Disclaimer: If I owned House, Wilson + everyone else, I would be hanging out with them and not sitting here in front of the tv watching "The Day After Tomorrow" at 10:55am even though I haven't slept yet and probably won't until 7am tomorrow morning.

A/N: As always, my love to the reviewers! Hope you likey this chapter :)

Bad Burritos - Chapter 5

One knock. Two knocks.

"Who is it," came a gruff call from behind the door. House almost smiled at how "he" sounded.

"Shut up and open the door," House leaned his right hand on the doorframe.

"What's the secret password," Wilson asked from directly behind the door. House could hear his hand on the doorknob, waiting.

"The pink unicorn wets his pants at midnight, now let me in," he replied back impatiently and waited to hear Wilson's trademark smirk from behind the door.

The door swung open and Wilson stood there in House's body wearing a t-shirt and jeans, cane under his left hand, doorknob in the right.

"Julie kick you out again?" he asked rhetorically and moved aside.

House wandered in and collapsed in his favorite chair in front of the TV. The television was on and he noticed it was on the History channel. Black and white images of tanker ships and guys running around in uniforms were plastered on the screen.

"You know my 'Girls Gone Wild' dvd is in the top drawer," House motioned towards the tv.

"Yeah, I popped it in but I got an error saying it was worn out," Wilson said and sat down on the couch. House sideways looked at him and raised his one eyebrow.

"You really are me," he turned back to the tv and then added, "Good job."

"Yeah, you're such a role model. So how was it?" Wilson played around with his new cane.

"Leave caney alone, he's scared. How was what?" House sank further into the chair and pretended to watch the show.

"Your trip to Disneyland courtesy of the Make a Wish Foundation, what do you think," Wilson said sarcastically and stopped with the cane.

"Oh, well we just had wild sex for hours," House replied simply, then turned his neck and scrunched up his face as he looked at Wilson, "But then she pulled out some bondage gear. My Jimmy, I didn't know you were so freaky. It's not nice to keep secrets." House turned back to the boring program on screen.

Wilson sat and thought for a minute.

"You know I saw the other thing that was in your top drawer," he smirked.

House turned to him and stared. Fine, he got the point.

"So.. Were you very fond of this Julie person?" he asked hoping the answer would be a negative one.

"Well she's my wife, I have to be." Wilson stood up and wandered into the kitchen. "Beer?" he called out.

"I don't have any beer," House called back knowing when he had left that morning his fridge had been housing one lone blue tupperware of something or other.

"You do now," Wilson said as he came back in, holding two beers in his large right hand, caning with his left.

House took a beer and held it for a little bit before snapping it open.

"You actually went shopping?" he raised his eyebrow, and Wilson took a seat back on the couch.

"I thought my new 98 pound body could use some calories, now back to Julie," Wilson took a small swig of his beer and rested the bottle on his left thigh.

Okay now was the time to open the beer. House opened his and took a long drink before answering.

"So that fight you guys had this morning, you actually listened to that right?"

"Parts." Wilson would leave it at that. He knew full well what the argument had been about, and he now suspected House did too.

"So ring the buzzer and pull an answer out of your ass, what do you think happened," House asked not intending to have it come out so mean and sarcastic.

"Well you obviously got angry at her and bolted. Which is undestandable, I mean, if the whole thing was about you in the first place-"

House stood up, shut off the tv and stood in front of Wilson, looking down at him.

"I was talking to her, guess again." He hated to sound so boorish, but he was actually just stalling because he didn't want to say the words himself.

Wilson thought for a minute and then took another drink.

"Well in that case, I would have to assume that I'll be receiving divorce papers shortly, am I right?"

House didn't know whether the man who's marriage he had just pulled the plug on (finally) wanted some sort of apology or not. He stood there stupidly looking at him.

"Well thanks for ripping off the bandaid for me, 'ol pal." Wilson stood up, walked around House and sat down in front of the tv again, turning it back on.

House still didn't know what to say. He couldn't gauge Wilson's mood because that would mean he would have to read his own face, and he simply couldn't do that. He knew his face was good at lying.

"So..you're..." House slowly turned around.

Wilson laughed loudly at the television as he channel surfed. "Oh man, Press Your Luck is on. I haven't seen this show in years!"

House shrugged and sat on the couch while a woman screamed, "No whammys, no whammys!"

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The next morning when Wilson awoke, House had already left.. somewhere. He fixed himself some eggs and toast and even watched a bit of tv before making it into work. Had to be fashionably late, of course.

He was in the clinic ready to start some clinic hours when House finally walked in. Wilson gaped in horror.

House had apparently went shopping himself. He was dressed in some dark jeans, a bright orange t-shirt that said "Dude" across the chest, complete with ipod in hand, headphones in ears, and a backpack slung over his shoulder. Wilson almost dropped the pen he was holding as he watched House walk up to him in the ridiculous outfit, bobbing his head to some music.

"Gee I didn't know we had a new intern starting today," Wilson rolled his eyes, and House popped the headphones out of his ears.

"What?"

Wilson waved his hand. "What.. what did you do to me? I look like I just flunked out of college and got fired from my job at the Chicken Bucket."

House looked down at his clothes. "Afraid to be one of the cool kids, Jimmy? It's about time you joined the club." He gestured to Wilson's chosen attire for that morning. "Sure a hell of a lot cooler than those dress pants and dear god - " House put a hand over his chest partially covering up the word DUDE. "Sacreligious! Beelzebub! What is that, a lab coat?"

Wilson rolled his eyes and stuck the pen he was holding in his left coat breast pocket.

"We are doctors you know."

"Don't let anyone here know that," House leaned in and said quietly. The clinic was buzzing was sick people.

Cuddy suddenly walked by out of nowhere and barked out, "House," in a warning tone. Both men turned to look at her and she stopped in mid stride and turned back.

"Glad to see you finally wearing the coat," she smiled and continued on her way. House made a face at Cuddy's back and before Wilson walked off, he stuck out his tongue at House as if to say "na na".

House put his headphones back in and made his way to the elevators up to his new and boring office.

-----

The hallway was long and finally House didn't care. His right leg was completely bitchin' and he liked putting more weight on it than he had to. He almost wanted to sprint down the hallway just to feel his blood pump like that again. But of course that would probably look weird. House liked weird, but Wilson was a little anal about having a certain image of him portrayed.

Oh great, a duckling was coming at him. Chase to be exact. House was glad he was wearing headphones. They passed eachother, Chase took a double take at the oncologist's new clothing attire and made an odd face.

-----

Chase entered the conference room and took an empty chair around the table with Cameron and Foreman who were busy having a conversation about an article in the newspaper Foreman was looking at.

"Anyone see Dr. Wilson today?" he asked the two and popped open the rootbeer he was holding. Both looked at him with curious eyes.

"No, why?" Cameron asked.

"He's looking an awful lot like House.."

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