Totally Screwed Transmutation

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Duh.

Notes: Er... ARGH! I can't help blushing at one of the later chapters (cause I've already got the whole plot out and is writting them soon...) because it's so...eek! scuttles away and screams when tomato stares back in face in the mirror...

Slight correction to legend: 'Abcde' - refers to thoughts. It's different from sounds, cuz sounds are all CAPS.

Chapter 3 Only I Can Take You In…

"This-is-all-YOUR-FAULT!" Edward yelled (more like, screamed) at Roy. "Now what am I gonna do? I can't face the world like this!" Ed threw a quick glance at the door behind her, hoping that no-one would pop in.

Roy had recovered from his momentary blankness, and then gave Ed a thorough look. 'Hmm… now she's shorter than ever… but…hey? Isn't that her auto-mail over there?' Roy walked past the glaring Ed and reached for the auto-mails on the floor. Ed was shocked; she hadn't realised they'd fallen out.

"Well, there's one good reason. You've got a perfect arm and leg back, Full Metal." He waved the metal pieces around.

Edward was still examining her new arm and leg. Though clearly feminine, it was a perfect human arm and leg. Which brought her back to reality. She was now a girl. Reaching out to grab the metal limbs back, she glared at Roy harder than ever.

"You still have some nerve… saying that this is a good thing? I can't imagine if anyone else knows about thi—" The door opened and Edward froze.

"Good evening, Fuhrer Sir!" The whole gang (Breda, Fury, Havoc and Armstrong) said in unison and strode in. Major Armstrong continued, "We've brought you the paperwork for toda— Oh my goodness…" Now it was their turn to freeze.

Edward became the object of staring then. She blinked and then slowly turned to face Roy.

"Fuhrer… you have my word that I'll give you hell that you've never known…" She was then about to walk out through the door when she was stopped by Armstrong.

"Is this… who I think this is?" He asked nobody in particular. "…Full Metal?" Then pink sparkles appeared out of thin air as he embraced the shocked girl, all the while going, "Oh my goodness! So cute, so cute, so cute!"

Stunned, one-by-one the rest crowded around the now very red-faced girl. "Erm, Major? I think you better let go of me…" Armstrong blinked and grinned.

"Yup; forgot you are a girl now…"

It was Breda's turn to speak. "…How…?" It was immediately followed by the rest.

"Oh my gosh…"

"Can you turn back…?"

"What a change… Hughes would hop out of his grave just to get a photo…" ((this is Breda again by the way))

Roy cleared his throat. They all stood at attention, handed in the report… and returned to the staring. Edward was very uncomfortable by now.

"Will you all stop with the staring! I want out; I wanna go—wait." Then her jaw dropped. "I can't go out like this! Where am I going to stay? ARGH! I can't let anymore people see me!" She dropped to her knees.

Surprisingly, the next voice heard was Riza's. "Edward… there's a page on how to turn one into a boy…" Ed immediately jumped up and went to look. She liked what she saw. Snapping her head towards Roy, she said, "Go draw out the circle in here. Now. You started this mess." Roy huffed. 'Yar right… then what the hell happened yesterday, huh?'

---…---…---

'POOF!'

Everyone crowded round to see. As the smoke cleared, the top of Ed's head appeared. Then as the fog cleared to reveal the young alchemist's body, they stared again. IT DIDN'T WORK. Edward stared and stared. 'It should have worked! What went wrong?' She frantically thought, referring to the book. (Everyone was still staring) Then she stopped at a small note on the flip-side of the page. 'This alchemy, be it transmutation to male or female, will only work once. This is because both are linked and the body will only naturally accept one gender change. This is irreversible.' Her jaw dropped again. She was gonna stay this way?

Riza read through it, and spoke again. "Too bad, Edward. Now we really need to find you a place to stay… I believe all of us here can't have you at our places…" The rest of them nodded.

"We all live in one-room apartments." Fury spoke.

"It'll be better if you stayed with Riza, though, since you are female now…" Havoc added.

"But I already have Black Hayate with me; he takes the couch." Riza frowned. "Hey, Roy can take you in."

Ed was surprised. "What? Stay with the person who made me like this? You've got to be kidding me!"

Riza continued, "But Roy's the only one who lives in a bigger apartment. You can take one of any of his rooms… safer for you…" Her voice trailed off as she turned to look at a bemused Roy.

"Oh, right; you think I'll take advantage of her or something? Come on Edward, I think we better leave." He took the stunned girl by the hands and pulled her through the door. All through the military building came gasps of surprise, and not to mention Edward's scream that came at the end of it.

Notes: LOL. I had a bad shock after the mirror incident. solemnly swears not to look at another mirror again So...ok. Ed stays with the Fuhrer. A VERY cheeky Fuhrer. Stay tuned for more. Oh, and how do you turn the 'anon.' thing on? I have no idea. I'm new to this, remember?