Chapter 4: Calvin's In Trouble
(Zoom! Calvin's arrow hit the conductor's bald head right in the top, the conductor putted his hands in the top of his head and started to do a little dance. He fainted a few seconds later. When the piano stopped playing after the first theme, Wolfie stood up…and conducted himself! Everyone cheered. Calvin was terrified. Fortunately, no one had cared to know why had the conductor been hit. However, Calvin's parents soon realized he wasn't there.)
Calvin's Dad: Honey, Calvin isn't here…
Calvin's Mom: Oh no…I think I got it…
(After the concert was finished…)
Calvin: I didn't mean to, mom! I didn't want to hit the conductor!
Very Angry Mom: If not, what were you doing!
Calvin: I was trying to hit…Moe! You know how much of a bully he is! He deserved it! But I missed…
Very Angry Mom: Calvin, Moe wasn't in the crowd.
Calvin: …Wasn't he?
Very Angry Mom: Stop lying, Calvin! Tell me what did you want to do!
Calvin: Alright, alright, I confess…
Calvin (Thinking): What am I gonna say…? I can't just say I wanted to hit Wolfie because I'm jealous… Yeah, of course! That won't sound weird to mom!)
Calvin (Talking): Yeah, I confess. I wanted to hit Susie. You know how me and Susie are…
Mom: I was imagining…
(When Calvin was already in his bed…)
Calvin: So now I'm not having TV for a month, cookies for two months and she's taking away my Stupendous Man costume for THREE months! What an evil alien creature! And I only got the not guilty person.
Hobbes: If at least you had shot better…
Calvin: Now thanks to ME, before, he used to be a musical genius everybody liked. Now that he conducted he's a musical DEITY who everybody ADORES. It's pissing me off.
Hobbes: So, what's your next plan…?
Calvin: Go to apologize the conductor tomorrow…
(Calvin turns off the light.)
Hobbes: You know, I liked that encore he played. Piano arrangement of the second movement of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik…
Calvin: You MEMORIZED THE NAME?
Hobbes: Piano arrangement of the second movement of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik… Piano arrangement of the second movement of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik… Piano arrangement of the second movement of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik… Piano arrangement of the second movement of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik…
Calvin: Shut up…
(Next day was a very tough day for Calvin at school. Here are some of the highlights. Right in the morning…)
Miss Wormwood: C'mon, Calvin! 14 plus 7 equals…? 14 plus 7, think, Calvin!
Calvin: Well…
Wolfie: Miss Wormwood, can I say it? Calvin has been there for fifteen minutes.
Miss Wormwood: Of course, Wolfie!
Wolfie: It's 21, whose equivalent in prime numbers is 3 X 7 and…
Miss Wormwood: Yes, that's enough, Wolfie. Thank you. And I hope you memorized it, Calvin! School isn't a playground!
Calvin (Thinking): Will you shut up, old witch…?
(Now here is lunchtime…)
Moe: Hey, Calvin!
Calvin: Huh?
Moe: I will just like to warn you that Wolfie's paying me to be his bodyguard, so you better don't mess up with him or you're gonna see stars!
(Calvin gets extremely nervous. And now for the end of the school day…)
Miss Wormwood: And that's it, Calvin. The rest is for homework.
Calvin: Humph…
Miss Wormwood: This extra half hour didn't kill you! You need special attention. Look! Wolfie knows seventh grade subjects by heart, while you know less than a little kindergarten boy!
Calvin: Look, I'm just not smart! I suppose you'll have to get used to the idea!
Miss Wormwood (Angry): Calvin!
Calvin: …Yes ma'am.
(And now for back at home…)
Calvin: I'm ho…
(You know what happens next. Well, after Calvin cleans up the dirt in his cloth he finally enters the house with a grim look on his face.)
Calvin: I'm here.
Calvin's Mom: Why did you arrive so late, Calvin? I saw Susie and Wolfie coming at the right time!
Calvin: Miss Wormwood held me up.
Calvin's Mom: What?
Calvin: She says I need special attention and that I know less than a kindergarten boy.
Calvin's Mom: And she is right! You should be like Wolfie, who…
Calvin: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm tired of you mentioning that stupid Wolfie! Stop talking about him! I hate him! Actually, I didn't want to shoot Susie! I wanted to shoot WOLFIE! YES!
(I'll have to censor the next part. It's very disturbing… Let's just cut to…
Calvin is in his room next to Hobbes. His right cheek is marked with a red spot and he keeps scratching his butt. He looks very disturbed.)
Calvin: Can you believe this! She TORTURED me, Hobbes! TORTURED me!
Hobbes: Two slaps. What a big torture.
Calvin: Yeah! It's worst than the Spanish Inquisition!
(Calvin remains silent for a while…)
Calvin: Wait a minute, let me see…I'm already in big trouble, right?
Hobbes: Right.
Calvin: So if I cause even more problems, mom is gonna be so disturbed she'll probably move out to a retirement clinic! I've just got to put myself in more trouble! And I've got a bold plan!
Hobbes: Another one of your plans…
(Let's cut to Calvin's Mom working in the kitchen. The bell rings. Wolfie is in the entrance.
Calvin's Mom: Oh, hello, Wolfie! What is it?
Wolfie: Hello, lady. I just wanted to say that your son Calvin is planning to come out of his bedroom window, crawl to the bathroom window, pick up the suit you took from him, disguise himself and attack you by throwing toys and doing other things…
Calvin's Mom: What?
(Now let's cut again to Calvin, who has stolen his Stupendous Man costume and is climbing down to the entrance.)
Stupendous Man: Ah! Stupendous Man is about to have revenge on his tyrannical mother and the horrible good little Schroeder! Stupendous Man rings the bell!
Wolfie: That's him, lady, I can tell you for sure.
Calvin's Mom: Let's see…
(Calvin's Mom looks through the sneak-glass and doesn't see anyone. It had to be someone short, like Calvin.)
Calvin's Mom: You're right. Wait a minute…
(A minute later, Calvin's Mom opens the door. Before Calvin, disguised as Stupendous Man, could throw himself to his mom, his mom grabbed him and took of his suit by force. Calvin then saw the smiling Wolfie sitting in one of the kitchen's chairs…
Hours later, around eleven o'clock, not too far away, the Splots, an old rock band from the 60's, were driving their truck to Calvin's Town, where they would perform. The driver, a huge, bulky man, was sitting next to the lead female vocalist, Jackie. Both rock musicians are about sixty years old.
Hey, Jackie, so what's about this town? I've heard they've got some classical music orchestra and stuff. We've really got to tell those people that's over! Two hundred year old music…
So what? Everyone says we're old too. I mean…
Yeah, don't come telling me that…
(However, they didn't know that an invisible floating automobile, borrowed by Don Pére to the terrorists, was following them and recording their conversation.)
Seems harmless – said the First Terrorist as he listened to the conversation between Jackie and the driver.
Yeah, but that's not the point – said the Third Terrorist.
Mmm…Geez, this is really gonna upset Don Pére's affiliate. Who is he, after all?
He never told us.
Perhaps it's a celebrity. And that celebrity wants to hide his or her's identity. Cool, huh?
No, stupid.
You always say I'm stupid.
It's true.
(And meanwhile, at Don Pére's affiliate house…That's right, Wolfie.)
Mrs. Dunkel: Sweet dreams, Wolfie. Dream about your wonderful music.
Wolfie: Good night, mom!
(Mrs. Dunkel turns off the light switch and closes the door to Wolfie's room. Wolfie, in the dark, then kneels before his Mozart portrait and prays. After the praying, he picks up his mobile phone and dials Don Pére's number. Don Pére replies with the first part of the counter password.
Kyrie…
Gloria…
Credo…
Sanctus
Benedictus
Agnus Dei… Alright, it's me, Don. What did the trio tell you? – Wolfie was whispering so that his parent's wouldn't hear him.
I'll roll the recording, affiliate.
Good.
(Wolfie listned to the seven minutes recorded conversion. Then, he sounded extremely angry.)
Those evil fiends…I pity those fools. They will soon meet death and receive no Requiem Mass. Oh, and in the meanwhile, talk to Agent Fille. I want her to take care of a minor task. A simple killing. Just a boy next door.
Sure, affiliate. I will call soon, perhaps the day after tomorrow. Adieu.
(Don Pére hanged out. Wolfie covered himself with his sheets and closed his eyes. In the meanwhile, Calvin was still discussing and talking with Hobbes.
I mean, get this, Hobbes! Three months in SOLITARY? I can only come out of the room to go to the bathroom, and yet I have to ask mom first?
Of course, you can always come out for school.
Yeah, that's the worst part. And for weekends, Dad is going to spend Saturday and Sunday playing BASEBALL with me! The entire two days in a row! Geez…life really sucks.
You should have never messed around with Wolfie.
Well, I underestimated him, but he underestimated me as well. He's gonna see. I don't care if mom hangs me to the ceiling: I've got to defeat him and humiliate him once and for all!
Don't start again…
(What is Calvin up to now? What is Don Pére's plan to kill the Splots? Who is Agent Fille? Was she really assigned to murder Calvin? Stay tuned for the next chapter of Calvin and Hobbes in: the Wolfie Boy!)