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Day One

We flew in on Friday night and went to bed fairly soon. Saturday morning came and my cousin Lapin came and woke us up. Rather, he tried to wake us up and succeeded only in the case of Jamie and only because Jamie is small enough to be carried around easily.

"C'mon muties! It's time t'get up!" Lapin yelled at us and I was slightly aware that Jamie had flipped him off from the tone of his voice.

"Dude, I hate mornings. Get out." Jamie's little voice clearly pissed off my cousin, who wasn't about to be defeated.

"At least I know why Remy like y'so much. Y'mean!" Lapin flipped the boy off in return, only to have Jamie duplicate himself repeatedly and point ten middle fingers in his direction.

Grimacing, Lapin said, "Dat be so damn weird. Y'clone yaself, and Remy blows shit up." He went over and picked the boy up, slinging him over his shoulder. "Lapin t'inks y'need t'get up. He also real bored." Jamie argued, clearly annoyed by Lapin's presence in my room, where we had been sleeping.

"Do you live here?" Jamie asked.

"Non."

"Then go home, and let me sleep, ya crazy coonass!" Lapin walked out and shut the door, then put the boy down.

"Now, where'd y'learn dat language, petite?" He asked, as Jamie walked to the bathroom and shut the door, yelling his reply through the door.

"In this thing called a book, ever heard of 'em?"

Hearing the last exchange, Papa laughed loudly and put a hand on Lapin's shoulder. "I t'ink y'met y'match."

Jamie opened the door and walked out. Six times. Laughing even harder, Papa added, "o'matches, dependin' on how y'look at it."

That's the last thing I remember until about three hours later. "Lapin is crazy!" Jamie said as he dove into the bed, waking me up. He pulled the covers over his head as Lapin raced up the stairs, calling him. My Papa followed him up as he yelled for Jamie and ran toward us like a madman.

I groaned and picked Jamie up, who was covered in mud. "Y'really dirty, Jamie."

"He's gonna kill me!" Jamie pleaded with me as Lapin grabbed him away. Jamie pulled something out of his pocket and shoved it right into Lapin's pants, making him scream like a woman as he dropped Jamie. Pulling his pants down, a snake fell to the floor.

"Jamie Madrox, 1. Lapin Coonass, 0." Jamie laughed and then duplicated himself, picking up the snake and throwing it back and forth to himself and eventually at Lapin, who tripped, his pants still at his ankles. Jamie grabbed the pants as he fell on his back and threw them out the window, then threw the snake back on him. "LAPIN! Put your pants on. I'm only eight!"

As Lapin stood up, he lunged after Jamie, who duplicated himself several times and ran in several directions. As Lapin chased after him in his boxers, the real Jamie poked his head out from under the sheets and gave me a high-five as Papa held his sides, laughing so hard he couldn't speak. Finally, he managed to ask a question between chuckles, "Couldya leave da petite here?"

I hugged Papa. "Pere, y'd be beggin' us t'come get him soon."

After lunch, Lapin eyed Jamie and came up with a brilliant idea. "Tante is out?" He asked, as I nodded. As he explained his idea, I knew it would get us into trouble. I really did. But it was just too good to resist. We set the prank up and then Lapin and I waited behind some bushes, trying our best to be silent as we waited for Tante to return.

She parked the car, got out, and walked under a tree as Jamie stood on a tree branch with an air horn. As it blared, she jumped as eight clones jumped out of the tree, at once. She screamed and very nearly jumped out of her skin, gaining her composure as the clones disappeared into Jamie, who was now stranded in the tree above a tremendously pissed off Tante. "LapinRemyYouDeadWhenICatchYa!" She screamed, rightly assuming it was our idea, but wrongly assuming Jamie was innocent.

Deciding against going in the house to face her wrath, we waited until she went to look for us inside and quickly grabbed Jamie and put him in Lapin's car, driving to a local park to decide what we'd do next. Of course, we saw a couple of pretty good looking girls who couldn't resist us. At least until Jamie got bored with watching us flirt.

"Daddy?" Lapin's eyes filled with horror as Jamie looked up at Lapin and tugged on his shirt. "Daddy, I'm tired, I wanna go home!"

"I ain't y'Daddy." Lapin growled at him.

"Momma says you are! Or you!" He said, pointing to me as he began to mock cry. The girls really couldn't have abandoned us any faster. Infuriated, we turned to Jamie, who laughed at us and went to go sit next to a pretty little girl about his age who was swinging. Seeking a little old-fashioned vengeance, Lapin and I laughed and walked over to Jamie and the girl.

"Remy," Lapin said, looking over at me, "isn't it 'bout time we got Jamie home?"

"Oui," I replied. "You Y'know how he is 'bout havin' little accidents." Jamie immediately blushed as Lapin walked behind him and grabbed the swing, making Jamie fly through the air, into my arms. "We just don' want y't'wet y'self."

I always find that it's easier to just carry him around because it's significantly easier than convincing him that he wants to go from one place to another. That day, we took him back to the car and went to a restaurant to feed him. Big mistake.

We settled into a table and the waitress came. Pretty girl, really. Not wanting our little devil to get any ideas, Lapin and I calmly ordered. She looked over at Jamie, who picked his nose (which I hadn't ever seen him do before), ate it, then told her this. "I'm not hungry. I've got all I need right here." He pointed to his nose and then slid under the booth, crawling out and walking around the restaurant asking guests where the bathroom is, holding himself.

The waitress, trying her best to cope with us, returned a few minutes later with our food. "Hi, sexy lady!" Jamie said. The woman turned around and glared at him. "I'm lucky because I have two dads. Isn't that cool?" I put my head down on the table as Lapin covered the boy's mouth with his hand.

"He's in foster care. Crack baby…" She nodded in understanding as we finished eating and took him home, where Tante met and scolded Lapin and I for nearly an hour, during which our little friend was nowhere to be seen. After she finally let us go, we hurriedly found him, sound asleep, apparently tired from the evening. Lapin and I went out together and got dead drunk, passing out in the floor of my bedroom in the wee hours of the morning.

Man, that was a mistake.