Warning: Language; the Angst continues. Thanks to all who review...
Chapter 17
Spike awoke the next morning in their bed. She sat up slowly as she realized Angel was not along side her. The dark vampire strode into the room, fully dressed talking on his cell phone.
"Okay, Harmony. Did you arrange the car? Yes? Alright then. Wesley is in charge while I'm gone." He growled in frustration over the ditzy blond assistant after ending the call. "Morning, Spike." Angel smiled. "You were sleeping like the dead this morning."
"I am dead, you berk." The blond vampire said playfully as she stretched her arms over her head.
"Listen. The limo will be here in an hour to take us to the airport." He motioned towards the closet. "There's a bag next to the closet for some of your clothes." Angel walked up to her and kissed her gently. "Okay?"
Spike pursed her lips a bit. "Sure." She said quietly as she stood to pack some things. She chose her most tasteful clothes, recalling the conversation she had with Angel the previous night. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the clothes the shopper had chosen, but she ignored them. Angel did not mention them, so she wasn't going to bother for the time being. After she was satisfied with her choices, she quickly showered, fed, and then met Angel at the elevator.
The limo ride to the airport held very little conversation between the two vampires. Angel spent the time arguing with various persons at the Firm via his cell phone. Spike did not mind. Her mood had turned rather sullen. She could not ignore the gnawing feeling she had in her gut. She felt nervous to be accompanying Angel to Toronto. Part of her was still hurt over recent events and admittedly a bit scared as well. She wanted so much to believe him; he asked her to trust him that everything would work out. He seemed so sincere when he begged for her forgiveness last night. Yet, with all his words of remorse, he still did not divulge his reasons for his behavior. At every turn, he deflected her questions and concerns. Spike was not sure how much more she could take. She sighed as she turned her head slightly towards him. He was arguing some point with Wesley. As she returned to viewing the daytime LA through necrotempered glass, she only hoped that they could try to reconnect while on the trip.
As the two buckled themselves into the lush seats on the private jet, Angel could sense Spike's nerves building.
"You okay, honey?" He asked with genuine concern. "You're awfully quiet."
She turned to him across the small aisle, her blue eyes watching him. "Yeah." She dropped her head. "Bit nervous 'bout flyin', I'd wager. First time and all." She attempted a small smile.
Angel chuckled. "Hey, I've only flown in the helicopter. So technically, it's my first time too." He turned to face forward as he rested his head back on the chair. "We'll be okay." He sighed a bit nervously.
Spike snorted. "And if this flying rocket decides to burst into flames, then we'll dust so quickly, we won't even know it." She said as she rolled her eyes and stared outside.
"Come on, Spike..." Angel laughed a bit breaking the tension in the cabin. Spike soon joined as she giggled and turned towards him. Angel grabbed her hand across the aisle. "It feels like so long since we've just laughed."
"I know." Spike answered as she focused on Angel. She closed her eyes as she felt the light touch of him stroking her hand.
"Things will get better." He said quietly to reassure her. Spike was unable to answer; the captain's voice broadcast over the speaker alerting the two to their imminent departure. The engine roared to life and as the plane began to slowly move, Spike's stomach fluttered. She fidgeted with her belt as the plane built up speed. As they finally lifted off, the two vampires grasped each other's hand tightly to support the other on their maiden voyage.
After feeling the plane level, Spike looked around. "Bugger this." She said loudly as motioned for the flight attendant. "Jack and coke, sweets." She said with a bright smile. "That'll calm me ol' nerves."
The vampires landed in Toronto in a little over an hour. Spike felt like kissing the ground of the jet hangar when they descended the stairs. Angel grabbed her petite hand as they slowly walked towards the waiting black stretch limo. A tall man in a black chauffeur's uniform waited by the car with the door opened. Spike watched his face closely. He had gaunt, pale features and a sinister look in his eyes.
"Mr. Angel." He began in a low deep voice as he tipped his hat towards the dark vampire. "Welcome to Toronto."
Angel nodded his head and stepped back to allow Spike entry into the car first. As the blond vampire sat back, she marveled at how comfortable Angel seemed to be with all the jets, the limos, and the resources of Wolfram and Hart. When Spike was first resurrected, she noticed the difficulty the entire team had adjusting to working within the belly of the beast. Yet lately, Angel in particular had seemed to flourish in his role. And as he became more entrenched within his CEO duties, the more cruel and uncaring he had become. Spike now only saw glimpses of the Angel she thought she knew. Granted, Spike loved Angelus initially. For the twenty years the Fearsome Foursome paved a bloody destructive path throughout Europe, those were the memories imprinted in Spike's brain and heart for over a century. But since Spike was chipped and now ensouled, Angel is the one in Spike loved. In male or female form, Spike's feelings were the same. Unfortunately, she was not sure Angel shared that sentiment. There were some many times in the last few months that she nearly asked him. Each time, her fear of rejection silenced her. She was paralyzed with fear that Angel would stop caring. She felt she could not risk it.
Spike was shaken from her thoughts when the limo came to a complete stop and the door opened. Angel stepped out of the car and put his hand out for her. He continued to hold her hand as they walked towards the grand hotel. "A penny for your thoughts." Angel said quietly as he looked down at Spike lovingly.
Spike nearly begged for them to turn around and return to Los Angeles. She had a horrible feeling about being among all the CEO's of Wolfram and Hart. There was a pit in her stomach filled with impending doom. She tried to shake it away, but could not. As she looked around, she feared even admitting any of this for fear that THEY were listening. She sighed and looked at her Grandsire. "Nothin', pet. Jus' tired. Maybe I drank too much on the plane." She forced a smile upon her beautifully pale face.
"Let's get up to our room and you can rest." Angel smiled as they strode into the grand lobby.
When Angel opened the door to their suite, Spike could barely contain herself.
"Wow, luv!" She said as she rushed into the vast room. It was decorated in a grand Victorian style but had modern touches like an enormous flat screen TV hanging from the wall. There was a full service bar in the corner with a large stainless steel refrigerator. Spike ran up to the shiny appliance and as she opened it, her mouth watered. The two top shelves were filled with human blood. Various other treats were in there as well.
"Human blood, pet!" She said enthusiastically as she reached for a container of O-negative and popped it into the microwave. She picked an assortment of chocolates and quickly undid the wrapper and devoured the sweet treat. Angel stood back and marveled at her enthusiasm as he followed the bellhops into the Master Suite. He tipped them generously and took in his surroundings. The bed was a colossal mahogany king size structure with beautiful red and gold fabrics adorning it. Just the thought of what he could potentially do with Spike on the bed had him semi hard. He decided to return to the other room.
Spike had already claimed a spot on the sofa in front if the TV. She nibbled on her chocolate as she sipped her blood. The two in combination was practically orgasmic. She turned to the dark vampire. "So what the hell are we supposed to do here anyway? And hey, I don't mind stayin' up in the room the whole time. They have more channels than even you." She smirked.
Angel shrugged his shoulders as he sat down on the couch with a folder in his hands. "Let me read the schedule of events." He sat silent for a time while he perused the official itinerary. After a few minutes, he spoke. "Tonight, there is a black tie reception in the grand ballroom."
Spike shoved a piece of chocolate in her mouth as she spoke. "Oh. Well, I'll just stay up here then."
"Why?" Angel responded.
"Black tie. None of my clothes are fancy enough." She snorted. "Too bad." She watched Angel as he stood and walked towards the bedroom.
"Well, good thing I brought some clothes for you." His answered nonchalantly. His attitude infuriated Spike. She stalked towards him.
"How dare you! When are ya gonna get it through that cro-magnon forehead of yours, that 'm not wearing that shit!" She pointed to the dress Angel held
"You don't have a choice in the matter, Spike." Angel said menacingly. "We will attend all the events properly attired." He paused for a moment as he stared down her yellow eyes. "Don't test me on this, Childe." Angel growled and it caused Spike to step back for a moment. She realized this was an argument that she would not win. How could he not understand how she felt?
"Fine!" She yelled as she walked into the Master bath and slammed the door shut in Angel's face. She pathetically shuffled towards the toilet seat and plopped down on it. She suddenly felt so tired as she let her head rest in her petite hands. Her long blond locks fell into her face. She roughly pushed them away. The blond vampire was not sure how much more she could take. She felt trapped. After some brooding time, she heard a knock on the door.
"Spike?" Angel said softly. "Open the door." She rolled her eyes because she knew he could easily break down the door if he wanted to. She took a deep breath and proceeded to let Angel in. She may have capitulated when it came to the dress, but she did not want to make it easy for him. She crossed her arms and turned her back to him when he walked in.
"I don't want to fight with you, Spike." Angel's voice was filled with sadness. "Spike?" He could not garner her attention. "Honey?" He watched as she stepped towards the large mirror in the room. Her body hit the vanity and she hardly noticed that she came to a stop. Her trembling hand was gently mapping her features as she realized she was staring at her reflection for the first time in 125 years. She stood stunned as she held up her hair and ran her finger over her features. Her eyes watered as she tried to speak. "H-How?"
Angel slowly stood behind her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. He realized how affected by this Spike was. "The hotel, although it's in Toronto, is also on an interdimensional plane. There are some dimensions where we can see our reflection and even stand in the sun." He paused. "You are so beautiful, Little One." He said quietly in awe as he ran his hand down her arm. Spike closed her eyes at the light touch. A tear traveled down her sculpted cheek as she was turned towards him. Angel wiped the tear away and kissed her.
"Why don't we get ready, okay?" He asked as he led Spike towards the closet. She was too shocked to even put a fight. She quietly nodded. Angel looked at her blank expression and worried for a moment. 'She'll be fine.' He thought to himself.
The next few hours were spent in the grand ballroom. Spike looked stunning in a black strapless full length gown; Angel could barely contain himself. He wanted to take her back to the room and make love to her for hours. He felt a sense of pride at the admiring looks she received from almost everyone in the room. A side of him, though, had the desire to pummel any man who dared to ogle his Grandchilde. Angel glided through the reception networking with other CEO's. He seemed so comfortable in the environment. For her part, Spike stayed mostly silent all night. She barely touched her dinner and quickly grew bored listening to the business conversations that occurred. If Angel had noticed her quiet, saddened mood, he did not mention anything.
Spike leaned up to whisper in Angel's ear and watched as he nodded his head. Spike slowly walked away towards the terrace. As she stood watching the lights of the city, she closed her eyes as she reveled in the fresh air. She could not reconcile the feelings she had within. To be surrounded by all this evil was so disconcerting. 'Why can't Angel see this?' She thought. 'He was really seduced by the dark side.' Her thoughts were interrupted by a man clearing his throat. She slowly turned to him and she thought for moment she recognized the handsome man.
"I was not sure if you would recall me, Spike." The tall, dark haired man walked towards her with his hand extended. "Julian May. CEO of the New York branch." His green eyes sparkled in the night.
"Oh, yes." She half smiled as she shook his hand. "You came to LA a few months back."
"Yes, I was quite intrigued with your Grandsire, Angelus." He paused as a waiter walked outside with a tray carrying champagne glasses. He nodded as he procured two glasses. He offered one to Spike and she reluctantly accepted it.
Her eyes squinted. "Actually, it's just Angel."
"Well, what's in a name?" He chuckled as he sipped his drink. "We've been quite impressed with his work. After we lost Holland Manners, we were never quite sure the LA branch could return to greatness. But, Angel has slipped into his role well." He walked closer to the veranda near Spike.
Spike eyed him suspiciously. "Is there a point to this, mate?" She nearly growled.
"Just making conversation, Spike. By the way, that is such an unusual name for such a beautiful woman." He smiled sweetly at her.
"Family name." She snorted and looked towards the door leading back inside.
"Look, thanks for the drink and all, but..."
"Yes, you need to return to Angel." His eyes twinkled. He reached into his coat pocket and brought out a card. He handed it to Spike. "If you ever need anything. Do not hesitate to call. We are all one happy Wolfram and Hart family." Spike took the card quickly to get him off her back. She stuffed it into the small clutch purse she held and nodded her thanks and walked back inside. She scanned the room quickly to find Angel. She wanted to tell him that she was to retire for the night. She wanted the opportunity to talk with him about how she was feeling and perhaps convince him to leave with her.
Angel stood surrounded by other CEO's. They discussed business strategies and how to dealing with warring clans to maximize the profit for the Firm.
"So, Angel." The Chicago CEO slapped his hand on the dark vampire's shoulder. "Your woman sure is a looker." The other men nodded their heads in agreement. "And so compliant. She sat through dinner and barely spoke the entire time. How do you do it?" He laughed as the others joined in. "I can't get my wife to shut up! That's why I love my mistress!" He looked around at the others. "Right boys?" He chuckled as he downed his whiskey. "So, is she your wife or..." He salivated at the thought. "You brought your mistress to this?" Angel stared blank faced at the man. "We've heard you are somewhat unorthodox. I've got to admire your balls, man."
Angel finally spoke as he sipped his drink. "She's not my mistress." The men looked disappointed. Angel smirked. "She's loud enough when it's convenient. She's a hellion between the sheets, boys." He chuckled but then stopped when he heard a small gasp. He slowly turned around to see Spike standing there. She did not look shocked; she simply had no emotion on her face.
She spoke quietly. "I'm leaving, Angel." With that statement, she nodded her head and walked slowly towards the elevator. She shakily pressed the button to her floor before allowing Angel's statement to sink in. 'Convenient.' She bit her lip as she stifled a sob. She stood in the middle of their vast suite and had never felt so alone in her life and unlife. She went over to the closet and brought out her luggage and lowered herself down to her knees. She unzipped the small side compartment and brought out two garments. It was a black t-shirt and black jeans. She didn't know why she carried it with her. The clothes did not fit since her change. She stared longingly at them as she stroked the denim. 'This will end, tonight.' She said as she went to her drawer and began to remove her clothes. She hurriedly stuffed them into her suitcase. She knew the minute Angel neared the room. She felt his presence. She kept her back towards him and he moved closer.
"Spike..." Angel started.
"No. Don't Angel." The lack of emotion in her voice scared Angel. He looked on the bed and saw her clothes in her suitcase. "What are you...?"
"I told you I was leaving." Angel's eyes were confused. "It's done. I-I can't do this anymore." She fought to keep her voice steady. She refused to cry. She did not even know if she had any tears left.
"I tried...I really did." She began as her chin trembled. "You wanted more time. For what Angel? To continue breaking my heart? You have been so cruel to me
and I've taken it, just like I've always taken it. From everybody. " Angel stood silent as Spike paced. "Maybe it's me, you know? Everyone I love shits on me. Cecily, Dru, you, Buffy..." She brushed a lock out of her face. "Maybe I'm the problem..." She hung her head.
Angel's eyes watered. "Listen to me, don't do this..."
"Fuck you, Angel! I'm done listen' to you! I tried so hard. I've asked you to talk to me, tell me what's goin' on, and you won't. Instead you abuse me!" She took a deep breath as she turned towards the window. "I promised myself after what happened with Buffy that I would never let myself be used and abused again. Never to be 'convenient' EVER again." Angel's eyes were wide with that particular revelation. He never knew what exactly happened between Spike and Buffy. The blond vampire shook her head. "Guess I was wrong." She turned to look at Angel and he nearly died when he saw the pain reflected in her eyes. "I've loved you since I was turned, Sire. Didn't matter that we were both men, I wanted you more than I wanted Dru. I didn't care what kind of attention you gave me, I just wanted to know that you saw me." She laughed bitterly. "How fucked up is that?"
"I cared for you too. I still do." Angel practically begged.
"Don't LIE, you bastard. I deserve better than that." Her eyes flashed yellow.
"I'm not lying, Will." He pleaded with her.
"You proved to me at every turn that I wasn't good enough for you. For anybody. I didn't wish this on myself..." She pointed to her now female body. "But, you know what I thought after awhile?" She paused. "That maybe you could love me like this. It would be more acceptable to those around you. Right, Sire? You always cared for your little blond birds, didn't you Angelus? Darla. Buffy. Nina. But, it still wasn't enough, was it? I was so desperate for your love and acceptance that I stopped looking for a reversal. DID YOU EVER REALIZE THAT? DID YOU EVER THINK HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME LIKE THIS?" Angel stood speechless.
"No, you didn't. You focused on playing the big hero when I was sick and molding me into the perfect 'convenient' companion. You never once thought how I felt. I'M A MAN, ANGELUS! But, you wanted me as a woman." She looked down at her attire. With one movement, she ripped the designer dress from her body and flung it in Angel's face. She stood there in her undergarments.
"I didn't want to wear any of this, yet you forced me to so you could make a good 'impression' on Wolfram and Hart. Did you enjoy parading me around like a whore? Did I make a good showing for you? Well, I hoped it worked, you bastard. Enjoy your walk on the dark side, Angel. I hope it's all worth it!"
Angel could not bare his shame for much longer. He turned to her and said, "Let me explain, please."
"No. Don't you dare. You had your chances. I just don't care anymore." Her voice was so defeated as she looked anywhere but at Angel.
"Spike, please." He tried to touch her shoulder.
"Get out, Angel." She said as she clenched her fists. When Angel did not move, she repeated. "GET OUT! Please..." She whimpered.
The dark vampire hesitated but eventually complied. As he walked out of the suite, he stood in the hallway as the tears flowed. "What have I done?"
Spike stood for a time and suddenly felt weak and she fell to her knees sobbing. Her heart shattered into a million pieces.
She sniffed and tried to speak. She repeated over and over again, "Halfrek, I beseech thee. In the name of all people scorned, come before me." She did not receive a response. She was desperate. "Hallie, p-please..."
"You rang, Willaim?" She began cheerfully but her mood darkened when she saw the state of the blond vampire. Even the evil creature felt a pang of sympathy for Spike. "William?"
Spike looked up with tear streaked eyes. "Hallie...please change me back..."
"I would love to but..."
"I tried...I really did." The blond vampire pleaded as she sniffed and wiped her face.
The brunette smiled. "I don't have a lot of options."
Spike thought to herself as she glanced at the clock that read 4 am. 'There is always one more option.' Halfrek noticed this gesture and her eyes widened.
"Don't do anything rash, William. I'll see what I can do. Alright? Toodles!" She waved her hands in her usual grand gesture and disappeared leaving Spike alone on the room. She struggled to stand up and walked catatonic like to the bathroom. She took a quick shower and admittedly felt better. She sat on the bed dressed, with her suitcase by her side. She needed to leave Toronto. Her destination: unknown. She ruled out using Angel's plane. She sat for a moment in thought. She grabbed her purse and brought a card out. She stared at it for some time. Finally, she got up and walked to the phone. She dialed the operator and waited.
"Yes. Julian May's room, please."
TBC...