This Chapter was beta'd by Scarlet. Thank you Scarlet.
Chapter Eighteen
Max sat quietly, her mind reeling as Kat drove them back to TC. She would never have believed it possible that Logan would talk to her like that, or that he would prove to be so avidly anti- Transgenic. Worse than the most red necked ordinary, she thought numbly.
It was hardly surprising that he didn't like Alec, but the level of his hatred had scared her. Alec had been right to have his Unit outside watching last night, she reflected miserably, but not for her protection, for his own. He had said he wouldn't take chances with her safety. Thinking about his safety, she now understood how he had felt.
There was no justification for the stupid reactive way she had behaved. Because she'd instinctively known that Logan would be unpleasant once he'd seen Alec and her together, she fell back into her old habitual behaviour of blaming everything on Alec. Except this time, he didn't just take it. This time it made him angry. She hadn't liked him angry.
Panicked thoughts tumbled through her mind. What if Logan's right? I have only been with Alec for just over a week. Maybe it is unlikely I'm pregnant and I do need to see a doctor. Maybe I just liked the idea of a baby and I have imagined it. Alec mightn't want me for his mate without the baby she thought in alarm, remembering what Cece had said about him being able to take his pick of females in TC.
"What makes you think Alec wanted me for his mate before the baby, Kat," she asked trying to stem her growing panic.
Kat grimaced in surprise and glanced sideways at her. "Every body knew he wanted you for his mate, Max. Didn't you? she asked in astonishment. Max, already emotionally drained from her encounter with Logan, feeling more and more out of her depth and now really afraid that she might not be pregnant, tried unsuccessfully to choke back her tears.
"Why would he?" she wept, "its not as if I was ever very nice to him."
"Well, he did, Max," Kat, said soothingly, as she pulled through the gates into TC. "Why do you think he stuck around in Seattle?" His instinct to find us would have been strong, what other reason would he have had for staying here?"
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Alec looked up as soon as she came into headquarters. She's been crying again. He could still see the traces on her face plus he could smell her distress from across the room. That fucking prick.
Kat's upset too, he realized watching Steve come away from the group he was working with and make his way over to them. He watched Kat turn into Steve's chest as he put his arm around her.
Max, watching Alec approach, searched his face to gauge his mood. He's not still angry with me, she realized in relief. Smiling at her, Alec made his way over across the room to her and put his arm around her shoulders.
"Bad, was it, Max," he asked, stroking her hair as she rested against him.
"Yeah, he didn't take it well," she said quietly, hugging his waist and choking back her emotions. Alec's hard eyes met Steve's.
Arm around her, he walked them into his office and sitting down, pulled her onto his lap.
"Well its done now, Max, you don't have to worry about him anymore." Now he's ours to sort out, he thought grimly, as he stroked her hair.
"Yes, she agreed, in a small voice. "I'm sorry about this morning, Alec, sometimes I don't know why I behave like I do. You were right to be cautious. I'm sorry," she repeated, her words muffled into his chest.
Alec's eyes widened incredulously, he was right to be cautious of Logan? She was sorry? No more furious irrational defence of Logan? What the hell had happened since this morning, just what had that bastard said to her?
"So what happened, then, Max?" he probed tentatively as he shifted her more comfortably.
She was quiet for a so long he thought she wasn't going to answer him.
"It wasn't really what he said to me, I don't care about that," she replied finally, quickly suppressing her doubts about the baby.
"But he was really insulting and rude to Kat when I insisted she stayed."
Another bad judgement call, Logan, Alec thought grimly.
"He was insulting about everyone," she mumbled, I had no idea he felt like that."
Confused, she tried to sift through her thoughts. She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it. She couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. It seems like everything she'd ever thought to be true and constant in her life had been either a lie or not what she'd thought. People she thought she knew were not who they seemed. She didn't know where she was, the unfamiliar feelings of helplessness and inadequacy were disorientating and frightening.
Even the baby she thought she was going to have might not be real. She wasn't as in touch with herself or her instincts as other transgenic females, she hadn't taken a test, the baby could be something else she'd gotten wrong, misinterpreted. At least before, even with everything in turmoil, she had thought there was still Alec and the baby. But if there's no baby, Alec might not want her for his mate. Then what would she do? Her thoughts chaotic, her panic rising, she tried to swallow the fear clogging her throat and hold back her tears.
She had been quite for along time as he stroked her hair. He could feel her agitation and how upset she was and now he could smell her fear. He cursed himself again for letting her go without him. What the fuck had the bastard said to her?
"Max, what's wrong? What are you afraid of?"
"I'm not," she said, sitting up. I'm just tired," she answered wanly. "Just worried about things in general, the baby, being pregnant, nothing specific. She heard her own voice catch when she mentioned the baby and watched his worried eyes sharpen. "Really, I'm alright, Alec, I'm just feeling a bit drained, that's all," she added standing up.
He grabbed her hand as she went to move away from him, "Max wha…"
"Alec," Steve interrupted, pushing open the door.
Standing up, he held onto her hand as she tried to pull away from him.
"What, Steve?" he demanded impatiently.
"That unfinished business? Tavis and I are just heading out to sort it out now." His eyes were hard on Alec's.
Good, he knows what was said, Alec thought. Kat told him what happened.
"No," he snapped back, "that business will have to wait. Then we'll both sort it together. Later," he ordered.
Max, distractedly watching the byplay, wondered what was happening as Steve stared defiantly back at him.
"Later," Alec repeated, his eyes hard and unwavering as they met the angry defiance in Steve's.
"I thought Biggs was your 2nd?" she asked curiously, watching Steve's disgruntled retreat."
"No, it's Steve," Alec replied, sighing. That bastard is still causing me trouble even though he's out of her life.
"Biggs filled in for a while when Steve was transferred to another Unit."
"Why are you worried about the baby, Max? Are you worrying about us not being able to keep it safe?" he asked, his concerned eyes resting on her before he pulled her back into his arms.
"No, I'm not. Telling Logan was just very draining." Quietly, she rested against him. She didn't want to loose this, she thought anxiously, her arms clinging to his waist. For the first time since she was separated from her siblings, she felt like she belonged. Like she was part of something. It felt so right, he'd always felt right to her, even when she was terrified of how he made her feel, he was still comfortable, familiar.
She couldn't loose him she thought miserably, as he stroked her back soothingly. She could feel the baby, she knew it was there. She was pregnant, she reassured herself, she couldn't have got that wrong. But she couldn't stem the flood of self-doubt and then the fear it generated.
He could smell her fear again, he had never smelt fear on her before it and he didn't like it. Logan, he thought with loathing. It's got to have something to do with him.
"Tell me what's wrong, Max?" he tried again.
"Nothing, I'm fine." All I have to do is get a pregnancy testing kit and then she'd know, she thought, feeling miserably inadequate that once again she didn't know something basic that other transgenic just knew instinctively.
"I've got something I've got to do in town. So I'll see you later, Alec," she said, disengaging herself from him. He reluctantly let her go.
"Yeah, alright Max. I'll walk out with you. I need to catch Steve."
"He watched in frustration as she walked away. How was it possible to feel so close to her one minute and yet so distant the next? He would have much preferred her to tell him what was wrong herself but if she wouldn't. At least Kat would have told Steve what had happened.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hey, Max," Todd greeted as he fell in beside her.
"Hey, Max," Tavis grinned from the other side.
Glancing sideways at the two of them, she felt she should be pissed at them but after seeing the way Logan had behaved today, she couldn't really summon up enough genuine indignation.
"Hey," she greeted cheerlessly.
"What do you two want?" she demanded exasperatedly, when they were still with her as she exited TC.
"Nothing Max we're just your out of TC guard. Alec's said we don't have to do the old sneak and creep thing now you know about us," Tavis replied, grinning.
Shit, shit I'd forgotten about this she thought angrily. She wasn't buying a pregnancy test with them breathing down her neck. It was bad enough she couldn't tell without the stupid test. She wasn't letting the whole of TC know how clueless she was.
"Don't need you guys, so you can forget it for today? Go back to TC," she ordered imperiously.
"Can't do that, Max," you get the same treatment as every other female. Except your lucky enough to get us. Its usually the lower ranks that get guard duty, but because you've always got into so much shit, you've always had me.
"Yeah, and thanks to him, you've now got me as well," added a disgruntled Todd.
"Ah, stop ya bellyaching what's a few extra guard duties now that we're mobilising and finally starting to fight back?" Tavis snapped back enthusiastically.
How the hell am I doing to get rid of these two oafs? She thought impatiently, her mind on the pregnancy test. Mobilising, fighting back, she heard suddenly, tuning into what they were saying.
"How is the planning coming along, anyway guys?" she asked innocently, her mind suddenly buzzing. Mobilizing, fighting back. What is Alec planning? She wondered with trepidation.
"Great, Max. We've had so many new arrivals since we started broadcasting and once we change the message and tell them that 494 has now taken command and we are launching an offensive, then they'll come in droves."
"When are you changing the broadcast?" she inquired interestedly. What broadcast? she thought, her mind racing the pregnancy test forgotten.
"It was supposed to be today, but that's been put on hold," Tavis replied, glancing at her sideways, suddenly going quiet."
This one reminds me of Alec, Max thought, as she watched Tavis's face close down, and realizing that source of information had just dried up.
Turning on her heel, she started back towards TC.
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"So is that all of it, Steve?
"Yeah, nasty bastard, where the fuck does he get off talking to women like that?" Steve answered.
Alec grunted in reply as they made their way up the side of Logan's building. Typical Logan shit, plus nasty included but it still didn't give him much of an insight into why he smelt fear on Max today.
"You embed the message, Steve and I'll deal with Logan," Alec instructed, as they went over the windowsill and into Logan's bedroom.
Making there way through the apartment into the living room, Steve went to the computer and Alec continued on, in search of Logan. He found him in the kitchen, bent over his stove. Alec stood in the doorway watching him. This fucker had caused him so much grief and worry over the last year, risking Max's life time and time again for his half-baked crusade, some nights his dreams of ripping out Logan's heart had been as vivid as his dreams of Max in his bed.
Hearing what Logan had said to both Max and Kat had infuriated him and he had been eager to get here and finally sort him out. But looking at him now, he suddenly just wanted to turn around and leave. Logan had no more power to hurt Max and therefore he was irrelevant, no longer a threat, but he still had to be warned. Except now instead of relishing it, Alec just wanted to be back in TC.
"You know why I'm here?" he asked, his hard voice cut the silence.
Logan spun around in shock, the knife he had been chopping with poised in front of him.
Alec eyed it disdainfully, his cold, deadly eyes flicking back to Logan's.
Logan wisely decided to put the knife down.
"I asked you a question, do you know why I'm here?"
"I haven't the faintest…"
Logan hadn't seen him move but his hand was now around his throat, restricting his air supply.
"I'll ask you again, do you know why I'm here?"
Logan nodded, his hands going to Alec's at his throat.
"She is mine now. In our way that means that not only does she sleep in my bed, but I protect her. Never again speak to her or any other Transgenic woman the way you spoke today, his voice was low and his eyes deadly as they pinned Logan's.
Releasing Logan's throat, he walked to the door. "You're nothing more than an animal, Alec, she'll see that one day and then she'll come back to me," Logan gasped, rubbing his throat.
Alec turned at the door "She's back with her own kind now, Logan. She is my mate and she is having my child. I keep what is mine," he added, his cold eyes intent on Logan.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
When she got back to TC, she was told Alec and Steve had gone off somewhere. However, Joshua had, at Alec's instruction, found them an apartment in TC and proudly took her to see it.
Max, now not only worried about the baby, but also about Alec's plans for TC, was feeling increasingly distressed and sat dejectedly on the bed, looking around her. She didn't want to live here, she thought unhappily, looking around the shabby apartment, she loved living with OC. Who did he think he was arranging this without even asking her, just expecting her to go along because he wanted it.
And why hadn't he told her what was happening in TC? Everybody else knew, she thought indignantly, didn't he trust her, she wondered? Why hasn't he told me anything? Was that what he was worrying about last night? Feeling completely overwhelmed, dejected and miserable, the tears streaked down her face as she gave in to the emotion she had been fighting all day.
Alec found her two hours later, curled uncomfortably on the couch, asleep. Shit, it's like a refrigerator in here, he thought, touching his fingers to her icy cheek. And she's been crying again. Disgustedly, her looked round the apartment. It was pretty good for what was available, but still not good enough. Fixing up decent living spaces had to be one of their first priorities once they had sorted out the military issues.
At least the bed looks clean, he thought as he bent to pick her up. "Alec, I thought you were never coming," she whispered sleepily." He felt a wave of tenderness for her as she blinked sleepily at him and snuggled into his chest.
"Yeah, well I'm here now, Max, lets get you to bed, its freezing out here." Laying her on the bed he removed her boots and with her lethargic assistance he helped her remove her clothes. Quickly removing his own he got into bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. Shit it can't be good to get this cold when your pregnant, he worried, rubbing her cold body.
"Max, why didn't you go to bed? You're freezing."
"I was waiting for you, I needed to talk to you. I didn't want to sleep here. But I must have fallen asleep anyway," she mumbled, feeling like an idiot."
"Yeah, Max, I know this place is rough, but I'll get it fixed up as soon as I've got time and some guys to spare. What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked, hoping she was going to tell him what was worrying her.
Rolling onto his side, he propped his head on his hand as she lay on her back beside him. "Are you worried about the baby?" he asked, searching her face as he placed his hand comfortingly on her stomach.
Max's hand instinctively went to his, were it rested on her. She felt another wave of fear that the baby that already had a place in her heart, the baby she felt was so real may be nothing more than something else she had got wrong, had misinterpreted.
He smelt it again, fear. Fuck, he hated that scent on her. "Tell me, Max?" he probed softly, his eyes warm and concerned as they gazed into hers. Max stared back at him, her thoughts in complete panic. He must already think she was an idiot with everything she'd already gotten so wrong. What will he think of her if this is just another thing she'd managed to screw up?
God, and to think she used to think he was the screw up. When Kat said Max didn't know him, she'd got that one right. Hell, she didn't even know herself. Kat had also said talk to him, as her eyes roamed his face, she remembered something else Kat had said.
"Alec, Kat said you wanted me for your mate before my heat."
She watched him blink at her and then she watched surprise, panic, wariness and finally resignation flash behind his eyes. Suppressing her smile, she wondered if he knew when his eyes were unguarded like this how easily it was for her to read him.
Putting her other hand on top of his on her stomach, she gazed expectantly up at him.
"Yeah that's right," he agreed carefully, his eyes unwavering and watchful on hers.
She stared back at him. Instinct told her he didn't want to talk about this, so she let it sit. She needed to think about it herself.
"I haven't had a pregnancy test," she said quietly, her eyes moving off his and fixing somewhere over his shoulder.
He waited expectantly for her to go on. When he didn't answer her eyes darted back to his. "So?" he asked at a loss, "why would you need to do that now?"
But things had started to click in his head. Kat had told Steve something about this. Logan had told Max you couldn't just feel a baby in your body, and she was being ridiculous if she thought she could. Alec had dismissed it as more of Logan's arrogant bigoted assumption that if it wasn't common to his experience, then it didn't exist. But obviously Max hadn't, she'd taken it to heart. Once again, Logan had made her doubt herself.
"There might not be a baby."
She said it so quietly that without his transgenic hearing, he wouldn't have heard her. He felt like laughing in relief. This was all she was worried about. She might doubt she was pregnant, but he had no doubt. Just the weird changes in her behaviour were enough to assure him that there was still something happening with her hormones. Plus her scent had been different ever since her heat finished.
She really wanted this baby. His baby, he realized incredulously, feeling overwhelmed. This wasn't just something he had saddled her with and that she was trying to make the most of, she really wanted it. The thought that she might not be pregnant was really upsetting her. His eyes went to her uncertain, anxious face.
She could feel him looking at her and hesitantly, she gazed back. "I suppose you think I'm an idiot, Alec?
"Why, would I think that?" he asked carefully. His lips gentle as they traced her cheekbone.
"Because I don't know things that other transgenic women instinctively know."
"Yes, you do, Max, you know you're pregnant just as I know you are. What Logan said has made you doubt yourself, but it hasn't changed anything. You are still pregnant, all the things that alerted you in the first place are still there."
"Close your eyes." He combed his fingers through her silky hair, his lips quirking as she eyed him suspiciously. "Do it, Max," he whispered into her ear. "All right, now. Let your instincts and your body feel all the things you felt when you first knew you were pregnant," his lips on her ear, he moved his hand out from under hers on her stomach and placed his over the top of hers.
Feeling his solid body beside her, his large warm hand over the top of hers and his lips softly resting against her ear, Max felt her panic and fear start to subside. As calm infused her, she thought about how she had felt when she had first suspected she was pregnant. Smiling, she remembered how she had doubted herself then too. She hadn't trusted herself then either. Not until another pregnant X5 had verified that she felt the same way.
Alec was right, they were still there, all the markers in her body that told her she was pregnant. Plus, she now had a deep down atavistic awareness that the baby was there.
She could feel his hot breath and soft lips on her ear. "So did it work?" he asked, dipping his tongue into the warm hollow behind her ear.
"Hmm," she murmured.
TBC
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