(Author's Note: This chapter has MOMO THE SQUIRREL, who is the most ANNOYING character in the series. Let's face it, Momo's only purpose is to be cute. Stupid cute animal side-kicks! We don't need you! …oh, yes, and warnings, this chapter has minor swearing by Mugen. Can you blame him?)

CHAPTER FIVE

Fuu didn't know where she was, because she had a bag over her head, but she didn't panic. She was so used to getting kidnapped, in fact, that she was rather used to sitting in a chair in a darkened room, alone, hands tied behind her back.

"Momo!" she whispered. "Momo!"

"Ee?" came a quiet noise from her kimono.

"Momo, wake up!"

A lump formed under the pink cloth of her kimono. It migrated around for a moment; then a small, furry head appeared by her neck.

"Ee," said Momo. Momo was a squirrel: small, white, and extremely useful in situations like this. Fuu felt everyone who was prone to kidnapping needed a flying squirrel. It's just common sense.

"Momo! I need you to go get me Jin and Mugen. Do you understand? Jin and Mugen."

"Eeee," said Momo. (This translates, roughly, to "Don't patronize me. I might only be a squirrel but I'm a damn lot smarter than any brainless chipmunk.")

"Go!" whispered Fuu anxiously, as she heard footsteps approach.

Momo squeezed the rest of her body from under the shoulder of Fuu's kimono and leapt off. She sailed across the room and landed neatly by the door just as it opened. She slipped out, and it closed behind her.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" Akio yanked the bag off Fuu's head. She shook her head; her hair was a mess and her cheeks were red.

"What'd you think you're doing, you creep? Let me go!" she yelled, twisting in her chair.

"I think not!" said Akio with a little chuckle. "Allow me to introduce my assistant, Asa."

Asa nodded. Asa was simply dwarfed by Akio's bulk and difficult to make out. Fuu wasn't even sure if it was male or female; he (or she) was simply a short, oversized brown kimono with green blossoms on it, hidden under a wide-brim hat.

"What'd you want with me?" demanded Fuu. "To make me your slave, right? To put me in a brothel? To take advantage of me in the most depraved, sick carnal ways possible?"

Akio laughed until he wheezed. "Heavens, no. Don't flatter yourself, you silly girl. It's not you we want at all."

"Huh?"

"Mugen," said Akio gravely. Asa bowed his (or her) head.

"Mugen!" said Fuu. "What'd you want with Mugen? Who are you people, anyways? What's so great about Mugen?"

"Nothing's great about him at all!" cried Akio, suddenly furious. "He's a plague! A parasite! An insignificant worm! We will do the world a favor and rid the world of him!"

"But… why?"

"Do you need to ask?" asked Akio in exasperation.

"I guess not. Did he rip you off or something?"

"No, far, far worse," said Akio gravely. "Back in days, when we were pirates…"

Fuu braced herself for a horrible tale of murder, betrayal, debauchery, and torture.

"…we went to see a movie and his cell phone went off three times. Three."

"That's why you want to kill him?"

"He had a really annoying ring tone," said Akio.

"Yeah, but is that really worth killing him over? Isn't there anything else?"

"He killed my brother," suggested Asa, speaking for the first time. He (or she) had a raspy, scratchy voice that didn't clarify his (or her) gender whatsoever. "We've been after him for years."

"Oh. Well… okay then," said Fuu.

"Imagine how happy we were when we found he was traveling with two potential hostages!" added Akio.

"Well, the joke's on you!" said Fuu. "Mugen's a selfish pig and he'll never come rescue me! So there!" She clammed up and refused to look at them again, or speak another word. At the same time, she tried to communicate telepathically with Momo not to get Mugen, after all.

"We're looking for a girl," said Jin.

"Have you tried the Kitty-Cat Club down the street?"

"Not that kind of girl," said Jin hastily.

He and Mugen were standing on a dusty and mostly-deserted street, talking with a man who was struggling to heave barrels of what appeared to be shrimp into a restaurant. The little village had been very close (why else would there have been a Wal-Mart in the woods?), and was probably where Fuu had been taken to. Mugen was murmuring, "Pineapple—hic—pineapple," under his breath. Jin had said this would help the hiccups.

"She's about this high," said Jin, indicating Fuu's height with his hand. "She was wearing a pink and orange kimono, and had some hair ornaments, and looked a bit dim. She sounded like this." He lunged at Mugen.

"No!" wailed Mugen as Jin tickled him. He lapsed into a series of high-pitched, girly giggles. "Hee hee! Hee hee hee—hic—hee hee!"

"Uncanny!" exclaimed the man, pausing to shift a barrel in his arms. "I heard a girl just like that only a few hours ago!"

"Did she look like Fuu?"

"Well, she had a bag over her head and was being dragged along kicking by two people. I didn't get a good look at her."

"Didn't you think it was odd that she had a bad over her head, and was being dragged along kicking?"

The man shrugged. "Why was she giggling if she was being kidnapped, anyways?" he responded.

Jin sighed. "Just tell us where she is."

The man pointed. "They were taking her that way. Probably to the old abandoned warehouse."

"The old—hic—abandoned warehouse?" repeated Mugen. "Damn, hic, this just gets more and more—hic—Scooby-doo every minute."

"Come on!" snapped Jin, grabbing Mugen's arm and yanking him away.

"Aww, Jin… hic. Why do we gotta—hic—save her?"

"Because we have an implied contract to protect her, that's why."

"But—hic—she's always getting—hic—into stupid—hic—situations like this. And—hic—I don't know about you—hic—but I'm fed—hic—fed up with it."

"Hmm," replied Jin neutrally. He stopped dead in the middle of a busy intersection. Several people grumbled as they were forced to walk around him. "That's it." He pointed. A large, empty-looking warehouses stood across from them. A field of long, overgrown grass surrounded it. Several windows were broken; others, boarded up.

"Looks—hic—promising," said Mugen sarcastically.

"Excuse me," said Jin, grabbing the arm of a passing woman. "Do you know how I can get in your warehouse?"

"PERVERT!" she shrieked, and hit him full in the face with the bag she was carrying. Jin staggered.

"No, no, I meant—I meant, how can I can into your town's warehouse? That one, there?" asked Jin, clutching one side of his face and pointing to the warehouse.

"Oh. Sorry," said the woman. Her eyes narrowed. "Why do you want to get in there?"

"Because—hic—he's looking—hic—for a girl—hic—named Fuu—hic," explained Mugen.

The woman's eyes narrowed even more. "What's wrong with your friend?" she asked.

"He… he has nervous tics," said Jin quickly.

"SCREW YOU, hic, JIN! I DO NOT!" yelled Mugen.

"See? He can't control himself. He's always having these fits…"

Mugen was so furious that he had a fit of hiccups right there. "I—hic—do not—hic—don't—hic—d—hic—d—hic—don't have—hic—have—hic—hic—hic—hic—hic!"

"And Fuu… Dr Fuu, that is…" said Jin, building up momentum, "is the only person who can cure him! We heard a rumor she's in there."

"Hic! Go to hell! Hic!" cried Mugen.

The woman finally looked sympathetic. "Oh. Poor dear," she said gently. "Has he been sick a long time?"

"Oh, yes. Very, very sick," said Jin, forcing himself to keep a perfectly straight face.

"Hic—BASTARD!" screeched Mugen.

"Well…" The woman hesitated, and finally said, "There's a door around the east side. It has a board over it, and the board is spray-painted but not actually nailed down. People go in through there. But I wouldn't go in there if I were you—a rough crowd hangs out inside. Ex-pirates."

"What's—hic—wrong with—hic—ex-pirates?" cried Mugen.

"Come on, let's go!" said Jin, grabbing Mugen's sleeve and dragging him away again.

"Why'd you—hic—tell that lady—hic—that I have nervous tics?" he griped as they pushed their way through the grass toward the east side of the warehouse.

"I needed to get her sympathy, and to explain your rudeness. It just seemed like a good idea," said Jin. "Great acting, by the way."

"I wasn't—hic—acting!" protested Mugen.

Jin gave him a significant look. Mugen sighed and began chanting the word "pineapple" again.