Disclaimer: I can hope and dream everyday, but I don't own Harry
Potter. All locations, items, spells, characters, ect. are most likely
property of J.K. Rowling and not me.
Review Responses:
Faith-Tse: "Or die trying" I love Oliver Wood! I've been wondering about why Wormtail was in Gryffindor myself. He's a natural Slytherin. Maybe he has some hidden bravery we won't see until book 6 or 7 though? I doubt it, though he still has to do something for Harry after Harry didn't let Sirius and Remus kill him in book 3. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!
Volleypickle16: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it.
Jen: Glad you enjoyed the talk about the Dursley's. I felt I should add it in sometime. I hope this chapter isn't too fluffy for you. I really wanted some fluff though. Sorry. Thanks for reviewing!
yaminy-grint4eva: Thank you for reviewing!
HPprincess23 : Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it so far. As far as Harry hating James forever? No, not forever, but er… they won't exactly be best buddies just yet. I can't really give a straight answer as I keep changing the storyline.
Eric2: I think the reaction is going to be a bit fluffy, but I hope you still enjoy it. Thanks for reviewing.
Hillary Morrison: It's cool that you were getting into it. I know that feeling myself. I actually let out a few tears while reading a fanfic myself. Don't worry, lots more chapters to come. Thanks for reviewing!
GutterGirl130: You're name sounds familiar… Yeah, I make a lot of typos and spelling mistakes and overlooks them, but I never see the reason to re-upload the chapter. Yeah, the breaking stuff thing is getting a bit old. Glad you like most of the story so far. Thanks for reviewing!
SnapeLuver666: Whooo! I woke up and saw my reviews said "123" this morning and I almost fell out of my chair. Surprisingly, I get overexcited to see one new review. Ahh, the consequences! -shudders- Glad to review your story. If Sirius is alive, the story is defiantly worth my time. Glad you liked the chapter. Thanks for reviewing.
born2driveat16: Thanks for the confirmation. I checked out your story. I guess I might have forgotten to review it yesterday? Whoops if I did. Looks like you're doing pretty good on it so far. Thank you for reviewing1
Skylaguna1890: Thanks for reviewing! I feel bad for James myself too. I really want them to bond now, but it would ruin my current storyline.
Eric (ch. 1 review): I'm aware of the Quidditch mistake. It was corrected after chapter 4 I think. I may revise the first 4 chapters in the future, but currently I lose my mind every time I have to suffer the pains of going of Internet Explorer to add bold/itallic. (spyware sucks) Thanks though.
Author's Note: Whooo! After being under the stress of all my threatening readers (just kidding) I have updated early. I didn't do PoV right and I know it, but couldn't think of any other way to write this chapter. Hope everyone enjoys it anyway. This is one of my longest chapters. I tried hard to make a little less dialog in this chapter, because my friend so kindly pointed out my story is about 95% dialog. Personally, I love all dialog stories, but maybe that's just me. This chapter is dedicated to born2driveat16 for the idea of switching to James' PoV and all my faithful readers
Harry looked down at the floor. Should he tell James about the prophecy contents? 'No, he'd be so much more overprotective if he knew. I need some freedom in my life.' Harry thought.
James got up from the bed to leave. Harry was still looking down at the floor.
"Wow, no argument today?" he asked. "I expected some huge argument about how you shouldn't have any rules."
Harry ignored him and continued his thinking. He looked up as James was placing his hand on the doorknob.
"Dad?" Harry asked.
James turned around, "Yes?"
"Do you think there's a chance I could.. Well, talk to Remus?"
Not only was this the last thing James had expected Harry to say, but Harry had said it in a kind, almost desperate voice. James wondered why Harry wanted to talk to Remus instead of himself. Was it something he had done? He agreed to give Remus a call though anyway.
----
Remus, who agreed to come talk to Harry, walked into the room.
"I trust it went alright with James then? You look like you're still alive." Remus joked.
"Yeah, I'll live. I've had worse."
"James said you wanted to talk to me." Remus said, noticing Harry did not want to emphasize on his last comment.
"Yeah, well, er… You remember the Department of Mysteries?"
"Yeah," said Remus hoping this wasn't going where he thought it was.
"And the prophecy?"
Remus nodded, "But it got smashed."
"Yeah, but Dumbledore had heard to original prophecy himself before I was born. He told me the contents of it that day in his office."
Remus was unsure of whether or not he should ask Harry to go on, so he waited for Harry to continue. Harry hesitated for a while.
"I- I've got to either be a murderer or be murdered. The fate of the wizarding world depends on me. I'm the only one who has the power to defeat Voldemort. One of us has to kill the other."
Remus could only gasp. He was lost for words. He never thought Harry, James Potter's son, would have to carry such a huge burden. He wondered if Harry had told anyone else about the prophecy. Surely his parents and Ron and Hermione would know too.
"Have you told Ron and Hermione?" Remus finally asked. He assumed Harry had told his parents already.
"No, I haven't even told my parents the full depth of the prophecy yet. They know only as much as everyone else and that's all. I'm not sure if I should tell them or not."
"You really should, Harry. They need to know the whole prophecy."
"My dad is already so overprotective though. If he knew what kind of burden I had… the dangers I'm in, I'm afraid I won't be able to do anything alone anymore. It is hard enough to get time to myself as it is."
"Look, Harry. I know it's hard for you, but try to take it from his point of view. He died when you were a baby and now he finally sees you again and you're sixteen years old. You've already faced so many near-death experiences. He wants to chance to grow close to you again like when you were born. He doesn't want to lose you."
"He shouldn't get so close. It's a bad idea. Sirius got close to me and loved me and look where it got him. He's d-" Harry still had trouble saying it. He didn't want to believe Sirius was dead. He couldn't face the truth yet.
"Harry, it's not your fault! I won't deny that he died to protect you, but that's the way he wanted to go! He wanted you to make it even if it would cost him his own life. He was willing to do all he could to save your life or die trying! He wanted to die in battle, Harry. Don't ever blame yourself."
"But Sirius didn't need to die!" Harry yelled. "He shouldn't have spared his life just to give me a little more. It was pointless! You heard the prophecy, Voldemort's going to kill me!"
"You don't know that, Harry. How do you know you'll die? You could win. You will win!"
"I'm not strong enough, Remus! All he has to do is say a quick curse before I do and I'm gone!"
"Harry, you've beaten him before and you can do it again. Gryffindor's are known for there bravery and today yours isn't really showing!"
Harry felt a bit insulted by that. He was brave to some extent. Who voluntarily went through the trapdoor in their first year? Who went down into the Chamber of Secrets to save their best friend's sister? Who went into the Shrieking Shack and rescued Sirius? Who participated in the Triwizard Tournament and witlessness Voldemort's resurrection? He did, not Remus, but he hadn't done it all alone.
"I got lucky all the times I beat him! I only became the Boy-Who-Lived, because my mum sacrificed herself. I only made it out alive in my first year, because Dumbledore came in time. Plus Ron and Hermione helped me though all of it. I only made it through the Chamber of Secrets because Fawkes came. The ghosts of the people Voldemort killed distracted him while I got away in my fourth year.
"I only made it out alive at the Department of Mysteries because you, Tonks, Moody, Sirius and Kingsley came to help. If Dumbledore hadn't arrived, Voldemort would have succeeded in killing me by the fountain anyway. What are the chances I'll get lucky again, Remus? I'm going to die and you know it!"
"Harry, a little extra training and you could become stronger than him. You do have a chance, Harry. You just won't admit that you do. You won't believe in yourself."
"You know, this argument isn't going anywhere. I'm not going to change my view on it anytime soon."
"Fine, but while you're in the mood for arguing, I'd like to know why you hate James so much." (A/N: For all the wonderful readers that asked!)
"First off, I don't hate him. It's more of a strong dislike really. I thought the reason why was pretty obvious."
"Well, it's not! It's really been a pretty popular argument between Order meetings. You know how obvious it is that you 'dislike' him? Everyone is wondering why. What did he do?"
'Well, let's see, he's probably the most arrogant person on this planet…' Harry thought.
"He never leaves me alone. He wants to do everything together." Harry said.
"That's why you hate him?" Remus asked.
"No, I mean… there are other reasons. You know, as I've been growing up, I'm heard how much like him I am. Countless times I heard about how identical we are except I have my mum's eyes. When I rescued Sirius in third year, he said I was truly James' son. Even Snape said I was just like him, only all the things Snape said were bad. I thought he was lying, so I defended my dad, but then I found out he wasn't.
"I used to be proud to hear that I was just like my dad was as a kid, Remus. It changed though. I saw what he was really like last year. Everything Snape told me was actually true. It's really hard to accept that.
"Sometimes I feel ashamed to hear I'm like him, because I'm not. Sure we look the same and we both play Quidditch. I won't deny that I break a lot of rules as well, but we're not the same. He broke rules for his own amusement and his pranks. A lot of the times I break rules have something to do with Voldemort. As Hermione would say, I have 'A saving people thing'. I don't go breaking all the rules just because I want to make Snape's hair pink or something stupid like that! I'm not my dad and never will be like him."
Remus sighed, "He was young, Harry. He's changed a lot. He was very arrogant when he was at Hogwarts, even a bit stupid, but he isn't anymore. If you give him a chance, maybe you will see just how much he's matured."
"I just don't think I can."
"Why is that?"
"I'm just not ready. It's too soon." Harry said. He hoped Remus, of all people, would understand. Both we quiet for a moment.
"Have you cried at all since- since he died?" Remus asked quietly.
"What?"
"Have you cried since Sirius died?"
"What kind of question is that?" Harry asked.
"Have you?"
Harry hesitated for a moment. Why did Remus care if He cried? It was none of his business. Avoiding the question wasn't going to work though. Remus wouldn't give up.
"Yes," Harry finally mumbled.
"How many times?"
"I don't know… a few times." Harry said unsurely. Remus was really annoying him now. Why would how many times he had cried matter to Remus anyway? Harry thought Remus was just being nosy.
"When?"
"Why are you asking so many stupid questions? It doesn't matter how many times I cried since Sirius died. You should go back to Headquarters. It's getting late."
Remus could tell Harry's voice was beginning to crack though. He was determined to get the truth out of Harry.
"Really, Harry, I'm fine. Now, tell me, when was the last time you cried?"
'Does he ever give up?' Harry wondered.
"I don't remember…"
"Did you cry today?" Remus asked seriously.
Harry wished Remus would stop. If he cried, it was his business, not Remus'. Remus needed to lay off. Harry answered the question anyway though.
"No, not today."
"Why not?"
"Because I didn't have any reason to."
"You could hang out in his old room for hours. You could look through all Sirius' stuff and bring back all those memories, but you didn't cry? Why not Harry?
"I-"
Harry couldn't think of an excuse. He didn't cry, because he tried hard not to. He wanted to tell himself he was over his godfather's death. He tried to get up from the bed and leave the room, but Remus got up too and grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Let me go!" Harry yelled.
Remus could see tears welling up in Harry's eyes. He wanted to leave so Remus wouldn't see him crying, but Remus wasn't going to let him. He was going to teach Harry a lesson today. Harry needed to learn that it's okay to cry.
"You what, Harry? Why didn't you cry?"
"I can't! Let go of me, Remus! Let me go! Don't do this!" Harry pleaded.
Harry continued to struggle in Remus grip. For an old werewolf, he was pretty strong. Harry finally turned away from Remus, but Remus still heard it. Harry let out a soft sob. He was crying. Remus immediately removed his hand from Harry's arm.
"You should sit down, Harry." said Remus.
"G-go away." said Harry between sobs, but he did sit down.
Remus ignored him and sat down on the bed too. He put a comforting arm around Harry.
"It's okay to cry, Harry. I cry for Sirius too. It doesn't make you look weak. Never be ashamed of crying."
To Remus' surprise, Harry leaned his head onto his shoulder and wrapped his arms around Remus into a hug. Harry's tears fell into Remus' robes. 'Remus would have made a good father... It's too bad he got that werewolf bite.' Harry thought.
"I miss him so much." Harry whispered.
"Me too, Harry. Me too." said Remus.
Soon enough, Remus felt Harry's grip loosen. He looked sideways and saw that Harry was fast asleep. He carefully removed Harry's arms from his body, so he wouldn't wake him and placed him back on the bed. Remus turned the lights out and walked out the door. He needed to talk to James.
Rewind: James PoV
James Potter walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He heard yelling as he passed by Harry's door. Curious as to what was going on, he stopped to listen.
"He shouldn't have spared his life just to give me a little more. It was pointless! You heard the prophecy, Voldemort's going to kill me!" said Harry's voice
"you don't know that, Harry. How do you know you'll die? You could win. You will win!" said the voice of Remus Lupin.
'So Harry heard the prophecy then?' James wondered. 'And he has to duel Voldemort I think…That's what Dumbledore said in June.'
"I'm not strong enough, Remus! All he has to do is say a quick curse before I do and I'm gone!" came Harry's voice.
"Harry, you've beaten him before and you can do it again. Gryffindor's are known for their bravery and today yours isn't really showing!" said Remus.
'Both of them have good points there' James thought.
"I got lucky all the times I beat him! I only became the Boy-Who-Lived, because my mum sacrificed herself. I only made it out alive in my first year, because Dumbledore came in time. Plus Ron and Hermione helped me though all of it. I only made it through the Chamber of Secrets because Fawkes came. The ghosts of the people Voldemort killed distracted him while I got away in my fourth year.
"I only made it out alive at the Department of Mysteries because you, Tonks, Moody, Sirius and Kingsley came to help. If Dumbledore hadn't arrived, Voldemort would have succeeded in killing me by the fountain anyway. What are the chances I'll get lucky again, Remus? I'm going to die and you know it!" said Harry.
'Wow, he has no confidence in himself.' James thought. 'And he's way too modest.'
"Harry, a little extra training and you could become stronger than him. You do have a chance, Harry. You just won't admit that you do. You won't believe in yourself." said Remus.
"You know, this argument isn't going anywhere. I'm not going to change my view on it anytime soon." said Harry.
James was about to walk away. He shouldn't be listening to their conversation and he knew it. Then he heard it. The one thing he had been wondering for so long himself. He learned his ear closer against the door.
"I'd like to know why you hate James so much." said Remus.
"So would I…" James muttered to himself.
"First off, I don't hate him. It's more of a strong dislike really. I thought the reason why was pretty obvious."
'Well, you thought wrong!' James thought.
"Well, it's not! It's really been a pretty popular argument between Order meeting. You know how obvious it is that you 'dislike' him? Everyone is wondering why. What did he do?"
'Yeah! What did I do? I want to know too, Remus.' James thought again.
"He never leaves me alone. He wants to do everything together." Harry said.
'I thought Harry liked hanging out…' James thought to himself.
"That's why you hate him?" Remus asked Harry.
"No, I mean… there are other reasons." said Harry.
James listened carefully as Harry talked about growing up and how he always thought James was different. He heard Harry talk about how he found out how James really was in his fifth year. What really hurt James though, was when Harry said he was sometimes ashamed of being James' son.
James couldn't take it anymore. It hurt to much to listen to Harry after that. He ran down the stairs and laid across the couch, burring his head in a pillow. Harry's words had really hit him hard.
He began to cry quietly into the pillow. He wanted to pretend Harry had not said it, but he had. Harry was ashamed of him. He heard Harry say it just a moment ago.
'I'm a terrible father. My own son doesn't even like me; he is ashamed to be my son. Why didn't I see it myself? I don't blame him, why would anyone want to be my son?
'I was never there for him while he was growing up. All he knows about me is my Hogwart's years as a prankster, the leader of the Marauders actually. Maybe that's all I am though? A worthless prankster that can't even take care of his son.'
James was interrupted from his thoughts when a soft hand stroked his hair. He looked up to see Lily's concerned face.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Why are you crying?"
James didn't know if he should tell her. He was ashamed of it himself. Hearing Harry say it was hard enough without Lily knowing too. If he told Lily, that would make it final that he was a terrible father and his son hated him. James didn't want to believe that. He tried to remain calm.
"I'm fine, Lily."
"Then why were you crying?" she asked.
James knew he had to tell her the truth. Lily Potter was not one to just brush something like this aside. She wouldn't leave until he told her and James knew it.
"I-er- accidentally overheard Harry talking to Remus."
Lily just gave him a look that clearly said, 'I don't think it was accidental' and waited for him to continue. She wanted to know what James had possibly overheard to make him break down like that.
"It's no big deal or anything. I didn't really hear anything important."
Lily knew James was lying though. His voice had cracked as he said it. She wondered what could have possibly made James lie to her. He didn't usually do such a thing. Both were usually truthful with each other.
"What did you hear, James?"
"I told you, it's nothing important."
"Yes it is, James! You were crying and your voice is cracking again! What did Harry say?"
"I told you, Lily. It's no big deal." said James fighting to keep his voice from cracking again. He failed miserably.
"James, tell me what Harry said!"
James hesitated for a moment. It was going to be hard for him to admit the truth to his wife. Maybe she could help though. He could ask her if he was really like that.
"He- he said he was ashamed of me sometimes. Ashamed to hear he acts like me, because of how I was at Hogwarts. I know it's kind of childish of me to get all worked up about that, but I don't know. It still hurt me, Lily. I know he's a teenager and him saying things like that should be expected, but I never thought he was ashamed."
Lily gasped. She couldn't believe her Harry had said something like that. Sure, James was obnoxious at school, but he changed.
"Am I a bad father, Lily? I'm a doing something wrong. I mean, I wasn't that arrogant, was I?"
Lily sat down on the couch beside James. She wrapper her arm around his body.
"No, that's not it, James! You're becoming a great father. I think Harry may only know about what the Marauders did and not the real you. Twenty years ago, you were extremely arrogant . You were always showing off. If you were to ask me if you'd make a good parent, then I'd have said no in a heartbeat. You've changed though, James. Harry just doesn't realized how much yet. Give him some time to learn about the real you."
"I'm sick of waiting, Lily. I want to be close to him like I heard he was with Sirius. I want him to enjoy spending time with me and be proud to be a Potter.
"He will, just not yet."
"He's afraid of me." James said in a pained voiced.
"What makes you think something that crazy? Why would he be?" Lily asked.
"When I was in his room earlier, he flinched and moved away from me. It was like he thought I was going to hurt him."
Lily couldn't think of anything to say. She was lost for words. Luckily, she was saved from responding when Remus Lupin appeared in the room. James immediately straightened up. He didn't want Remus to know he was crying.
"What's up, Prongs? Your eyes look a little red." asked Remus concerned.
"What? Oh, it's nothing… just erm… allergies." James lied. "Did it go alright with Harry?"
"Yeah, he's fast asleep now. Put him to sleep with a long lecture you know.." Moony joked.
James grinned. Trust Moony to cheer to up. "Now, Moony, you shouldn't be lecturing Harry. That's my job. Trust me, he really got a lecture too." James added seriously.
Remus laughed. James would never change. As much as he loved his pranks, he was the most overprotective of the Marauders. Remus recalled him always watching out for the Marauders and Lily, ready to curse anyone that insulted or tried to hurt them. Remus put those thoughts aside though. He needed to talk to James seriously.
"James, we need to talk."
James noted that Remus' voice had suddenly become very serious. He hoped that Remus didn't have any bad news or anything.
"Okay, go right ahead. I'm listening." said James.
"I'll leave." said Lily.
She got up from the couch with one last loving stroke through James' hair and walked up the stairs. James knew she'd be waiting for him in their bedroom. Remus sat down on the couch in the place Lily had been a few seconds before.
"I don't think Harry wanted me to go tell you this, but I think you need to know." started Remus. "While I was talking to him upstairs a few important things came up. Now, I don't really think Harry meant it or anything, but-"
"I already know, Remus." James cut in.
"You… you know? Did Harry tell you?"
"No, I overheard you two talking while I was walking down the hallway. Accidentally." said James adding the last part hurriedly.
Remus gave James the same look Lily had given him. Obviously, Remus didn't think James overheard accidentally either. He partially wished James hadn't. Remus assumed the red in James' eyes was from crying and not allergies, but he didn't dare tell James that.
"So you know then?" asked Remus. "The prophecy too?"
James nodded.
"Well, that makes it easier for me at least. I need to get back the Headquarters anyway. Snape's probably received more information about Voldemort's location. You know where to find me if you need anything."
"Thanks. Bye, Moony." said James.
Remus said his goodbyes and Flooed back to Headquarters. James got up and stretched before making his way up the stairs. He stopped when he passed by Harry's room. The door was open and the lights were out. He peeked inside.
Harry was sound asleep. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. It was hard to believe this was the kid that said he was ashamed to be James Potter's son. Most would never believe it of him. Harry had a reputation as being very polite and sweet actually.
It was also hard for James to believe that this boy had escaped Voldemort no less than five times already. He was only sixteen after all. James had to admit Harry was growing since he came to live here though. He was no longer the scrawny fifteen year old James had met in June. He was stronger and healthier. James was happy for that.
Still though, Harry was only sixteen. He had lost his parents at the age of one and lived with Lily's horrible sister until Lily and James came back to life and were healthy again. He had met his godfather while thinking he was an escaped murderer in his third year and saved him from a Dementor's Kiss. Then Sirius had died, fallen behind the mysterious veil last year. James was on the verge of tears when he heard about it. His best friend had suffered twelve years of Azkaban and then died as an escaped convict.
Harry had faced so many hardships in his life, but here he was, looking as peaceful as any other kid. James remembered Harry's nightmare just last week in the Hospital Wing. Harry didn't look peaceful then. James wondered how often Harry had strange nightmares. Was sleeping peaceful something he son rarely experienced?
James put his thoughts aside and left the room. He went into his own room where Lily was also sleeping peacefully. He changed into some night clothes and slid into the bed beside her. He smiled to himself at how lucky he was to have Lily as a wife before drifting off to sleep.
End note: Nobody hurt me! I just wanted to add the crying Harry scene so badly… I know the James feelings thing was kind of annoying to re-read the conversation, but I go crazy trying to write PoV correctly. Glad this chapter is over… I went insane putting up the italics. Pop ups were coming up like mad. Well, it's over now. Next chapter will be up someday. I'll have a preview on my Xanga sometime soon. I'm really liking what I have written for it so far.
Review Responses:
Faith-Tse: "Or die trying" I love Oliver Wood! I've been wondering about why Wormtail was in Gryffindor myself. He's a natural Slytherin. Maybe he has some hidden bravery we won't see until book 6 or 7 though? I doubt it, though he still has to do something for Harry after Harry didn't let Sirius and Remus kill him in book 3. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!
Volleypickle16: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it.
Jen: Glad you enjoyed the talk about the Dursley's. I felt I should add it in sometime. I hope this chapter isn't too fluffy for you. I really wanted some fluff though. Sorry. Thanks for reviewing!
yaminy-grint4eva: Thank you for reviewing!
HPprincess23 : Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you like it so far. As far as Harry hating James forever? No, not forever, but er… they won't exactly be best buddies just yet. I can't really give a straight answer as I keep changing the storyline.
Eric2: I think the reaction is going to be a bit fluffy, but I hope you still enjoy it. Thanks for reviewing.
Hillary Morrison: It's cool that you were getting into it. I know that feeling myself. I actually let out a few tears while reading a fanfic myself. Don't worry, lots more chapters to come. Thanks for reviewing!
GutterGirl130: You're name sounds familiar… Yeah, I make a lot of typos and spelling mistakes and overlooks them, but I never see the reason to re-upload the chapter. Yeah, the breaking stuff thing is getting a bit old. Glad you like most of the story so far. Thanks for reviewing!
SnapeLuver666: Whooo! I woke up and saw my reviews said "123" this morning and I almost fell out of my chair. Surprisingly, I get overexcited to see one new review. Ahh, the consequences! -shudders- Glad to review your story. If Sirius is alive, the story is defiantly worth my time. Glad you liked the chapter. Thanks for reviewing.
born2driveat16: Thanks for the confirmation. I checked out your story. I guess I might have forgotten to review it yesterday? Whoops if I did. Looks like you're doing pretty good on it so far. Thank you for reviewing1
Skylaguna1890: Thanks for reviewing! I feel bad for James myself too. I really want them to bond now, but it would ruin my current storyline.
Eric (ch. 1 review): I'm aware of the Quidditch mistake. It was corrected after chapter 4 I think. I may revise the first 4 chapters in the future, but currently I lose my mind every time I have to suffer the pains of going of Internet Explorer to add bold/itallic. (spyware sucks) Thanks though.
Author's Note: Whooo! After being under the stress of all my threatening readers (just kidding) I have updated early. I didn't do PoV right and I know it, but couldn't think of any other way to write this chapter. Hope everyone enjoys it anyway. This is one of my longest chapters. I tried hard to make a little less dialog in this chapter, because my friend so kindly pointed out my story is about 95% dialog. Personally, I love all dialog stories, but maybe that's just me. This chapter is dedicated to born2driveat16 for the idea of switching to James' PoV and all my faithful readers
Chapter 11: The Truth
Harry looked down at the floor. Should he tell James about the prophecy contents? 'No, he'd be so much more overprotective if he knew. I need some freedom in my life.' Harry thought.
James got up from the bed to leave. Harry was still looking down at the floor.
"Wow, no argument today?" he asked. "I expected some huge argument about how you shouldn't have any rules."
Harry ignored him and continued his thinking. He looked up as James was placing his hand on the doorknob.
"Dad?" Harry asked.
James turned around, "Yes?"
"Do you think there's a chance I could.. Well, talk to Remus?"
Not only was this the last thing James had expected Harry to say, but Harry had said it in a kind, almost desperate voice. James wondered why Harry wanted to talk to Remus instead of himself. Was it something he had done? He agreed to give Remus a call though anyway.
----
Remus, who agreed to come talk to Harry, walked into the room.
"I trust it went alright with James then? You look like you're still alive." Remus joked.
"Yeah, I'll live. I've had worse."
"James said you wanted to talk to me." Remus said, noticing Harry did not want to emphasize on his last comment.
"Yeah, well, er… You remember the Department of Mysteries?"
"Yeah," said Remus hoping this wasn't going where he thought it was.
"And the prophecy?"
Remus nodded, "But it got smashed."
"Yeah, but Dumbledore had heard to original prophecy himself before I was born. He told me the contents of it that day in his office."
Remus was unsure of whether or not he should ask Harry to go on, so he waited for Harry to continue. Harry hesitated for a while.
"I- I've got to either be a murderer or be murdered. The fate of the wizarding world depends on me. I'm the only one who has the power to defeat Voldemort. One of us has to kill the other."
Remus could only gasp. He was lost for words. He never thought Harry, James Potter's son, would have to carry such a huge burden. He wondered if Harry had told anyone else about the prophecy. Surely his parents and Ron and Hermione would know too.
"Have you told Ron and Hermione?" Remus finally asked. He assumed Harry had told his parents already.
"No, I haven't even told my parents the full depth of the prophecy yet. They know only as much as everyone else and that's all. I'm not sure if I should tell them or not."
"You really should, Harry. They need to know the whole prophecy."
"My dad is already so overprotective though. If he knew what kind of burden I had… the dangers I'm in, I'm afraid I won't be able to do anything alone anymore. It is hard enough to get time to myself as it is."
"Look, Harry. I know it's hard for you, but try to take it from his point of view. He died when you were a baby and now he finally sees you again and you're sixteen years old. You've already faced so many near-death experiences. He wants to chance to grow close to you again like when you were born. He doesn't want to lose you."
"He shouldn't get so close. It's a bad idea. Sirius got close to me and loved me and look where it got him. He's d-" Harry still had trouble saying it. He didn't want to believe Sirius was dead. He couldn't face the truth yet.
"Harry, it's not your fault! I won't deny that he died to protect you, but that's the way he wanted to go! He wanted you to make it even if it would cost him his own life. He was willing to do all he could to save your life or die trying! He wanted to die in battle, Harry. Don't ever blame yourself."
"But Sirius didn't need to die!" Harry yelled. "He shouldn't have spared his life just to give me a little more. It was pointless! You heard the prophecy, Voldemort's going to kill me!"
"You don't know that, Harry. How do you know you'll die? You could win. You will win!"
"I'm not strong enough, Remus! All he has to do is say a quick curse before I do and I'm gone!"
"Harry, you've beaten him before and you can do it again. Gryffindor's are known for there bravery and today yours isn't really showing!"
Harry felt a bit insulted by that. He was brave to some extent. Who voluntarily went through the trapdoor in their first year? Who went down into the Chamber of Secrets to save their best friend's sister? Who went into the Shrieking Shack and rescued Sirius? Who participated in the Triwizard Tournament and witlessness Voldemort's resurrection? He did, not Remus, but he hadn't done it all alone.
"I got lucky all the times I beat him! I only became the Boy-Who-Lived, because my mum sacrificed herself. I only made it out alive in my first year, because Dumbledore came in time. Plus Ron and Hermione helped me though all of it. I only made it through the Chamber of Secrets because Fawkes came. The ghosts of the people Voldemort killed distracted him while I got away in my fourth year.
"I only made it out alive at the Department of Mysteries because you, Tonks, Moody, Sirius and Kingsley came to help. If Dumbledore hadn't arrived, Voldemort would have succeeded in killing me by the fountain anyway. What are the chances I'll get lucky again, Remus? I'm going to die and you know it!"
"Harry, a little extra training and you could become stronger than him. You do have a chance, Harry. You just won't admit that you do. You won't believe in yourself."
"You know, this argument isn't going anywhere. I'm not going to change my view on it anytime soon."
"Fine, but while you're in the mood for arguing, I'd like to know why you hate James so much." (A/N: For all the wonderful readers that asked!)
"First off, I don't hate him. It's more of a strong dislike really. I thought the reason why was pretty obvious."
"Well, it's not! It's really been a pretty popular argument between Order meetings. You know how obvious it is that you 'dislike' him? Everyone is wondering why. What did he do?"
'Well, let's see, he's probably the most arrogant person on this planet…' Harry thought.
"He never leaves me alone. He wants to do everything together." Harry said.
"That's why you hate him?" Remus asked.
"No, I mean… there are other reasons. You know, as I've been growing up, I'm heard how much like him I am. Countless times I heard about how identical we are except I have my mum's eyes. When I rescued Sirius in third year, he said I was truly James' son. Even Snape said I was just like him, only all the things Snape said were bad. I thought he was lying, so I defended my dad, but then I found out he wasn't.
"I used to be proud to hear that I was just like my dad was as a kid, Remus. It changed though. I saw what he was really like last year. Everything Snape told me was actually true. It's really hard to accept that.
"Sometimes I feel ashamed to hear I'm like him, because I'm not. Sure we look the same and we both play Quidditch. I won't deny that I break a lot of rules as well, but we're not the same. He broke rules for his own amusement and his pranks. A lot of the times I break rules have something to do with Voldemort. As Hermione would say, I have 'A saving people thing'. I don't go breaking all the rules just because I want to make Snape's hair pink or something stupid like that! I'm not my dad and never will be like him."
Remus sighed, "He was young, Harry. He's changed a lot. He was very arrogant when he was at Hogwarts, even a bit stupid, but he isn't anymore. If you give him a chance, maybe you will see just how much he's matured."
"I just don't think I can."
"Why is that?"
"I'm just not ready. It's too soon." Harry said. He hoped Remus, of all people, would understand. Both we quiet for a moment.
"Have you cried at all since- since he died?" Remus asked quietly.
"What?"
"Have you cried since Sirius died?"
"What kind of question is that?" Harry asked.
"Have you?"
Harry hesitated for a moment. Why did Remus care if He cried? It was none of his business. Avoiding the question wasn't going to work though. Remus wouldn't give up.
"Yes," Harry finally mumbled.
"How many times?"
"I don't know… a few times." Harry said unsurely. Remus was really annoying him now. Why would how many times he had cried matter to Remus anyway? Harry thought Remus was just being nosy.
"When?"
"Why are you asking so many stupid questions? It doesn't matter how many times I cried since Sirius died. You should go back to Headquarters. It's getting late."
Remus could tell Harry's voice was beginning to crack though. He was determined to get the truth out of Harry.
"Really, Harry, I'm fine. Now, tell me, when was the last time you cried?"
'Does he ever give up?' Harry wondered.
"I don't remember…"
"Did you cry today?" Remus asked seriously.
Harry wished Remus would stop. If he cried, it was his business, not Remus'. Remus needed to lay off. Harry answered the question anyway though.
"No, not today."
"Why not?"
"Because I didn't have any reason to."
"You could hang out in his old room for hours. You could look through all Sirius' stuff and bring back all those memories, but you didn't cry? Why not Harry?
"I-"
Harry couldn't think of an excuse. He didn't cry, because he tried hard not to. He wanted to tell himself he was over his godfather's death. He tried to get up from the bed and leave the room, but Remus got up too and grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Let me go!" Harry yelled.
Remus could see tears welling up in Harry's eyes. He wanted to leave so Remus wouldn't see him crying, but Remus wasn't going to let him. He was going to teach Harry a lesson today. Harry needed to learn that it's okay to cry.
"You what, Harry? Why didn't you cry?"
"I can't! Let go of me, Remus! Let me go! Don't do this!" Harry pleaded.
Harry continued to struggle in Remus grip. For an old werewolf, he was pretty strong. Harry finally turned away from Remus, but Remus still heard it. Harry let out a soft sob. He was crying. Remus immediately removed his hand from Harry's arm.
"You should sit down, Harry." said Remus.
"G-go away." said Harry between sobs, but he did sit down.
Remus ignored him and sat down on the bed too. He put a comforting arm around Harry.
"It's okay to cry, Harry. I cry for Sirius too. It doesn't make you look weak. Never be ashamed of crying."
To Remus' surprise, Harry leaned his head onto his shoulder and wrapped his arms around Remus into a hug. Harry's tears fell into Remus' robes. 'Remus would have made a good father... It's too bad he got that werewolf bite.' Harry thought.
"I miss him so much." Harry whispered.
"Me too, Harry. Me too." said Remus.
Soon enough, Remus felt Harry's grip loosen. He looked sideways and saw that Harry was fast asleep. He carefully removed Harry's arms from his body, so he wouldn't wake him and placed him back on the bed. Remus turned the lights out and walked out the door. He needed to talk to James.
Rewind: James PoV
James Potter walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He heard yelling as he passed by Harry's door. Curious as to what was going on, he stopped to listen.
"He shouldn't have spared his life just to give me a little more. It was pointless! You heard the prophecy, Voldemort's going to kill me!" said Harry's voice
"you don't know that, Harry. How do you know you'll die? You could win. You will win!" said the voice of Remus Lupin.
'So Harry heard the prophecy then?' James wondered. 'And he has to duel Voldemort I think…That's what Dumbledore said in June.'
"I'm not strong enough, Remus! All he has to do is say a quick curse before I do and I'm gone!" came Harry's voice.
"Harry, you've beaten him before and you can do it again. Gryffindor's are known for their bravery and today yours isn't really showing!" said Remus.
'Both of them have good points there' James thought.
"I got lucky all the times I beat him! I only became the Boy-Who-Lived, because my mum sacrificed herself. I only made it out alive in my first year, because Dumbledore came in time. Plus Ron and Hermione helped me though all of it. I only made it through the Chamber of Secrets because Fawkes came. The ghosts of the people Voldemort killed distracted him while I got away in my fourth year.
"I only made it out alive at the Department of Mysteries because you, Tonks, Moody, Sirius and Kingsley came to help. If Dumbledore hadn't arrived, Voldemort would have succeeded in killing me by the fountain anyway. What are the chances I'll get lucky again, Remus? I'm going to die and you know it!" said Harry.
'Wow, he has no confidence in himself.' James thought. 'And he's way too modest.'
"Harry, a little extra training and you could become stronger than him. You do have a chance, Harry. You just won't admit that you do. You won't believe in yourself." said Remus.
"You know, this argument isn't going anywhere. I'm not going to change my view on it anytime soon." said Harry.
James was about to walk away. He shouldn't be listening to their conversation and he knew it. Then he heard it. The one thing he had been wondering for so long himself. He learned his ear closer against the door.
"I'd like to know why you hate James so much." said Remus.
"So would I…" James muttered to himself.
"First off, I don't hate him. It's more of a strong dislike really. I thought the reason why was pretty obvious."
'Well, you thought wrong!' James thought.
"Well, it's not! It's really been a pretty popular argument between Order meeting. You know how obvious it is that you 'dislike' him? Everyone is wondering why. What did he do?"
'Yeah! What did I do? I want to know too, Remus.' James thought again.
"He never leaves me alone. He wants to do everything together." Harry said.
'I thought Harry liked hanging out…' James thought to himself.
"That's why you hate him?" Remus asked Harry.
"No, I mean… there are other reasons." said Harry.
James listened carefully as Harry talked about growing up and how he always thought James was different. He heard Harry talk about how he found out how James really was in his fifth year. What really hurt James though, was when Harry said he was sometimes ashamed of being James' son.
James couldn't take it anymore. It hurt to much to listen to Harry after that. He ran down the stairs and laid across the couch, burring his head in a pillow. Harry's words had really hit him hard.
He began to cry quietly into the pillow. He wanted to pretend Harry had not said it, but he had. Harry was ashamed of him. He heard Harry say it just a moment ago.
'I'm a terrible father. My own son doesn't even like me; he is ashamed to be my son. Why didn't I see it myself? I don't blame him, why would anyone want to be my son?
'I was never there for him while he was growing up. All he knows about me is my Hogwart's years as a prankster, the leader of the Marauders actually. Maybe that's all I am though? A worthless prankster that can't even take care of his son.'
James was interrupted from his thoughts when a soft hand stroked his hair. He looked up to see Lily's concerned face.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Why are you crying?"
James didn't know if he should tell her. He was ashamed of it himself. Hearing Harry say it was hard enough without Lily knowing too. If he told Lily, that would make it final that he was a terrible father and his son hated him. James didn't want to believe that. He tried to remain calm.
"I'm fine, Lily."
"Then why were you crying?" she asked.
James knew he had to tell her the truth. Lily Potter was not one to just brush something like this aside. She wouldn't leave until he told her and James knew it.
"I-er- accidentally overheard Harry talking to Remus."
Lily just gave him a look that clearly said, 'I don't think it was accidental' and waited for him to continue. She wanted to know what James had possibly overheard to make him break down like that.
"It's no big deal or anything. I didn't really hear anything important."
Lily knew James was lying though. His voice had cracked as he said it. She wondered what could have possibly made James lie to her. He didn't usually do such a thing. Both were usually truthful with each other.
"What did you hear, James?"
"I told you, it's nothing important."
"Yes it is, James! You were crying and your voice is cracking again! What did Harry say?"
"I told you, Lily. It's no big deal." said James fighting to keep his voice from cracking again. He failed miserably.
"James, tell me what Harry said!"
James hesitated for a moment. It was going to be hard for him to admit the truth to his wife. Maybe she could help though. He could ask her if he was really like that.
"He- he said he was ashamed of me sometimes. Ashamed to hear he acts like me, because of how I was at Hogwarts. I know it's kind of childish of me to get all worked up about that, but I don't know. It still hurt me, Lily. I know he's a teenager and him saying things like that should be expected, but I never thought he was ashamed."
Lily gasped. She couldn't believe her Harry had said something like that. Sure, James was obnoxious at school, but he changed.
"Am I a bad father, Lily? I'm a doing something wrong. I mean, I wasn't that arrogant, was I?"
Lily sat down on the couch beside James. She wrapper her arm around his body.
"No, that's not it, James! You're becoming a great father. I think Harry may only know about what the Marauders did and not the real you. Twenty years ago, you were extremely arrogant . You were always showing off. If you were to ask me if you'd make a good parent, then I'd have said no in a heartbeat. You've changed though, James. Harry just doesn't realized how much yet. Give him some time to learn about the real you."
"I'm sick of waiting, Lily. I want to be close to him like I heard he was with Sirius. I want him to enjoy spending time with me and be proud to be a Potter.
"He will, just not yet."
"He's afraid of me." James said in a pained voiced.
"What makes you think something that crazy? Why would he be?" Lily asked.
"When I was in his room earlier, he flinched and moved away from me. It was like he thought I was going to hurt him."
Lily couldn't think of anything to say. She was lost for words. Luckily, she was saved from responding when Remus Lupin appeared in the room. James immediately straightened up. He didn't want Remus to know he was crying.
"What's up, Prongs? Your eyes look a little red." asked Remus concerned.
"What? Oh, it's nothing… just erm… allergies." James lied. "Did it go alright with Harry?"
"Yeah, he's fast asleep now. Put him to sleep with a long lecture you know.." Moony joked.
James grinned. Trust Moony to cheer to up. "Now, Moony, you shouldn't be lecturing Harry. That's my job. Trust me, he really got a lecture too." James added seriously.
Remus laughed. James would never change. As much as he loved his pranks, he was the most overprotective of the Marauders. Remus recalled him always watching out for the Marauders and Lily, ready to curse anyone that insulted or tried to hurt them. Remus put those thoughts aside though. He needed to talk to James seriously.
"James, we need to talk."
James noted that Remus' voice had suddenly become very serious. He hoped that Remus didn't have any bad news or anything.
"Okay, go right ahead. I'm listening." said James.
"I'll leave." said Lily.
She got up from the couch with one last loving stroke through James' hair and walked up the stairs. James knew she'd be waiting for him in their bedroom. Remus sat down on the couch in the place Lily had been a few seconds before.
"I don't think Harry wanted me to go tell you this, but I think you need to know." started Remus. "While I was talking to him upstairs a few important things came up. Now, I don't really think Harry meant it or anything, but-"
"I already know, Remus." James cut in.
"You… you know? Did Harry tell you?"
"No, I overheard you two talking while I was walking down the hallway. Accidentally." said James adding the last part hurriedly.
Remus gave James the same look Lily had given him. Obviously, Remus didn't think James overheard accidentally either. He partially wished James hadn't. Remus assumed the red in James' eyes was from crying and not allergies, but he didn't dare tell James that.
"So you know then?" asked Remus. "The prophecy too?"
James nodded.
"Well, that makes it easier for me at least. I need to get back the Headquarters anyway. Snape's probably received more information about Voldemort's location. You know where to find me if you need anything."
"Thanks. Bye, Moony." said James.
Remus said his goodbyes and Flooed back to Headquarters. James got up and stretched before making his way up the stairs. He stopped when he passed by Harry's room. The door was open and the lights were out. He peeked inside.
Harry was sound asleep. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. It was hard to believe this was the kid that said he was ashamed to be James Potter's son. Most would never believe it of him. Harry had a reputation as being very polite and sweet actually.
It was also hard for James to believe that this boy had escaped Voldemort no less than five times already. He was only sixteen after all. James had to admit Harry was growing since he came to live here though. He was no longer the scrawny fifteen year old James had met in June. He was stronger and healthier. James was happy for that.
Still though, Harry was only sixteen. He had lost his parents at the age of one and lived with Lily's horrible sister until Lily and James came back to life and were healthy again. He had met his godfather while thinking he was an escaped murderer in his third year and saved him from a Dementor's Kiss. Then Sirius had died, fallen behind the mysterious veil last year. James was on the verge of tears when he heard about it. His best friend had suffered twelve years of Azkaban and then died as an escaped convict.
Harry had faced so many hardships in his life, but here he was, looking as peaceful as any other kid. James remembered Harry's nightmare just last week in the Hospital Wing. Harry didn't look peaceful then. James wondered how often Harry had strange nightmares. Was sleeping peaceful something he son rarely experienced?
James put his thoughts aside and left the room. He went into his own room where Lily was also sleeping peacefully. He changed into some night clothes and slid into the bed beside her. He smiled to himself at how lucky he was to have Lily as a wife before drifting off to sleep.
End note: Nobody hurt me! I just wanted to add the crying Harry scene so badly… I know the James feelings thing was kind of annoying to re-read the conversation, but I go crazy trying to write PoV correctly. Glad this chapter is over… I went insane putting up the italics. Pop ups were coming up like mad. Well, it's over now. Next chapter will be up someday. I'll have a preview on my Xanga sometime soon. I'm really liking what I have written for it so far.