Chapter 2
Xander, Anya, Riley, and Buffy were enjoying a couple's night in Xander's basement. The guys sat on the old couch and their girlfriends were on the floor in front of them. Anya, Xander, and Riley were watching a movie, while Buffy sat with a textbook in her arms studying.
"Wish I had something food-like to offer you guys, but the hot plate's out of commission," Xander said.
"We think the cat peed on it," added Anya.
"I do have Spaghetti-O's. Set 'em on top of the dryer and you're a fluff cycle away from lukewarm goodness."
Riley shrugged. "Hmm... yeah. I had dryer food for lunch."
All four looked up at the ceiling as they heard a door slam.
Xander sighed as he said, "Ah, I guess the folks are back."
Angry voices could be heard through the ceiling, and Xander, Anya, and Riley looked at each other uncomfortably, while Buffy continued to study, oblivious.
The yelling continued upstairs, accompanied by a loud bang and plaster falling from the ceiling. Anya got the brunt of it and coughed as she brushed dust off herself with her good arm.
Trying to make things a little less uncomfortable, Xander again tried to make a joke. "Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place. Something a little nicer. Buffy, you've been to Hell, they have one-bedrooms, right?"
Riley laughed at Xander's joke, and then noticed Buffy hadn't been paying attention at all. "Hey, Buffy, how's that book? Full of zippy dates and zesty names?"
Buffy barely registered Riley's question, and answered with her standard, "I'm fine."
Riley sighed and leaned forward, reaching over Buffy's shoulders and placing his hands over the pages of her book.
"Heeeey!" she protested, "I'm enjoying the studying."
"Who are you lately?" he asked her. "Give it up and watch the movie." He was chalking it up to Mr. Giles' influence. This new training thing was just not right, Riley thought.
"I guess it has been a long day with the crusades. I can take a little break from the violence for some," Buffy said as she finally looked up to see an old kung-fu movie. "Oh, fighting."
"Incompetently-dubbed kung fu. Our most valuable Chinese import," Xander added.
"Much more durable than their hot plates," Anya chirped in.
Riley, still thinking of Buffy and Mr. Giles, decided to be territorial and leaned forward to rub Buffy's shoulders. "Just relax."
"Mm... That feels good. Almost as good as Giles' backrubs ... he rubbed my shoulders when I fell training yesterday... ow, Riley, that hurt!"
Riley realized how hard he'd squeezed her at her mention of Giles and let go. "Sorry."
The group sat in an awkward silence for a few more moments, before Riley got up. "I've got to go. Sorry."
Buffy stood up as well. "What? Why? I thought this was a hang-out night?"
"I just... I have to go." Riley walked out the basement, leaving his friends confused.
"Sorry, guys, I'm gonna go find out what's wrong," Buffy apologized, following Riley out.
-----
Riley walked down the street quickly, his thoughts dark.
"Riley! Riley, wait up!" Buffy yelled, running to catch up with him. "What is wrong with you?" she asked when she finally did.
"What is wrong with me? Buffy... I just... never mind."
"No, don't never mind me, Riley. What's wrong?" Buffy stepped in front of Riley and stood with her hands on her hips, looking up at him expectantly.
"What's wrong? You're... you're spending way too much time with Mr. Giles, Buffy. I don't like it."
Buffy looked up at Riley in surprise. "What do you mean, 'too much time'? We're training... he's helping me."
"Training, right," Riley snorted, and stepped around Buffy, walking away again.
Buffy again sped up to step in front and stop him. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means it's not normal for a man that old to be spending so much time with a girl as young as you. You're my girlfriend."
Buffy's jaw dropped. This she wasn't expecting. "You think Giles and I... Riley! He's my watcher! And god, possessive much?"
"What exactly does Mr. Giles watch, Buffy?"
"Riley!"
"Oh, come on, Buffy... he's always around you, and you said he was massaging you... god..."
Buffy cut him off. "Do you think I would do that to you? You think I'm capable of cheating on you? Is that how little you trust me? And Giles... I couldn't do this without him. He's not up to anything, he's... my partner in all this, you know, watcher, slayer."
Riley snorted. "Shouldn't I be your partner?"
Buffy sighed. Why didn't he just get it? "Yes, you are... but in the slaying... this is different. I need Giles."
"You have me, Buffy," Riley protested.
"Yes, I do. But please, Riley... Giles has to fit in there too. I can't do this without him."
'Yeah, right,' he thought. "Okay, Buffy, I... I trust you."
"Thanks... I think."
The couple walked down the street together, slightly wary of each other.
-----
Smoke drifted around the dark cavern, dimly lit by a few candles and a fire under the large caldron. A murky yellow liquid bubbled and smoked ominously.
A demon in a large, billowy robe stood over the caldron and pulled the hood away from his face revealing a strange cracked brown skin with an eerie yellow luminescence. His eyes glowed with evil glee as he spoke.
"The last step in thy forging is my pain... the price with which I purchase... the death of the slayer."
He raised his hand and plunged it and the rod he held into the bubbling liquid, screaming in pain.
-----
"Hey, we're just looking. Rent's way high, so don't get your hopes all carbonated," Xander said, leading Anya to his prospective apartment.
"But you have references," Anya said hopefully.
"No, I have Albert, which is me doing an important voice," he responded.
Anya rolled her eyes as she opened the door and they walked into the apartment.
Xander looked around in awe, and disappointment. There was no way he could afford this.
"I want it. Pay anything." Anya demanded.
Before Xander could reply, the apartment manager entered. "Xander Harris?" She stopped at the sight of the young woman and the young man in a bright, garish Hawaiian shirt, looking more like a skateboarder than she would have liked.
"Hey. I brought a friend."
"Ah," she responded.
Anya walked to the center of the room, gesturing. "We can have the Scooby meetings in the living room, and... and Giles can explain the boring things over there."
"Phone and electricity are hooked up. There's a private balcony, ceiling fan, closet space..." the apartment manager began, reciting and pointing, "and that's the bedroom."
Anya walked up behind Xander. "I like it. Pay anything."
"Anya..."
"I brought an application for you to fill out," the apartment manager said, holding out a piece of paper for Xander. We run your credit check based on the application."
Xander's eyes widened. "Oh! Credit check. Little check on the credit. See how credible my checks are."
Anya spoke up for her boyfriend. "He'll take it. Xander, go get the furniture, I'll wait here." She walked towards the woman and leaned in, "He's been living in his drunken parents' basement where something urinated on the hot plate."
Xander plastered a huge, fake smile on his face, saying, "I guess I'll just start on that application. I think you'll like it. I've been told I have lovely penmanship."
-----
Giles sat on the floor of his newly acquired magic shop, sorting out boxes that had come with the shop. He pulled one in front of him, reading the label, "miscellaneous curses." He laughed, stood up, and picked the box up to rest it on the counter. "Brilliant. Be lucky if I don't curse my hands off at the wrist."
Hearing a noise, he turned, to be confronted by a large, glowy, brown demon. "Oh!"
The demon looked disdainfully at Giles before speaking. "The slayer is not here."
Giles panicked and reached into the curses box, picking up an item at random and holding it between him and the demon. "Rabbit's foot, no, wait..." he reached back into the box for something more menacing but the demon pushed the box off the counter and away from Giles. He looked around and grabbed the first item of substance he noticed, a large wooden figure. He held it up as if to strike the demon.
The demon didn't even blink. "That is a fertility god. Feeble man, you are not going to distract me..."
Giles brought the figure down onto the demon's head, and the demon stumbled backwards slightly. Giles kept swinging, trying to bring down the large demon.
Getting bored with the man's attempts to fight, the demon pushed Giles into the boxes scattered on the floor. "You are not the Slayer. You do not concern me," he said as he walked out, cape flowing behind him.
Giles watched him leave, and then let his head hit the floor with a groan. He couldn't help but think of Buffy's comment about the life expectancy of a Sunnydale magic shop owner. He'd never hear the end of this.
-----
"Like this... and this... and this..." Giles said, as he imitated his fight with the demon earlier, holding the carved figure.
Riley, Willow, Buffy, and Xander sat around him looking for information on the demon in the books.
"That thing's pretty heavy," Riley said, watching the older man.
"That's Oofdar," Willow added, "Goddess of childbirth. She's got some nice heft to her."
Giles smiled at Willow.
Buffy looked up at Giles, "How badly did you hurt him?"
Giles sort of winced before responding, "Well, hurt, uh... maybe not... hurt..."
Willow smiled at Giles, "Well, I'm sure he was startled."
Giles grinned. "Uh, yes, yes I'd imagine it gave him, uh, rather a turn."
Buffy grinned too. "He ran away, huh?"
"Um, sort of more..." Giles paused, then continued, "Uh... turned and swept out majestically, I suppose. He said I didn't concern him."
Buffy nodded. "So a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe?"
Giles snorted, "Well, I'm not dead or unconscious, so I say bravo for me."
Willow got excited, and held up her book. "Some good demons in this one. See if your guy's in here."
Giles walked over and took the book from her.
Xander looked up from his book to muse, "So you bought the magic shop and you were attacked before it opened. Who's up for a swingin' chorus of the 'we told you so' symphony?"
Riley stood holding the Oofdar statue, trying to look manly. "Owning this place does seem kind of dangerous," he said, not that he minded. He didn't like Mr. Giles anyway.
"Toth."
The group turned to look at Giles.
"Toth is the name of the demon." He looked up in time to see Xander playing with a crystal. "Be careful with that."
Xander put it down slowly, grinning sheepishly at the others.
"Ancient demon," Giles continued, once Xander had put down the crystal. "Very strong. Last survivor of the Tothric clan. It also says that for a demon he's unusually sophisticated."
Buffy moved to sit beside Giles, looking at the picture of the demon. "Sophisticated? So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off?"
Giles glared at Buffy. "They're referring to the fact that he does not fight bare-handed." He looked down at the book and continued reading. "He uses tools, devices. Oh, he's also supposed to be very focused. And since he mentioned the Slayer, I think we know what the focus is."
Riley stopped swinging the statue. "He mentioned Buffy? Where do we find him, and how hard can I kill him?"
Buffy leaned closer to Giles and rolled her eyes, sick of Riley's possessiveness. She dropped her head into her hands. Without even thinking about it, or looking at Buffy, Giles put a hand on her shoulder and continued reading.
"Well, there's no mention of the types of places he might frequent, but..." he closed the book and stood up, "I have an idea." He started pacing, "He had a very specific olfactory presence."
Xander closed his book and stood up. "Well, I guess we're off to the old factory. I hate that place." He looked around at the eye rolls and groans his statement had garnered. "I'm joking. I know what it means. He smelled." He looked to Giles for confirmation, "right?"
Giles nodded at Xander.
"Some demon rituals involve anointing with oils. Was it sort of... sandalwoody?" Willow asked.
Giles made a face, before responding, "Um, not even remotely. But he was very, um... distinctive."
-----
"The city dump. Where smells go to relax and be themselves," Buffy said, walking around the huge mounds of trash, holding an ax. Giles, Riley, Xander, and Willow followed her.
Willow meekly stepped carefully behind the men. "I found a spell so you can't smell anything, but it does it by taking your nose off, so... no," she said, disappointed.
All five heads turned at the sound of someone rooting around, surprised to see Spike with a battered grocery cart, adding to his previous selections.
Riley raised his crossbow and pointed it at Spike. "What are you doing here?"
Spike stood up, holding a mannequin arm. "Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap. What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?" He emphasized his statement by holding up a small lamp in his other hand.
"Very pretty," Willow responded.
Giles decided to try to get information from him. "Spike, um... we're looking for a demon. Um... tall, robed, skin sort of...glowing. Deep voice?"
"You mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?" he asked, pointing behind them.
All five Scoobies turned to see Toth standing behind them. Toth raised his arm, holding a rod with fire flashing out of it. All of them ducked.
"Big guy! Kick her ass!" Spike yelled.
Toth fired in Buffy and Xander's direction, and they dodged the bolt. Instead, it shattered Spike's lamp.
"Oh, very nice!" Spike yelled, angry. "I was on your side!"
Toth ignored Spike and fired again.
"Watch out!" Xander yelled. He pushed Buffy behind him, and the blast caught him in the chest. He flew backwards into the trash, and the others scrambled over to help him.
"Hey, you okay?" Riley asked, concerned.
"I'm okay," Xander replied, sitting up.
"Buffy... he's gone," Willow said, seeing no sign of the demon.
"I'm fine," Xander said, still dazed.
"Easy, easy," Riley told him, helping him out of the trash. Giles moved to Xander's other side and helped ease him up.
Riley scanned the perimeter. "He disappeared."
"Take it slowly," Giles warned Xander as they walked off, not noticing another Xander lying in the trash.
-----
The smells were terrible... the basement sucked, but it usually didn't smell this bad...even with the hot plate. And the flies... he screwed up his face and then yawned. "Anya, you trying to use the hot plate again?"
He opened his eyes, noting how bright it was... and open. He looked around, realizing that he was still at the dump. "Uh-oh."
-----
Xander reached his parent's basement and started to go around to what he considered his 'private entrance' to the hovel, and found it locked.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, he started knocking. "Anya? An?"
No answer. Getting frustrated that no one was answering his knocks, he kicked the door, only to wince in pain. He hobbled up the steps and kneeled next to the closest window, peering inside.
Instead of Anya, he saw a man, shirtless, in khaki's coming his hair in front of a mirror. "Oh, my god!" he exclaimed. He leaned in closer and realized when the man turned that he looked just like him... "What? No way! Who is... me?"
Xander got up and started for the sidewalk, muttering, "What am I doing in there? Buffy. Need Buffy."
Before he even reached the front yard he tripped over his own feet and landed on the pavement.
-----
Xander frantically fished in his pockets for a quarter, and finally found something. He pulled it out into view. "Oooh! I found a quarter! I found a quarter!" he cheered and put in his newly found quarter in the phone, dialing Buffy's number. As it started to ring he began to chant, "Come on, Buffy."
He started getting antsy and as he was turning and scanning the street he noticed his neatly dressed double walking in his direction. Xander ducked and leaned further into the pay phone.
"Hello?" Buffy finally answered. Xander debated answering Buffy or following his double, and opted to follow. He hung up the phone without responding.
-----
Buffy shrugged as she hung up the phone in her bedroom, and turned back to Riley. "They hung up." She picked up an ax and moved to where Riley sat on her bed. Beside him was an open bag of weapons.
"Well, if this guy wants to fight with weapons, I've got it covered from A to Z. From ax to... zee other ax." Buffy noted how tense Riley seemed. "Relax. Another day, another demon."
"Right, it'll be good," he tersely replied.
"Hey," Buffy said, moving the weapons out of the way and leaning over her boyfriend, going in for the kiss in an attempt to pacify her boyfriend.
Riley stopped her. "You didn't tell me how your doctor's appointment went."
Buffy got up from Riley's lap and sat on the bed beside him. "It didn't. But I'm feeling much better. Probably no reason to go."
"Probably not." He agreed. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "So..."
"So..." Buffy echoed.
"I should probably go... let you get ready to do..."
"Yeah," she agreed.
-----
Xander, still in his grimy, smelly clothes from the night before, had followed the double to his work site. He was spying on him the primo spot behind the Port-a-potty. He watched as the boss came and asked the double to meet with him in his trailer. "Welcome to payback, Mister Evil-plan-face-stealer. You take my life, you get my being fired absolutely free."
At that moment the door of the porta potty flew open and smacked Xander in the face.
Still rubbing his face, Xander made his way to the trailer. He tried to watch the meeting through a window, but it was too high. He kept jumping up and down, but couldn't get long enough glimpses inside to be able to tell what was going on. He looked around and decided to lay a board over some equipment so he could stand on something and look inside.
Once he was at window level, he saw and heard the boss asking Xander... the double, to stay on and head up a team at another job... and he saw the double flashing a silver... magic, do-hickey, obviously brainwashing the boss.
"Promotion? But I... I mean, he didn't... Doesn't he see the shiny thing?" He started gesturing a little too wildly and fell off his perch.
-----
Xander followed his evil double to the apartment building he'd looked at yesterday, and lurked a safe distance after him. After the door closed behind the double he leaned his ear against it, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation between the suave "demon" version of himself and the apartment manager.
"I was going to call you, Mr. Harris, let you know your credit checked out fine, but... I really didn't think you'd be back. I'm sure you'll like the building... I think someone said you're currently in your parents' basement?"
He cringed as he heard the double respond with, "Right. There comes a point where you either have to move on, or just buy yourself a Klingon costume and... go with it."
The apartment manager laughed at the joke and responded, "Well, I hope you'll be happy here, Mr. Harris. We're certainly happy to have you."
"Thank you."
"And if you... need anything... day, or night... please. Call me. I, um... I'm leaving my home number here..."
Back in the hallway, Xander couldn't believe his ears, "She's coming on to him... me! Please, lady, that is so not me. He's too clean for one thing. And his socks are all matchy."
As the door opened he leapt aside and out of the way, rushing to hide around the corner as the apartment manager walked out.
After she'd gone, Xander creeped back to the door and leaned against it again, just in time to hear evil Xander on the phone. "Anya, you there? Look, I know you're still mad, but... I figure you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home but listening anyway... Look, I have something to show you. Meet me at the apartment. You know the one. Nine o'clock"
Xander again scurried around the corner as he heard the other Xander walk towards the door.
As the double walked down the hallway, Xander tackled him, yelling, "I won't let you do this!" Both Xanders got up and the suave one punched the scruffier one, who dropped to the floor.
Xander got up, still yelling, "You can't do this to me!"
The suaver of the two ran away, leaving the other with his hands over his face and groaning.
"Oh, man, I need Buffy."
-----
The rain poured in Sunnydale that night and Xander, still in the dirty, smelly clothes he'd woken up in, trudged around in the rain, searching for Buffy. He ended up in front of Giles' apartment, and peeked through the small window by the door.
He could overhear the conversation inside, and was just in time to hear the suave, too good to be true version of himself describe their encounter earlier. "No, no. He looked exactly like me."
Buffy, Giles, and Riley stood around listening to him as he continued, "it stole my face. We have to find it, and we have to kill it."
Still getting rained on, he shielded his eyes and kept watching, chanting a new mantra of, "She sees it's not me, please, Buffy... resist his spell. Do this for me."
Instead of listening to him outside the window, he heard Buffy reassure the slick Xander. "Don't worry, Xander. Whatever stole your face, it has to deal with the slayer now."
-----
Xander quickly ran through the halls to Willow's dorm room, still soaking wet from the rain. As soon as he reached her door he flung it open and dashed in, surprising her.
"Don't be scared, Will. Just listen. It's me, Xander. And I can prove it," he continued.
"Um... okay," she responded, confused and deciding to just go with it. She sat down on the bed and looked at Xander expectantly.
"Let's see..." he began, and started pacing. "Stuff only you and me know. Okay! On my seventh birthday... I wanted a toy fire truck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and then real fire trucks came, and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me," he grinned at her. Willow just stared at him, so he paced a bit more.
"Oh!" He pointed at Willow excitedly. "Every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy Dance."
Xander proceeded to do the 'Snoopy Dance' for Willow, complete with jumps and a silly smile. Willow watched for a moment before getting up and walking to him, smiling.
"Xander, stop dancing."
"Aha! You called me Xander!"
"Xander, shut up! Why wouldn't I think you were Xander?" she asked, confused.
"Oh, huh," he responded.
She looked at him, concerned. "What's going on?"
Xander sighed. "Okay. I woke up in the dump this morning."
"Xander, the basement isn't a dump. It... it's more like a really nice hovel," Willow reassured him.
"No. The dump. The city dump. I got hit last night, fall down boom, woke up this morning."
"Nuh uh! We walked you home last night, remember?" Willow said, sitting back down on the bed.
"You walked? Will, did I do anything weird? Did I wave any shiny things around?"
"Shiny things? What are you talking about?"
Xander was getting agitated. "Last night, that wasn't me. There's a double out there. Some... thing... has stolen my face, and it's going around pretending to be me, and it's hypnotizing people. It even got Buffy and Giles and Riley."
-----
Giles was walking around his living room, book in hand, talking to Xander, Riley, and Buffy. "What's intriguing me is that there are any number of demons with the ability to mimic a simple form, but, uh... this sounds like more than that."
"Hold up," said the slick Xander, clearly upset. "Do we really have to figure out what it is? Let's just go kill it."
"Yeah," agreed Riley. "When the imposter's killed, the body'll probably turn back into whatever it really is, and then we'll know."
"Toth!" Buffy blurted. Everyone turned to look at her. "The demon with the creepy stick thing."
Xander nodded. "Toth."
"It's gotta be," Buffy continued. "He hit Xander with that blast, and somehow it allowed him to take Xander's form. Couldn't that be what the creepy stick thing did?"
Giles nodded thoughtfully. "Yes... I suppose, yes, yes, it makes sense. A shape-shifting device," he said absentmindedly, moving towards his bookshelves.
Xander agreed again, "It does make sense. It must be Toth," he said forcefully.
-----
Scruffy Xander sat on the bed beside Willow, ringing out his wet socks while Willow made a scrunched up face beside him. He was still ranting angrily.
"It's a robot. It's an evil robot constructed from evil parts designed to do evil."
"Uh huh. Or it's Toth," Willow contributed.
Xander, still wringing out clothing, stopped to punctuate his statement with a pointed finger. "Or, it's Toth."
-----
Buffy stood up, ready for action. "I was gonna look for Toth anyway. Guess now I start... looking for you," she told Xander.
"Should I go with you?" he asked. "I... told Anya to meet me at my new place. I'd feel a whole lot better knowing she's safe from this creep."
Buffy nodded at him. "Go, be with her. I, I mean, if you were out there looking for the double too..." she looked at Riley, then back at Xander, "let's just say that I wouldn't wanna kill the wrong one."
"Good thinking," Xander agreed.
-----
"A demon has taken my life from me, and he's living it better than I do," Xander said, agitated, pacing Willow's dorm, his wrung out Hawaiian shirt in his hands.
Willow, sitting on the bed, winced as some water from Xander's shirt splashed into her face. Gingerly, she wiped the water off her face. "Why would a demon want to live your life?" Willow looked at Xander's face, defeat written all over it and decided to get back on track. "Well, we're working on it. There has to be a way to get to Buffy to... unhypnotize her. I'll find a spell to snap her out of it," she said as she stood up and walked over to her bookcase.
Bitterly, Xander responded, "Right, whatever."
Willow turned back to him, "Xander, you have to help me figure this out, you know."
"But I never help," he whined. "I get in trouble and Buffy saves me."
"That's not true! Sometimes we all help save you," Willow protested, and then realized how that sounded, and tried to make him feel better by adding, "and sometimes you're not in trouble."
Both looked at each other and sat on the bed again.
"This demon, he's taking my life, and everyone's treating him... everyone's treating him like a grown-up! Will, I'm starting to feel like...I don't know, maybe I should just let him have it. Take my life, please."
Willow stood up, and put her hands on Xander's shoulders. "Xander, no! You're just tired, and... and all soggy. That's why it seems so hard, but you can't let him just take your whole existence."
"Why not?" he asked. "It's not like I was doing anything so great with it. No, what have I got that's even worth..." Xander's eyes widened. "Anya!"
-----
Xander, still dripping and in the dirty Hawaiian shirt and red pants, burst into Anya's apartment, searching for his girlfriend. "Anya? An?" Looking around, he realized no one was there. He walked over to the answering machine and pushed the button, after noticing the blinking light indicating a message. He listened in horror to the message his other self left for his girlfriend. He searched the apartment, rummaging through drawers looking for something.
"It's gotta be here, where is it?"
-----
Inside Xander's new apartment, Anya stood on a blanket on the floor, a picnic basket open at her feet. Xander, still dressed uncharacteristically nice, was opening a bottle of wine in the kitchen.
"You're lying. It's a trick."
"No, trust me," he said, gathering the wine and two glasses, bringing them out to the blanket.
"You really got this apartment?" she asked.
"I really did. And do you know why?"
Anya looked around her at the various features of the apartment. "The ceiling fans? Very attractive."
"No," he responded, sitting down on the blanket. "It's because I knew you wanted it. It's all for you."
Anya smiled and sat down on the blanket beside him. They looked at each other for a moment before moving closer to kiss.
"Anya, you didn't see me today, did you? I mean, we didn't talk?" he asked her nervously.
"What do you mean?" she asked, confused. I just got your phone message, that's all."
"Good."
They smiled again, and leaned in to kiss some more, only to be interrupted when the door flew open and a very angry looking, very dirty, grimy looking Xander rushed in, screaming, "Get away from her!"
"Xander!" Anya yelled. She and the Xander she'd been kissing stood up.
Anya looked from the doorway to the man standing beside her. "Xander?"
The Xander beside her spoke. "Get out. You don't belong here."
"Anya, it's me," the dirty Xander responded.
Anya looked from one to the other, and started walking towards the other Xander, but the one next to her stopped her. "It's a demon. He stole my face, he's trying to trick you."
"Anya, you know I'm me, right?" the one in the blue shirt asked.
"No!" the other one responded.
Anya moved closer to blue shirted Xander, looking warily at the other one. "What is it? Make it go away," she demanded.
-----
Riley leaned over Giles' desk, looking at a map of Sunnydale. "So you're thinking we split up?"
"Yeah," Buffy responded. "You check out the places where he might try and go and blend in as Xander. I'll check the places where Toth might hang out."
The front door flew open and Willow entered.
Giles looked up from the books he was browsing, irritated. "I swear, this time I know I had that locked."
Willow ignored Giles and spoke to Buffy. "Buffy, Toth looks like Xander."
"We already know. We're on our way," Riley said.
"Wait a second," Buffy said, thinking. "How did you know about this?"
"He came to me. I-I mean, Xander did. And he's in terrible shape, we need to help him," Willow responded.
"He came to us, too," Riley said.
"No," Willow protested. "We each had a Xander. I mean... you didn't have a Xander, you had a, a demon in a Xander suit."
Buffy was confused. "What makes you so sure that yours is the right one?"
"He knew stuff!" Willow blurted. "He, he did the Snoopy Dance. Buffy, it was Xander, and he needs us."
"Oh, dear Lord," Giles muttered from his position by the bookcase. The others ignored him.
"Buffy," Riley asked, "Our Xander, did he seem a little..."
"He seemed kind of forceful and confident," Buffy replied thoughtfully.
"That's not Xander," Willow said.
Giles spoke louder. "I said, 'Oh, dear Lord'."
"You always say that," replied Buffy, with a shrug of her shoulders.
"Well, it's always important," he retorted, giving Buffy a glare as he walked towards the other three. "Neither Xander is a demon."
"Um... is one of them a robot?" asked Willow.
"What? No. Um, uh, the rod device, it's called a ferula-gemina. It splits one person in half, distilling personality traits into two separate bodies," Giles said, beginning his lecture. "As near as I can tell, Toth was attempting to split the slayer into two different entities," he continued, handing the book to Willow.
"Two Buffys?" Buffy asked.
"Yes. One with all the qualities inherent in Buffy Summers, and the other one with everything that belongs to the slayer alone... the, uh, the-the strength, the, uh, speed, the heritage. And when it hit Xander, I think it separated him into his strongest points and his weakest."
"But which one's the real one?" Riley asked.
"They're both real. They're both Xander. Neither one of them is evil. There's nothing in either of them that our Xander doesn't already possess," Giles said.
"I still don't get the original plan," Riley asked, confused. "I mean, why do it? The slayer half would be like slayer concentrate, pretty unkillable."
"But the two halves can't exist without each other. Kill the weaker Buffy half, and the slayer half dies," Giles clarified.
"So the same goes for the Xanders. We lose one, we lose them both," Buffy said.
-----
Meanwhile, back at the Xander-pad, the scruffier one was pointing fingers. "He's the demon! Or possibly a robot. Look at me. Can't you see it's me?" he asked Anya pathetically.
"I... I don't know!" she replied, thoroughly confused.
The scruffy Xander was getting desperate. "Please! Look at him! Listen to him! He's all smooth! You have to know it's me!"
"Don't worry, Anya," the 'clean' Xander replied. "I'll get rid of this thing. I'm thinkin' this is gonna last about fifteen seconds," he said, walking towards his double.
"I'm thinkin' less," he replied, pulling out Anya's gun.
"No!" Anya screamed, moving and placing herself between the two Xanders. "No! Don't shoot him!"
She ran toward the Xander pointing the gun and pushed his arm up toward the ceiling, and the second Xander came up behind her and grabbed his hands, all three fighting for the gun.
-----
Buffy and Riley were in Giles' new car, racing to Xander's apartment.
"Can't this thing go any faster?" Buffy asked impatiently.
"We're pushing 70," Riley responded, calm and in control behind the wheel.
Buffy looked forward, focusing on the road, thinking. Finally, she turned to Riley. "Riley, do you wish..."
"No," he quickly responded.
"No? You don't even know what I was gonna say."
"Yes, I do. You wanted to know if I wished you got hit by the ferula-gemina, got split in two," he responded.
"Well," Buffy began, "You have been kind of rankly about the whole slayer gig. Instead of having slayer Buffy, you could have Buffy Buffy."
Riley responded, "Hey, I have Buffy Buffy. Being the slayer's part of who you are. You keep thinking I don't get that, but..."
"Do you?" she asked.
"Yes, I do," he responded, crankily. "I gotta have that. I gotta have it all. I'm talkin' toes, elbows, the whole bad ice skating movie obsession, everything. There's no part of you I'm not in love with," he told her.
"But you don't trust me."
"I do, I told you that."
"But you still assumed Giles and I were having an affair... you said you trust me, but I'm not sure you really do... or know what it means for me to be the Slayer."
"I do."
"You don't."
"I do... look, can we not do this now, Buffy?"
Buffy turned and looked out the window, uneasy. "We'd better get there soon. If Xander kills himself, he's dead... you know what I mean."
Riley nodded.
-----
"Let go! I have to kill the demon-bot!" the scruffy Xander yelled, still struggling to get the gun.
With a loud thud, the gun fell to the floor, and the blue shirted Xander grabbed it first. "Anya, get out of the way."
Anya stood where she was in front of the other Xander, not willing to move.
Buffy and Riley rushed into the apartment, appalled at the scene in front of them.
"Xander!" Buffy said.
Riley closed the door behind him and stepped forward, ready to help diffuse the situation.
"All right, Buffy, I have him," suave Xander said.
"No!" the other Xander protested. "Buffy! I'm me! Help me!"
Anya pointed to the gun, yelling, "My gun! He's got my gun!"
"You own a gun?" Riley asked, incredulous.
"Xander," Buffy interrupted... then reconsidered. "Gun-holding Xander," she clarified. "Give me the gun."
Both Xanders just looked at Buffy, and finally Suave Xander caved and gave Buffy the gun.
"Which one's real?" Anya asked, hoping Buffy and Riley knew what was going on.
Buffy handed the gun to Riley.
"I am."
"No, I am."
Before the two Xanders could begin fighting again, Buffy stepped between them, and flinging them both across the room into the kitchen counter.
Anya, Riley, and Buffy walked up to the counter to examine the two men.
"Wild," Riley says.
"You've been split in two," Buffy said. "But you're both Xander. And you can't kill each other. Um, well, you could, but it would be really bad."
They looked at each other in disgust.
"NO way."
"He can't be me! He's all... fancy."
Riley interrupted the denials. "We can prove that you're both Xander."
"Yeah!" Buffy agreed, then paused. "How?"
"Um..." Riley responded. "Well, there has to be a way," Riley mused.
"Ooh! What number am I thinking of?" Buffy asked.
Both Xanders, in unison, replied, "Eleven and a half."
"Wrong," Buffy said, then, "Oh, but see?"
"No," scruffy Xander said, "We're not the same. We're all different."
Riley jumped in with an explanation. "Different properties went into each of you, but you're both Xander.
"Different properties?" Anya asked.
"What different properties?" scruffy Xander asked.
Buffy didn't want to hurt Xander's feelings, so she responded with, "Uh, you know, uh, sense of direction... good night vision, stuff like that."
A light bulb went on inside Scruffy Xander's head. "Oh, but he as a thingy! In his pocket! A shiny disk that stuns and disorients!"
The other Xander reached into his pocket, confused. "What disk? This?" the suave Xander asked, holding out the small silver disk.
"It'll melt your brain!" scruffy Xander yelled as he covered his eyes.
Buffy took the disk from suave Xander, and Anya and Riley leaned in to see what it was.
"Look," Buffy said, holding out the disk.
Suave Xander added, "It's a nickel someone flattened on the railroad track. I found it on the construction site and I thought it was cool. It's not magic."
Scruffy Xander uncovered his eyes and took the disk from Buffy. "No, I... huh. It is kinda cool."
"Okay, isn't anyone gonna tell me why there are two Xanders?" Anya asked.
"I will, on the way to Giles'" Buffy said. "Let's go."
As they moved to leave, the door crashed in and Toth flowed in majestically, billowy robes and all.
"Oh, great. Rod boy," Buffy said.
"I will not miss again, Slayer," the demon said as he took aim with the ferula-gemina.
Buffy and Riley dove away, and Toth missed Buffy, causing a hole in the carpet.
"Hey, I just made a small cleaning deposit!" suave Xander protested.
Riley doubled back behind Toth, and jumped on him, forcing him to drop the rod. Toth flung Riley off of him, and Riley got back up, throwing punches at the huge demon. Buffy kicked Toth a few times before he pushed her away. Buffy immediately went for Toth again, landing more kicks and a few punches, and bringing him down.
"Sword!" she commanded. Riley went for the bag of weapons and found the sword, throwing it to Buffy. She caught it and stabbed Toth without hesitation.
He screamed loudly, and then fell limply to the floor.
-----
Inside the new magic shop, both Xanders stood side by side, dressed in the same tacky outfit that Xander was wearing when he got hit by Toth's rod. The three girls, Willow, Anya, and Buffy stood in a line in front of them, studying the two men.
Giles worked on the floor, hunched over and making the required mystical markings in chalk on the floor for the reintegration spell.
"Look," pointed Buffy, looking closely at the two men. "There's a scar there," she pointed at Xander one's forehead, and then pointing to Xander two's forehead, said, "and there's the same one right there."
"It's all double," agreed Willow. "This zit, and this... kinda funny dippy thing. And this weird little hair that grows in the wrong way," she said, pointing at the offending features.
"Okay, back off ladies!" one of the Xander's said, getting uncomfortable.
Riley spoke up from his perch on the stairs. "Psychologically, this is fascinating. Doesn't it make everyone wanna lock them in separate rooms and do experiments on them?"
No one responded, but they all gave him a funny look.
Riley looked down, and rubbed his hands together awkwardly. "Just me, then."
Anya turned back to the Xanders, curious. "So... you Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same," she looked down, and then back up for eye contact, "Physical attributes?" She giggled softly.
"We're completely identical."
"Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over... fingerprints."
Anya turned to the others. This double Xander thing was intriguing to her. "Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and... we can all have sex together, and... you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning."
Giles' eyes widened, and then he suppressed a shudder at the images Anya's words conjured.
"She's joking," one of the Xanders said.
"No, she's not," the other one disagreed. "She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is... wrong, and, and it would be very confusing."
Giles got up from his task on the floor, finished with the lines needed to perform the spell. "Uh, uh, we just need to light candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk."
"Check," Willow responded. "Candles and pretense."
"It's not like it'd be cheating," Anya protested. "They're both Xander." Behind her, Giles paused as if pondering that thought, and then tried to not shudder again.
"We're ready. We should do it now," Willow said, clapping her hands together.
"What'll we do if this doesn't work?" Anya asked.
In unison, the two Xanders replied, "Kill us both, Spock!" and then collapsed into a silly laugh.
"They're... kinda the same now," Buffy pointed out.
"Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself," Giles said, rolling his eyes.
The Xanders were getting impatient, one of them said, "Hey, summon the goddess. Chant the chant. Let's do it."
"Actually, it's not that hard," Willow replied. "Your natural state is to be together. Toth's spell is doing all the work of keeping you apart. I just have to break it. So you two... stand right here."
Both Xanders closed their eyes.
"Let the spell be ended," she simply said.
"You gotta be kidding. 'Let the spell be ended', that's not gonna work," Xander said, opening his eyes and realizing he was the only Xander present. "Oh!"
Willow smiled proudly.
"I like it the other way. Put him back," Anya said.
Buffy and Giles both raised their eyebrows and looked at each other, and couldn't help grinning.
-----
The next day, in Xander's basement, Xander and Riley were carrying boxes out, while Anya sat on a stool reading a magazine, ignoring the work going on around her.
Buffy walked in, and passed Anya. She picked up another box and stopped as she passed Anya again.
"Anya, I see you've joined the non-injured crowd," she said.
Anya smiled. "Yes, I'm feeling better. And I anticipate many years before my death. Excepting disease or airbag failure."
Buffy smiled tightly. "That sounds nice," she said, walking off with her box.
Xander walked up to Anya with a box, holding it out for her.
She tossed the magazine aside and got excited. "Ooh! Presents?"
"Not unless you want my collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates. Which you cannot have. I just thought you could help carry a little." Xander responded.
Anya pouted at Xander. "Me? Buffy has super strength. Why don't we just load her up like one of those little horses?"
"Anya, please."
Anya slid of the stool, still pouting. "Fine. I'm just your slave," she muttered as she took the box and walked it out of the basement.
Xander watched her go, and then turned to Riley, who was watching too.
"How is it that she can always make me feel SuaveXander's left the building?" he asked Riley.
"You two have your friction, but... she digs the whole package. It's obvious," Riley responded, a bit sadly.
"Still, I do envy you sometimes," Xander said, and Riley looked up at him in surprise. Xander continued, "I mean for the sanity. Not that I'm still into Buffy," and he quickly amended that statement with, "not that I ever was."
Riley grinned at Xander's discomfort. "Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am. Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like... I... I don't even know how to describe it," he said, continuing packing. A rueful smile crossed his face, and he looked up at Xander, saying, "but she doesn't love me."
Xander stared in disbelief at his friend, not knowing what to say. Buffy reentered and walked up to Riley.
"Got something else for me to carry?"
"Uh, you can help me pack this," Riley responded.
"Sure," she replied, going over to kiss him. After the quick, sweet kiss, she says again, "Sure."
Xander watched the two, uneasy, and confused.
-----
"Buffy... are you sure you're up for this today? How did your doctor's appointment yesterday go?" asked Giles as Buffy began her warm up in the still unfinished training room in the back of the newly named "Magic Box."
"Um... it didn't."
Giles stopped pouring his and Buffy's waters and looked at her, a bit angry. "What? Buffy? Why didn't..."
She interrupted him. "I was gonna go, but then you called saying you had been attacked, and I..."
"Buffy... I was fine, you should have gone and caught up with us later."
"Giles... I'm okay. Really. I'm feeling much better."
"So the dizziness and nausea has stopped?"
"Yeah, it has. You're looking at a soon to be completely healthy Buffy," she replied, going back to her warm ups.
"No... Buffy. This makes me uneasy. We... we should go now."
"I'm fine. Riley agrees with me. I don't need to see the doctor."
"I don't agree with Riley... your mother doesn't agree with Riley," Giles protested.
"What do you want me to do, Giles? I tried to reschedule."
"How hard did you try?" he asked.
Buffy squirmed under his gaze. "Not very," she admitted.
"Call. Now." Giles said.
Buffy shrugged and moved to the phone.
-----
Buffy walked out of the doctor's office with Giles to his car.
"What did she tell you?" he asked.
"Healthy Buffy. Nothing wrong." She said, then sighed. "I can't believe they gave me a pregnancy test," she muttered.
Giles looked uncomfortable. "And... and it was negative?" he asked.
"Yeah... you didn't think..."
"Well... it seemed like a possibility..." he began, and noticed Buffy's black look. "A remote possibility."
Buffy leaned back in her seat and put on the seatbelt. "Let's go... can you drop me off at Riley's?" she asked Giles.
"Of course," Giles replied, and started the car. A part of him thinking that Riley should have been the one to accompany her to her doctor's appointment and been more worried, but he didn't express his opinion to Buffy.
Giles pulled to a stop in front of Riley's apartment, and Buffy got out.
"Thanks, Giles," she said, meaning the ride, and then paused before shutting the door, and looked at him. "For everything," she added, and smiled. When he nodded she shut the door and walked up to Riley's apartment as he drove off.
End of chapter 2