Loneliness and Cowardice
A/N: After seeing a couple of prompt reviews from a couple of old reviewers and an opinion of a member of the 402 forums, I've decided to go ahead with this rather than leaving it as a one-shot.
Once again, I'm going to list a couple of facts about the story: In this universe, the coming of the 3rd Angel was in 2017. This means that all ages are advanced by two years, placing our EVA pilots at 16 years of age. This has resulted in some changes, mostly minor, to the personalities we know so well. But the major change is that our personalities that we are so used to are not the true selves of the characters. It's time for a rediscovery.
Ikari wonders why I don't have any friends. Why should I? Were I speaking to someone and they asked why I don't have friends, I would give them an answer consistent with the image that people have so long cultivated of me, the image I willingly took up to make life easier. I would tell them that it is unnecessary and a waste of energy. It is the answer the Commander would expect.
But there are many things about me that the Commander would not expect. There are many things about me that none suspect, and it is well that they do not. After all, I have no wish to relive my first memory. I do not wish to die again. So I keep them from suspecting. Like a coward, I do not fight, I merely hide in the shadows of my own mind, running from the inevitable conflict.
Rei suppressed her thoughts, knowing full well that Section 2 monitored the school, and that any hint of her introspection showing in her expression could undo her. Her crimson eyes impassive, her gaze slid across the locker room, filled with the changing girls of her class. Not for the first time, it occurred to her that, if her classmates knew that hidden cameras watched them while parabolic mikes listened to their every murmur, there would be an uproar. But it was a moot point. Body modesty was not important to her, and she was the only one who knew.
Her chlorine-faded swimsuit dropped to the floor of the locker room, exposing the skin still damp with the moisture that had been trapped beneath her suit to the air. Predictably, she felt a sudden chill which she smothered in a threadbare towel. A skilled swimmer, she had already finished her qualifications early on, and was therefore able to quickly dry, dress in the school uniform, and leave the locker room before most of the rest of the girls had finished toweling off.
Thus, she was able to walk to a secluded place where she liked to eat lunch without any worries of someone following her for any reason, not that they would have found even the most basic conversation…excluding Ikari, and only then if he had a question related to NERV.
Opening her meager lunch, she started to eat, replenishing her body's supply of chemical energy, soon to be stored as adenosine triphosphate, the molecule that all humans ran on. It was as expected of her. If she did not keep herself nourished, she would not be an effective tool.
And if I did not keep myself nourished, I would die. It seems to only get easier and easier to think on these two levels. I still wonder how it is that my two levels of thinking have not showed up in the psychological profiles that NERV has on all of its members. It would seem quite impossible for a human, or even a hybrid such as myself to hide so much from those who are trained and paid to ferret out such information.
Perhaps it is the fact that I am a hybrid that lets me think in these two levels. Perhaps it is the fact that I have lived a life before this one. Or it could be these two layers of thought that let me synchronize with the Evangelion. If the latter is true…so too does Ikari have these thoughts.
Rei looked up from her finished lunch and let her gaze sweep across the landscape, catching a glimpse of a pair of steel blue orbs averting themselves from her. She gave no sign that she noticed, simply closing her small lunch box and standing before starting to walk back towards the classroom. The bell would ring soon, and she was not one to be late.
As she walked she could feel the eyes upon her, the cameras that followed her every move. It wasn't the sort of thing that was admitted, but everyone watched the strange girl, the solitary albino with the azure hair and crimson eyes. Curiosity was always focused towards the strange and alone member of society. Rei Ayanami certainly qualified as that.
But perhaps not so alone. Ikari, do you think as I do, hiding under a mask so real that no one questions it? And if so, why? What reason could you have for sacrificing your identity? One would think that you want your fathers approval, but surely another mask would suit you better for that. So what are you hiding from? Does the Commander have a purpose for you that I am unaware of? Ikari…I wish to know much…would you tell me?
A/N: Well, a second chapter, obviously from Rei's POV. Once again, I realize that the characters don't think like this. This is a question of 'what if they did?'. You might want to pay attention to Rei's speculations in particular. She will raise a good deal of points. Anyway, if you want to actually discuss any of it with me in a method removed from reviews, feel free to mosey on over to the Apartment 402 forums and post. (Just…watch out for the zany.) I go by Kai there. Till next time.