Erestor's mood was as black as his midnight hued tresses. It had been months now with no signs of any change. He had done everything Elrond had told him. He had slept and ate on schedule and kept his mind busy working on papers so as not to fall into despair. He had taken every noxious remedy that Elrond had given him without complaint and even kept his sense of humor at the constant care that he needed. Now at five months he was unable to keep the charade up any longer.
Whenever Elrond came to see him now the counselor just sank deeper into despondency. The bones had finally knit completely and everything should have been well, except that he still had no use of his legs. He had no feeling in them and could not even command them to move in the slightest. His worse fear had become reality. He was crippled.
Erestor looked longingly at the water pitcher. It was on a table only a foot away from the bed but it might as well have been a mile. He hated this vulnerability. He knew that if he just called out someone would be there to help him. He just couldn't make himself do it. It was not right that everyone should have to go out of his or her way to help him.
Maybe he could get it himself.
He judged the distance a little more carefully. He pushed himself to the edge of the bed. Using his left arm to steady himself he reached out with the other taking a firm hold on the table. Once he was sure he had a solid grip he brought his left hand up intending to grab the pitcher.
It never happened, he over balanced sending himself to the floor with a crash. The pitcher rocked violently a moment before it too fell shattering. Erestor held back tears as he pushed himself up feeling his shoulder and elbow sting from the fall.
Lindir came rushing in at that moment taking in the mess. He hurried over to help Erestor. "Why didn't you call me I would have helped you"
"I did not want to be a burden. I thought I could get it myself."
"You are NOT a burden!" Lindir scolded making sure the other elf was settled back in bed.
Erestor scowled. "Yes I am. I have to be cared for like a child. I hate this! I would have rather died!"
Lindir was shocked. "Do not say such things Erestor."
"I speak only the truth." Erestor growled.
"Erestor..."
"Get out Lindir. Leave me be. I want left alone."
Lindir wavered in indecision.
"Get out!" Erestor yelled, watching stonily as the white haired elf fled.
Elrond leaned against the archway that lead into the Healing Rooms. His advisor was sitting propped up against the headboard with his eyes turned out into the gardens. The raven-haired elf looked nearly peaceful and not at all like the incensed advisor that Lindir had said. Though if Elrond had learned anything in his long life it was that looks could be deceiving. So it was with this thought in mind that he approached his lifelong friend.
"Erestor."
The counselor turned from the window to look at him. Elrond was disturbed to see weary resignation in the other's eyes. Erestor nodded but did not say anything as Elrond came to the side of the bed and began to manipulate his limbs. In steadily growing silence Elrond worked searching for even a spark of hope in the lifeless extremities. Elrond bit back a sigh of despair as he settled Erestor's legs back onto the bed. The examination had not gone well. There were still no signs that the advisor would gain use of his legs. "Have you felt anything at all?"
Erestor shook his head wearily. "Nothing."
Elrond sat on the bed. "We can try-"
"No."
Elrond looked up at his friend wrinkling his brow. "Erestor there are other treatments we can try."
"How many more until you accept that I can't feel anything."
Elrond was slightly taken aback by the venom in the other's voice. "Erestor."
Erestor covered his face with his hands in anger and frustration. "Elrond you are my friend and I know you have done everything you can but there is nothing more to be done."
The Lord of Imladris reached out taking Erestor's hands in his. "What would you have me do Erestor?"
"Send a letter to Cirdan, tell him I wish to sail."
Elrond pulled away shocked. "No Erestor."
"Elrond please." Erestor pleaded taking his friend's hand.
"There has to be another way. We can work something out. Lindir and I can make sure you will have everything you need"
"No!" Erestor shouted glaring hotly at Elrond. "I would rather be in the Halls of Mandos then forever at another's mercy."
"There-"
Erestor shook his head again catching Elrond's hand. "If our positions were reversed what would you do? Would you allow others to treat you like an incompetent child?"
Elrond stared into those liquid brown eyes. He had known this day might come. Being a healer he had known it better than the others. It did not make it any easier. Over the weeks he had watched hope disappear from Erestor's eyes little by little with each examination. When he had declared that the bones had knit and still no feeling had returned he had known Erestor would probably never walk again but he had selfishly kept quiet. Now as hard as it seemed he had to do what was right for his friend.
"Elrond?"
The Lord of Imladris looked up into emotion brimmed eyes. "If that is your wish Erestor."
"Thank you." Erestor mumbled pulling his friend close. "Thank you."
Elrond turned from his balcony hearing someone coming in behind him. Glorfindel stood there nearly vibrating with challenging energy. "Glorfindel?"
"You're letting him leave!" The blonde seneschal growled.
Elrond looked weary. "Glorfindel I can not force him to stay. He is my friend too. I do not want him to leave either, not like this."
"Then keep him here."
"He will fade."
"Give me leave to work with him." Glorfindel suddenly pleaded.
Elrond's eyebrow rose. "What makes you think he will cooperate with you? He won't even allow me to try any more treatments."
"I'm not going to give him a choice."
"No!"
Elrond and Glorfindel turned to find Lindir behind them his eyes flashing angrily. "My Lord Elrond you can not do this." Lindir beseeched. "You can not. It is not right."
"Lindir-"
"No Glorfindel!" Lindir turned on Elrond. "Erestor has served you faithfully for centuries, he has fought back to back with us in war as well as been our friend in peace. You cannot do this to him. If he wishes to sail then let him do so. I do not want his last days on Arda to be filled with misery. I do not want to see him fade from grief."
"Neither do I Lindir." Glorfindel shot back. "But his time hasn't come yet, I know it. He just needs to see he can overcome this."
"You cannot deny him his right to sail!"
"Enough both of you." Elrond finally barked. "Lindir you will not interfere but Glorfindel you have only one month before he sails."