Five Years Ago
"How long will you be gone?" Samantha asked as Martin begun to pack a suitcase.
"I don't know, a week, a month, a year. Van Doren didn't really know. I have to replace someone who's sick or something. Anyway, I have to stay until they find a permanent replacement."
"Why did they choose you?" Sam asked tearfully as she handed Martin several folded dress shirts.
"They said I was the most qualified." Martin replied as he begun stuffing his suitcase with socks and dress shirts. "I don't want to go."
"You don't have to." Samantha said as she sat on the bed next to the half-packed suitcase.
"Yes, I do. I don't have choice."
"It's just unfair."
"I know." Martin said as he sat down next to her. "But I'll be back before you know it."
Samantha began to cry and leaned back into Martin's arms. "I hate them. I hate them so much for taking you from me." Martin kissed her head. "I hate them too." Samantha looked up at him and he kissed her lightly on the lips. She kissed him back for a second but then pulled away. "I'm sorry, but this will just make it harder." Sam stood up and walked toward the bathroom and closed the door. Martin watched her leave, and stood up to finish packing his suitcase.
"Sam? I have to leave." Martin said as he knocked on the bathroom door. Sam emerged with red eyes. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail and she wore denim jeans with a black tee-shirt. That was the image of Samantha that Martin would remember for five years. Sam hugged Martin tightly, "I love you." She whispered. That was the first time she had said that two him.
"I love you too." He kissed the top of her head. They slowly pulled away.
"I'll call you when I get to Denver."
"You better." Sam smiled softly. And Martin grabbed his suitcase and walked toward the door.
"I'll be back before you know it." Martin turned around and softly smiled at her before he walked out the door. Sam lay down on the bed and cried though the whole night.
The next morning Sam woke up with red eyes. Her stomach felt queasy and she ran into the bathroom to throw up. She figured it was just her sadness. She somehow managed to get ready for work by using eye drops and several cups of coffee. Before leaving, she checked her cell phone. 'One missed call' flashed before her eyes and she listened to the voice mail: "Hey, Sam, it's me. I just got to the apartment I'm supposed to stay at. The head of the FBI said I couldn't contact anyone for a while. They said I was going on some assignment. I'll check in as soon as I can. I love you. I'll talk to you later." Samantha sighed and the phone went to the next message, which was another one from Martin. "Hey, it's me again. I…just…don't forget me. I will never forget you, no matter how long I'm gone. I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, but I just wanted to tell you. I love you. I really have to go now. I'll talk to you as soon as it can." Samantha did her best to fight back the tears and headed toward the office, not that it would be any easier there.
"Morning, how ya holding up?" Danny asked Samantha as she walked sadly into the bullpen.
"Morning. I've been better." She said and looked at the sandwich Danny was eating. "That's really disgusting, Danny." She said irritated.
"What? You think it's too early for tuna? It's not bad, do you want some?" Danny held up the sandwich for Samantha, even though he didn't want to give up his precious breakfast. Samantha responded by running out of the bullpen towards the bathroom, running past Vivian in the process.
"What's wrong with her?" Vivian asked as she took a swallow of coffee and sat down at her desk, Danny followed her.
"Maybe she's just upset, I don't really blame her." Danny said and took a bit out of the sandwich and suddenly realized something, "Didn't she used to love tuna?"
"Danny, it is eight a.m. She was probably up all night. You're reading too much into this."
"Maybe." Danny polished off his sandwich and Samantha re-entered the bullpen.
"Hey, sorry about that." She said embarrassed and sat down at her desk. "So, what's on the agenda?"
"Hey Sam, Jack and Viv and I are gonna get some drinks, you wanna come?" Danny asked as the team prepared to pack up for the night.
"No, I need…to get something. I mean, I'm not really up for it."
"Okay," Danny paused, "if you ever want to talk, or anything. I'm here."
Sam smiled softly, "I know, I just need to figure out something."
"What kind of 'something'?" Danny asked
"Danny," Sam started, "it could be nothing. I just need to get something."
"Yeah, you said that. Sam, you can tell me."
Samantha took a deep breath and leaned toward Danny, "You can't tell anyone, okay? At least not yet."
"My lips are sealed."
"I think I might be pregnant." Samantha stood up and put on her jacket.
"Oh," Danny didn't seem all that surprised, but Sam didn't seem to notice. "Can I do anything?"
"Yeah, bring Martin back."
"I don't…think…I can." Danny said cautiously
"I know you can't." Samantha said, "I'll see you tomorrow."
Samantha stood in her living room holding a plastic bag with an early pregnancy test inside. She knew she had to take it, but she wanted to wait as long as possible. A part of her really wanted to be pregnant, knowing she would always have a bit of Martin with her. But another part was scared to death; she knew she couldn't handle the responsibility. She sighed and went into the bathroom.
All she had to do was wait. Wait for the timer to go off. Wait to see what the rest of her life would be like. The timer rang an annoying buzz and she picked up the plastic stick. Pink meant positive. She sighed. Everything had changed in a matter of seconds. Sam reached for her cell phone and dialed Martin's cell number from memory. After three rings, a mechanical voice answered, "We're sorry, this number as been disconnected. Please hang up and…" Samantha hung up the phone and begun to cry. She cried because she needed Martin, and she cried because she was alone, and she cried because she didn't know what she was going to do.
Samantha opened the door to Jack's office the next morning in an angry rage.
"Bring him back!" She yelled hysterically.
"Who? Martin?"
"No, John Lennon. Of course Martin!" She begun to scream
"I'm sorry, Sam, that is out of my control."
"Bullshit! You know were he is. Bring him back, call him. Call Denver and tell them that you made a mistake. Tell them that Martin isn't right for the job."
"It's too late. He's already on the assignment."
Samantha sighed and sulked in the chair and tried to calm herself down.
"What's going on?" Jack asked.
"I can't say. I mean, I guess I have to eventually. But right now I need Martin."
"He's in Denver, working undercover. You can't reach him."
"When will I be able to?"
"I don't know."
Samantha stood up and walked towards the door, "I'm not feeling well, can I take the day off? You can call me if you need me to come in."
"Sure. I wish I could help you more."
"Yeah, right." Samantha said under her breath as she walked out of the office.
Eight Months Later
Samantha held the tiny baby close to her body and stared off into space.
"Hey." A familiar voice said softly as the door opened. Samantha wished it was Martin, but it was only Danny.
"Hi." Samantha said softly as the baby yawned and drifted off to sleep. Samantha looked up at Danny with hopeful eyes, the same eyes that always asked the same question: Did you find him?
Danny shook his head in response, "Not yet, I talked to Denver. He's still undercover."
"God, it's been almost a year Danny."
"I know." He walked over to Samantha, "have you thought of a name yet?"
"Yeah, actually. I was thinking Cecilia. It was my grandmother's name."
"Cecilia Spade, I like it."
"I think she's going to have Fitzgerald. I think it would be better." Danny nodded and sat next to her.
"She's beautiful. Martin would have wanted to be here."
"He's not dead, Danny. He's just…not here." She drifted off
"I know." Danny said, "I'll let you get some sleep. You're going to need your energy."
Samantha smiled and put the baby into the bed next to her, "Yeah. Thanks for coming."
"No problem." Danny left the room and Samantha looked down at the sleeping baby and a tear fell down her cheek.
Two Years Ago
"Danny, guess who called?" Jack asked as he came into the bullpen.
"Who?" Danny took a picture of a missing accountant off the white board.
"Our very own Martin Fitzgerald." Jack said and walked toward Danny.
"No kidding," Danny realized that it was Samantha's day off, "What did he want."
"He was wondering if you wanted to come out and help him work on a missing persons case."
"How long?"
"A week end, a week?" Jack said unsure.
"Yeah, sure," Danny smiled, "It would be nice to see him again."
"Your plane leaves tomorrow morning." Jack said and walked out of the bullpen.
"You're what?" Samantha asked as she refilled Danny's water glass. Cecilia was two and contently playing on the floor with a doll, Samantha was keeping a close eye on her.
"Going to Denver for a couple of days," Danny took another swallow of water, "Martin called…"
"He called you?" Samantha sat down at the table across from him. Samantha had moved into the house about a year ago, she didn't want Cecilia to grow up in the city.
"Jack actually." Danny glanced over at Cecilia, who had found her way to another doll.
"So, he calls Jack but not me?" Samantha looked hurt.
"I'm sure he didn't mean it like that, Sam, it was for business. I'm sure he'll call you when he can."
"Okay." She sighed, "So when you see him, can you not tell him?"
Danny looked confused, "about what?"
"About Cecilia, I want to tell him. Just tell him that I'm doing well."
"Okay, but he's gonna have to find out eventually."
"I know, I just want to tell him myself. I don't want him to be working and then you come along and drop this bomb-shell on him."
"Okay, I won't." Danny stood up and walked over toward Cecilia, "Okay, I'm gonna go. Bye Sam. Bye Ceel!" The little girl looked up at him and giggled.
"Bye!" She squealed and went back to her dolls. Danny waved goodbye and went out the door. Samantha sat down next to her daughter and watched her play with the dolls. Samantha knew she had to tell Martin, and in two more years, she would.