He didn't feel the heavy weight he usually felt most mornings, he didn't feel the sting from his usual late night 'cutting' sessions. No, he felt like a normal person... even it he was sleeping on John Constantine's couch.
Yawning and stretching he opened his eyes not at all expecting John to be sitting a few feet away... Staring at him.
"Fuck John! You scared me, don't do that"
"Sorry." The older man said grinning a little.
He had been watching Chas sleep for the last hour or so after last night sleeping didn't seem to be an option from him.
Chas's words kept rattling around his head preventing him from thinking about anything else.
"You don't have to apologise for something when you did nothing wrong." If he didn't do anything wrong then why had Chas ran from the apartment? Why had Chas had a look of complete and totally utter HORROR when he had pulled away so suddenly?
It made no sense... Chas made no sense.
Maybe he was just worried... after all John was twice his age... not to mention the whole gay kiss.
It was a lot to take in for a teenager, hell it was a lot for him to take in and he'd done a lot of crazy thing in his life.
"So..." Chas said nervously when the exorcist remained seated, eyes fixed on him.
"You want some breakfast?" John finally asked rising from his seat a little too quickly.
"WHAT? John... Wait a minute." Chas said his eyes widening.
"Did you just ASK me if I wanted breakfast? Are you OFFERING to make me food?" Chas asked is mock surprise.
He began patting himself down as if looking for something.
"Wait a minute I'm not 'dead' how can this be real?" He said breaking into a huge grin.
"Haha very funny kid. We have eggs... and bread you can either or you can have both"
"I'll take both then"
"Sure." John said making his way into the kitchen.
Chas pulled himself from the tangled mass of blankets covering him, already fully clothed from yesterday.
He yawned again plodding sleepily into the bathroom.
"Hey John, you got a spare toothbrush or something?" Chas shouted.
He had left everything at his mom's and his breath was pretty much a killer right now.
"Um... No but you can use mine just as long as you WASH it properly when you're done"
Chas wrinkled his nose.
Sharing a toothbrush? That was just way too freaky for him.
"No thanks I'll just use my finger"
John snorted from his position in the kitchen.
The kid was gonna use his 'finger' to brush his teeth.
"Fine, just don't expect to be kissing me with bad breath." He called back.
It was supposed to be a joke but the second it had left his mouth he regretted it.
John you are one stupid asshole.
"Okay... John. How do you manage to walk through doors with a head as BIG as that one"
"The door's are wider than they need to be." John called back a grin plastered onto his face.
Chas walked into the kitchen a while later surprised to see a plate of toast and scrambled egg's on the table.
"Wow John I didn't think you were serious when you said you were making me breakfast..." Chas said genuinely surprised that the exorcist could cook or even had food in the apartment.
"Hey I'm hurt! I have to eat at some point kid and no one else is gonna do it for me"
"True." Chas said through a mouthful of eggs.
"Tis is actually... rweely gud" He mumbled shovelling another forkful into his already full mouth.
John laughed shaking his head.
This was the Chas he knew and loved. The Chas who ate with his mouth full. The Chas who asked for a spare toothbrush then ended up using his 'finger.' The Chas.
Back it up, had he just said the Chas he LOVED?
How could he love the kid? Sure he'd known him for a good while now but love? That was a pretty strong word. A word he didn't use lightly. A world he very rarely used let alone FELT.
"You okay?" Chas asked catching John's expression.
"Yeah I'm fine Kid. Get a move on though I'm late for an exorcism"
"Kay I'll just get my shoes." Chas replied giving John a quick smile before making his way back into the living room.
This was great. It felt good to just laugh and talk with John. No funny business, no awkwardness, just talking.
He pulled his shoes on quickly shouting to John that he'd wait for him in the cab before running down the stairs.
Last night his mind had been all over the place... He hadn't know what to expect, didn't think he could deal with all these emotions, his feeling for John, his feelings towards 'himself' it was all a little too much for him.
But today was a new day. He felt better about the whole situation. He felt like HE was is control.
John wasn't gonna hurt him. There was nothing to be afraid about.
John wasn't his rapist.
John was John, the man he was slowly falling for...
"John PLEASE let me come? Please John I can do this I promise"
"No Chas just stay in the car. We've been through this remember? You always end up losing so just give it UP kid"
"NO, PLEASE I'll do anything John! Please let me COME"
"Johnny just let him come! He want's you so badly can't you tell"
It was Balthazar.
Shit! Balthazar was standing right outside the door and he knew all about Chas's secret he KNEW.
"Get lost." John said lighting up a cigarette.
"Oh but Johnny I want to watch this little display of affection. If Chas is going to come for you without fighting for his dear little life I would LOVE to stay and watch"
"I said GET LOST half-breed." John spat but he remained seated in the back of the cab, Balthazar standing right next to his open window.
"Oh but Johnny I told you Chas had a little secret for you. Aren't you going to ask him what it is"
"I already have, not that it's any of your business." John replied trying his hardest not to let the demon get to him.
"HEY!" Chas cut in desperate to divert the conversation to anything BUT this one.
"Balthazar, how are you? Sorry we're in a hurry now. Aren't we John? So we're gonna leave and you can... also leave and we'll catch you later okay? Okay." Chas said in a mad rush earning a strange glance from John.
Balthazar merely laughed not moving an inch.
"Oh but he hasn't told you his real secret Johnny. His real, deep, dark, heart breaking secret. Would you like to know his really secret Johnny"
"NO!" Chas screamed in a panic jumping from the car he put his hand hastily over Balthazar's mouth hoping to shut the demon up.
He could feel the demon's grin beneath his hand, he could also feel John's intense stare on his back.
"Chas? What the fuck are you doing?" He asked at a bit of a loss what to do.
Before anyone could blink Chas was being pushed roughly into the wall, Balthazar placing his lip's millimetres from his ear.
"Tell him Chas. Tell him uncomfortable you are right now, how you're little heart is pounding as the memories of being raped come flooding back.." He whispered so only Chas could here.
He laughed flicking his tongue teasingly over the boys earlobe.
Chas couldn't breathe. His breath just wouldn't come to him.
He could hear his heart pounding in his ears terribly of the demon's hard on.
"You're turning me on boy." He laughed before become pulled from the boy by a VERY pissed of exorcist.
"Bad move Bally. VERY bad move. You can do whatever the hell you want to me but the SECOND you touch Chas you crossed the lined." John spat throwing the half-breed onto the hood of the cab.
"Johnny you are so... Stupid." Balthazar gasped continuing to laugh.
"Look at the boy John, look at his face"
John did turning his head while keeping a tight hold on demon.
His face was ghostly white. He hadn't moved one centimetre from the position he had been forced into by Balthazar and the look on his face... It matched that of the night before only 10 times worse.
"Chas?" John questioned loosening his grip on the struggling demon beneath him.
"Chas"
He was crying, hot tears running down his face as he began to tremble.
He still wasn't breathing his breath temporarily stopped as he tried to clear the images from his head.
Balthazar had... He had... But John... John stopped.
He couldn't even think... Then his knee's buckled and he was throwing up on all fours sobbing uncontrollably.
He shut his eyes tightly as he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Chas? Chas it's okay"
"John..." He gasped looking into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes.
"It's okay I'm here"
Something wasn't right. Balthazar was right the secret he had been hiding wasn't the cutting it was something much much worse.