Chapter 13

Negative is a Positive Thing, Right?

The last dregs of his Jordan fantasy hanging in Woody's head made him less than excited about going home to an empty apartment and bed. He wished he could say it was just the companionship he missed and that anybody warming the sheets beside him would do but he knew he was just kidding himself.

After finally consummating what he and Jordan were, as fleeting and meaningless as they had both pretended it to be, Woody knew he'd never be able to touch another woman's body without thinking of Jordan.

With impending priesthood hanging over him like a large, dark cloud Woody headed for the office to catch up on some paperwork and try and figure out how to fix the relationship that had been so violently fractured.

Even though her conversation with Garret had ended early that afternoon, by night Jordan was still reliving the talk they'd had and still exhausting herself thinking about the epiphany that had come of that conversation. She wanted to be a mother. Somewhere between almost losing Woody two years earlier and finally admitting to herself that she wanted only him for the rest of her life Jordan had reluctantly admitted something else to herself. She wanted a baby. More to the point, she wanted Woody's baby.

All of her animosity towards Leighanne, coupled with her inability to find anyone for herself had all been part of this longing for a life and family with Woody. She had pushed any of those thoughts to the back of her head when he pushed her out of his life those few years ago. It wasn't until she admitted to Garret, or Garret pulled it out of her, that Jordan realized that for all of the twists and turns she'd taken in her life, Woody was at the only one she wanted waiting at the end of the road.

The idea of going home alone to her loft left Jordan less than enthused to leave work for the day. Fortunately, she has one more stop to make.

Grabbing the autopsy report she had been putting off giving to Woody for the better part of a week, Jordan headed for the 19th precinct hoping that being in his office might take Jordan a step closer to being back in Woody's life.

Woody leaned back in his chair and looked out the window of his office for the tenth time in as many minutes. The street lights lit up outside that he didn't often get to see coupled with his own anal retentive biological clock telling him he should be in front on his couch with a beer watching a baseball game instead of working had his limited attention span focused anywhere but on the case in front of him.

He set the folder aside with a long sigh and picked up another. As he leaned back in his chair once again, bent on putting his focus back on his caseload, he growled and tossed it aside when he saw it was a case he'd been waiting on the autopsy report for going on four days. An autopsy report Jordan was probably holding captive to make him nuts.

Or it could just be that she doesn't want to have to look your insensitive asshole face he thought and scrubbed a hand over said face irately. He was just about to cut his losses and leave for the night when he heard a decidedly feminine cough from his doorway. Jordan.

"Oh..h…hey.." he said standing from his chair clumsily and rubbing his eyes. "What are you doing around this time of night?" he asked and looked her over briefly. She'd lost some weight. Not enough to make him worry yet, but as he'd seen what curves she had up close, even under the long sleeved tee she was wearing, he could see that those curves had diminished some.

Jordan just looked off through the blinds of his window and moment to avoid his coy scrutiny of her body and shrugged. "Well, I had this autopsy report and I was going home so I thought.." her voice faltered a little and Woody had enough sense to give her a sympathetic smile.

"…You thought you'd stop by and drop it off when there was about a five percent chance I was here.." he finished, knowing that while it might not have been what she was about to say, it had most definitely been what she was thinking.

Jordan just shrugged and opened and closed her mouth a few times uncomfortably.

"Thanks," Woody murmured, knowing that he was the sole cause of her discomfort. Probably her weight loss too. The big, less visible crack down the middle of her heart.

"You're welcome…umm…here," Jordan said with a short nervous laugh.

She hated that just with looking at her Woody could see the turmoil going on inside of her. Like he'd read her cues on that night of fast, angry sex -- he'd now obtained the ability to read her body language a little more easily, a little more accurately; like a lover. She waved the thought away with a wave goodnight to Woody as she turned back to the door. They could never be described as lovers. The doorway to that description had quite literally been slammed in her face.

"…Jordan wait…" he said making her hands stop inches from the doorknob. She made a fist when she realized her hand was shaking slightly.

Wait for what? he suddenly thought running a nervous, sweaty hand through his hair. What was there left to say? See ya around. Take care. Come home with me.

When he didn't go any further right away, Jordan turned the knob.

"We never talked about what happened.." he said with a softness to his voice that had been missing for a few years.

Jordan gave a mirthless laugh and shut the door again without turning back to him.

"Really? Cause I remember quite vividly us screaming at the top of our lungs at each other after…" she said and her voice trickled off with a stab of pain to her stomach.

Woody sighed. He was pretty close to screaming again. He wanted to scream at her to turn around and look at him and as if she could read his mind her back stiffened. But he needed to know for his own peace of mind.

"That's not what I mean…" he started nervously. "I…I mean we let things get out of hand, we weren't thinking…and we certainly weren't prepared despite what you think I was doing there.." he said softly and lowered his voice.

Jordan finally turned to him incredulously. "Are you asking me if I've been tested?" she asked feeling her voice rise with each word.

Woody put up a hand quickly. "No no no…I..I know you get tested. You're an ME you probably get tested more often than we do on the force, but there are other ramifications…and…and I just wanted to know if you…if you are.." he stuttered and looked pointedly at her hips.

Jordan felt that little ache she thought would have disappeared after her talk with Garret return. She self consciously covered her abdomen and shook her head slowly.

"No..no you didn't knock me up, Farm Boy, so you can call off the shot gun wedding," she said trying not to let the disappointment she had felt when she got her period after their encounter creep into her voice or demeanor.

What surprised Jordan next was that instead of a masculine sigh of relief, Woody leaned back against the corner of his desk, his face unreadable as he looked at the floor. He finally looked up and nodded slowly.

"Thank you, though, I mean for telling me.." he said clearing his suddenly dry throat.

With a nod Jordan turned to leave and opened the door. For a third time his voice stopped her. Her pounding heart and the noisy midnight hallway almost drowned him out.

"For the record Jordan, I don't think of you and me as a mistake. Poor timing maybe...but never a mistake. I still think we need to talk about it...if anything I think we both need some closure."

"What do you suggest?"

"If you're asking me if we should sit down and hold a summit from opposite sides of a table with our lawyers handy...no. Have breakfast with me..."

Jordan released a barely audible sigh of defeat and maybe a little relief. "Okay…I think that'll be okay.." she nodded. At least it would be in a public place.

"At my place.." Woody finished and smiled that soft but nearly forgotten smile he had only for her as Jordan stopped in her tracks. "Only for breakfast... I promise." He nodded and Jordan couldn't deny the sincerity of his words.

"You make a pretty good Texas omelet, Detective." Jordan said after her first bite. She hated to admit it, even in the confines of her own private thoughts, but waking up a few mornings a month to this treat didn't seem like such a bad idea.

After a few more bites Jordan set down her fork.

"I don't know what you expected me to say here, Woody.." she started nervously wringing her hands at her knees.

Woody looked up from his own plate, his face showing signs of being a little hurt.

"I don't expect you to say anything Jordan…I…I mean I do, but I'm not looking for an apology. What happened between us.." he started and felt a blush creep to his cheeks, more from being ashamed than embarrassed.

Jordan nodded. "It was wrong..a really bad idea," she finished quietly and Woody looked up so quickly that it made Jordan do the same.

"No..no it wasn't a bad idea Jordan…it was a good idea, but it was… uhh...it was handled pretty shittily.." he said honestly. "We had sex, Jordan. Neither one of us is denying that, but what made it wrong was that was all we let it be. Sex." He finished lowering his eyes again. The memory of the feel of her soft skin and the warmth of her body wrapped around him made Woody shift uncomfortably in his chair.

Jordan watched him, his eyes unfocused and staring off into a memory she was having, too. His strong hands holding her body close to his, the look in his eyes as he made sure to hold her gaze just before he came.

"Was that all it was Woody? Just sex?" Jordan asked with a frailty she rarely let anyone see.

For all the lies they had been telling each other over the past few months, hell, over the past few years, Woody couldn't force himself to lie this time.

"No…no it wasn't…" he said softly and reached across the tiny kitchen table to hold Jordan's small, fidgeting hand still.

Jordan just smiled a small teary thank you and squeezed his hand back. "So where are we supposed to go from here, Wood?" she whispered looking at the table in front of her as the tears began to gently fall to her cheeks.

Woody felt a catch in his own throat and nodded slowly, squeezing her hand a little tighter. "Forward … Jordan…only forward …" he stated softly back.

Jordan wasn't aware that he had sat forward until she felt his warm breath on the bridge of her nose and she briefly recognized the creak of his chair as he shifted his weight off of it. She could only looked up into his eyes through the slight blur of tears to see the man she knew was the love of her life.

When their lip met this time it wasn't deep with passionate anger, but gentle and familiar, like old friends shaking hands.

"Tell me again Jordan…" he whispered between soft kisses. "Tell me again." He begged and Jordan could only reach up to hold his face in her hands.

"Please Woody…please don't leave me…I love you," she whispered as quietly and sincerely as she had that day leaning over his bedside as he lay near death.