(Author's Note: This is a very a short but important chapter! Fuu get KIDNAPPED. Why's that girl always getting kidnapped, huh? There's more craziness and the gags are longer, but it leads up to an AWESOME climax… trust me. Thanks to the... erm... three people who reviewed. Woo-hoo! That's like one review per chapter! You guys rock! And to all the lazy tightwads who read my stories but don't review... I know where you live.) (Oh, by the way, for you uncultured fools who don't know who LadyMurasaki is, she was the author of "The Tale of Genji." The joke was originally about Beethovan but I'm trying to make Jin's bad jokes a little more Japanese, seeing how he keeps griping about how it's feudal Japan.)

CHAPTER FOUR

Fuu had it this time. She really, really did. She knew exactly how to get rid of Mugen's hiccups. It seemed so obvious! She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it before. And all she needed was a pneumonic drill, some pudding, a pregnant lemur, and a left shoe, size eight.

She was having trouble finding the shoe.

She was looking so hard, in fact, that she somehow wandered farther than she'd meant to. It wasn't until she looked up at the sky and saw all the stars through the tree leaves that it occurred to her that she had no idea where she was, or how to get back.

Unfortunately, she had also been looking so hard that she hadn't noticed that, for the last four minutes, she was being followed.

"Well, hello there, little girl," said a man, appearing suddenly from behind a tree. Fuu jumped.

"Who're you?" she demanded impolitely. She didn't take kindly to being called "little girl."

"Why, my name's Akio," he said sweetly. Fuu went "hmm" and peered at him through the dense, dark foliage. He was a portly man with a small beard and smaller eyes. He looked like he could have been a cop. A bad cop.

"I was just wondering what a little girl like you was doing out in the woods at this time of night," he said.

"None of your business!" snapped Fuu, edging away.

"Oh, no, you misunderstand," he said quickly. "I'm not like that. Actually I wanted to offer you an opportunity to become involved in the world of art…"

"Forget it, pal! I've been there! I know all about the 'art' business, I'm not buying it! You can't fool me! Besides, what kind of creepy artist hangs out in a forest in the middle of the night stalking girls?" said Fuu shrilly.

Akio sighed and bowed his head. "I guess you're right. You're far too smart for me. I'll just have to give up."

"Yeah, that's right!" said Fuu suspiciously. She had been creeping farther and farther away, yet Akio wasn't moving toward her at all. It was almost like he wanted her to go in that direction. It was almost like she was walking into a…

"HEY!" Fuu yelled as someone suddenly yanked a heavy bag over her head. She dropped her own sack and fought, but it was too late; her arms were bound to her body with thick ropes and she was being dragged away. Oh, great, she thought. Why is it always me?

Meanwhile, Jin was still reading, while Mugen held a pencil in his teeth and tried drinking orange juice.

"Here's a good one," said Jin idly. "If LadyMurasaki, were alive today, what would she be doing?"

"Wha?" asked Mugen through his pencil. He wasn't really paying attention; his brow was furrowed and he was struggling to twist his lip to slurp up the orange juice over the rim of the cup.

"Screaming and clawing at the inside of her coffin."

"See, Jin, hic, that's not even—hic—really a joke. Jokes—hic—are supposed to be funny."

Jin scowled and threw the book aside. "Where's Fuu?" he demanded.

"I dunno. Hic, hic. She's been gone—hic—ages."

"Hmm." Jin rubbed his chin. "Perhaps we should go look for her."

"Hic. I don't really—hic—care if she's gone."

"Come on."

An unhappy Mugen followed Jin into the woods. They crashed through the thick foliage at first, before remembering they had swords. After that, they simply slashed their way through the brush, using their katana like machetes.

"If we've—hic—lost her, it's not such a—hic—big deal. I mean, hic, she's kind of—hic—whiny, isn't she?"

"Almost as much as you."

Mugen tried to retort but only managed to squeak a few times. By the time he'd gotten his hiccups under control, Jin had stopped and was pointing to the ground. "Look! A clue!"

"A clue?" repeated Mugen cynically. "Hic. Who the hell—hic—do you think you are, hic? Scooby-doo?"

"There's no Scooby-doo in feudal—"

"Yeah, yeah, hic, I know." Mugen rolled his eyes and then stood on his toes to peek over Jin's shoulder without touching him. "What—hic—is it?"

Jin picked up the sack on the ground and gave it a gentle shake. There was some rattling, as well as an animal-like squall.

"Well?" prompted Mugen.

"My best guess is a pneumonic drill, some pudding, and a pregnant lemur."

"O-k-a-y," said Mugen very slowly. (So slowly that he hiccupped twice during the course of the word.)

"The only way to know, of course, is to open it," said Jin. He carefully untied the string and opened the bag. A pregnant lemur came flying out, latched onto his face, and clawed at his eyes. Mugen fell to the ground laughing while he screamed and tried to tear it off.

When Jin had finally grabbed the lemur and thrown it to the ground, where it scampered away, he asked, "WHERE WOULD SHE EVEN FIND A LEMUR? LEMURS AREN'T NATIVE TO JAPAN."

Mugen sighed deeply and wiped a tear from his eye, chuckling. "That was—hic—great. So what else—hic—is in the bag?"

Jin, hair frayed from his fight with the lemur, picked it back up and rooted through it. "Just as I suspected. A drill and some pudding. There's also a note that says 'Ahh help help I'm being kidnapped, signed Fuu.'"

"What's that—hic—mean?"

Jin cocked an eyebrow. "It means… Fuu is gone."

Mugen cheered. "Do you know—hic—what that means?"

"Yes," said Jin gravely.

"It means—hic—we can finally get around—hic—to killing each other!" He pulled his sword and gave Jin a goofy grin. But Jin didn't pull his sword. He bowed his head and said, "We must rescue her."

"Hic!" protested Mugen.

"We have a commitment to her, Mugen."

"But—hic—she's so—hic—freakin'—hic—"

"Come," commanded Jin, already picking his way through the forest.

"I don't—hic—have to—hic—take orders—hic—from—hic—the likes of—hic—you!" yelled Mugen. "You can't—hic—boss me—hic—hic—hic—hic—forget it, I'm coming."