave and she smiled back. She looked around; the room was small and white, sterile, just like the hospital. She swallowed hard.
"Kathryn," the doctor sat in a chair beside her. "I want you to clear your mind and close your eyes. I'm going to count backwards from five. When I get to one, you will open your eyes and I want you to tell me where you are."
"Okay."
"Five"
"Four"
"Three"
"Two"
"One"
"Where are you?"
Kathryn let out a tortured scream so suddenly Sydney cried out covering her mouth with her hand.
"Kathryn, no one can hurt you, it's just a memory." The doctor leaned forwards in her seat. "Tell me where you are, look around."
Her eyes darted from side to side filling with tears, "in a hospital."
"After your mother died?"
"No, I'm older, I just turned thirteen. Arvin's with me; he's holding my hand. He keeps saying that it will be okay, it's best for everyone, I know he's right but I just want to know, god it hurts so much."
"What's happening now?"
"The doctor, he's putting a mask over me, and I'm tired, I'm going to sleep. He says it will all be over when I wake up."
"You're awake now Kathryn."
"Yeah." Kathryn was crying, her voice choked. "I'm tired, the medication--- I don't feel anything. Arvin's there and he's holding my hand, just like he promised. He tells me I'm going to be alright but I don't want to be. I just want to know I keep asking him but he won't tell me. He says it's for the best and I know he's right, I know but I just want to know-"
"What do you want to know?" The doctor asked.
"If it's a boy or a girl; he won't tell me. The baby is being adopted and its best, I know I can't be a mother I know but I just want to know the baby's name."
"Oh God," Sydney covered her mouth she felt like she would be sick. Vaughn put his arm around her waist comforting her. She looked up at her father, his jaw was clenched she could see the tension in him. She focused her attention back to Kathryn.
"Kathryn I want you to close your eyes, when you open them again, you will be in a new memory, I want you to think back to a time when you were scared." Kathryn followed her instructions. "Where are you Kathryn?"
"It's dark, there's a light a little one, I'm in a closet, I'm hiding."
"Who are you hiding from?"
"It's Mr. Caldwell-my foster father. I don't want him to find me."
"How old are you? Why don't you want him to find you?" The doctor adjusted one of the monitors and checked her pulse.
"Just little, eight or nine? No, younger, I lived with the Caldwell's before the Spencer's; I'm six or seven maybe. He's getting closer, he's opening the door, I don't want him to find me, I don't want him to hurt me again."
Sydney couldn't take anymore she needed air. Her hands trembling she fought with the door handle and finally opened it. She ran down the hall to a window and collapsed on her knees with shaking hands she opened it breathing in the clean air. Slowly her breathing returned to normal. She felt a hand on her shoulder, looking up she expected Vaughn but it was her father.
"Sydney, you need to get a hold of yourself and get back in there." He was forward, authoritative.
"We can't let Kendall do this-"
"Kathryn, knew full well what she was getting herself in to," Sydney hadn't expected his harsh words. "I told her exactly how this worked and Robert Lindsey just showed up from the NSC. If Kathryn can't help us, he's taking her back into protective custody, she'll be gone by tonight." He helped Sydney to her feet. "I do not trust Lindsey so I will allow it to continue to see if she says anything that can be of use. I do not want her in his custody, but I will stop it, if it gets too far. Now get control of yourself and get back in there." Jack turned on his heel and walked away.
Sydney knew her father was right. If the NSC got some kind of information out of Kathryn, it would be better than nothing at all. Taking a few deep breaths, Sydney smoothened her hair and then followed her father back in.
"I don't want to do it, don't make me please!" Kathryn's cries were torturous.
Sydney clenched her fists at her sides and stood between Lindsey and Vaughn. How could anyone harm a child in that manner. It was repulsing. She was finally beginning to understand why Kathryn kept as many secrets as she did and why she had been worried about saying something that she didn't mean to. She never wanted anyone to know what had happened to her as a child. It was the very reason she had switched foster homes so often. Sydney began to realize the pain behind her sister's eyes, why her smiles were always fake, why her eyes could turn to ice at any moment and she wouldn't take things at face value. Why she always pretended to be so strong shielding herself from everyone else. Sydney finally understood why she was so much older than her seventeen years; she'd been through so much pain in her life. Sydney bit her lip to keep herself from crying and she tried to swallow the lump that was building in her throat.
"Please don't. I don't want to do it. I won't tell anyone I promise I'll be good. Please no, it hurts.it hurts."
Kathryn's screams were haunted, Sydney turned and saw that even Weiss had closed his eyes, he couldn't even look at her. It seemed endless but finally the doctor told Kathryn to close her eyes.
"Remember Kathryn, it's not really happening its just a memory," the doctor adjusted the monitor again. "I want you to close your eyes and calm down, no one can hurt you anymore. Do you understand?"
"Yes," her voice was small, childlike.
"I want you to think about your father, he and your mother had a fight before he died, think about that." The doctor returned to her seat. "Open your eyes. Tell me where you are."
"I'm in my room when I was little," Kathryn's voice was smaller sounding even younger than before. "I'm supposed to be sleeping but I can't. Mommy and Daddy are fighting too loudly I can hear them. I'm hiding on the stairs, I'll get in trouble if they know I'm there."
"What are they fighting about?"
"I don't know I can't understand, they're talking so fast. Daddy, mom keeps saying Daddy's name. But she's not talking to Daddy; there is someone else there. It's a man-he's tall and he looks like my daddy but he's not. She says his name, Alexander.."
"Khasinau," Sydney whispered under her breath.
"Alexander, I don't know what they are saying, they're talking to fast." Kathryn began switching from Russian to English as she tried to decipher what they were saying, but it was of no use, nothing was making sense. "He's mad at Daddy, he's yelling at him. Mommy keeps telling him to be quiet, he'll wake me but he won't listen. He's still yelling at Daddy, he's saying mean things to him, he's saying...he's not my father, he's telling Daddy that he's not my father. They're yelling, they won't stop yelling he's taking something out of his pocket---"
The six agents observing behind the glass wall held their breath.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Kathryn's body began jerking from the bed as she fought the restraints. "No Daddy..." she sobbed. "He shot my daddy, why did he shoot daddy, why?"
Sydney reached for the door; she had to stop this.
"Do Not open that door Agent Bristow," Lindsey's voice stopped her cold.
"This isn't right."
"She agreed to it."
Sydney drew back from the door, interfering now might only hurt Kathryn in the long run.
"She'll be okay," Vaughn whispered softly in her ear and took her hand squeezing it gently, just to let her know that he was there.
"Ask her about the Contessa," Kendall spoke to the doctor through the comm link.
"Kathryn, do you remember The Contessa?" The doctor as softly.
The tears were gone from her eyes, Kathryn was silent.
"Where are you?"
"A big house. It's really big, there's people hear they're saying stuff I can't understand.. Mommy's here were not in New York anymore."
"Where are you?"
"Russia, after Daddy died we went to Russia. It's my birthday, I'm five. There are people here that I don't know, they're talking with mom, she's mad, and she's talking about Christmas.. But its not Christmas, its summer. I'm looking at my book, mommy gave it to me for my birthday, Alice in Wonderland but it doesn't have many pictures--He's here-" her eyes suddenly became fearful, filled with tears.
"Who's there?"
"The bad man, the one that hurt Daddy. He has my hand and we're walking down a big hall away from mommy. Just him, me and Sophie."
"Whose Sophie?"
"My dolly, Julian gave her to me. He says he wants to show me a secret, a secret no one knows about. The Countess"
"What is it Kathryn, what's the secret?"
"I don't know," she shook her head. "He lifts me up so I can see, it's shiny and it sparkles. Mommy's coming, he says. Mommy's mad that he took me, she didn't know where I was. We're going home now, but Sophie, I forgot Sophie. Mommy says we'll come back tomorrow to get her. I don't like it in Russia, it's too cold, Mommy says we're going back to New York, I'll miss Julian too much, I don't want to go."
Jack crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw clenched. Irina Derevko never ceased to amaze him with her lack of regard for either of her daughters.
"Did you ever see the bad man again?" The doctor asked.
"Uh-huh, in New York, we're going to see Mommy."
"Who is?"
"Me, Sophie and Charlotte my babysitter, she looks like mommy, she has dark hair. I want to show her my picture. Charlotte opens the door, I can hear mommy talking, and there are loud noises and men with guns. MOMMY!" Kathryn screams were marred by sobs.
"What's happening Kathryn?" The doctor asked calmly.'
"They're shooting their guns, mommy's running to me but it hurts, it hurts." Kathryn's voice had become unusually quiet. "She's yelling at them, her hands there's blood everywhere. She's crying, she's scared. My stomach hurts, she's pressing on it. The bad man, he's telling her to go, he's telling her to leave me. Mommy don't leave, don't leave me please Mommy please. He's pulling her away. " Kathryn's cries were getting louder and louder.
Sydney found herself crying. Kathryn was thrashing wildly on the bed her screams piercing everyone's ears. "Katy," she whispered putting her hand up to the glass.
"Why is she going, she doesn't want to go but he's pulling her away. Mama don't leave me, Mama!! MAMA!!!!!"
"ENOUGH!" Jack finally shouted out startling everyone he pressed the comm link "Bring her out of it now!"
"What do you think you're doing?" Lindsey said furiously.
"This has gone on long enough. Sydney get her, we're leaving."
Sydney wasted down time in getting to Kathryn.
"Jack-" Dixon began.
"You're interfering with a-" Kendall began
"You got what you were after. You know what she knows about The Contessa and you know who her father is. She's done."
"Where are you taking her?" Dixon asked.
"Someplace safe." Jack opened the door heading into the room.
Sydney freed Kathryn from the restraints; Vaughn pulled off the monitor hook ups. "Come on Kit Kat," he began lifting her into his arms but she freaked.
"Don't touch me," she cried out.
"Katy it's okay, Vaughn's just trying to help," Sydney wrapped her arms around her holding her close for a second; she rubbed Kathryn's back soothing her. "He's just going to help you until the medication wears off."
"Okay."
"That'a girl," slowly Vaughn lifted her off the chair and she hooked her arms around her neck. She was drowsy from the medication she'd been given and moments later she was asleep in his arms.
"Take her back to your place," Jack said. "I'll deal with Lindsey and Kendall and contact you later. Watch her."
"Okay," Sydney nodded and held the door open for Vaughn. "I'll see you later."
Turning slowly, Jack faced his angry superiors. They just wouldn't be able to understand the repercussions of Kathryn's hypnotic regression. All they could understand is that Kathryn had given them some information and then he'd ended it.
Redemption
Chapter Thirteen
Jack, Vaughn, Weiss, Dixon and Kendall all stood behind glass. She looked up at them. They were talking. Jack looked angry, his arms were crossed over his chest. Sydney gave her a small smile; "you don't have to do this Katy."
"I have to, if it will help, I just have to. He looks angry," she nodded to Jack who was arguing with Kendall. She swallowed nervously as the doctor restrained her hands.
"He doesn't think that you should do this," Sydney said taking her good hand. "And I agree with him."
"It's my decision," Kathryn said firmly. "If it can help and all this can end." She was silent for a few moments as the doctor arranged the machines and wires and explained their importance. "Will I know what I'm saying?" she asked softly. "I mean I can say anything, I won't really have control over it will I."
"No, you won't have any control, you'll remember what you said after though." Sydney smoothened her hair sensing that there was something that Kathryn was hiding, a memory that she didn't want them to know about. "Whatever happens, you'll be safe, I'll be right behind the door."
"Do they all have to be there?" she asked looking up at the men behind the glass.
"Yes," Sydney nodded apologetically.
"Okay," she gave her a weak smile. "I'll be fine."
"Ms. Bristow, we're ready to begin," the doctor held open the door for Sydney. She squeezed Kathryn's hand one last time before leaving the room and joining the others behind the glass.
Kathryn swallowed hard, her respirations were shallow, forced and her hands shook. She looked up at the window, Sydney gave her a small wave and she smiled back. She looked around; the room was small and white, sterile, just like the hospital. She swallowed hard.
"Kathryn," the doctor sat in a chair beside her. "I want you to clear your mind and close your eyes. I'm going to count backwards from five. When I get to one, you will open your eyes and I want you to tell me where you are."
"Okay."
"Five"
"Four"
"Three"
"Two"
"One"
"Where are you?"
Kathryn let out a tortured scream so suddenly Sydney cried out covering her mouth with her hand.
"Kathryn, no one can hurt you, it's just a memory." The doctor leaned forwards in her seat. "Tell me where you are, look around."
Her eyes darted from side to side filling with tears, "in a hospital."
"After your mother died?"
"No, I'm older, I just turned thirteen. Arvin's with me; he's holding my hand. He keeps saying that it will be okay, it's best for everyone, I know he's right but I just want to know, god it hurts so much."
"What's happening now?"
"The doctor, he's putting a mask over me, and I'm tired, I'm going to sleep. He says it will all be over when I wake up."
"You're awake now Kathryn."
"Yeah." Kathryn was crying, her voice choked. "I'm tired, the medication--- I don't feel anything. Arvin's there and he's holding my hand, just like he promised. He tells me I'm going to be alright but I don't want to be. I just want to know I keep asking him but he won't tell me. He says it's for the best and I know he's right, I know but I just want to know-"
"What do you want to know?" The doctor asked.
"If it's a boy or a girl; he won't tell me. The baby is being adopted and its best, I know I can't be a mother I know but I just want to know the baby's name."
"Oh God," Sydney covered her mouth she felt like she would be sick. Vaughn put his arm around her waist comforting her. She looked up at her father, his jaw was clenched she could see the tension in him. She focused her attention back to Kathryn.
"Kathryn I want you to close your eyes, when you open them again, you will be in a new memory, I want you to think back to a time when you were scared." Kathryn followed her instructions. "Where are you Kathryn?"
"It's dark, there's a light a little one, I'm in a closet, I'm hiding."
"Who are you hiding from?"
"It's Mr. Caldwell-my foster father. I don't want him to find me."
"How old are you? Why don't you want him to find you?" The doctor adjusted one of the monitors and checked her pulse.
"Just little, eight or nine? No, younger, I lived with the Caldwell's before the Spencer's; I'm six or seven maybe. He's getting closer, he's opening the door, I don't want him to find me, I don't want him to hurt me again."
Sydney couldn't take anymore she needed air. Her hands trembling she fought with the door handle and finally opened it. She ran down the hall to a window and collapsed on her knees with shaking hands she opened it breathing in the clean air. Slowly her breathing returned to normal. She felt a hand on her shoulder, looking up she expected Vaughn but it was her father.
"Sydney, you need to get a hold of yourself and get back in there." He was forward, authoritative.
"We can't let Kendall do this-"
"Kathryn, knew full well what she was getting herself in to," Sydney hadn't expected his harsh words. "I told her exactly how this worked and Robert Lindsey just showed up from the NSC. If Kathryn can't help us, he's taking her back into protective custody, she'll be gone by tonight." He helped Sydney to her feet. "I do not trust Lindsey so I will allow it to continue to see if she says anything that can be of use. I do not want her in his custody, but I will stop it, if it gets too far. Now get control of yourself and get back in there." Jack turned on his heel and walked away.
Sydney knew her father was right. If the NSC got some kind of information out of Kathryn, it would be better than nothing at all. Taking a few deep breaths, Sydney smoothened her hair and then followed her father back in.
"I don't want to do it, don't make me please!" Kathryn's cries were torturous.
Sydney clenched her fists at her sides and stood between Lindsey and Vaughn. How could anyone harm a child in that manner. It was repulsing. She was finally beginning to understand why Kathryn kept as many secrets as she did and why she had been worried about saying something that she didn't mean to. She never wanted anyone to know what had happened to her as a child. It was the very reason she had switched foster homes so often. Sydney began to realize the pain behind her sister's eyes, why her smiles were always fake, why her eyes could turn to ice at any moment and she wouldn't take things at face value. Why she always pretended to be so strong shielding herself from everyone else. Sydney finally understood why she was so much older than her seventeen years; she'd been through so much pain in her life. Sydney bit her lip to keep herself from crying and she tried to swallow the lump that was building in her throat.
"Please don't. I don't want to do it. I won't tell anyone I promise I'll be good. Please no, it hurts.it hurts."
Kathryn's screams were haunted, Sydney turned and saw that even Weiss had closed his eyes, he couldn't even look at her. It seemed endless but finally the doctor told Kathryn to close her eyes.
"Remember Kathryn, it's not really happening its just a memory," the doctor adjusted the monitor again. "I want you to close your eyes and calm down, no one can hurt you anymore. Do you understand?"
"Yes," her voice was small, childlike.
"I want you to think about your father, he and your mother had a fight before he died, think about that." The doctor returned to her seat. "Open your eyes. Tell me where you are."
"I'm in my room when I was little," Kathryn's voice was smaller sounding even younger than before. "I'm supposed to be sleeping but I can't. Mommy and Daddy are fighting too loudly I can hear them. I'm hiding on the stairs, I'll get in trouble if they know I'm there."
"What are they fighting about?"
"I don't know I can't understand, they're talking so fast. Daddy, mom keeps saying Daddy's name. But she's not talking to Daddy; there is someone else there. It's a man-he's tall and he looks like my daddy but he's not. She says his name, Alexander.."
"Khasinau," Sydney whispered under her breath.
"Alexander, I don't know what they are saying, they're talking to fast." Kathryn began switching from Russian to English as she tried to decipher what they were saying, but it was of no use, nothing was making sense. "He's mad at Daddy, he's yelling at him. Mommy keeps telling him to be quiet, he'll wake me but he won't listen. He's still yelling at Daddy, he's saying mean things to him, he's saying...he's not my father, he's telling Daddy that he's not my father. They're yelling, they won't stop yelling he's taking something out of his pocket---"
The six agents observing behind the glass wall held their breath.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Kathryn's body began jerking from the bed as she fought the restraints. "No Daddy..." she sobbed. "He shot my daddy, why did he shoot daddy, why?"
Sydney reached for the door; she had to stop this.
"Do Not open that door Agent Bristow," Lindsey's voice stopped her cold.
"This isn't right."
"She agreed to it."
Sydney drew back from the door, interfering now might only hurt Kathryn in the long run.
"She'll be okay," Vaughn whispered softly in her ear and took her hand squeezing it gently, just to let her know that he was there.
"Ask her about the Contessa," Kendall spoke to the doctor through the comm link.
"Kathryn, do you remember The Contessa?" The doctor as softly.
The tears were gone from her eyes, Kathryn was silent.
"Where are you?"
"A big house. It's really big, there's people hear they're saying stuff I can't understand.. Mommy's here were not in New York anymore."
"Where are you?"
"Russia, after Daddy died we went to Russia. It's my birthday, I'm five. There are people here that I don't know, they're talking with mom, she's mad, and she's talking about Christmas.. But its not Christmas, its summer. I'm looking at my book, mommy gave it to me for my birthday, Alice in Wonderland but it doesn't have many pictures--He's here-" her eyes suddenly became fearful, filled with tears.
"Who's there?"
"The bad man, the one that hurt Daddy. He has my hand and we're walking down a big hall away from mommy. Just him, me and Sophie."
"Whose Sophie?"
"My dolly, Julian gave her to me. He says he wants to show me a secret, a secret no one knows about. The Countess"
"What is it Kathryn, what's the secret?"
"I don't know," she shook her head. "He lifts me up so I can see, it's shiny and it sparkles. Mommy's coming, he says. Mommy's mad that he took me, she didn't know where I was. We're going home now, but Sophie, I forgot Sophie. Mommy says we'll come back tomorrow to get her. I don't like it in Russia, it's too cold, Mommy says we're going back to New York, I'll miss Julian too much, I don't want to go."
Jack crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw clenched. Irina Derevko never ceased to amaze him with her lack of regard for either of her daughters.
"Did you ever see the bad man again?" The doctor asked.
"Uh-huh, in New York, we're going to see Mommy."
"Who is?"
"Me, Sophie and Charlotte my babysitter, she looks like mommy, she has dark hair. I want to show her my picture. Charlotte opens the door, I can hear mommy talking, and there are loud noises and men with guns. MOMMY!" Kathryn screams were marred by sobs.
"What's happening Kathryn?" The doctor asked calmly.'
"They're shooting their guns, mommy's running to me but it hurts, it hurts." Kathryn's voice had become unusually quiet. "She's yelling at them, her hands there's blood everywhere. She's crying, she's scared. My stomach hurts, she's pressing on it. The bad man, he's telling her to go, he's telling her to leave me. Mommy don't leave, don't leave me please Mommy please. He's pulling her away. " Kathryn's cries were getting louder and louder.
Sydney found herself crying. Kathryn was thrashing wildly on the bed her screams piercing everyone's ears. "Katy," she whispered putting her hand up to the glass.
"Why is she going, she doesn't want to go but he's pulling her away. Mama don't leave me, Mama!! MAMA!!!!!"
"ENOUGH!" Jack finally shouted out startling everyone he pressed the comm link "Bring her out of it now!"
"What do you think you're doing?" Lindsey said furiously.
"This has gone on long enough. Sydney get her, we're leaving."
Sydney wasted down time in getting to Kathryn.
"Jack-" Dixon began.
"You're interfering with a-" Kendall began
"You got what you were after. You know what she knows about The Contessa and you know who her father is. She's done."
"Where are you taking her?" Dixon asked.
"Someplace safe." Jack opened the door heading into the room.
Sydney freed Kathryn from the restraints; Vaughn pulled off the monitor hook ups. "Come on Kit Kat," he began lifting her into his arms but she freaked.
"Don't touch me," she cried out.
"Katy it's okay, Vaughn's just trying to help," Sydney wrapped her arms around her holding her close for a second; she rubbed Kathryn's back soothing her. "He's just going to help you until the medication wears off."
"Okay."
"That'a girl," slowly Vaughn lifted her off the chair and she hooked her arms around her neck. She was drowsy from the medication she'd been given and moments later she was asleep in his arms.
"Take her back to your place," Jack said. "I'll deal with Lindsey and Kendall and contact you later. Watch her."
"Okay," Sydney nodded and held the door open for Vaughn. "I'll see you later."
Turning slowly, Jack faced his angry superiors. They just wouldn't be able to understand the repercussions of Kathryn's hypnotic regression. All they could understand is that Kathryn had given them some information and then he'd ended it.