Leaving school before three wasn't exactly all that hard for him to do. He'd cut often enough to know the escape routes. What was hard was figuring out where he could go. The problem with secluded areas was that anyone who wanted to get away knew where they were. Especially kids like him, who weren't exactly model teenagers, who he didn't want to meet. Mostly because he has problems with them, or had problems with them sometime during his gang years. In any case, he wanted nothing to do with them or anyone else for that matter. Jounouchi wanted to hide and think which he knew would end up with him trying not to think.
He considered going home but even though Kaiba wouldn't be caught dead in his neighborhood (he was also sure Kaiba didn't know where Jounouchi lived, and about seventy percent sure he wasn't going to try and find out), he knew Yami wouldn't have much of a problem going to see him. Yami usually was more understanding and knew when to give a person his space but Jounouchi was sure that this wouldn't be one of those times.
So he just ran, randomly through the streets of Domino, dodging truency and hoping to leave his persures (there were none) lost. His mind was a million miles away, replaying what had happened on the roof top over and over again. It was driving him mad.
First and foremost, he was pissed at himself for running. It was so cowardly. Worse, it was so dramatic. He could have at least told them what he was thinking...
What the hell? He didn't even know what he was thinking!
Jounouchi's mind was a jumbled mess of whos, whats and whys. He didn't think he could sort anything out with Kaiba and Yami right in front of him. What if they like started dueling to see who would get Jounouchi? As silly as that thought was, he had seen those two start a Duel Monster's game over stupider, unnecessary reasons. Contrary to popular opinion, Jounouchi did not think a card game could solve problems.
Ducking into an alley, Jounouchi caught his breath while he waited for some cops to go by. It was easier that way, he didn't think he had it in him to act naturally. The way he was fidgetting would make him stand out to anyone with a sharp enough eye. Even though police officers didn't have a reputation of being the sharpest pencils in the box, Jounouchi didn't want to take the chance.
In the end, his legs gave out under him, deciding that this alleyway was as good as place as any. He crawled deeper into the alley, concealing himself from prying eyes behind a large trashbin. It sort of smelled but not unbearably so. He wasn't moving.
At least no one could find him here which was good.
"Finally," he murmured. "Peace."
No one would find him here. Jounouchi had a perfect moment to think things through with absolutely no interruptions from Kaiba or Yami. It was a perfect opportunity to work things out and find a solution.
And he fell asleep.
In the end, Jounouchi ended up falling asleep behind the dumpster. It wasn't uncommon for Jounouchi to fall asleep during stressful situations. As a child, Jounouchi always slept through his parents fights. Shizuka would usually come into find him asleep and curl up next to him. If he hadn't just yet fallen asleep, he'd adjust both of them better, curling an arm around her tiny waist, and would snuggle deeper into the covers. He doubted Shizuka would fall asleep like he would but he was pretty sure she was comforted nonetheless. She had cried a lot before their parents finally decided to give up and divorce… not that going through the divorce made him sleep any less or her cry any less.
A long sigh escaped him.
Still waking up behind a dumpster to a mouse chewing on your shoe lace was just a little too embarrassing for Jounouchi's taste. It also hit on a deep fear inside of him. One that his father's increasing debt could make real at any time.
Shaking off the small animal and all those depressing thoughts, he stood and stretch then headed home since he figured he smelled funny.
However nice the nap was, Jounouchi was aware that it really didn't accomplish anything (besides further impress on him that he was an emotional coward). He was nowhere near figuring out what to do about Kaiba and Yami. Albeit, he was much calmer than before so he figured that figuring it out would be easier now.
Yeah right.
One would think that just picking one of them would be easy. Beyond easy! It should be Yami. Logically speaking, he liked Yami better. They could have conversations, Yami wouldn't make a sport out of degrading him, wouldn't act superior, he would smile at Jounouchi's bad jokes, and he wouldn't be emotionally distant. Being hot wasn't such a bad thing either.
All in all, Yami would make a good boyfriend.
Or at least that was the logical conclusion. Nothing was etched in stone but, logically speaking here, it was more likely for Yami to make Jounouchi happy than Kaiba.
So exactly why was Kaiba in the equation? It couldn't just be because Jounouchi felt that it was his duty to consider Kaiba as a potential candidate for his affections. Surely not just because Kaiba had the hots for him? That seemed a little silly. Kaiba never spared his feelings like that. And even if Jounouchi was the bigger and kinder man (which he was), it didn't mean he needed to go through this kind of anguish. It should be more like: Kaiba likes me but I don't like him beyond his tight little butt, so that's that.
But it wasn't. So what was going on? Why so much consideration? Like if Kaiba really and truly had a chance with him… like if he really was Yami's rival…
Oh good gods, what if Kaiba was? Somewhere deep inside of Jounouchi, some demented and masochistic side of him, actually considered Kaiba Seto as a lover (not just someone to screw around with)? Even if Kaiba may not even really consider Jounouchi as one?
Why?
Well it didn't matter why, Jounouchi realized after lots of loud mental anguish. Honestly, some questions were just better left unanswered. However some truths should not be kept secret. Or better said, his conscious wasn't going to let Jounouchi keep his two Don Juans in the dark about his dilemma.
Fucking morals.
So while taking the bus back down town towards the Game Shop, Jounouchi's imagination entertained him with crazy images of Kaiba and Yami having pistol duels, sword fights, wrestling matches, and yes, card games to see who'd win over Jounouchi's affections. Though Jounouchi had the decency to realize that those were just products of an ego that wanted stroking. There was something about two very attractive men wanting him that pleased him as well. Especially since he spent a lot of his time in their shadows. Yes, it was nice to have some attention on him… even if it was a little scary too.
Once the bus left him off a block away from the Game Shop, Jounouchi found himself wishing he had decided to talk to Kaiba instead. There was comfort in Kaiba's hostility--it was familiar. With Yami… well he could act in ways that Jounouchi wouldn't be prepared for. That and Yami was a hell of a lot scarier when angry. Jounouchi didn't make a past time out of pissing him off after all (that was a private game between him and Techno Geek).
Jounouchi told himself that he's been enough of a coward on this fine day and that he needed to move his tush down that block.
The block seemed to go on forever. The door to the Game Shop seemed to have grown ten feet since Jounouchi was last there.
Shoving the door a little harder than necessary, Jounouchi was in.
"Welcome!" Yugi's cheerful voice came from somewhere under the counter. Jounouchi could just barely see the tips of his spikes. "Is there anything I can help you wi--Jounouchi-kun!"
Somehow Jounouchi had expected him to sound a little more upset. But either Yugi understood his dilemma or was just not getting involved in this one. "Hey," Jounouchi said, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. He felt awkward.
"You want to talk to the other me?" Yugi asked, looking half amused and half exasperated. Jounouchi just nodded.
In seconds, Yugi was eagerly ushering Jounouchi upstairs to the living room, then running back to tell his Grandfather that he needed the older man to watch the store for a while. It all took under two minutes. Seriously.
Yugi was about to make himself scarce (spiritually not physically) when Jounouchi grabbed his wrist. Large purple eyes were instantly focused on him, looking curious.
"Is he mad?" Jounouchi asked, tentatively. Some preparation would be nice.
"A little," Yugi responded, making Jounouchi raise an eyebrow.
"Just a little?"
"Well he's not spitting fire or anything, but he's not pleased Jounouchi-kun." Yugi reached out and placed a hand on Jounouchi's shoulder. Then he leaned in as if to keep what he was going to say between the two of them. Jounouchi decided not to let his friend know that if that was his intention it probably wasn't happening. "You did kinda cheat on him."
"We aren't dating yet!" Jounouchi yelled, defensively. Yugi sighed. He shook his head as if there was something Jounouchi just wasn't getting. But he said no more and the next thing Jounouchi knew, it was Yami's narrowed red eyes that were mere inches from his.
For a long moment there was absolute silence between them. Not that there needed to be any words, the intensity in Yami's eyes spoke volumes. Jounouchi figured that Yami could get through his hard head with just his stare, but that wouldn't make for a good story.
"You lied," Yami said and moved to the couch, where he sat down, crossed his legs and watched him. The tension between them decreased marginally (at least for Jounouchi), but now he felt as if he was suppose to do a performance for his life before a king.
Jounouchi sighed, it was time to stop acting like a moron. "I didn't lie," Jounouchi began. Yami looked incredulous but Jounouchi plowed on before he could say anything. "At the time you asked me whether the person who gave me that hickey mattered to me, he didn't."
"And now?" Yami squeezed in. Damn, no more dramatic pauses.
Jounouchi shrugged his answer and sat down beside Yami. The pharaoh didn't look very pleased with his answer but Jounouchi didn't want to lie to Yami--or himself for that matter--again.
"I thought it was just some screwed up game we were playing," Jounouchi explained. "I mean, Kaiba and I like to play,--" play here being a very nice term for the nasty fights they like to get into-- "you know that. I just thought Kaiba was doing mind games. I guess I wasn't seeing the obvious… or denying it. I donno. But, I'm guessing, it was more than just a game."
"You're guessing?" Yami asked, tight lipped. As always he was doing a valiant job of keep his cool. Yami wasn't totally succeeding but it was a very good job considering how pissed he probably was.
"Yeah," Jounouchi replied, looking towards the television across from them. It was off and he could see their reflection somewhat distorted in grayscale. "See I haven't talked to Kaiba yet. I haven't gotten him to admit anything but I'm pretty sure it's not just about groping and kissing." Just then he realized there was no hard evidence for his declaration. He couldn't help but wonder what he might be ruining with Yami by making that statements. But he also didn't know if it would ruin anything (with Yami or with Kaiba) at all. It could be something nice with one of them if they worked everything out…
He plowed on, "And I just figured out, it's not for me either."
There was another silence. This one was more oppressive than the last one. Jounouchi shifted uncomfortably on the couch. He figured it was best to let Yami digest what he told him before pressing onward. It also gave Jounouchi a moment to breathe, get his thoughts together.
Yami and Kaiba really did have common traits. Their best one was the poker face. However Yami wasn't employing that pocker face right now. His expression could only be described a very regal and refined version of the common 'you're shitting me' face.
"So that is your choice," Yami said, tight lipped. Jounouchi was amazed that he could get a word out.
Jounouchi blinked stupidly.
"You're really considering Kaiba," Yami said sounding amazed. "Are you daft?"
The question took Jounouchi by surprise. It wasn't exactly something he'd expected Yami to say. It didn't seem like something he'd say. Pharaoh's just didn't go around asking people if they were crazy or stupid or whatever it was that word meant. He wasn't very good with English slang. He never liked English slang either. Well unless it was coming from an English person because that was the way they talked after all. But if one isn't English one shouldn't be using their slang. It just made the person sound like a wannabe or something and a somewhat of an idiot. Or at least that was how Jounouchi felt about it.
Why was he even thinking about something so inane at the moment!
"I'm considering you too!" Jounouchi said, frowning indignantly. It wasn't like he was taking Yami out of the running after all. "I'm attracted to both of you." he added, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at him.
Yami stared at him for a long moment. His lips were a thin line. Jounouchi knew he wasn't going to hear a word come out of those lips for a few moments. It was probably because Yami didn't want to say anything he was going to regret. Yami was always like that, weighing and considering things and making sure he didn't do or say something that would escalate the situation.
Jounouchi took a breath, unfolding his arms, he should probably take an example from the pharaoh.
"I tried," he said after he thought he was as calm as he was going to be. Considering the situation, Jounouchi thought it was he was pretty damn calm. Only his fingers were twitching after all. "I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Why I ran from you when you kissed me on Sunday. I kept wondering why. Why? I couldn't figure it out til today on the roof. It was the same reason I let Kaiba kiss me so easily. I liked it. I liked it when he touched me. And I like it when you touched me too."
There it was out in the open. No secrets. His cards were all on the table. God that had taken forever. And he had to do that again with Kaiba? Why hadn't he gotten them together to tell them? Could he do it again with Kaiba? Could he really go over to Kaiba mansion, knock on his door and tell Kaiba Seto that he had the hots for him?
No, no he couldn't. He couldn't trust Kaiba's reaction. He couldn't trust Kaiba not to hurt his feelings...
That was a depressing thought.
Yami chose that exact moment to speak, "Jounouchi, this isn't just about phyiscal attractions." He shifted so he was looking at Jounouchi directly. "Well not completely. I am attracted to you. Absolutely positively attracted to you, but it's not just your body that I want. You understand that correct?"
Jounouchi nodded. "Yeah, of course I do." He didn't like where this was headed.
"Is it just physical to you?" Yami asked and upon Jounouchi's confused expression, he elaborated. "As you try to decide between us, do you only consider physical attraction or do you bring into consideration emotional bonding, companionship... all those things important in making a healthy, working relationship?"
Jounouchi closed his eyes, raising a hand to rub the bridge of his nose. Of course that was where Yami was heading. Yami had a good point too. If it were just about physical attraction, Jounouchi wouldn't have had any trouble touching and being touched by Kaiba. If it were just about phsyical attraction, he might have allowed Kaiba to screw him silly in the boys' bathroom. Hell, he might have initiated it himself because he knew Kaiba was hot. He had admitted it to himself after Kaiba had first kissed him behind the gym. He had just decided to ignore that admittance later on.
Let's not forget that Jounouchi only became so truly troubled when he came to the realization that Kaiba might have feelings for him. He had been basically ready to run into Yami's arms until that moment on the roof when he was able to read the brunet correctly for the first time.
If he read him correctly...
It was about relationships. It was about being together in more than just a phsyical sense. It was about bonding romantically. It was about all the things that Jounouchi wasn't even sure Kaiba could give him, would want to give him (which was why he was afraid to put everything on the table before Kaiba the way he could with Yami! He could trust Yami with his heart...).
"It's not just phsyical," Jounouchi said, opening his eyes slowly to look at the brunet. Yami nodded and moved closer to him, taking his hand. He kissed it. That was a sweet gesture. Very royalty-like, Jounouchi thought.
"I can assure you it will be more than physical," Yami said. His lips brushed over Jounouchi's hand as he spoke and his red eyes held Jounouchi's brown ones. "I told you how I felt before I even considered kissing you."
Which was more than Kaiba had done. That's for sure.
"But Kaiba..." Jounouchi continued, stubbornly. It was even beginning to piss him off. Why did he have this stubborn attachment (for lack of a better word) to Kaiba? Yami was obviously the better choice! Jounouchi liked Yami.
"Aside from your body," Yami said, lowering Jounouchi's hand but still holding it. "Has he shown you that he wants to do more besides kiss your lips, make indecent touches in public areas?"
Jounouchi knew he didn't have to answer that for Yami to get his answer. It was frustrating.
"Do you have feelings for him?" Yami asked. Jounouchi felt himself tense and he hoped that the pharaoh didn't pick up on. "You act like you do." he added.
Jounouchi sighed and Yami continued. "You should tell me if you do." Yami wasn't even hiding his distaste when he said that. Well it didn't make sense that the idea of Jounouchi liking Kaiba would leave a sour taste in Yami's mouth.
"I already told you, I'm considering you both."
Yami shook his head. "Consideration is different than having feelings for someone. Having feelings for one of us would make what you're considering much different than what you would be considering if you as of yet held not real romantic feelings for either of us."
Jounouchi sank back in the seat and looked at Yami. How could Yami be so calm. If the situations were reversed, if it was he who liked Yami and Yami told Jounouchi that he might like someone else too, Jounouchi would be having a conniption. There would be plenty of yelling and cursing and threats to Kaiba's life (assuming it was Kaiba Yami liked... which now that he thought about it, he always felt that those two had the hots for each other. When they fought it looked like they were flirting and let's not forget that the leather-wearing only became a permanent fashion statement after they had become each other's rivals). In the very least, Jounouchi assumed he would not be asking Yami if he liked Kaiba back. Jounouchi would be trying to convince Yami that he didn't like the very air Kaiba breathed!
But Jounouchi had to concede that his way probably wouldn't accomplish much in the long run. Yami wanted to know if he had a chance with Jounouchi or if Jounouchi was just too fucking stupid to realize he liked one of them over the other already (though, Jounouchi had to admit, just because he admitted a preference doesn't mean Yami might give up). And this was something Jounouchi had just figured out, this very second, it wasn't something he had always known, even in the back of his head. It made him want to be serious, even more serious than he had been. It made him want to figure this out... not just for his sake, but for Yami's sake. No matter what the outcome was, he didn't want to drag the pharaoh into lengthy games of what ifs and I-don't-knows.
"I like him," he said to Yami. He found the words were easier to say then he thought. What was more noteworthy was that he didn't feel the urge to fervently deny what he just said. It was true. He liked Kaiba. Not just physically, not as a potential friend, not even as just a rival--he liked Kaiba, liked him for potiental lover.
He liked the way Kaiba carried himself, he liked Kaiba's confidence, his intelligence. Even the brunet's arrogance had a certain sex appeal to it. With Kaiba it was rough, it wasn't easy, there was no coddling... there was just something raw and masculine about it.
"Him only or more than me?" Yami asked, shoulder tense enough for a block head like Jounouchi to even notice. He hated hurting his friends.
"I think so," Jounouchi found himself saying before he even had a chance to respond. It was like now that he had admitted his feelings, this flood of 'duhs', for lack of a better word (though Jounouchi thought it fit perfectly considering his block head nature), was steadily blasting forth from his mouth. "All this time that I've been trying to figure out things, all I find myself thinking about is Kaiba. Always Kaiba. He's like this great focus in my mind. All I want to do is figure him out, figure out whether he likes me or not."
"And whenever I think about how easily it would be to just accept you," he began, making a motion for Yami not interrupted him. "for just the plain old reason that you are this absolutely wonderful person who has always given me such a feeling of comfort and belonging. Who I know I could trust my heart and soul too. Who I trust with my very life." He paused to reign his thoughts. This was the bad thing about floods of thoughts: tangents. "Whenever I think about accepting you, when I say to myself 'stupid, Yami's the obvious choice'. I always think about the what ifs, about Kaiba. And everything's screwed in my head, Yami. The only thing I can think is that I must like him more."
"Not that you're just indecisive and letting your curiosity get the best of you?" Yami asked, suddenly gripping Jounouchi's hand a little tighter than he had before. He leaned forward, he had to raise himself up on one in on the couch so that their foreheads touched. "If I'm so damn perfect, forget the mysteries and oddities of Kaiba Seto and be with me. Just be with me."
Yami kissed Jounouchi, bringing his free hand up to touch the side of the blond's face. Jounouchi found himself just looking at him before letting his eyes droop closed. Yami tasted like candy bars (because Yugi tended to live off of Mars bars), his lips were warm and inviting. His kiss was tender. A sigh escaped Jounouchi.
"I'm sorry," Jounouchi said, pulling away. "I can't."
TBC
Back from Florida and suffering through school again. I'll try to post as often as possible. I hope this is a good chapter. worries