A.N: Hey everyone, I am so sorry about the wait on the next chapters. My life has got really hectic and I couldn't find time to write any more. I only have three chapters left (including this one) so hang in a little bit longer and the story will be finished.

Disclaimer: I have no holding over JAG and I am not profiting from this story (Oh but one can hope).

Chapter 9 – Run Rabb Run

He didn't need their pity. He wasn't good enough before this, so he sure as hell wasn't good enough now. Why didn't he die? That was all he wanted, he was sick of fighting, sick of trying to be strong. He wanted his life back and it was now far beyond his grasp. His JAG life was gone, leaving a gapping hole in his heart. His CIA life hadn't been living, it had been subsisting until his actually life settled down, but that hadn't worked either. The world hadn't waited until he was ready, it had marched on and now he was left in its disastrous wake.

She had not deserved to die, she was innocent. Her life had not yet had the chance to blossom. He was responsible for that. He may not have pulled the trigger, but he was responsible. He had failed to save her and ultimately led to her death. Webb had been right; he wasn't the right person to have on a mission. He wasn't the right person to have anywhere.

For the last year he had failed everyone he had known. He had failed to be a friend, a god-father, a brother, a son, a lover. He wasn't fit to be anything to anyone.

This thought led back to his current situation. Mac was resting in the chair next to his bed. Her fingers were interlocked with his, and he could tell she had been crying. He hated it when she cried; her pain nearly broke him in half. He reached out to stroke her hair. He knew he shouldn't be doing it, but he needed to touch her before she woke up and turned her pity filled eyes upon him. He knew she would want to help him, but he couldn't let her. He didn't want her last images of him to be bad. He needed her to still like him. He would go out to Grandma Sarah's. She was about the only person in the world he could trust, except Mac, but he couldn't have her, so it was just Grandma Sarah.

He hadn't noticed but while he was thinking he had been running his fingers through Mac's hair. This gentle pressure had awoken Mac, but after seeing his lost look she pretended to still be asleep. She knew he didn't want her there, but they were letting him out of the hospital today. There was no physical reason to keep him here, but he couldn't stay alone. What he didn't realize was that he wasn't alone; she was in for the long haul. With that she started to drift off again, but Harms voice stopped her.

"Mac?" His voice was soft, but tight, not revealing any of his thoughts.

"Yes, Harm." Mac sat up, immediately missing his nearness.

"Uh Mac, would you be able to leave. I have got to get outside for a bit." He didn't want her to know where he was going, he needed to escape, maybe it was running, but he needed this.

'Okay, but I'll still be here when you get back." She wasn't going to disappear this time, she was in too deep.

So Mac turned and left the room, she would go out and reassure all Harm's extremely concerned friends and wait until he got back.

Bethesda Gardens

Harriet had stopped by his apartment, bringing with her new clothes, a CD player and his cell. So he punched in the number to Grandma's Sarah's hoping she was in the house.

"Hello, Sarah Rabb." She was at home, good.

"Hey Grandma, it's Harm." He really hoped that she would take him in, no questions asked.

"What is it Harm, you don't sound 100?" Sarah knew something was seriously wrong; she had scraped her grandson of the pavement too many times not to recognize the hopelessness in his voice.

"Let's just say that this week has been pretty eventful and can I stay with you for a little while."

Sarah knew something was very wrong. Her only real grandchild needed her to help, and help him was what she was going to do. "Harm you are more than welcome."

Harm clicked of the phone and turned to go back inside. He was being released today and he knew Mac would want to take him home. He would not become a burden to her. He was pretty sure she was dying to get back to the spook any way. Once released he would get back to his apartment, send Mac out on an errand, jump in his car and go. Mac could try and find him, but he would be long gone.

Harm's Hospital Room

After telling Harriet, Bud, Sturgis, the Admiral and Petty Officer Coates that Harm had woken up, Mac was faced with an immediate barrage of questions pertaining to the health of their dear commander. As Mac really knew very little (due to Harm's abrupt dismissal) there was really very little she could comfort them with. Other than that Harm seemed okay and that he would be coming home with her in order to recuperate.

After that she had told all the family (because that's really what they were) to return home and she would keep everyone posted on Harm's progress.

Returning to the room she packed Harm's meager belongings and straightened out the room ready to leave. Just as she was finishing she noticed Harm's distinguishable figure coming down the corridor.

"Hey Harm, its time to go home, everything is ready." He looked like a lost little boy and Mac vowed to get him better no matter what it took.

"Yeah sure, Mac." Harm knew his running would hurt her, but it was better than her staying in remembrance of a dead friendship.

Mac got one of the doctors to check over Harm before they left, and very shortly they were on their way out of the hospital. It was just three days since Mac's world had been turned inside out by Harriet's call. Yet the pain of both involved parties seemed not to have diminished. Both Harm and Mac were lost in thought about how to protect each other from their pain, they didn't yet realize that to truly heal you must break and then rebuild. A lesson of life they need to learn before their lives could begin again.