"I'm sorry about yesterday," he said as he stopped at her locker before school had started the next day.
"Don't be," Emma said, avoiding his desperate attempt to make eye contact. "It wasn't your fault."
"I know it wasn't, but still…" Spinner trailed off.
"You missed my company? I know, must've been tough on you," she said through a smile.
"One whole afternoon without Emma Nelson, now that's something to cry about," he said playfully.
She smiled, but motioned toward the glass doors of Degrassi Community School.
"People are starting to come in," she said biting her lip.
"So? We can't be friends?" he replied.
"If we can't 'be friends' in front of Jay, for your sake, then we can't 'be friends' in front of Manny, for mine, or hers, or I'm not even sure who I am looking out for, but it's someone. Plus, you know how fast gossip travels down these halls, you're damaged goods, Mr. Mason, we can't have that rubbing off on me," she said with heavy sarcasm.
"Well, I wouldn't want my reputation to be tarnished by hanging out with nerds anyway; I've got this loner persona to maintain. If someone sees me with, you know, a friend or something, this whole school might just turn upside down," he said lightheartedly, as he walked away.
"After-school, Mason."
"After-school, Nelson."
He knew the Emma had been joking, he was too, but underneath all the words that put smiles on their faces, lurked a truth that was bigger than the both of them. He'd gotten used to his only words at school being spoken to Kwan, or worst case scenario, Hatzilakos, but it didn't mean that it no longer hurt every time got a glimpse of Jimmy, or every time Marco averted his eyes in the halls. He'd grown up knowing only the friendship of the two of them, and without them in his life, he felt lost. He had Jay still, but that's who got him into this mess in the first place. His influence hadn't always proven to be the best.
Spinner remembered the rage that had filled him after he found out someone had been shot. He pressured Jay to confess, but knew his lack of any redeeming qualities would prevent him from doing so. Taking matters into his own hands allowed him to forgive, forget, and realize that Jay may be the only friend he would have for a long time.
That's why he was so confused. The contempt that he once held Jay in was slowly starting to creep back up on him.
"Why do I have to worry about his feelings? That's if he even has any," he thought to himself.
But as much Jay joked about the ravine, his "blonde bombshell", and the only reason he wanted Emma back was for more "good times", Spinner knew that there was more to it. The few and far between times that he actually used her name, instead of some nick-name relating to her love for the environment, thin-frame, or blonde hair; you could hear a difference in his voice. It was as if it was actually hard for him to say it, to say "Emma". On the days when Jay picked him up for school, they'd sometimes see her leaving from the building. Instead of speeding off and causing a scene, which had been trademark of his Halloween orange Civic, he found a reason to fumble with the radio, or need to look through the glove compartment, until she passed. Jay was Superman, and she was his kryptonite.