A/NL: Howdy, folks! First off, I would like to thank the 41 fantastic reviewers who left a comment on Chapter 3! A huge thank-you goes out to: MysteryALASKA, Airi Fairy, megan, izzie, SilentRaven987, Huggles4All, xthedramaqueenx, Morning Rose, SafetyXPins, Alli-Baby, Emma-Lynn, Mimi Chica, shadow929, silktophat, Ellie, Sweetdeath04, Lara Potter, LadySimone, dreamchubb, LadySimone123, Bella, N.C. Pyschick, MIDNIGHT-PIXIE, TheDaughterOfKings, xox.AnniePotter.xox, NicciBubbles, amrawo, Moonhawkpebbly, FairyPrincess, hiddensmile, milky way bar, I AM EOWYN, aurorasakura, hrrrypttrfan, aishteru, ShadowHexx771, Ronsreallove, suckr4romance, EponineWeasley, NinademiBrooke, cathyrock, and last, but not least, dancerrdw. I am sincerely greatful to all of you wonderful authors...

I would like to dedicate this chapter to my good friend LadySimone123, who is unfortunately (as I may have mentioned in an Author's Note in Battle of the Hearts) moving many, many hours away today. I love you to pieces, chica, and I will miss you A LOT! I wish you the best of luckin your new home, and please send me your address and phone number-and we must start really working on our joint-story! This chapter is for you, sista!

Read, review, and most importantly, ENJOY, ALL!

"Chapter One: The Definition of Shagging." Ron cleared his throat significantly as the curious group of third through seventh year Gryffindors wriggled with anticipation in their seats.

"Honestly," I said crossly, slamming my Potions book shut, "I didn't think it was possible for 17-year old blokes to be THAT immature!"

"Believe me, Hermione," Ginny said grumpily, "They can be." She glared at her handsome boyfriend who was leaning forward just as eagerly as the others to catch Ron's next words.

"We have to stop this!" I threw down my eagle quill. "I will not have my boyfriend corrupting the minds of innocent 13-year olds!"

"Hate to break it to you, but there's no stopping my dear brother when it's anything concerning something dirty..." Her next words were cut off by raucous laughter from the other end of the Common Room. Obviously, the object of my affections had progressed past the chapter title.

"That's it," I snapped, jumping to my feet as the childish behavior escalated. "I'm putting an end to this."

"Placing your hands on any part of your boyfriend or girlfriend's body that is normally covered by undergarments is what we classify..."

"Give me the book, Ronald!" I snarled through gritted teeth.

His electric blue eyes immediately lit up. "Look! It's my..."

"Shagging partner!" Colin suggested.

"-Girlfriend," Ron finished weakly as he watched my hair very quickly begin to frizz, which was always, always, ALWAYS a BAD sign. "Girlfriend," he repeated firmly. "Just my girlfriend."

"Just your girlfriend?" I asked incredulously. "You're obviously forgetting the fact that I also happen to be one of your bloody best mates!"

There was a mass exodus towards the dormitory as my hair sparked and crackled with electricity. Everyone, excluding first and second years, could immediately sense another infamous Ron/Hermione quarrel brewing and knew much better than to stick around. After the first twenty arguments, our fighting failed to be a source of amusing entertainment. Every older Gryffindor snuck out at the first hint of my anger- that is, with the exception of the Ice Princess.

Cassandra's frosty blue eyes took in the scene with obvious satisfaction, her pouty red lips turned up in a smug little smirk, as she sat provocatively in the closest armchair to my boyfriend and I, clad in a form-fitting pair of designer slacks and a flowing peasant top. Just the sight of the Barbie made my stomach turn, and as a result, the pumpkin pastry stolen by Ginny threatened toexitfrom my stomach via mouth.

"That too," Ron said hastily, trying to redeem himself. "You're one of the most bloody brilliant people in the world, Hermione!"

"One of the most bloody brilliant people in the world?" I could not help but smiling and softening my earlier anger.

"The most bloody brilliant person in my world, at least." T he adorable redhead smiled sheepishly. " And the only one who I can do this to..."

"Ahem." A high-pitched noise of slight irritation emanating from none other than Cass-Ass.

"Yes, Cassandra?" I simpered. "Do share with us your input to this private discussion."

"Well, Ron, I was wondering if you'd care to join me for a walk around the grounds," she said brightly. "It's a beautiful day outside, and I thought we should take advantage of it."

"Ron and I are talking," I smirked. "And then we are going to dinner. And detention."

"Oh, it would just be a short walk, Hermione." Cassandra batted her long, curled eyelashes at the object of my affections. "What do you say, Ron? I'd really like to discuss the openings on Gryffindor's Quidditch team with you." At the word Quidditch, Ron's eyes lit up. Damn. The one thing he could talk about for HOURS- and the one topic we rarely ever discussed, seeing as to me, Quidditch is a pointless, idiotic game that only results in injuries and increasing inter-house rivalries.

"Do you mind terribly?" Ron's cobalt blue eyes pleaded with me to let him go.

"No, no," I did my best to sound nonchalant. "You go ahead. I have to finish the essay on the Blood Replenishing potion now, anyway. I'll save you a seat at dinner, Ron!" As they walked out the portrait door, Cassandra WAY TOO CLOSE to Ron for comfort, I let out a silent scream. Well, not so silent.

"Was the quarrel that bad?" Ginny called as she ran lightly down the steps from her dormitory.

"No," I sighed. "There wasn't an argument at all."

"All clear!" the petite witch yelled, as the rest of the Gryffindor house exited the havens of their dormitories and cautiously reentered the Common Room.

"Then what's bothering you, Hermione?" Ginny asked softly.

"Who else?" I grumbled. "Her."

Ginny's brown eyes darkened as she realized in a split second exactly whom I was speaking of. "What did she do to Ron?' She practically growled.

"They went on a "walk" together," I answered sourly. "The bimbo wanted to "discuss" the openings on the Quidditch team with him."

"That wench!" Ginny snarled. "Thinking she can waltz in here and seduce your boyfriend- my dear brother! After all the trouble it took to make you two bloody stubborn prats to admit your feelings in the first place...5 whole years!"

"Tell me about it," I said morosely.

"Hermione," Ginny began earnestly, "Even amidst the raging war, this past year Ron's been the happiest I've ever seen him. And it's because of you. Everyone can see the strong love you two share. Are you really going to let a little slag from Beauxbatons ruin it?"

"What am I supposed to do, Ginny?" I snapped. "Run Ron's social life? Demand that he does not fraternize with Cassandra? That'll make him go straight into her arms!"

"Tell him the truth," she said simply. "That Cassandra's a bloody pain in the ass!"

"Ginny, you are no help whatsoever." I pulled on a particularly bouncy curl in frustration. "Your brother, along with 99 percent to the male population of Hogwarts, worships the ground that bimbo walks on! It'll be a sin worthy of execution at sundown if I point out any of her major personality flaws..."

"Like being a major pain in the..."

"I comprehend the point. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way to dinner." And without a further word, I stomped most un-ladylikely out of the Gryffindor Common Room.

"What's eating HER?" I heard a scrawny second year ask Seamus.

"She couldn't get a good shag out of Ron today."

"And I DO NOT SHAG RON!"

"No, he shags you!"

"Nice of you to finally show up, when we have to be in detention in exactly TEN MINUTES!" I said sarcastically as a red-cheeked, slightly breathless Ron took a seat beside me at exactly 5:50 PM.

"Sorry." He flashed me a lopsided grin. "Cass and I lost track of time."

CASS? Since when were the French transfer student who had been at Hogwarts for all of one full day and my boyfriend start using NICKNAMES?

"Well, it's your bloody bad luck that all the roast beef is gone," I smirked. "That's simply what happens when you "lose track of time." Though I was trying to sound casual, inwardly I was experiencing multiple panic attacks. What did Ron and the Ice Princess do for one hour, five minutes, and thirty-three seconds?

"Guess what, Hermione?" Cassandra chirped.

"WHAT?" I questioned dully.

"I'm trying out for Chaser! There are two spots open, and Ron thinks I stand a bloody good chance at getting one of them..."

"Charming. But has it occurred to you that Ron has never seen you play, and HARRY, as the team captain, will be the one making the decision- not RON?"

"She's got brilliant potential, 'Mione," the hunky wizard said sincerely. "And why the sudden concern about our Quidditch team?"

"It's nothing," I mumbled, craning my neck to see if that really was Draco attempting to signal to me from across the Great Hall that we needed to talk. His left middle finger was currently up his nostrils; luckily, the other occupants of his table (Crabbe and Goyle) did not bat an eyelash. I rolled my eyes. SO juvenile. While debating if he actually had a booger stuck up his nose, or he truly did need to share something of the utmost importance with me as soon as possible, his next action proved my suspicions correct. He was licking his lips most seductively. Ah, yes. It was time for another Draco/Hermione meeting.

"See you in detention, Ron," I purposely emphasized his name. "Where we'll be ALL ALONE in Snape's cold dungeons, slicing frog hearts...TOGETHER..." I trailed off as I noticed now Draco was now making sexual, lewd gestures. "Wacked out, that one is," I muttered as I broke into an easy jog outside of the Great Hall. "But dead sexy."

"Couldn't be talking about me, Granger, could you?"

"No, Malfoy," I said solemnly, "I am describing Harry."

"What does Saint Potter have that I don't?" The sexy Slytherin pouted.

"For one thing, he does not sit at the dinner table, with a finger up his nostrils."

"That was a signal!"

"Also, for the past five years he has not made it his life purpose to be bug the hell out of Ron and I..."

"I've changed."

"He does not get manicures, nor does he wear designer robes, slacks, jumpers, shoes, knickers..."

"How do you know I wear designer knickers?"

"Harry doesn't use ten galleons worth of hair gel after every shower..."

"For once in your life, you're wrong Granger-It's only nine galleons."

"He calls me by my first name."

"Sorry, Hermione. Force of habit. I'm not used to this whole "being mates with Hermione Granger" concept."

"Get used to it, Draco. And finally, he does not make me be late to both Potions and detention in one day!"

"You have approximately six minutes before your evening with Professor Snape."

"Gag me. You make it sound like we're going to shag or something..."

"Nah, because Weasley would be there too- perhaps you could have a "threesome!"

"Perhaps you can explain to me why it was so important that you had to talk to me that you resorted to licking your lips in a seductive manner, making lewd and sexual gestures towards me, and sticking A FINGER UP YOUR NOSTRILS!"

"Fine."

"Fine."

"I am going to seduce her tonight."

I coughed. "My, you work fast. You've formulated a seduction plan already?"

"Nope."

"Then I fail to see how it will work."

"I didn't have to create a plan- I naturally have a seductive nature. Care me to try it out on you?"

"No thank you. Ron will be passing by any moment."

"Good point. We shall speak in the morning as to how the "encounter" went. Have an enlightening detention." I sighed. Only Mafloy.

"Enlightening?"

"You just may learn a thing or two about Snape that you didn't know before."

"Eww, ewww, EWWWWW!" I shrieked.

"Quiet! Or did you forget my threat of snogging the hell out of your mouth in an effort to keep it closed for once?

"No, sir."

"Good. Go to detention with your precious Weasley and leave everything up to me."

I swallowed hard, wondering why for some reason that didn't seem like an intelligent idea...