Beyond the Shadows

Lazily, I open my eyes. The suns are rising, and already the heat makes the air feel thick. I sit up and let my gaze move out the window, giving me a perfect view of the courtyard. I spent the night in my old home, and in doing so, I have finally been able to sleep.

Rising stiffly, I stretch. The hottest part of the day is hours away, but I need to seek refuge from the suns. Isn't that all I need . . . refuge? Isn't that what I left in search of? The moment I consider this, a dark perception come to mind. I can never find refuge. If I am destined to fall like my father, then there is no where I can run to.

I shrug my shirt over my head and shoulders, and then I pull on my boots. With a sigh, I feel the haunting memories of the past several days creeping up on me. I force myself to push those maddening thoughts aside.

The empty feeling returns, and I decide that I can not stay. So I gather the few belongings I have brought with me, including the last of the holos. With one last look, I leave the homestead far behind, making a feeble promise that I will never return.

I end up here, in Ben's old house. It's still as small as I remember. It's weather torn and full of memories. This is where it started, and this is the choice that changed my destiny forever.

Nothing ever changes, I remember whining. I was such a fool, but now I wish that I had been right. I wish I had been content to let things remain dull and uneventful, at least then there would have been no pain.

I sit down, and after a moment, I lift the last of the holos from my pack. I have already spent many hours staring at the image, and even before I activate the device, I know what I will see. In a flash, the image once again appears before me. I don't see anything new.

It's an odd image, if you don't understand it. There's Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru standing in the background. Next to them is an injured man in a hover chair. I don't recognize him. In the foreground are two more people that I don't recognize by sight, but I know who they are.

The first is a woman, beautiful. She looks a bit like Leia, and there is no doubt in my mind that this is my mother. Seeing her face makes me wish I had known her. How would things have been different if she had survived, if she had raised me? Would I have known the truth sooner? Would she have told me about my past? Maybe things would have been different, maybe none of this would have happened, if only I had known her.

I once again mull the "what ifs" through my mind. I struggle with the mixture of emotions that occur when I see my mother's face. There are so many questions, and all I'm left with is regret, sorrow and dread.

The second person I know is a younger man with blond hair, dressed in dark clothes. This is my father. He's dressed in the robes of Jedi from the ancient order. Kneeling before the grave stone, there is a look in he eyes that I understand perfectly. It is an expression of anguish.

While this holo gives me more insight into my past than I could have ever hoped, it raises more questions than it answers.

I grew up with this image of my father, I imaged him as a hero. I saw him as a star pilot, despite what Uncle Owen said. He'd said my father was spice navigator, and as I child, I believed it. As I got older, I knew I had to have inherited my piloting skills from someone, and I credited it to my father. I imagined my father to be a good man, an honorable one.

When I found out my father was Darth Vader, that image was shattered. The good I had pictured my father to be was replaced with an image of evil, of darkness. The image in the holo before me shows me what I had always believed my father was. It shows a good man who had been through much.

My father was more like me than I am willing to admit.

How did this happen? How did a good man like Anakin turn into that monster? If the greatest jedi could become a sith, what was to stop me from falling?

I deactivate the holo and drop it back into my pack. I rub my head, and I hear myself talking to the walls. "Why didn't you tell me, Ben? Why didn't you tell me?"

I rise, pacing the room. "You knew didn't you? You said the force controls our destinies, and you saw what he became. What happens to me now?"

Of course, the only answer is silence.

I snatch up my pack and leave Ben's house, without ever looking back. The land speeder carries me away, toward Mos Eisley. I think I could use a stiff drink.

The pub is just as I remember, brimming with the greatest assortment of smugglers and criminals, years ago, I may have been intimidated by the scum that fill this place, but the lightsaber at my side and the complacency in my soul dissolve any fear I might have had.

Standing at the bar, I order a strong drink. The bartender glances at me oddly, but he hands me a glass filled with a dark blue liquid. It tastes sour and dry, but I finish it in a single swig. The bartender looks at me, and I nod, lifting the glass. In an instant, the glass is refilled. I nurse this drink, sipping the liquid and letting the bitter taste linger in my mouth.

I find myself looking down at the half empty glass, when hand claps against my shoulder. I find myself face to face with a fearsome looking stranger. An odd grin crosses his face, and I distinctly smell Corellian Rum on his breath. "I know you," the man mumbles.

"I don't think so," I say, jerking my shoulder away from his grasp.

"Oh, but I do," the stranger says, snatching my arm in a tightening grip.

"What do you want?" I ask, as I strongly consider drawing my saber.

"You are going to go," the man mutters.

"What?" I glare back at him.

The stranger lets out a dry laugh. "You want to know the truth, boy? You want to know what fate your doomed to? You have to go beyond the shadows."

The drunk sounding like a philosopher was probably the most disconcerting thing I had encountered so far this evening. Besides, how did he know what I was thinking? How did he know those were the questions that has plagued me for days? "What the hell?"

The stranger grins and takes a swig of his drink. "That's right, Skywalker. To hell. You have to go between the shadows."

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Hey guys, I apologize for taking so long to post this. I went away on break and failed to mention it. I'm back now and updates should be more often. Thanks so much.

Lady Kelina