Of course he's late, he drank a bottle of vodka in 10 minutes not to mention the blood loss.
"Yeah sorry, traffic." Chas gave as his excuse.
John was seated at the large wooden table in the centre of the room. He was smoking a cigarette, an empty glass placed in front of him.
"So where we going"
"Nowhere." John replied exhaling a cloud of smoke.
"Then why am I here?" Chas asked trying to keep the anger from his voice.
He'd just dragged his ass out of bed with the hangover from hell for nothing?
"I need to talk to you." John said keeping his voice neutral.
Jesus. Could Balthazar have told John?
Did John know the 'secret' he'd worked so hard to conceal?
"Wha... What d'you wanna talk about John?" Chas asked carefully, wringing his hands nervously.
"Sit." John said pointing to an empty seat across from him.
Taking a deep breath Chas crossed the room and took a seat across from the man he was secretly attracted to.
"Look I'm gonna go straight to the point here. Balthazar paid me a visit"
Chas's heart stopped.
He felt the colour drain from his face as he heard the words he had been dreading ever since his little run in with the half-breed.
His stomach did a flip.
John knew. John knew about everything... The rape, his feelings towards.
"I'm gonna be sick..." Chas managed to say before running towards the bathroom.
He hadn't eaten anything in what felt like an eternity but he had drunk a litre of vodka and he was paying for it now.
After a minute of puking his guts up, along with a little blood, he finally pulled himself to his feet swaying slightly as sweat trickled from his brow.
"Chas?" John questioned catching the boy before he could fall.
"John..." Chas gasped leaning further into the exorcist's arms.
"Come here let's get you cleaned up. Geez you okay kid?" John said leading the boy over to the sink.
Chas was as white as a sheet, a thin layer of sweat forming over his body.
"Chas"
Chas shook his head barely finding the energy to turn the tap on.
"Chas"
"What?" Chas whispered staring into the stained sink.
He couldn't have this conversation not now, not ever.
He felt his stomach lurch again this time only bringing up blood.
"Jesus fucking Christ Chas what the hells the matter with you?" John asked the concern evident on his face.
Maybe he was wrong? By the look John was giving his right now he was pretty sure he didn't know Chas's deepest darkest secret after all.
"What did Bal... Balthazar sa... say?" Chas stuttered splashing some cold water onto his face.
"He told me he'd talked to you. That he knew your secret and sooner or later I'd find it out." John said simply, staring at Chas through the grimy mirror above the ceramic sink.
"Yeah I figured he'd talk to you." Chas stated, emotion void from his voice.
So John was gonna learn the truth, fine let Balthazar do the fucking deed 'cause he sure as hell wasn't gonna pour his heart out about a situation that couldn't be changed.
"Care to enlighten me"
"That's why it's called a 'secret' John." Chas replied monotonously, making his way back into the kitchen.
He needed a drink and fast.
"Hey! Don't walk away from me." John said following the teenager.
Chas was already seated pouting himself a large whiskey using the glass John had previously been drinking from.
"Hey!" John said as Chas took a large gulp.
John quickly took the glass from him.
"Chas what the FUCK is going on"
Chas laughed nervously pulling back his sleeves and placing his arms in John's view.
"I'm a cutter John. Geez you caught me out, darn that Balthazar! You know he was ready to tell me what was going through you're 'pretty little head' when you killed yourself, he sure is a blabber ain't he John." Chas said with a smirk on his face.
He was willing to trade this particular secret for a few more days with his more 'important' one.
John's draw literally dropped.
Chas's pale wrists were covered in dark red gashes, they were fresh and looked pretty deep.
"God." John gasped looking away.
"Why?" John asked shortly the look of shock changing to one of anger.
"Why John? Do I need a reason as an excuse John? The only reason any of us does it is through weakness. I'm weak big-fucking-wow!" Chas laughed pulling his sleeves back down.
John was buying it. That means Balthazar didn't tell him about the rape, he still had some time.
"Chas... You could have come to me, talked to me"
Chas sighed. John was being nice about this. John Constantine was showing some sympathy... and maybe he wanted it.
"How could I? I didn't need your help John, I'm a big boy. This is my way of dealing okay so just let me get on with it"
"No!" John said sitting next to Chas.
"It doesn't have to be your way of dealing! Mutilating yourself isn't the answer, trust me I've tried it"
Chas stopped for a second staring into chocolate eyes. Eyes full of the pain of the past, eyes that reminded Chas of his own.
He heard himself gasp as his eyes fluttered closed.
God John looked so good right now.
The next thing he knows, soft lips have descended upon his own.
It's a gentle kiss, a request.
Chas opens his mouth allowing John access... Wanting more.
For a second it's explosive, the heat between them is unreal... Then he tastes it.
The unforgettable taste of booze and cigarettes, the taste of his rapist.
Chas pulled back instantly, horror plastered on his face.
His eyes lock with John's but he can no longer see the handsome exorcist, now all he sees is the revolting face he has tried so hard to forget.
He doesn't turn back for a second look as he runs out of the apartment, he runs as fast as his body will allow and he doesn't stop running until he's as far away from John as he could possibly get.
Doubling over in pain and gasping for breath Chas can't help noticing that even though there is a similarity in taste between John and the rapist, John actually tastes nothing like the big beefy guy who attacked him in that alley.
Even though John tastes of booze and cigarettes it's a nice taste, a cleaner taste. It's a taste that turns him on, makes him want John all the more.
Nothing like his rapist, not even close.
It's dark when Chas arrives back at John's apartment.
He's had something to eat and he's had time to think.
"Chas." John says in shock having thought Chas wouldn't return, EVER.
"Hey..." Chas says nervously shifting uncomfortably inches from the door.
"Look I'm really sorry"
"Nah just forget about it okay?" Chas says waving the apology off.
How can he accept an apology for something he WANTED to happen?
It was bound to happen sooner or later right?
At least now he knew how John felt and more importantly how HE felt.
"Whatever you want Chas." John replied taking another sip from his glass.
"You mind if I crash here tonight, it's just my mom kinda walked in on me last night ya know"
"Yeah course you can, you know you can always come here right kid? No matter what crazy shit is going on"
"Thanks John that means a lot." Chas said honestly.
"Okay well I better let you get some sleep, you look exhausted." John said walking towards his room.
"John"
"Yeah kid?" John asked turning as he reached the door.
"You don't have to apologise for something when you did nothing wrong." Chas said looking down at his feet.
"Chas"
"Night John." Chas said finally looking up.
John nodded realising that was as good as he was going to get.
"Night." He said making his way into the room closing the door quietly.
Chas sighed kicking his shoes off and grabbing the spare blanket and pillow from the cabinet across the room.
He lay down shutting his eyes well and truly exhausted.
But sleep didn't come to him so easily.
All he could think about was John and that even though the whole situation scared the hell out of him he had really liked that kiss... and he really wanted more.