Title: Surprise, Surprise – Chapter 4
Author: Erudit
Warnings: YAOI
Intro: Yugi is waking up at home, and realizes that his yami had never stopped caring for him. The two of them try to mend the things and their feelings, as Yugi's birthday approaches.
A/N: Actually, I planned to make it longer, but as I'm quite busy right now (learning for several tests), I thought I'd put up this part for you in the meantime until I'm done with the rest. I just hope you won't be disappointed now.
After every xxxxxxx-line, the story will be told from a different point of view. If it is too confusing, let me know, and I'll put up the POVs right away.
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Blablabla- Thoughts
/blablabla/- Yami and Yugi talking through mind link
"blablabla"- normal talking
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Yugi had never felt quite like this before. Strong arms were softly keeping him in place, as a warm body pressed against his. It took him some time to comprehend where he was at and why he was in that position. Somehow he was quite sleepy. He felt exhausted as if he'd just run a marathon.
Then, after some time, he finally realized that the warm body next to him was shaking violently. He could hear strangled sobs, and felt wet drops touch his bare skin. Atemu was crying.
Amethyst eyes opened to look up at the still-shaking ex-pharaoh. Atemu's eyes were closed tightly, as tears ran over tanned skin, just to fall on alabaster-white one. Yugi had never seen his dark half like this. Their mind link was open, and he could feel every single emotion that the ex-pharaoh was feeling at the moment. Despair, sadness, confusion and anger ran through the ex-pharaoh's veins, had him in their clutch, and didn't seem to want to let go. Atemu cursed himself for letting something like that happen to his light. Yugi could feel how new protection spells were created at the ex-pharaoh's will. They were woven around him in a tight net, covering every spot and every possibility. Atemu would never allow something like that to happen ever again.
Yugi began to feel sorry for what he had tried to do. Had he known Atemu would react like that, had he known his dark half still cared that much about him, he'd never even have thought of committing suicide.
Tiredness overcame him yet again, as Atemu's warm body was just too comfy. He snuggled into the ex-pharaoh's embrace (the arms around him tightened once more) and fell fully asleep again.
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When Yugi woke up again, Atemu's arms were still holding him tightly, as if the ex-pharaoh feared Yugi would disappear the moment he let go of him. Yugi's amethyst eyes opened slowly, blinking as they adjusted to the light. Then, they wandered to look at his dark half's face. The ex-pharaoh had fallen asleep some time ago, his breathing even, though his cheeks were still damp. Yugi could still feel the web of protection spells around him tightening. A small hand rose to Atemu's face, softly wiping away the tears. Amethyst eyes looked guiltily at his other half. Why did he have to jump to conclusions so fast? He should have just approached Atemu with his fears, asking him right-out why his dark half was lying. Somehow Yugi was sure that the ex-pharaoh had a good explanation. And he was quite sure Atemu still cared about him. Why else would the ex-pharaoh have jumped into the cold water and have rescued him? Yugi remembered to have seen Atemu in front of him in the water right before he passed out. He knew for a fact that it had been his dark half who had rescued him and carried him home.
"I'm sorry." He whispered softly, afraid of Atemu waking up. Somehow he wasn't able to face his dark half yet. What was he supposed to say once Atemu woke up? Yugi sighed. He had behaved foolishly. The ex-pharaoh would probably never let him go anywhere alone anymore. If Atemu had trusted him before, he surely wouldn't any longer, now that he had seen how unstable Yugi really was.
Yugi looked at his dark half sadly. All in all, he had just made it worse. He had wanted to kill himself because he thought Atemu just saw a little child that always needed protection in him. He had thought that he'd never be Atemu's equal, that the ex-pharaoh would never care for him the way he cared for their other friends. And now, after his stupid suicide attempt, he'd found out that Atemu had really cared for him. But, of course now that he'd proven that he was really a child, that he was not even able to be alone for a few days without doing something idiotically, he'd probably lost the little respect that Atemu might have had. All in all, he'd just achieved proving what he had wanted to escape from. He'd wanted to be strong for once, and had been weak again. Angry tears rimmed Yugi's eyes, as he continued looking at his dark half. Why do I have to be so weak!
"Yugi." The ex-pharaoh sighed softly.
Yugi jumped at the sound, and looked up at his dark half anxiously. Had Atemu heard what he'd thought? But, after a few seconds, the little light realized Atemu was still asleep. He must be dreaming. Yugi kept looking at his dark half wonderingly. What was Atemu dreaming about?
Suddenly, crimson eyes flew open and Yugi was faced with his worst fear. Atemu had woken up. But instead of seeing anger and disappointment in his crimson eyes, all he could see was worry and infinite care. Yugi stared into Atemu's eyes speechless, not believing that his yami was not mad at him. Surely Atemu just wanted to get his hopes up high to blow up on him later on. Yugi lowered his eyes, and stared at Atemu's chest. He'd never realized up to now that Atemu's red leather-shirt had dark spots on it.
"Yugi?" Atemu asked softly, but the little light winced none-the-less. "Please look at me, little one."
Yugi looked up to meet his darkness' eyes once again, not able to deny Atemu anything. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. Now, Atemu would start scolding him, and he'd feel even worse than he'd felt before.
But no scolding came. Instead, tanned hands rose to lightly wipe away his tears, as crimson eyes softened even more. "Please don't cry, little one." Atemu begged as he pulled Yugi closer to himself, shifting their position in the process, so that Yugi ended up lying on top of the ex-pharaoh.
"I'm sorry." Yugi whispered, as his own hands rose to wipe away the offending tears. But that action just made everything worse, and Yugi broke down, sobbing into Atemu's shirt. Strong arms embraced him, and began to comfortingly strike his back.
"Shhh. Please don't cry, little one. Please don't cry." Yugi could feel Atemu opening their mind-links once more, and then he could feel the pharaoh's soothing voice and presence in his head. His yami's mind curled around him like a soft, velvety blanket, and in the back of his mind he could feel how his dark half made him fall asleep. Before Yugi could protest, he'd already drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a beautiful, fresh-mown lawn and cotton-candy, not knowing that Atemu controlled every part of his dream, in fear of him having a nightmare.
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Once his little light had fallen asleep, Yami rolled the two of them around, so that he was once again lying next to his aibou. Then he rose, set on fixing his little one a marvelous breakfast, or maybe brunch, since it was already eleven o'clock. He left Yugi's room (not without looking over his shoulder one more time) and went into the kitchen.
After he'd pulled Yugi out of the water the day before, he'd tried out this life-enforcement- procedures that Yugi had shown him several weeks before. Luckily, he had seemed to be doing it right, as Yugi coughed up some water and began breathing again shortly after. Atemu had been more relieved than ever before in his life, and had carried his little aibou home. He'd left another trail of water on his way to the bathroom, where he hurriedly changed both of them into a set of dry clothes, all the while blushing and trying to not look as his naked aibou. Then, he'd carried Yugi to his bed, and after a few seconds of berating himself, he'd joined his aibou, telling himself that he needed to keep his light warm if he didn't want Yugi to catch a cold. In reality he'd been so afraid that Yugi would disappear once he'd turned his back to his little light that he needed to be close to him. To quench the last bit of his fears, he'd woven a new set of protection spells around his aibou. He'd made sure that something like that never happened again.
He fixed his little hikari a few pancakes with peanut butter and strawberry jam, just as he liked it; made fresh OJ; prepared a plate of fresh fruits, mostly pineapple and water melon; took out some milk in case Yugi favored his cereal; a few chocolate chip cookies were placed on the table as well; toast was toasted; butter, ham and cheese was taken out of the refrigerator; eggs were boiled; and a beautiful red rose was put in the middle of the table. Off course, Atemu wouldn't have managed any of that without having to call up several of Yugi's friends to ask for suggestions and to get a detailed description of how to make the various kinds of food. Sometimes, he decided, it was really good to have friends. Off course, he hadn't told them what had happened the night before, otherwise Joey would have sent Seto Kaiba over to set him straight, and Ryou would have probably told Bakura to get rid of him for Yugi's sake. And he had enough problems as it was without other people trying to kill him.
He had just started preparing hot coco, when a voice interrupted his action of putting marshmallows into the brown drinks.
"Why did you force me to sleep with one of your spells?"
Yami almost dropped all of the marshmallows in his surprise. He hadn't realized the time had passed by that fast and that Yugi was awake again.
"Is that how it's going to be from now on?" Yugi asked angrily. "You forcing me to do things by using your powers? You could have asked me if I had wanted to go to sleep, you know!" Yugi's voice was high-pitched by now, and he sounded as if he was close to tears again. "I'm not a little child to boss around to your liking!" The little light finished off in an angry huff, crossing his arms over his chest, and staring angrily at the former pharaoh, who had not turned around yet.
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Yugi didn't know what had come over him. If one had asked him at that moment why he was yelling at his yami, he would have just shrugged his shoulders. He had felt really sorry for what he'd done just a few minutes ago. And now he was angry as hell, without really understanding why. It was as if somebody else had spoken those words for him. Had it been his pride that made him say such things? No, it couldn't be. Atemu was the proud one. Yugi didn't care for such things. It must be something else. I have to go and talk to somebody about all of this. I can't keep it bottled up. And Yami is no great help in that aspect. No, I can't talk to him about that. Not now at least. So many things have gone wrong. Yugi sighed and cast his eyes downwards. His fierce gaze softened at his thoughts. Maybe it will never be the same anymore. We can't just act as if nothing has happened. Then he thought about who he wanted to talk about it instead. He needed somebody who was not entirely caught up in the middle of all of this; somebody who could be impartial, and who wouldn't shy away of telling him his or her complete opinion. He needed somebody who was old enough to understand what was going on; somebody who wouldn't hate him if he spilt his feelings for the ex-pharaoh; somebody with an opened mind. And then, as if somebody held a large sign in front of his eyes to tell him which person was the right one, one person, a young woman in fact, came to his mind. Lisa.
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"I'll be gone for a few hours, Yami."
Atemu winced at how indifferent Yugi sounded. He hadn't even called him mou hitori no boku anymore. Then again, he suddenly realized, his little light hadn't called him that for a long time. Was it too late already? The ex-pharaoh stared down at the two mugs in front of him. White sticky figures were swimming in a puddle of brown something. That was at least what any person, who had never before in his or her live drunk or seen hot coco and marshmallows, would think. Atemu knew better by now. He also knew that his hikari loved this sweet drink. Yugi always made cute little mewling sounds when drinking hot coco. Atemu had wanted to hear those. He missed being close to his hikari. It was somehow as if there was an invisible wall between the two of them now. Atemu didn't understand what had happened.
"It's ok, Yugi." Atemu said quietly to the two cups in front of him. Yugi wouldn't be able to hear him anyways. He had left the room (and with it his dark half) several minutes ago.
And then, for the third time in only two days, the once-proud ex-pharaoh Atemu sank to the floor and cried as his heart broke bit by bit, completely forgetting about the beautifully decorated table and the delicious kinds of food that were prepared on top of it.
Everything is wrong. I wanted to make it all better by telling Yugi of my love for him tomorrow at the party. I wanted to make everything perfect for him… and now… he can't even stand being in the same room with me! I'm obviously an utter failure. Everything I do turns out wrong! Is it because of what I feel for him? Do the gods hate me that much? Is this my punishment for remaining on earth?
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Yugi sighed relieved once he had left the Kame Game Shop. He had to sort through his feelings before he was able to face his dark half again. All the time he was near his yami, he felt as if his head or heart might explode any second. There were so many feelings, so many thoughts on his mind… he just didn't know what to do.
He wanted to yell at Atemu, he wanted him to feel as bad as he himself had felt the days before. He wanted Atemu to be in pain, to break down and for once show his feelings, for once tell the truth. Yugi knew it was possible; Atemu had done so during the night when he had cried. The little light had been able to feel every single emotion and thought that he had wanted to feel. In that few minutes that Yugi had been awake, he'd been able to read Atemu like an open book. There had been no carefully guarded secrets, no blocked minds, no lies… just the truth and nothing else. Yugi had liked that feeling. He knew quite well that Atemu was able to pry into his mind anytime the other wanted to do so. He was just surprised that the ex-pharaoh knew nothing about Yugi's feelings for him yet. It almost seemed as if his dark half didn't understand what the hikari felt for him, for Yugi was sure that Atemu could feel his feelings. But that couldn't be, could it? Surely, even somebody as oblivious to such feelings as love had to understand it when seeing it in somebody else's mind? Surely, his Yami couldn't be that blind, could he?
Yugi sighed. Sadly, he had fallen asleep only a few minutes after looking into his dark half's mind. He'd not been able to see any more than Atemu's genuine care for Yugi, and the anger that was directed at the pharaoh himself. And then, when Yugi had woken up the next time, his dark half had been composed once again, simply putting him under a spell, so that little Yugi couldn't annoy him anymore!
"Ah, I'm so angry at him! I could just-" Yugi stopped mid-sentence when he caught the strange looks other people were casting in his direction. "He, he, he." He smiled at them embarrassed, his cheeks immediately flushing a crimson so dark to rival his yami's eyes. Damn it. Why did I have to say that out loud? He sighed. He had once again made a fool of himself. Sometimes he felt as if that was the only reason for him to be around: to make a fool of himself, so that everybody else had something to laugh about. The people around him just continued to warily glance in his direction, as if he would pull out a knife at any moment, and try to attack one of them. And, to tell the truth, Yugi might have considered this option had he taken a knife with him when he had left the house, as they were annoying him to no end. Stupid people. They are just like Yami. They see nothing else in me but a little, weird child that needs parental guidance or maybe even psychological treatment! He glared at them as best as he could, which, of course, didn't affect anybody around him. He simply couldn't look furious. That in turn, made him feel even more stupid and angry. It was a vicious circle that he wasn't able to stop. Everything led to him feeling worse.
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Some time later:
Atemu had been staring holes into the wall, when he finally decided that he had to act if he wanted to win back his little hikari. I can't just wait for Yugi to come to me and tell me everything. Instead, I should look for Yugi myself and openly talk to him, even if it means spilling some of my secrets. He would do whatever was necessary to win his aibou back. With one glance at the cold food on the table, he left the kitchen and went upstairs to his room to change. After all, he wanted to look his best when confronting his aibou. He needed to show his light what he could offer him, even if it meant lowering himself into a position a pharaoh would normally never dream of. But then again, he'd never been in love when he had been pharaoh, so how was he supposed to know if he hadn't done the same in ancient Egypt if his little hikari had existed back then.
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"Do you understand what I've been trying to tell you, Lisa?" Yugi asked softly, hopeful purple eyes looking up at his older friend.
The woman nodded softly. "I think I do. And he doesn't know about it? Have you never tried to tell him about your feelings?"
Yugi shook his head, his eyes once again downcast in shame. "I was so afraid." He whispered. "Not only of his reaction but of the reaction of my friends as well. What if they'd hate me? Or even worse, what if he hated me and left once and for all? I don't think I could live without him. Then, I'd rather not live at all." Yugi hadn't told Lisa about his suicide attempt the night before. He was quite sure that his new friend would be worried about him if he did, and he really didn't need another parental figure in his life. Although he wasn't quite sure if he hadn't already made her a parental figure just by asking her for advice.
"You really shouldn't worry about your friends. What friends would they be if they didn't accept you the way you are?" Lisa said encouragingly. "For example, about a year ago I colored my hair in a really nasty yellowish-purple-grey mix. But did my friends desert me? No, they loved me just as they always had. Now, I know it's a little bit different as hair can grow back to its normal color and it doesn't at all concern my personality, but you've always been like this, haven't you? I mean you will still be the same now that you have fallen in love with Yami. You have not changed at all. Why should their feelings change? I know for sure mine won't."
Yugi nodded gratefully, though he wasn't quite convinced.
"And now to this Yami person." Lisa continued. "Am I right assuming it is the same man that barged into my apartment two days ago?"
Yugi nodded, feeling slightly guilty. She'd caught him lying.
"Ah." Lisa smiled. "He is quite a good-looking man, isn't he? But don't worry; I'm not interested in him. As a matter of fact, I'm married already." She added when she noticed his alarmed gaze. "Darrin has to travel a lot. He is hardly ever at home. But once he is, I want you two to meet."
Yugi nodded once again, while gazing at his friend's hand. He hadn't realized the wedding ring before. It was a beautiful golden band. And suddenly he wished he'd get one of those too. He really wanted Atemu to love him.
"But now back to Yami." Lisa interrupted his thoughts. "If he is any good at all, he'll not break of your friendship even if he doesn't return your feelings. You can't help the way you feel, after all. Somebody who leaves another person just because of the feelings that one of them harbors and that aren't returned doesn't deserve to be loved or to have any friends at all. Also…" She smiled again, as she leaned a little bit closer, her eyes sparkling. "I believe that if you truly love somebody, the feeling will be mutual. After all, what good would it be to truly love somebody if you'll be forever unhappy?"
Yugi smiled at her, for the first time in the day feeling a little bit better. Off course, you never knew if you truly loved a person until the end of your life. You could always think you truly loved a person, and then somebody else came around, steeling your heart away. But he was quite sure that Atemu was the right one. Why else should he have been the one to solve the puzzle. That did have to mean something, didn't it?
It must have been faith.
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A hot coco and brownies with vanilla ice-cream later:
"Thank you for your help." Yugi stated, and he sounded quite sincere. "I really needed somebody to talk to."
"It was nothing. That's what friends are for, after all." Lisa smiled encouragingly. She had been afraid at first that her words had not helped at all.
"Well, thank you anyways." Yugi said. Then, after a look at the clock, he jumped up, hurriedly putting back on his coat and shoes. "Oh, I really need to go. He'll probably be worried about me. I only wanted to be gone for a few minutes and now it's already four o'clock." He waved at her, a true smile on his face, as he left her apartment in a rush.
Lisa smiled at her new friend's retreat, glad to have been of help. Hopefully the two of them can sort it out.
She began thinking about ways to get Yugi and Atemu together. I really need to hear Yami's side of the story. She sighed. That would be quite difficult. After the last day's events, she was quite sure Atemu wouldn't want her anywhere near him. She had treated him really bad. But if he cared for Yugi at least half as much as she was hoping, then he'd talk to her.
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Atemu had decided to go to that woman's apartment that Yugi had been at the day before. Maybe she knew something about his hikari. He really needed some help, and she seemed to be a good friend of his little aibou. He simply couldn't go on like this. He needed his little one like others needed air to live.
Now which direction was her apartment at again?
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- To be continued -
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Please review and tell me it's not as bad as I had the feeling it was, when I read through it just earlier this day. I really need some encouraging. I hate to learn for tests. I much rather write my stories. And I usually get the best ideas when I'm sitting in the middle of book-piles (sigh).
Istas: Thank you for your reviews and the Japanese names. I'll try to put them in my stories when possible. To your question: Yes, Yami has closed up their mind-link entirely. He is afraid of spoiling the surprise, and he is also quite preoccupied with the preparations, so that he hardly ever has time for quick check-ups. But he has realized that little Yugi is feeling down kind of lately. He just doesn't understand he is the reason for it. He can be so dense and oblivious in my stories, can't he?
Red Dragon Of Egypt (): I think it would be a good idea if Yami did just that. (Grovel at his hikari's feet and kissing him senseless – hmm, gives me ideas - starry eyes look) Let's just hope the two of them ever get the chance to do so. Thanks for your review. And keep beating Yami for me. He doesn't want to show up in my stories if I ever try to reprimand him.