1Every Time He Thinks About It
Chapter 5, focusing a lot more on Arielle's past. Danny decides to look through her diary and see what she's really like. WARNING: This might be a little bit graphic for some, maybe closer to R than PG-13.
He somehow found her apartment key, and got into her place. It was clean, but a little disheveled, a little too off. Stacks of books lined the walls, and she always had a pile of papers on her desk. Picking her up, he carried her to the bedroom and laid her down gently, so as to not wake her. She barely moved, breathing deeply, not even snoring... it had shown how little she had had, yet how strong it really was...
"God damn it, Arielle," he whispered. "Remind me not to take you to a bar after work."
He turned and went to the door, on his way out, but something caught his eye... it was bright red, in plain view, on her desk in a place not occupied by a 2-dimensional tree. Her planner? He thought, picking it up and opening it.
It was a diary. Her diary, from when she was fourteen. He hesitated. Should he read it? Should he leave? With it? Or without it? Danny weighed the options. Curiosity killed the cat... but fulfillment kept him on his ninth life... so that meant...
He started to read, turning the pages and slowly sitting at her desk. January 13. I lost my glasses again yesterday and Daddy hit me. Said he'd give me a lot more than that if I did it again. I skipped school today because my face was bruised. This is the second time this month. I'll have to do something if I don't want suspension.
Engrossed, Danny turned to another page. March 2. Mom and Dad divorced, finally. Daddy said I'd better go live with him or so help him God, he'd kill me and Mom. I don't know what to do... Mom is a druggie, but she's not abusive like he is. March 5. Mom won custody. Dad gets visitation every weekend for five hours. How am I supposed to live without my dad, only seeing him for about twenty hours a month? March 7. Mom and I moved downtown to live with her new boyfriend. He's nice, I guess. Keeps Mom happy with the drugs. But he keeps trying to hug me. I'm not that close to him yet. I barely know him. April 3. Dad died last night. He had a heart attack, I think. I don't really care. He hit me across the stomach the last time I visited him. April 14. I feel so dirty today. Mom left me at home with Mike and he touched me... a lot. Kissed me... a lot. I'm not sure if he... raped me or not, but he hurt me a lot in a place I didn't want him to, and I feel ashamed. Should I tell Mom? Will she believe me? Or will she just keep Mike around because she likes what he has to offer? April 25. Mom read my diary. She confronted Mike about what he did, and he denied it. She slapped him, and he grabbed a gun and shot her. Then he pointed the gun at me and told me he'd kill me too. I ran for blocks...
Danny stopped reading. The diary fell from his hands and hit the floor, lying there. He felt his hands shaking and bile rising in his throat... stumbling out of the chair and to the bathroom, he retched into the toilet, his throat burning like fire and his stomach twisting. Arielle had been raped... her father dead, her mom shot... probably killed by her lover... and she had never told a soul. She had never led on. Such a beautiful, tarnished soul, a broken butterfly...
Arielle was hungover the next morning. "Danny... what are you still doing here?" she asked cluelessly. "And are you all right? I heard you throwing up when I was out of it..."
He stayed silent, not even daring to breathe. He knew he would throw up again... because every time he thought about her being hurt like she had been... he wanted to cry, scream, break everything in his reach. He wanted so badly to take it all back... for her.