Disclaimer: If I didn't own Fullmetal Alchemist in the previous chapter what makes you think that I do now?
A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I never thought I'd get so many… And sorry for the long update… I've ran out of ideas for this fanfic… Hopefully I'll think of some soon.
Warnings: Shounen-ai/boy-love, out-of-characterness, all that good stuff.
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I came up with an ingenious plan, thanks to my bag of Pixie Sticks, but when I woke up this morning I forgot what it was. So, I'm back to pondering about what I should do.
Should I... stab them to death? Feed them Alka-seltzers and see if they go boom like seagulls? Or maybe I should saw them in two? I'll hang 'em upside down and slowly saw off each limb, one by one. Or should I soak them in a bath of boiling oil? Ah-ha! I know! Greed has a torture device hidden in the basement! Hehehe, I bet that'd teach them a lesson!
But none of those ideas are good enough. It needs to be a much more worse type of punishment. Then it hit me. I could hurt Edo the same way he hurt me! Er… not that he actually hurt me or anything though. I'll seduce the Colonel the same way I did with Ed. Believe it or not, I'm a pretty good actor, so my seducing skills are top-par. I wonder how Chibi-san will react when he finds me with his precious Colonel…?
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I glance around the shabby room, and I wonder how I should put my plan into action. I managed to book myself into a hotel a few blocks away from the military's headquarters. But it's so shabby-like. The pale-green wallpaper's peeling off the walls, the bed creaks and moans when you sit on it, and I swear there's something alive and vicious under the bathroom's sink. But it'll have to do. It's the only hotel I can afford. Yes, I'm poor. Shut up.
I was about to holify the wall with some brand spankin' new knives when someone knocks on the door. Geez, even when I'm undercover people still manage to annoy the hell out of me! I sigh and get up from my seat by the window, and I walk towards the door. I open it to reveal some military rookie.
"Lieutenant Havoc! Colonel Mustang wants you right away, sir," he says. I blink. Huh? "Um… sir? Are you okay? You look a little peaky this morning…" Oh that's riiiight… I'm supposed to be that Havoc guy… Kind of sad that I forgot the name of the guy who I'm supposed to be, right? You see, I couldn't check into the hotel as "Envy the Psychotic, Evil Homunculus" since people might get suspicious. So… as that guy, what's-his-name? Havoc! As he left the military headquarters I mugged him. Yep, mugged. I took every dime on him, which wasn't a lot. That's why I'm poor. Cheap bastard. I then stuck him in a crate and chucked him on a train to Xing. It'll be weeks before we see him again. And the funny thing is, the guy was cheering about finally getting himself a date. It looks as if he'll be missing out on that. I was also a bit surprised that the guy was a second lieutenant. He didn't seem like one to me… But that just makes things all the more easier.
"Sir?" Oh right, the rookie… Good thing I was still in the form of the Havoc guy.
"Okay, okay. I'll be right there," I reply as I slam the door in the guy's face.
Now what could Mustang possibly want with Havoc? And how does Havoc act? I decided on just being myself, minus the sadistic-ness. But if Havoc's actually a hard-working lieutenant then I'm screwed.
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I brace myself as I knock on the door to the Colonel's office. I'm one hundred-percent positive that Mustang won't see through my disguise, but I'm uneasy nonetheless.
"Come in," Mustang says, and I open the door and step in. "Shut the door." I did. He stared. I stared. Silence.
"Havoc…"
"Colonel…?"
More silence.
"C'mere," he commands, while still staring at me. Uh… okay… I move away from the door to stand in front of his desk. And yet he still stares. "I said come here, Havoc."
"But, sir," I begin as he gets up from his seat to walk towards me, "whatever it is that you need--" He cut me off with a long, lingering kiss that nearly had me shuddering from the repulsiveness. He then grins up at me.
"Cut the crap, Jean. You know why I called you here." I'm a tad bit shocked. Why the hell did Mustang just kiss me? He runs a hand across my cheek and asks, "You're acting differently today… you do know why I called you here so early, right?"
No, actually, I don't. "Um… N-not really, sir…," I mumble as I back slightly away from him, bumping into his desk. He looks at me with a slight frown, but then his eyes light up mischievously, and he slowly starts to close the distance between the two of us.
"Playing hard to get, eh Jean?" My eyes widen. Just what the hell is going on? I was supposed to be the one to seduce him! Not the other way around!
Quickly and unexpectedly, the colonel grabs me by my shoulders and shoves me down on to the desk. He's still grinning widely as he leans down on me. "We've been through this before Jean," he whispers into my ear. "No one's gonna catch us…" He then licks my ear and strokes my hair.
This is not what I had planned. Since when did Mustang have relationships with the male officers of the military? I thought he was a player with the women not the men! I pray for someone to knock on the door as I feel his hand wandering along my chest. If I act as if I don't want this then Mustang might get suspicious… So when I felt Mustang's lips press against my own I reluctantly kissed back. But then he nibbled on my lip, demanding entrance to the inside of my mouth. There's no way in hell I'm going to tongue-wrestle with that chibi-thieving bastard! I immediately broke away.
He looked down at me with questioning eyes. Before he could say anything, a knock on the door interrupted us. Praise the Lord! It looks like some god up there actually looks out for me. Yippee.
"Colonel? You asked to see me…?" came the lovely voice of my dear chibi. I glance over at the door to see him peeking in with his bright, golden eyes. They widen in surprise at the sight that he sees. Of course anyone's would. I doubt anyone at the military knows of the things going on between the colonel and the second lieutenant. "S-Sir…?"
"Ah… Fullmetal…," Mustang says as he climbs off the desk. He straightens his clothes then turns to face Ed, whose eyes are frantically going from my face to Mustang's.
"What's… going on? I thought…," Ed mumbles as he begins to back out of the room. Mustang takes a few steps towards him.
"Ed, wait. Don't leave! Let me explain first!" He tries to grab Ed's arm, but the shrimp pulls away.
"The other day… In the library… I thought you and I…" Ed stops himself from saying anymore and glares venomously up at Mustang. "You bastard…" He looks over at me with a disgusted look then leaves the room, slamming the door shut.
Mustang stands there, staring at the door for a few seconds before turning to face me. I look at him with a confused expression. I have to make it look as if I have no idea about what just happened, y'know.
"Hey, Roy? What just happened?" I ask as I sit up on the desk.
"Nothing…," he replies as he walks over to me. "Now where were we?" I stare at him.
"Tell me what happened first. Why was Ed so upset?"
"I already told you, it's nothing!" I hop off the desk to stand in front of him.
"Obviously something happened to tick Ed off that badly. He seems really pissed off at you now. What did you do?" Mustang runs his fingers through his hair and turns to face the window. He sighs.
"Just drop it, Havoc."
"Oh? So are we back to last name terms? Did I do something to tick you off?"
He glances over to glare at me. "Drop it already! It doesn't concern you!"
I slink over towards Mustang and stand beside him. "You and Ed had something going on, didn't you? That's why he's so upset, right?" His eyes widen in surprise.
"How did you--"
"Ah-ha, so it's true? That ain't right, Mustang. Why were you messing with that kid's head? He probably thought he meant something to you! Instead he's just some random fuck, isn't he?
"N-no! Havoc that's not what--"
"Oh? Then am I the random fuck?" I interrupt him again. "You can't you go around screwing with people's heads like this!"
"But Hav--!"
"Just shut up Mustang. I'm going to go talk to Ed. Someone has to tell him what an ass you are," I reply nastily as I leave he room.
Ah, now that felt good. Dissing Mustang is very fun. It looks as if my plan has worked, even though it wasn't really me who Ed caught with the Colonel. Eh, it still works though. I wonder how my chibi's feeling… The same way I felt when I caught him with Mustang most likely. I suppose I should go to him with wide arms in order to comfort his poor, broken heart. I can make him see how much of a bastard Mustang is. Stealing my chibi… How dare he…
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A/N: Ew, this chapter's so short… But it's better than nothing, right? The next one will be longer though. And better. As you can probably tell, I don't like Roy much. That's why I was kinda mean to 'im…. Everyone's so out of character in this… Oh well… Please review to tell me what ya thought about it.