A/N Thank you to my faithful reviewers AnnaSun & Kathryn, it really means a lot to me that you read and take the time to review every chapter, so this chapter is dedicated to you!
Redemption
Chapter Twenty Six
The sun shone brightly in the early afternoon. It was warm but a cool breeze kept the air unsettled and it reminded her of the time she'd taken her daughter to the beach.
"Make another one Mommy, make another one," five-year-old Katy clapped her hands excitedly as she watched her mother fill the bucket with wet sand.
Irina had just laughed and obeyed her commands relishing in the simplicity of the day, so like any other. Her daughter had the intent of making the most elaborate castle village she'd ever seen, of course there seemed to be more sand on her than in the village of castles but she'd take it in stride. It was too cold to go in the water so they'd sat dressed in sweaters and pants rolled up to their knees on the beach of the Jersey shore building dozens of castles. Some were only mere mounds of sand with a stick stuck in the top but others had bridges and moats and pretend horses in a pen out back. Suddenly Kathryn had burst into tears.
"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked hugging her daughter.
Katy pointed to the edge of the village. She'd insisted on building the village too close to the water and the rising tide was intent on demolishing it.
"It's okay." She'd taken her daughter in her arms holding her close and they'd sat on the blanket far away from the shoreline. "The tide is taking your village out to sea," she glanced down at her daughter seeing her lower lip trembling, a painful reminder of Sydney. "Look," she pointed to the village at their disappearing footprints. "It's taking our footprints out to sea too, so they can swim with the dolphins."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Mommy, some day can we swim with the dolphins?"
"Sure, some day." And they'd sat there watching the tide wash away all remnants of their afternoon pleasure.
"Mama, I'm cold. Can we go home now?" She'd glanced down at her daughter some time later seeing her tired eyes and chattering teeth.
"Yeah, time to go home," she agreed lifting the tired little girl into her arms and grabbing the bag with her toys they made their way back to the car.
"Can we come back again tomorrow?" Katy asked as she was being buckled into her booster seat.
"Not tomorrow, but soon."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
She'd never kept that promise. The next day she was on a plane bound for Germany and her daughter lay in critical condition in the ICU at a children's Hospital in Manhattan fighting for her life.
It was never supposed to turn out like this. She was supposed to disappear. Her daughter was supposed to have been adopted by a nice caring couple who wanted children and could give her a safe and secure life. She was never supposed to become a ward of the state. She was supposed to have had a good life far away from all the danger that being Irina Derevko's daughter had brought. She was never supposed to end up in the hands of David Caldwell or the countless others who had betrayed her trust and destroyed her life. Kathryn was never supposed to have been at the variety store that night. She was supposed to have been home safe and sound in bed with the blankets tucked in around her and Sophie cradled in her arms.
There were so many things that were never supposed to happen.
She was never supposed to have Sydney. Leaving Sydney at the time had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. She was never supposed to have Kathryn. Selfishly she'd thought that another child might redeem her and she'd missed Sydney so desperately so she'd kept the baby, the alternative would have been so easy. She'd ignored the signs until it was impossible to do so and her stomach began to swell and the baby began to kick; good strong kicks. There was nothing she could do except lie and she told her former lover that she was pregnant with his child. She had to lie. She had to deceive. If she didn't, her life would be in danger, her unborn child's, Sydney's and Jacks as well. What she did regret was deceiving her daughter and depriving her of the father she would never have the chance to know. Leaving Kathryn was worse. The image of her five-year-old daughter bleeding to death was something she could not easily forget, she would never be able to forget even after she knew Kathryn had recovered. She'd left Kathryn with no one to care for her. If she'd been able to tell Jack, things would have been so very different. If she'd been able to leave Kathryn with Jack, at least her daughter would have been safe and she would have grown up in a very different world with one parent who cared for her and the semblance of a childhood she'd never been able to have. But she hadn't known that Kathryn was living in danger and she'd done what she had to do to protect her daughter, or so she thought.
Now it all seemed so pointless.
Kathryn had nothing but contempt for her. She'd never been told as much but it was evident in Sydney's voice that day at the ice rink. Kathryn had every reason to hate her. She had every right to hate her. Irina had made many mistakes where her second daughter was concerned but oddly enough she had very few regrets. If she hadn't taken her away from Russia, away from the KGB, away from the danger, her daughter would have most likely died many years before. Irina had intended on telling Sydney about her sister but there was never a right time. Even when she was in custody, she was afraid the CIA would use Kathryn against her and it wouldn't have been fair to her daughter. Very few regrets and it saddened her to think of this.
Jack had contacted her, told her to meet him in Rome, given her the address. It was raining and she'd waited in her car until she saw him. "Let's take a walk," he'd said and curiously she glanced at his car seeing Sydney in the passenger seat. He'd held out his umbrella and she'd taken his arm as they walked down the empty waterfront docks. It was then that she realized what had happened. Jack would never have risked meeting her unless it was that important and he'd brought Sydney. He'd risked their freedom to meet her to tell her that her daughter was dead. She hadn't said anything at first, hadn't wanted to believe his words. But one look in his eyes told her he was telling the truth. She walked away without saying a word and gotten into her car soaked from the pounding rain. She could see Jack's face in her review mirror as she drove away blinking back tears.
It was his face that led her to where she was today. Sitting in a darkened sedan watching her daughter's funeral from a distance. It seemed fitting that she was where she always was. Watching both her daughters lives from a distance, both of them oblivious to her presence.
~ ~ ~
Sydney slowly slipped her hand in her fathers. He looked to her, a reassuring smile and quick squeeze. She wiped her eyes with a tissue and stood. She tucked a stray lock of wind blown hair behind her ear and turned to face the crowd and spoke of the sister she barely knew.
"I didn't know Kathryn for very long, I wish I could have known her better, she was the little sister I always wanted. She deserved a lot more than what she got in her life but she never complained. She was one of the most stubborn people I have ever met and the strongest and she…she never gave up…….." Sydney wiped her eyes and looked over to Vaughn
He'd been wonderful to her since she returned from Rome. He was always wonderful to her. Weiss sat on his left. He had been unusually quiet. He cracked a few lame jokes that morning in an attempt to elevate some of the stress, but she could tell that her sister's death was affecting him more than he let on. Will and Amy were there as well. Marshall and Carrie sat several rows back and Dixon behind them. It was a very small ceremony consisting mostly of CIA agents from the JTF and Langley. Some had brought their spouses. There was no one else to come to her funeral. Aside from CIA, Kathryn didn't have any friends. There was one surprise though; Kendall had shown up with Dr. Barnette at his side. Kathryn had been right after all- he did have the hots for the Doc.
Weiss sat beside Vaughn listening to Sydney speak of her sister. It was hard to sit there and listen. Around him men, women, dabbed their eyes with Kleenex's, held trembling hands, and swallowed the lumps in their throats. Many were there just out of politeness to Jack and Sydney, very few were really friends of hers.
Sitting here made it all seem so real.
It was a nice ceremony, Kathryn would have approved. It was warm and sunny; not too many people, not too many tears. An ivory casket sat ready to be lowered in to the ground and dozens of white roses placed on top of the casket; white roses were her favorite.
Vaughn poked him and Weiss looked up seeing that Sydney had sat down. He stood. Sydney had asked him to speak today. He'd refused at first, funerals were not his thing, not that they were anyone's thing but she'd asked him again and reluctantly he'd agreed. So there he was standing before the small crowd struggling to find the words.
"I like to think I knew Kat pretty well. Some might say I knew her better than most but with Kat, you always knew there was more to the story and something tells me that I didn't know her at all. She thought up the greatest practical jokes," he glanced over at Kendall and almost thought he saw him smile. "She had the guts to carry them out and wasn't afraid of getting caught, not a lot of people could do that." He looked down at his hands really unsure of what to say. "What many people didn't know about Kat is what a caring person she was. It didn't matter how she was feeling, whether she was sick or just had the day from hell, she always paid particular attention to everyone else, always asked how they were and she wasn't just asking, she really cared. It didn't matter how bad she was feeling; she always made you feel better. The first time I met her, she gave me a black eye and the next time I saw her she was handing me an icepack which she definitely needed more than I did. When Syd asked me to speak here today, at first I said no. I didn't think I knew her well enough or would be able find the words to say what a great, amazing, special person Kat was. Then I realized that I didn't have to say it because we all already knew. What I do know about Kathryn is that she was one of the bravest people I'd ever met. She faced a lot of challenges in her life, in the past and recently and she faced them all head on. No fear. She never backed away. She fought for what she wanted. She deserved a lot more than what she got. The one thing I do know about her is that she wouldn't want us to be sad, she'd probably kick our asses for it, but she'd understand. If she were here she'd say something like 'you've got the rest of your life to mourn—go party!' so don't cry for her, celebrate her life." He shrugged having nothing more to say. Jack stood and shook his hand as Eric sat down.
Jack didn't say anything; he only crouched beside the grave and slowly turned the crank lowering her casket into the ground. Sydney had asked him to speak, but he'd refused. He didn't know Kathryn and didn't feel he had the right to speak at her funeral regardless of the fact that he was her father. Finally the resistance stopped and he stopped turning. He stood dusting off his hands on his black pants. Sydney stood beside him and took his hand letting the white roses fall from her hand and tumble far below onto the ivory surface. Jack raised his arm to her shoulders and she leaned into him placing her head on his shoulder as they watched dozens and dozens of more white roses fall blanketing the ivory casket as the mourners walked back to their cars.
Sydney turned to her father and hugged him. He kissed the top of her forehead. "Will you be alright?" she asked.
"I'll be fine sweetheart," he smiled reassuringly and hugged her again.
"I'll see you at the house then," She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before walking to Vaughn who stood outside his car.
"Hey," he held out his arms to her and she melted against him relishing in the feel of being in his arms. "How's your dad holding up?" he asked.
She kept her face hidden in the collar of his jacket; "he's dealing."
"Should we wait for him?" he asked as Sydney pulled away.
She looked to her father and then turned back to Vaughn and then shook her head. "He said he'd meet us there, he just wants some time first." Vaughn held the door open for her and she slipped inside the black limo that would take her back to her house, to Kathryn's wake.
Jack squatted down beside the unfilled grave releasing the last handful of white roses. The cemetery attendants had placed her headstone next to the grave and he reached over running his fingers over the letters.
Kathryn Anne Sullivan
July 19, 1986 – April 9, 2003
"Rest Now Where Angels Soar"
He had no words, nothing to say and slowly he stood and walked out of the empty cemetery.
Irina watched as Jack got into his car and drove away. He looked older than she remembered. She hadn't seen him in nearly a year though regardless of that he didn't look anywhere near that of his fifty-four years. She waited until several minutes after his car drove away before she adjusted her blond wig and sunglasses and stepped out of her car. The cemetery attendants were packing up the folding chairs but left immediately as she approached the gravesite. They'd already filled in the hole and placed the headstone in the appropriate place. Sydney had picked it out, she knew instantly seeing the small angel statue its tiny hands reaching up towards the sky. She crouched down placing the bouquet of blue roses against the headstone. "Hello sweetheart," she whispered her eyes instantly filling with tears; tears that she would not let spill. "I've missed you so much. Thought about you every day since I had to go away. I always wondered what you'd be like when you were older. But I knew you'd be strong and brave, I'm so proud of you." Irina knew she couldn't stay more than a few minutes and she stood. "I love you Katy, I'll come back to see you again soon."
She walked back to the car blinking the tears from her eyes. Her cell phone rang as she got in and she held it to her ear, "hello."
"Hello Irina," she recognized his voice instantly. "I have some information you may find interesting."
"I'm listening."
"It appears the details of your daughters death have been rather exaggerated."
The tone of her voice never changed but her eyes glazed over. "You have my attention Mr. Sark."
~ ~ ~
He couldn't stand seeing their faces anymore and heading into Sydney's kitchen he opened her liquor cabinet and poured himself a scotch. He downed it instantly and poured another.
"Dad are you alright?" Sydney's voice startled him and he nearly dropped the glass.
"Yes Sydney I'm fine," he said keeping his back to her. "I'll be out in a moment."
"Alright," she backed out of the kitchen and joined the others in living room, immediately going to Carrie who couldn't stop crying, and being nine months pregnant didn't help matters.
Jack emptied the glass quickly and then left the kitchen to join the others. As he made his way over to Dixon his cell phone rang. "Bristow?"
"Our daughter's alive."
Jack remained silent for a few moments as he made a beeline for the door. He stepped out into the bright sunshine squinting at the sudden contrast.
"Did you hear me? I said our daughter is alive."
He could only utter two words. "I know."
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A/N
Okay Okay Okay, please don't kill me!!!!! It was all part of my grand scheme! Now please hit that little purple button and let me know what you thought of this chapter. Feedback is a fanfic writers best friend!!!!!
Thanks for reading