Disillusioned
A/N: Another Rosiel/Katan piece. This is not a one-shot...or at least I don't think it will be. There aren't nearly as many fics as I would like about these two out there, so I thought I'd write one. Aren't I nice? XD
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel Sanctuary. Kaori Yuki does.
Warning: Please be aware that this includes slash, which means man on man. In other words, if you are offended by homosexual themes and don't feel comfortable with the content, please LEAVE.
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There was a time, when exactly he could not pinpoint in the rising fog that covered his mind, that he had been fond of rain. Why or how he knew not either, but he thought there was something peaceful and tranquil that came with the darkening of the skies and the cool, soft feeling of pure, pristine water touching the skin. There was a time, he was sure, when the water would soak his body and he would smile as the raindrops claimed their territory, if only temporarily. It was welcoming.
There was a time, he could remember that there was a time, but the time he remembered not.
Perhaps it was all a dream.
After all, there was now nothing welcoming about the chilling, bone-freezing droplets that left his skin begging for warmth. Nothing welcoming about the suffocating blanket that stretched over the city with the too-bright lights and frenzied people that seemed to hide from the accursed droplets. The water was cold, the wind worse. His uniform was drenched and his hair resembled a wet dog in both looks and texture.
A few more days. The harsh and forbidden mortal realm would trouble him no more, just a few more days. In a few more days he would be able to wash his hands and cleanse his soul. Those who gave their lives would be at peace.
He hoped.
He was sure that at times he could hear -no feel- the painful screams of those who had gone. Their cries reverberated in his mind, echoing in the chasms of his past. And as much as he tried to tell himself that they were now gone and at peace, never to be disturbed again, he could not block out the screams of pure agony, those of souls in eternal torture. He knew, however, very well that there was no going back now. His destiny was written in stone and stamped for good measure.
He shivered.
There were no exits and he was forced to take the long hard path, though, he knew that he would not be able to put his deeds behind him and forget the lambs. Somewhere deep inside his dreams, they were still trying to reach him, tear him apart over and over again.
But it was for Him and , though, he knew it should not comfort him, or even excuse his behavior, it did. The pain and guilt that weighed his soul down, as if to drag it to the depths of the fiery abyss, were nothing compared to the feeling of being near Him, serving Him, touching Him.
Once He returned, both Heaven and Earth would be at peace. /Even me/ Once He returned...
Lightning flashed overhead and the sky was momentarily bathed in light, only to be left in darkness seconds later. He didn't like this. The flashes of light were both short lived and too bright. The light came and surrounded all only to leave them again in darkness faster than they could blink, faster than they could truly gaze and appreciate, know the overwhelming power that touched them only moments earlier. He despised the false sense of security, the false hope that came with it. But most of all, he despised the fact that it was too much like a glance in time, a picture taken right out of what seemed like a page out of the book of his life .
And for that reason, it frightened him.
/Push that away. Stop thinking about it. You have a job to do and soon this'll all be over. Soon./
Another flash of lightning and the cracking of the thunder overhead.
/But the boy, he was strange.../
He turned around the corner as the street lights flickered back to life, making way for him, and saw the building he was headed for – dark and eery like something taken out of a nightmare; most likely his own. At the back of his mind he wondered what the girl, the last one, was doing. She looked frail and delicate, dark hair framing a petite face with scrawny arms and no womanly curves like the other women this cyberpolis possessed. She was special, gifted, but still weak and helpless in a world where those of her kind didn't last long.
/But this time you are the predator and she's the helpless fly that happened to get itself tangled in the web of the cunning little spider...no/
A bitter smile formed as he closed the door behind him. Darkness. Instantly it wrapped around him as if attempting to devour him whole. He closed his eyes and allowed it to take him away. Invisible fingers threaded their way through his hair, his body. They took and violated.
The flashes of lightning kept coming, invading the privacy of the angel that had descended to save humanity.
"Lord Rosiel..."
¤ ¤ ¤
The moon stood in the background silent as ever, watching the world go by. Unbelievably large, almost otherworldly; stars around it faded and paled in the luminance of the silver celestial body. The stage was set, the actors ready and the curtain was about to be lifted.
It wasn't cold, he thought. Not really. The temperature was high enough to allow for mortals to prance about in no more than a light T-shirt or a summer's dress. To the cherub however, it seemed low enough to make his teeth chatter and his fingers freeze. The air seemed heavy. He could barely breath and each breath came out rugged and short.
/Calm down. Why can't I calm down/
He was there, atop the building. Slowly, alone and silent, he was left counting each inhalation and exhalation. In. Out. Repeat.
The children – so many of them. So many screams of pure agony and somehow, though he could not explain how or why, he could swear he smelled the foul stench of death and decay all around him, violating his nostrils and demanding access to the darkest parts of his mind.
"My Lord...forgive me!" He turned his eyes to the heavens above as if expecting the Divine Father to descend and grant him forgiveness, cleanse his hands and spirit and make him pure again. Just like He once did.
"I have no choice. None other but adhere to Him."
/Because I would follow Him anywhere./
As the lamedo shone brightly on the cherub's forehead, his hands shook and his hair stood on end. He could hear his own heartbeat thundering in his ears and he was sure that soon it would simply burst. The time was here and soon He would be here as well. He would appear before him after all this time, lighting the skies with His ethereal, otherworldly light. After all the years he spent in the waiting room, to finally be allowed in was an exhilarating moment that made the cherub's blood rush faster and his vision blur. He didn't know if his entire being shook with fear or excitement. Perhaps a mixture of both.
The enormous amount of energy meant to wake his master burst out in a single wave that left him dizzy and gasping for breath.
And all lights went out as the world was plunged into darkness.
/To the depths of Hell itself.../
TO BE CONTINUED
A/N: I'm sorry for the short chapter. The rest of them will be longer. Please leave comments and constructive criticism.