Again, thank you for all the reviews. I love to read them. Here's an early update, just for all my wonderful reviewers. Unfortunately, it's just a short chapter, but you can't have everything!

Disclaimer: The poor fanfic writer did wail and moan / Since Yuki and Shu she doth not own.

Traust Faellan

Chapter Six: Shuichi

The phone call comes a few hours later that night. I have nothing to do now that I've stopped trying to dial your phone number every thirty minutes. I want something to do; the boredom is killing me. And even boredom is just not the same when I know you're not here, when I have no idea if you're safe or not. When I'm all alone.

The ringing of the phone startles me. I'm ecstatic: it has to be you. Hiro talked to you and told you the truth and now you're calling up to see how I am, I know it! I almost break the phone, the coffee table, and myself as I dive for it. "Hello!" I want to hear your voice so badly.

But it's not you after all. "Shu," is the reply. It's Hiro.

"What happened! What'd he say! Did you tell him! Where is he!" I demand, almost screaming at Hiro.

"Shu, calm down," Hiro growls, and I shut up instantly. "Okay. Now don't freak out or anything, but Yuki's sick."

You're sick! Fear flares through me. I scramble to my feet. "Sick?" I squeak into the phone.

"Yeah. He's in the hospital—"

"Hospital!"

"But he'll be—"

"Where!" I shriek. "Where is he? What's wrong!"

Hiro starts to reply, giving me the name of the hospital and the address. That's all I need to know. I need to be there beside you now. "I'll be right there!" I shout, and hang up on his reply.

The trip to the hospital is lost in a blur of fear and worry. All I can think about is you: the way you act so cold and heartless most of the time, but then turn around and act so nice and gentle and caring at those rare times you feel truly safe. The way you'll glare and roll your eyes and speak sarcastically to me, as though you hate the sight of me… and then still carry my CDs with you overseas and bring me back unexpected presents. And, most of all, the way you looked that night, when you saw me in such a suspicious position: the hurt, the betrayal, the fear. You were afraid that you'd lost me; you were afraid to be betrayed again, especially by me, the one person who's been so close to you in your entire life. I can't get that expression out of my mind. I never thought you cared for me that much. Sometimes I'd even wondered, at my more angry moments, if you even had a heart at all. But you do. I saw it in your eyes that night those long weeks ago, and watched it shatter to pieces right in front of me.

And it's my fault, it's my fault! It's my fault you're sick now! I'm so sorry, Yuki.

Hiro's waiting for me in the emergency room waiting area when I barrel in. "Where is he?" I demand. I just want to see you again, so badly. I want to look at you and apologize.

"He's unconscious," Hiro warns me, leading me to you.

"What happened?" My eyes flash around wildly, hoping for a glimpse of you.

"He collapsed. He was coughing up blood, so I called an ambulance. The doctor said he'll be okay, and it's probably just stress. He wasn't taking very good care of himself, so he's not in good shape, but he'll be okay."

I shudder. Coughing up blood, again? "He has meds for that. He wasn't taking his meds." It is my fault after all, because I drove you off so painfully that you forgot to bring your pills with you.

"Here." Hiro pushes open a door and enters the hospital room. I almost shove my way right through him in my desperation. And then, Hiro steps aside, and I see you.

The first thing I notice is how pale you look, so white you rival the sheets. Then other impressions sink in.

"He's so thin," I hiss, wanting to dive at you and hug you as hard as possible, but I know that'll just hurt you more, so I control myself.

"The doctor said he hasn't been eating. That's why they've got an IV on him."

I never even noticed the IV, but now I can't help but see it. Your arm seems so thin. Slowly I creep forward, scared to the depths of my soul despite Hiro's reassurance that you'll be alright. As I lean over you, I'm almost certain that you'll pop your eyes open and make a suitably sardonic comment, like the last time you were in the hospital for this, but you don't… and that makes me more scared.

"Yuki…" I whimper. Your hair is so soft and silky under my questing fingers. I brush it back, and touch your face lightly. I gather up your limp hand, and squeeze it, and lean in to give your temple a gentle kiss. "Yuki, I'm sorry." But you don't reply, and I let my head rest on your shoulder, near tears.

"He'll be okay, Shu," Hiro soothes me again.

But nothing can reassure me but for you to open your eyes and smile at me. I know that's too much to hope for. After how much I hurt you, I wonder if you'll ever smile at me again. No wonder Mizuki's attitude changed so dramatically after she saw you. She was on my side before, but when she got back from meeting you, she wasn't. Now that I've seen you, I understand, because you're too thin and tired-looking. For the first time, I realize how fragile you are, physically and emotionally… and I hate to see you like this. I don't even care how mean you'll be to me when you wake up, I just want you awake and back with me in our apartment.

No… I don't care about that anymore. After what I've done to you, I probably don't even deserve to hope for that. I don't care if you throw me out permanently this time, Yuki. I just want your eyes to open. I want to know you'll be alright. I don't want you to hurt, and especially not over me. I want you to be happy, Yuki, and if there was anything I could do to make you so, I'd do it in a heartbeat, no matter what kind of sacrifices I'd have to make.

Even if I have to give you up.

I don't want to. I'd rather be roasted alive. But you've had so much pain in your life, and I can't bear to cause you more. You should be happy too, Yuki, no matter how little you think you deserve it. And if I can buy that happiness by leaving you alone, I will.

I love you that much.

TBC