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Chapter 10

The next ten days passed quickly. Spike was determined to be rid of the wheelchair as soon as she could. She spent most days working intensely in the physical therapy department. Through pain, hard work, and determination, she was able to use a cane eventually. Angel continued to support the blond vampire but he was cautious. She was quiet around him. The memories of their time in Sunnydale seemingly fresh on her mind. She knew, in her heart, that he was no longer that creature capable of such horror. She simply needed time.

Spike tossed and turned in her large bed one late night. She had been tired from a busy day with physical therapy and spending time in Fred's lab. She had returned and quickly fed and went to bed. She lay in the dark and stare straight up at the ceiling. She could not sleep so she decided to go into the living room area.

She stood in the dark room. The only light was the moonlight streaming through the blinds. With the use of her cane, she found herself walking slowly towards the window and staring down at the city of Angels. She wrapped her arms around her thin frame as if she were cold. She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them as she felt a presence. She knew Angel was standing in the room watching her, but she did not turn around.

"Spike?" Angel said quietly as he placed a t-shirt on over his broad frame. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah." She answered while keeping her eyes closed.

"Are you okay?" The dark vampire asked with concern. "Did you have a bad dream?" He said while stepping a bit closer to her. He was still quite a distance away from her.

"Always have those." She said so quietly Angel barely heard her.

The two stood there for quite some time in silence. Angel watched her back and wanted so much to comfort her and get her to talk; but, he was nervous. He did not want to pry, but he could sense that she wanted to say something. She was breathing and he knew Spike would breathe when she was felt uneasy or scared.

"When you were in the hospital, Spike," Angel started slowly, "you seemed to have some bad dreams and hallucinations." When he realized she was not interrupting him, he continued. "You were screaming about burning..." He trailed off because he was not sure what kind of reaction he would receive. Silence befell the room again. After a while, she spoke.

She laughed bitterly at first. "That damn amulet, you know. Felt so stupid wearin' it. Looked like friggin' Elizabeth Taylor or somethin'." She shook her head. "Started heatin' up after awhile. The Slayers had beat the Ubervamps back, but it wasn't enough. They kept comin'. Probably thousands of those ugly fuckers." She continued to hold her arms around her thin frame and to talk at the window. She did not turn back. Angel stood quietly. His heart was breaking as he heard his Grandchilde speak with such sadness.

"Then the amulet glowed and kind of threw me back against a big rock." Her voice rose a bit. "Light or somethin' shot out of it and started burnin' those vamps. Just like if sunlight hit them. Gave a chance for what Slayers were left to get out of there." She bowed her head. "That's when I knew." She whispered.

"Knew what?" Angel asked.

"That I wasn't leaving."

Angel's eyes saddened. "Spike. You don't have to..." Angel walked towards his Grandchilde. He did not want her to dredge up painful memories.

"It's okay. Never really talked about it before, you know?" Angel sensed the unsteadiness in her voice. But, he did not keep her from speaking.

"I was okay. I think. I knew it was my time. After everything I'd done..." Her voice choked as she lowered her head. She took a deep breath and continued. "The light kept coming out; it hurt but I was calm. Ready." She paused. "And then, I felt it."

Angel was confused. "Felt what, Spike?"

She turned her head to the dark vampire and whispered. "My Soul." A tear escaped her eye. "It was beautiful, Sire." She paused. "I knew that I couldn't ever make up for everything I had done. But, in that last moment, I knew I could at least try." She reached up to wipe her face and she turned away again.

She breathed deeply again. She bit her lower lip before proceeding. "Did you know?" She couldn't bear to face him after asking the question so she kept her back towards him still.

"Yes. I felt you pass." He answered with sadness as he teared.

Spike's voice cracked. "Did you care?"

"Gods, Spike!" Angel moved closer. "Of course I did."

A small smile traversed her face as she let out the breath she did not realize she was holding.

"I know I was such an ass when you first came back. I think I was in shock really. So much had happened in my life to that point. With the move to Wolfram and Hart, I was all messed up. I was a terror when we first got here." He chuckled bitterly. "I think it was because I couldn't tell anyone about my grief. I was mourning many things at that time, Spike. Including you." He sighed. "When you appeared in my office, I know I was a jerk." Angel stopped rambling.

She quietly asked, "How long was I gone?"

"About nineteen days."

She snorted. "Seemed longer."

Angel proceeded delicately. "Spike, where were you?" He was not sure he wanted to know.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Don't really know. I couldn't feel me but I know I was me." She shook her head. "I wasn't in pain or nothin'. But I was all alone." She turned to him briefly. "You were raised Catholic, Liam...maybe I was in limbo or purgatory or whatever." Her voice hitched again. "Next thing I know, I was in your office all ghost-like." She turned back. "Don't know what was worse. Being there all alone or here where nothing had changed."

"Will, I am so sorry. I never thought...I don't even know what to say." He hung his head. "I was so relieved to see you at first and then I snapped back into our old way of relating to each other." He walked until he was directly behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders. Initially he felt her tense, but then she relaxed. "There is so much I need forgiveness for." He paused and nearly melted when he felt her cool hand on top of his. He turned her gently until he was looking down into her beautiful blue eyes. He slowly bent down and lightly kissed her forehead. "You were always so beautiful, Will." He whispered. He wiped the tear traveling down her sculptured cheek. "Don't cry, Little One."

"Angel..." Spike closed her eyes as if in disbelief.

"Ssh. No more talking." Angel bowed down and captured her lips tenderly. He found himself smiling into the kiss as he felt her responding by opening her mouth. His long arms encircled her thin frame as he deepened the kiss and the passion of over a century took over. Spike eventually pulled back from the kiss. The two vampires panted. "I'm sorry." The dark vampire said.

"For what?" She asked.

"I wanted to do that for so long, I almost lost control." He smiled.

"And that's a bad thing because?" She slyly grinned as Angel chuckled as he embraced her. Against his chest, she continued. "I wanted you to do that for a long time, you stupid ponce!" The two laughed.

"Why don't we head to bed." Angel said and then he swallowed nervously. "Would you come with me? I want to hold you all night." His smile warmed her heart. She nodded and reached for her cane. Angel gently grabbed it from her and lay it down on a chair. He lifted her into his arms and walked slowly to the bedroom and closed the door.

TBC...