Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Note: Very briefly, I want to remind readers this is rated 'M' and has plenty of adult-themed innuendo and frankly, bodily by-products, as well as a smidgeon of violence and gore.

CHAPTER THREE

Harry was slowly making his way back to consciousness. He was a bit confused at first since he remembered twisting and turning and falling off the couch trying to sleep through the night. But right now, he could feel he was stretched out on a large comfortable bed with jersey knit sheets and a quilt half folded underneath him. He also knew he fell asleep with his pants and boxers on. So nearest Harry could figure, he was either dreaming, or something happened while he was asleep.

All of this limited information was filtering through his subconscious, but the only thing his conscious mind could connect to, was the indescribable pleasure washing over his entire body. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Luna doing an impressive impression of a vacuum cleaner and that she was clearly the source of his body's inability to do anything but enjoy this feeling. Harry knew he had never been woken before in such a way. And he also knew, that waking up any other way would never compare. He was relaxing into her ministrations and turned his head over to the right.

There lying next to him, in the same outfit he was wearing, a T-shirt and a completely naked bottom half, was baby Luna watching Harry curiously. Baby Luna seemed to be pretending to be Harry and was kicking her cute naked baby legs up and down in the air, while making little scrunching faces. Subconsciously, Harry was scared and a bit worried about the effect this would have on the baby. Luckily, his conscious mind had firm hold on the fact that the only thing that mattered right now was Luna and her own firm hold.

Less than a minute later, Harry was grabbing and bunching the sheet and quilt below him and moaning out a girlish "mooeeyargh…ngh" Luna smiled and seemed delighted to make sure not to miss a drop. Harry's body relaxed and he fell back on the bed.

Baby Luna giggled and said "moo."

Harry was catching his breath now. "Luna. That… that was incredible. That was amazing. That was fantastic."

Luna smiled happily and started to put a diaper on baby Luna. "You're welcome, Harry."

Harry was overcome with emotion. And for the first time he shyly said, "I… I love you."

Luna cheerfully replied, "If you must."

Harry sat back up now, and saw Lionel face down on the floor in polka dot pajamas with his legs sprawled out a bit. "What happened to Lionel?"

Luna picked up baby Luna now. "Oh he's fine. I stunned him before he woke up and just rolled him out of bed. Then I levitated you in here and stripped your bottom half. Then, of course, I woke up because I'd filled another diaper. I was changing my diaper and cleaning my bottom, when I noticed your reaction in your sleep. It seems the open air or perhaps your dreams affected you, as your flesh soldier was standing at rigid attention."

Harry was blushing just listening to her and her words seemed to have an affect on his soldier too.

"At ease, Private Privates," Luna ordered. "I was hungry before. Now I'm full and going to wake Daddy. Perhaps you might want to put some pants on."

Harry was sitting up and unsure what to do about this latest development. Luna of course tackled the situation to the best of her ability and cast an Aqueous right at the offending member. When it responded with a little sizzling and steam escaping while Harry sighed contentedly, she realized this was not going to be an effective course of action. Switching to a freezing charm rather than a water charm seemed to work quite well though.

Harry jumped and yelped and was angry for a half a second, but realized the grin on his face was still plastered in place and wide. Luna could probably hit him with an unforgivable and he'd forgive her in a second. He hurried into the living room and was getting dressed while Luna levitated her father back onto the large bed.

Luna cast an Ennervate on her father and walked into the living room carrying baby Luna. Lionel woke up none the wiser to this morning's events. It was one of those things where he really wouldn't want to know. But when he walked into the living room and saw the guilty look on Harry's face and smile on grown-up Luna's he knew he was in for it. He knew his daughter pretty well, and he knew Harry was in for it now too.

Luna noticed a small bump on baby Luna. "Looks like baby Luna is getting a bruise on her head."

Lionel quickly assured her. "I didn't drop you."

Harry snapped his head towards Lionel and rather than an accusing look he saw a very guilty look. Harry raised a questioning eyebrow.

Lionel just shook his head, put his finger to his mouth and whispered "shhh" at Harry. The motion was a bit less than effective since Luna was watching their interaction. Harry just turned towards Luna smiled and shrugged.

She had her eyes narrowed on both of them while they packed up everything and got ready for the rest of the days hike.

Harry, Lionel, and both Lunas were on the move again deeper into the forest.

"So Lionel, if we don't know where the Snorkacks are, then where exactly are we going?"

"Why to places we haven't been yet." Lionel explained.

"Oh, right." Harry responded lamely. "I suppose that's one of the two places the Snorkacks might be."

"Just two?" Lionel asked with a smile.

Harry smiled back. "Sure, either they're at places we haven't been yet, or places we already have been."

Luna lightly added, "By that way of thinking, there's at least one other place they might be."

Harry paused, considering that one. They continued walking for a little while, and finally Harry broke. "Alright, I give. Where else could they be?"

Lionel smiled. "Places we've already been, and places we haven't yet been cover only the past and future. Don't overlook where you are right now."

Harry smiled with dawning comprehension. "Right, they're either where we have been, where we haven't been yet, or where we are right now. I never even considered the present."

Lionel nodded and added. "True. But I was pointing out you shouldn't overlook where you are right now."

Harry was now confused again.

Luna, still softly carrying her sleeping infant self, added, "I believe Daddy is referring to the poison ivy and poop you keep stepping through."

"Ahh crap!" Harry exclaimed noticing the path he had walked.

"Exactly," Lionel and Luna smiled and said in unison.

"Flipping newbies," Nott mumbled.

Mulciber tended to agree with Nott. Three inner circle members and three fresh recruits seemed overkill for two school kids. "I find it hard to believe the muggle-lover would leave him so unprotected. There's got to be something we're missing."

Cavanaugh shook his head. "All of our spies seem to not know where the Brat is. I wouldn't be surprised if the muggle-lover just assumes no one would find out he's even left his relatives' house."

One of the young Death Eaters asked, "So why aren't we going? He's just a kid. Let's grab him and get this over with."

"Watch yourself, Stokley," Nott warned. "We're going to start searching the forest after dusk. It will be a lot easier with the cover of darkness."

Another newbie, Harrison added, "And don't underestimate him either. How much do you even know about that kid?"

Cavanaugh guffawed. "Scared, Harrison? Does the ickle boy frighten you?"

Harrison's expression didn't change. "It has nothing to do with fear. You all know that over exposure to dark magic can corrupt a person. And that young children are more susceptible to its influence and control, right?"

Mulciber, Nott, Cavanaugh, and Stokley were all nodding, while Wayne was quietly contemplating.

"Well, what do you think the lingering effects of a killing curse cast by our Lord would do to an infant? I mean we've all heard the rumors of Potter's scar acting up, burning with pain, giving him visions." Harrison explained. "I'm just saying, it's pretty clear there's more to Potter than meets the eye. Even if he's as weak and hopeless as a squib, his track record and his luck kind of stand out."

"I heard he killed a basilisk when he was twelve." Wayne offered.

Mulciber wasn't buying it. "Oh come on. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. A twelve year old killing a basilisk."

Harrison agreed. "True, any other kid, I'd never believe that, but with Potter, I have to wonder…" Harrison shrugged unsure.

Nott pursed his lips. "He did appear to overcome our Lord in that magical light dome at his rebirth. And, for what it's worth, I do remember Lucius whining about Potter and a basilisk."

Stokley rolled his eyes. "Either you guys are failing miserably at trying to scare me, or you're all a bunch of pussies." Stokley finished shaking his head and walking away.

Mulciber smiled and gave a thumbs up. "Good news for us. If anyone gets caught or killed, it's pretty much guaranteed to be him now." Mulciber said pointing towards Stokley's retreating back.

They'd been hiking all day. Barring the one unfortunate incident where Harry got his first hands-on experience changing a diaper, it had been uneventful. And true, when Harry was holding the enormous bladder disguised as baby Luna, he did turn to Lionel while she was peeing and managed to direct her stream at her father. Turning towards grown-up Luna and accidentally re-aiming the reclining baby Luna was not met with any useful help. Harry said a silent prayer to the creator of Scourgify once again.

Grown-up Luna's minor urine dousing came with the bonus of convincing grown-up Luna to change her clothes. More silent prayers were recited to whoever came up with the idea of a butterbeer bottle cap bikini top. An additional bonus to the change of grown-up Luna's attire was that it came at the same time Harry and Lionel messed up a simple baby hand-off. Needless to say, baby Luna was dropped on her head, and both men were cursing the ease with which infants bruised.

And so now, Harry, Lionel, Luna, and Luna were seated at the dining table, all four with equally dirty bibs. Lionel went back to the refrigerated cabinet and poured the last of a green bottle of milk into his glass.

"Excuse me, Daddy," grown-up Luna asked. "But have you been drinking the milk in that bottle?"

Harry seemed to be ignoring the conversation and was doing what he had been doing all throughout dinner: trying to read the tops of the butterbeer bottle caps Luna was wearing.

Lionel frowned. "Yes. I thought we'd agreed the special milk for baby Luna would stay in brown bottles."

Luna bobbed her head in agreement. "We did. And it is. But I told you only the clear bottles of milk were safe for you."

Harry's eyes widened at the movements in his reading material.

Lionel frowned. "So what have I been drinking then?"

Luna shrugged. "I'm not certain but I think that one was special milk, mixed with a mild sleeping potion, for when I want to calm baby me down."

Lionel pursed his lips. "It must be really mild, as I don't even feel drow-…" And with that Lionel fell to the floor unconscious.

Luna shook her head and explained to her passed out father. "It's not all that mild. It just takes a little time to kick in."

Harry was still entranced by slight movements and gave the appearance of being nearly illiterate for as long as this was taking him to read.

Luna grabbed the slightly better than half-filled glass her father had been using, and poured it into a bottle. She handed the bottle to a curious looking baby Luna. "Sorry me, but I think I'm going to give my boobs a breather for tonight."

Baby Luna reluctantly mooed and began nursing her bottle. She too was fast asleep mere minutes later.

Luna turned to Harry, "Would you care for some more marshmallow genocide this evening?"

Harry snapped out of his daze realizing he was at the dinner table. "What? Oh… yeah. Of course."

"Good." Luna smiled. "I'm going to put Dad and me to bed, and change into a shirt. These bottle caps are digging into my nipples."

"Those bastards!" Harry exclaimed. "I'll kill them!"

Luna tilted her head. "They're just bottle caps. I've already sucked out their soul."

Harry's anger quickly left and smiled. "Alright then. You know a lot more about how to suck than I do." Harry noticed his untouched dinner plate. "I'll just finish my dinner here while you're changing, and meet you outside with the marshmallows."

Luna nodded as she picked up baby Luna and took her to the bedroom. "And if you like, I can teach you how to suck." The deadpan expression never left her face, though Harry on the other hand began to look like a sweaty over ripe tomato as he stuttered out no response.

Harry scarfed down his meal in record time, and hurriedly found some good 'stabbing stakes,' which Luna had earlier pointed out were extremely useful in preventing vampiric marshmallows. Magic wands, they discovered made for very poor marshmallow roasting sticks. Phoenix feather cores and fires apparently don't mix as well as Harry had assumed. He didn't really like his eyebrows much anyways. And besides the way this trip was going, he definitely needed the practice spelling them back.

Luna re-emerged wearing a tight pink T-shirt rather than a butterbeer bottle cap bikini top. This would rank on Harry's disappointment scale somewhere around winning a quidditch match 280-50 rather than 270-40. Or perhaps closer to winning a flying rug instead of a flying carpet.

"Wow, Luna," Harry breathed out after a couple gulps. "You look great. Your boobs feeling better?"

Luna smiled. "Much. Thank you."

Harry smiled and presented her with a choice of stabbing stakes and then first dibs on which marshmallow to 'shiv and burn', as Luna like to call it.

They talked about nothing much in particular and they ended up dropping as many burnt marshmallows into the fire as they managed to eat. Finally, Harry worked up that vaunted Gryffindor courage and asked Luna a question that had been bugging him for a while now. "Err, Luna? Are we like, you know, the boyfriend-girlfriend couple thingie?"

Luna had a feeling he was going to ask something serious and had looked away. She quietly asked, "Do you want me to be your girlfriend?"

Harry assumed this to be the dumbest question in the world. "Well… yeah!"

Luna blushed a bit and said, "Oh. Okay. Well in that case the answer is: yes, as you said, we are like, you know."

Harry was getting even more nervous now. "Good. That's good… news. It's just you know I'm sort of new to the whole boyfriend kind of thing. Should I be holding your hand? Should I be buying you expensive things? Should I be hiring a barrister and negotiating a dowry with your father?"

Luna addressed his questions in a calm professional tone. "Holding my hand? It's up to you, but probably worth trying. Buying me expensive things?" Luna's eyes hardened and her voice dropped lower. "Yes," she icily hissed out before returning to her calm professional tone. "Hiring a barrister and negotiating a dowry?" Her face warmed and she patronizingly scolded, "Oh Harry, that's just crazy talk."

Harry felt a bit sheepish but was happy to reach out and hold Luna's hand.

"All you have to do is be honest and open in communication with me." Luna's eyes brightened. "Actually, I've got an idea for right now. This could be an excellent way to get you more involved as a boyfriend."

Harry was a bit concerned at the responsibilities being heaped his direction, but it's all a measure of work towards a reward. And he'd never encountered a reward quite as awe inspiring as this one.

Luna continued clinically, "I know I've taken some liberties in procuring protein shakes when it strikes my fancy, but you've never verbally expressed a desire of your own."

"What?" Harry yelped and was frustrated to hear his voice crack. "I mean, err… could you repeat that? Preferably with enough small words I don't need to wait for blood to reach my brain."

Luna smiled. "I want you to know, it's okay to ask me questions or to make requests. If you want to kiss me, or hold me, or even touch unfamiliar parts of my body, I would like you to ask me."

Harry nervously gulped again.

Luna pursed her lips in thought. "I can't say yes, until after you ask me."

Harry whimpered a bit. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He quietly mumbled something unintelligible.

Luna smiled victoriously. "No one else around is awake, Harry. I'm going to need you to repeat that a little louder." Her eyes narrowed on Harry and suggested, "Or you can whisper it into my ear, if you prefer."

Harry's confidence was gaining. He leaned forward and whispered his hot breath in Luna's ear as he quickly rambled out, "Can I- Can I- Can I touch your bum?"

Luna leaned back with a curious face and repeated loudly looking at Harry, "You want to touch my bum?"

Harry blushed and quickly looked around for eavesdroppers. "Shhh!"

Luna frowned and gave Harry a look.

"Fine," he grumbled and then stated louder, "I err, I … I would like it if you would let me touch your bum."

Luna leaned forward and arched her back. She ran a hand across her bottom. "You want to touch it? I don't think that's all. I think you need to be a little more descriptive when you're verbally expressing your desires. Tell me how you want to touch it."

Harry was staring at the small of Luna's back, and the perfectly rounded rump it led into. He just let the thoughts in his head flow straight out of his mouth. "I want to pinch it and squeeze it. I want to cuddle and snuggle with it. I want caress it and hold it lovingly after rubbing it raw." He paused for a breath, though his focus never strayed from her heinie. "I want to see it, hear it, smell it, feel it, and taste it. I want to lick it, nibble it, nip at it and full on open-mouth kiss it." Harry was on a roll with this open honesty stuff. "I want to relax and settle my face in between its warm full mounds of pale cream colored rosy-tinted flesh and whisper sweet nothings to it."

Luna briefly considered stopping Harry before he went too far, but knew she couldn't stifle him just as he's opening up.

Harry was unrelenting. "I want to name the left cheek Velma and the right cheek Daphne. I want Daphne to be jealous of the extra attention I pay to Velma. Even though Daphne is the more classically beautiful one, its Velma's imperfections and individuality that make me love her more."

Luna's eyes widened listening to her officially kinky boyfriend. She continued tracing the curve of her delectably juicy posterior.

"I want to be a caterpillar so that it could be my cocoon. I want it bronzed so the world will forever remember it. I want it stuffed and mounted on the wall staring down on me and judging me. I want it to find me worthy," Harry paused briefly before finishing with a snarl and a deep shudder, "and hate me for it."

Luna let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. "Wow. You've been keeping things bottled up for a while, haven't you?"

"Sorry," Harry said with a wince. "Too much?"

Luna smiled wickedly and shook her head "Not in the slightest. In fact, Velma's been picking on Daphne because you like her better. I think perhaps Velma deserves to be… punished." She finished with a firm slap on Velma, the left cheek.

A whimpering groan escaped from Harry's mouth and he had to curl his lips closed to keep his growls from attracting other animals.

Harry was about to reach out and give Velma her due, when his instincts kicked in as he felt what he suspected to be several magical wards go up over the area. He snapped his head towards the darkness to the north of their campsite. Something wasn't right out there. He'd gotten this feeling many times before, and it had never been wrong yet. Before he could even say anything, Luna had placed a calming hand on Harry's chest. "Death Eaters, Harry. I must wake Daddy."

Harry looked at Luna oddly, but saw her sad smile, and remembered the premonitions of a sort that she infrequently received. Luna hurried back into the magical tent, while Harry could only watch Velma and Daphne battling and working in perfect synchronization as they ran away from him.

Before getting lost in a daze, Harry's instincts flared again. He cast a solid shield and turned around right as a curse was about to nail his unprotected back. He used his thick metal shield and with a loud clang, swatted the navy blue spell away like an annoying pest.

"You wretched knob-gobbling bastards!" Harry yelled as he slowly marched towards the direction the spell came from. Two more spells flew at him from different positions. Ducking a dirty yellow one, and swatting another blue one away with his shield.

"Of all the times in the world, you show up now." Harry growled out. Continuing to move forward, he could hear them yelling their whispers to each other. With his left hand holding his shield steady, he gently twirled the wand in his right hand towards the ground. After gathering enough juice in it, he flicked it forward and the small ball of magic lobbed slowly through the air towards the area the spells had come from. He quickly cast a specialized shield on his eyes, just as his lob reached its destination and exploded in a brilliant and blinding flash of light. All of the attacking Death Eaters hissed and clutched their eyes in pain.

"Six? That's all I warrant these days? Six mindless sycophants?" Harry taunted after having been observing his enemies during his flare burst. "And it looked like at least three flipping newbies."

"Give up Potter!" a Death Eater yelled. "Or we'll kill your little girlfriend."

Harry snarled. "Nott! How the hell did you get out? Manage a break out already or did Lucius have to pull out his checkbook?"

The spells were beginning to come at Harry again, while he just kept marching straight towards Nott.

Nott was panicking. This was not at all going like he expected. Potter had always been so meek in the past. And right now, Potter seemed to be sitting on a lot of anger. Potter was barely fifteen feet away and had just batted Nott's bone breaking curse straight back at him. Nott dove to the side out of the way of the curse. He had time to look up and think, "Shit."

When Harry saw Nott dive out of the way of his own reflected curse, he saw an opportunity. Harry charged forward, grabbed hold of his trusty solid metal shield with both hands and swung it straight into Nott Sr.'s face. The fleshy clang and small explosion of blood was pretty disgusting to Harry. The force of the hit completely smashed in Nott's nose, knocking the bridge straight back into his brain. Nott was dead before he hit the ground.

Harry had barely a moment to acknowledge the fact that he just killed another man, when he heard Crucio from just a few feet behind him. The intense pain forced all of Harry's muscles to spasm and he fell forward under the curse. He was clenching his teeth, biting back a scream.

Mulciber just kept the curse going on Potter, wondering how the hell the kid wasn't screaming. He could see how much it was hurting Potter.

Harry struggled his way back up and turned to the Death Eater behind him. Right now, he needed to stop this curse before it killed him. As he stood and began walking towards him, the fear in the Death Eater's eyes inspired strength in Harry's movements. Doing his best to ignore the pain he was in, Harry managed to reach up and snatch the wand straight from the shocked Death Eater's hand, immediately canceling the Cruciatus. It took Harry less than a second to snap the wand cleanly in half. The Death Eater lunged at Harry, now that his anger seemed to finally override his fear. Harry rolled out of the way, jumped up spinning around, and stabbed the Death Eater straight in the heart with the two halves of his own broken wand.

A bludgeoning curse slammed into the back of Harry's shoulder. Harry thought briefly about what these men would do to the Lovegoods, and let loose a Reducto spell in the direction the bludgeoning curse came from. Several trees were uprooted, while the nearest ones exploded in showers of fast moving splinters. Two more Death Eaters were bleeding profusely and down for the count.

Harry's senses were all on hyper alert, as he listened for any indication on the location of the last two Death Eaters. He located them and quietly snuck up behind them. Apparently they were arguing over whether to get the hell out, or to finish the assignment. Harry ended the discussion by immediately stunning them both.

Luna and her father hurried back and found Harry resting next to a pair of stunned and bound Death Eaters. He was clearly exhausted and said, "Pretty sure it was just these six." Harry pointed towards Nott and Mulciber and said, "Those two are dead." He pointed towards the bleeding ones covered in sawdust and said, "Those two might be dead. And these two," he pointed at the stunned and bound ones next to him. "These two are still arguing over whether to go running back to their half blood bastard of a master, or stay here and finish their assignment."

Lionel took in the situation, and calmly stated, "I'll let you know if they come to a decision. But if you're waiting for my permission, I can take care of this now, so feel free to pass out anytime."

Harry smiled a slightly bloody smile and gave the man a thumbs up from his working arm. "Thanks Lionel. I think I'll take you up on…" And the next sound Harry made was a small thud and some snoring as he smacked face first to the ground.