Chapter Thirty-One
"They're an occupation force in my city aren't they Buzz?"
"Yeah," Buzz replied succinctly. Preoccupied he gazed sightlessly out the window as they drove back to the base.
Tanner had told him Steve was still alive but that he was one of the criticals they had in that hospital. He'd also told him that Tanya and Ana were missing and had been since their base burned down. He hadn't said it, but Howl could tell by his face and the abrupt way he'd turned away, that he thought they were dead. Those girls and their units had saved his life and if there was any chance that they were out there somewhere then he was going to do his best to find them.
He'd known that Tanya had a thing for Tanner, because it was one of the things she'd whispered in his ear, the nights when he'd been delirious and shaking with fever, and she'd kept him going by alternately telling him about her life, and hectoring him to hang on and not to give up, telling him they were only hours away from their front lines and safety. Half the time he'd been too feverish to know what she was saying, but he remembered the comforting feel of her body at his back and the sound of her voice in his ear, and how he'd clung to his life long past when he wanted to give up, because he hadn't wanted to fail her.
Now she was probably dead. Gunned down by the army she'd served and by the very soldiers she had served with. For what fucking reason he thought furiously. Before he'd realized that the special ops soldiers he owed his life too, and who had his deepest respect, were transgenic, he'd bought the media and government shit about transgenics being crazed animalistic killers, biological experiments gone wrong that needed to be eliminated for the good of mankind.
"They aren't crazed killers and they aren't animals either," Buzz said belligerently into the silence.
"No Anderson," agreed wearily. His son's recounting of his rescue and the nightmare trek out of Tanzanistan was indelibly etched in his memory. He knew that soldiers willing to risk what those special ops units had risked to get other soldiers to safety were nothing less than hero's. And the young women who'd cared enough, to take turns badgering and cajoling his son to keep the tenuous hold he had on his life, on the trek across hell, were certainly not crazed animals.
"As soon as Washington knows what's happening here we'll be ordered against them."
"Yeah," Anderson agreed. "So for now we keep this under wraps until we've had a chance to look at the surveillance footage, and onnce we have Tremaine's information then I can sit down and figure out what, if anything, we can do for them. How many at the base were with you in Tanzanistan? "
"About fifty."
Anderson glanced sideways at their driver.
"Him to," Buzz said. You can talk in front of him."
"Maybe contact the others and let them know that those special ops units were transgencis, " Howl suggested.
"It's already happening Sir. We had a quick meeting before we left base," he explained in answer to Anderson's sideways glance.
"Compile a list of where they're all stationed now, and their assigned duties, Buzz. We just might need their help."
"Already happening, Sir."
"I'll contact Danny maybe-"
"It will already have been done by now, Sir," Buzz interrupted. "Working in Intel at Langley he'll be able to fill in any gaps Tremaine can't."
Anderson's speculative eyes assessed him without comment.
"We didn't know how on board you'd be with this, Sir." Buzz said his eyes steady on Anderson's."
"On board with what Buzz?" Anderson asked as their eyes held. "As far as I'm concerned all I'm doing is gathering Intel before I report to my superiors."
Without comment Buzz turned his closed face back to the window, as they passed through the base gates.
"You're were sure that Danny would be on board then, Buzz?" Howl asked as they alighted from the jeep.
"You had to be there, Sir," Buzz offered quietly by way of explanation.
Anderson watching his departing back feared he might just be watching his career stroll cross the parade ground.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Max?"
She heard the abrupt, loud summons from across the length of the ER, and turning toward the voice, saw Tanner, his helmet under his arm, hovering ill at ease just inside the main doors.
Getting the message that he wasn't coming any further into the ER she walked impatiently over to him.
"I've got a message for Steve from Howl."
Irritated, about to tell him to tell Steve himself, she paused, taking in his aggressive unease, as his eyes continuously raked the room. His hostile wariness reminded her of Alec's behaviour when he had to deal with ordinary medical personal.
"You can tell him yourself," she suggested more mildly than she'd originally intended.
"No." he snapped. "I don't come into these places. You tell him," he ordered abruptly.
"Please," he added as an after thought. It still snapped out like an order, but realizing how he sounded he smiled at her. Taken aback at the transformation of his face from dark and glowering to charming she snapped her mouth shut and swallowed her angry retort.
"He'd be glad of the company. Some of the other CO's have been in to see him," she suggested evenly.
"No, he knows why I don't come in. Just tell him Howl wishes him well and he's gonna start looking for Tanya and Ana from his end." Abruptly he turned away.
"Its just a hospital Tanner. It isn't Manticore and those two bitches aren't here." She didn't know why she said it. It was really none of her business, but his aggressive panic at just being in the place reminded her of Alec, and she just couldn't help herself.
He stopped half way through the door and turned back to her, his face cold and shuttered, his eyes angry green balls of ice.
"What do you know about that?" he demanded harshly.
:
"Just that you're not in Manticore now and it's different out here," lamely she repeated what she'd heard Dex say to Alec, wishing she hadn't said anything.
"You must know? Otherwise why bring them up? Alec's told you." His savage voice was at odds with the stark pain in his eyes and the dull red flush infusing his face.
Out of her depth Max stared apprehensively at him, fervently wishing she'd said nothing. "No he hasn't told me any-. No wait Tanner I'm sorry-" He shrugged her hand off his arm as she followed him through the doors and into the hospital car park.
Max watched him shoulder anyone who got in his way aside as he aggressively made his way across the hospital car park. Fuck what have I done.
"Alec," she gasped, catching sight of him as he turned, smiling and unsuspecting, and Tanners fist exploded into his face.
No, No. She could hear the impact of fists on flesh and Alec and Todd's voices as they tried to calm him down. She tried to fight her way through the males who had closed ranks around them, but was presented with a wall of solid male backs wherever she turned. Fuck Kat hadn't been kidding when she said if they didn't want you there, they just blocked you out. Furiously she kicked the X'5 in front off her in the back of his knee. He faltered, but didn't go down, not even turning in her direction.
"Max." Tav bit out from behind her.
"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded.
"Tanner's just had a good go at Alec and he's now beating the crap out of Todd." Mezo said, as he and the males directly in her path turned to Tav.
"What the fuck. Why?" Tav asked in astonishment.
"Let me through?" Angrily, Max pushed Mezo aside. Only to find herself facing another row off male backs.
"Tell them to move Tav," she insisted through gritted teeth.
"Is he in his instincts?" Tav demanded.
"Doesn't appear to be. Just off his head," Mezo answered shrugging.
"Move," Tav ordered and the row of backs parted, as did the row in front of them until Max with Tav beside her had pushed through to the front.
"What the fuck is your problem, Tanner?" Alec grunted from the ground, where he struggled to hold Tanner in a headlock.
Another broken nose Max thought guiltily her eyes on Alec's face. Todd stood at the side holding his ribs, and she quickly inventoried his injuries. Broken nose, probably cracked ribs and his face was battered to hell. Tanner appeared unscathed.
"Let him up Alec." she demanded, grabbing the back of his vest and pulling him backwards. Surprised, he let go of Tanner and fell backwards at her feet. Tanner immediately on his feet stood flexing his shoulders and glowering as he waited for Alec to get up.
"You can beat your way through my whole fucking unit Tanner. I told you, I'm not fighting you," Alec said quietly, still sitting on the ground at her feet.
"Nobody is beating anyone. This is my fault. Look Tanner I'm sorry it was absolutely none of my business. I was just repeating what I heard Dex say to Alec. Alec has told me nothing about why the two of you are so freaked in hospitals he-." she faltered, becoming uncomfortably aware of the sudden silence and the tension around her. Her gaze flicked from Tanner's closed face and around the circle of now still and tense males, to Alec as he stood up. Her eyes fell from the rage in his.
"Tanner you've fought behind my unit since I can remember. Have I ever let you down? Betrayed you before?" his voice was strong as his gaze locked with Tanners.
"No."
"Tell us what you heard Max," he demanded his eyes still locked with Tanner's.
She waited until his angry eyes went to hers.
She glanced questioningly around the circle.
"Oh yeah you can talk in front of them Max," he said scathingly, his eyes following hers. Unlike you, they all know what this is about."
"Just that the two bitches weren't here and there was no reason to let the ordinary doctors freak you out." I'm sorry Tanner it was none of my business." She finished quietly.
"No it wasn't." Alec snapped. "What you heard will go no further. Will it Max?"
"No," she agreed, her eyes steady on Alec's profile as he continued to hold Tanner's gaze.
"Its alpha business. Not Dex's." Tanner bit out gruffly.
"Yeah I know Tanner," Alec accepted wearily, "and I told him to shut it."
"The strategy meeting is sitting now Tanner. Will you be there with me?"
"Yeah."
They were all still standing silently but Max could feel the collective release of tension. She watched Tanner head over to Todd as the circle started to break up.
"I'm really sorry Alec I didn't know he'd react like that, I-" she faltered in the face of his blank faced stare.
"I've got a lot of stuff to do before the briefing tonight, Max. I'll see you later." He was already turning away before he'd finished talking.
"Alec your nose it'll need to-"
"Organise a medic into us, will you Tav," he asked over his shoulder, ignoring her. "Not Dex," he added as an after thought.
She watched him walk over to Todd whose nose was straight on his face again thanks to Tanners assistance. Clapping Tanner on the back Alec turned him away from the others and they stood talking as the other CO's filed through a side door into the building beside the ER. The meeting room she assumed.
"Come on then Max, lets get a medic, and get into the meeting."
Mutinously her eyes trailed Alec as he turned and followed Tanner into the building. He doesn't have to act as if I did it deliberately.
Tav realizing she wasn't with him turned and walked back to her. "He'll just be mending what bridges he can with Tanner," he explained impatiently, glancing after Tanner and Alec and back to her sullen face.
"I didn't do it deliberately Tav," she snapped.
"Yeah I know that Max and so does Alec, but Tanner and Alec go back a long way, and they've never fought each other before, except when they've had too in training. What just happened here was a big deal for both of them, and not just personally either. Tanner is Alec's most important allegiance. His unit spent a lot of their time in another area of the compound and if Tanner decided to reject Alec as alpha, and walked away, all those units who grew up with him and owe him first allegiance, would walk with him.
Still staring at Alec she had that sense of overwhelming inadequacy again. Was she ever going to understand how it all worked?
Dispirited she turned and followed Tav into the ER.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"What do you think about the plan Kat?" Max asked curiously, as they exited the meeting.
"I'm a little worried about how thin our resources will be spread across the city for the time the males are at the base. But I suppose Alec is right, we're already holding the city internally without anybody being aware off it. The only people who have any idea that anything might be happening, are on that base, so it's highly unlikely that we'll have any internal trouble while they're gone, I guess.
"Yeah, I know the support units can handle it here, that's not my concern," Max replied. "I'm more worried about the fighting units. There are seven thousand military personnel on that base and our fighting units don't even number half that."
Kat laughed, "Yeah, Max but we're transgenics and while we don't have the numbers, in terms of effectiveness, our fighting units actually outnumber them five to one. I'm not worried about their ability to do the job, I'm just still not really comfortable with them going off to fight without us, and I don't really like being in the field without them either."
"There's not much we can do though, it's just the facts of our lives," Kat sighed. "Do you ever wonder what it would be like to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning safe, with nobody wanting to kill you and nothing to worry about except the things that ordinaries worry about. What are they anyway? Max?"
"Do they even have anything to worry about?" she giggled as an after thought.
"Well they think they do." Max laughed in return, thinking about some of the more ridiculous situations she'd found herself in on Logan's missions. How far away and disconnected from all that she was now. Exchanging grins with Kat as they walked side-by-side back to the ER she once again appreciated how lucky she was to be back with her own kind
"You take the first sleep break Max, that way you can have yours with Alec. He'll only get a couple of hours, but I heard him tell Tav he was taking his first."
"He's pretty pissed off with me at the moment Kat, he'll probably just bed down with the other guys," she said glumly.
"Just something I said to Tanner, that I shouldn't have," she mumbled in response to Kat's curious look.
"I heard that Tanner had a go at Alec and Todd tried to stop him," Kat said into the silence when Max wasn't anymore forthcoming. "Tanner's staunchly loyal to Alec. I can't imagine what you could have said that would make him want to fight him," she probed curiously.
"Must have freaked them all out," she added in the face of Max's ongoing silence.
"In case he'd challenged for alpha," she clarified into the continuing silence. "That would have caused a major disruption. Tanner's one of the few with the allegiances as well as the alpha rank to pull it off."
"What," Max spluttered. "But I thought that Alec hasn't had to fight for alpha since he was young. I though Thor was an aberration because he was crazy."
"No, Max he can be challenged for alpha at anytime. They fight amongst themselves for ranking quite a bit," she explained casually.
More stuff I don't know Max thought numbly, once again feeling the familiar feeling of inadequacy.
"Oh shit Kat. Tanner had a message for Steve. What with all the hassle I forgot to tell him. He came to tell Steve, that Howl sends him his regards and he's going to look for Tanya and Ana from his end."
"Is he?" Kat smiled delightedly. "I'll tell Steve. It's good that he's prepared to help us like that. You need to tell Alec that Max. That's the one thing that I really don't like about hitting that base. The fact that Howl and his guys are going to be there. We served with them and-"
"If they fire on us then they're just more ordinaries trying to kill us." Tav interrupted from behind her.
"Yeah, well I hope that none of you end up facing off against him and his guys." Kat mumbled after his departing back.
"Tav," Max called after him. "Where is Alec sleeping?"
"In that ordinary apartment, I'm supposed to wake him at 0200.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He'd obviously just got there and was sitting on the bed taking his boots off when she arrived.
"I'm sorry Alec I didn't realize I'd upset him like that I-"
"If I said I didn't want to talk about it with you Max, why the hell would you think that Tanner would?" he interrupted.
"I... Never mind, I'm just sorry. Okay? He was uncomfortable and I … I didn't mean to piss him off like that."
"You didn't piss him off Max, you did far worse than that," he said quietly, standing up and unzipping his fatigues.
"Yeah, I know," she admitted unhappily. "And I really am sorry, I was just trying to help, but I'm just not very good at it," she mumbled regretfully.
He didn't answer and she watched him quickly strip down to his boxers.
"Yeah well, lets just get some sleep, huh?" Getting into the bed he turned his back on her.
Her heart sinking she stared at his broad back. It was bad enough she was responsible for his battered face she didn't want this bad feeling between them as well. Not when he would be going off to fight in a few hours.
Quickly stripping her clothes off she climbed in beside him and rolled him onto his back. His long-suffering sigh sent her eyes quickly to his, and her resolve faltered as he gazed impatiently at her.
"I don't want you to go off this morning angry with me Alec. Her gaze moved over the two thin white strips of tape marring his face, I'm really sorry about your nose. And your black eyes," she mumbled as an after thought, her eyes falling away from his.
"What about my splitting headache Max? Tanner's king punch is even more lethal than Steve's right hook."
Her eyes returned to his. His face was serious but she thought his lips quirked. Just slightly.
"And that too." Her smile was small and hesitant.
He stared back at her uncertain face. She was so different now. Three months ago she wouldn't have cared less how he felt, or how many broken noses and black eyes he had, let alone whether he was angry with her.
"I'm not as good with people as you are Alec. I don't want to intrude where you don't want me but I…"
"Shhh it's alright Max," he interrupted his finger on her lips. "Lets just forget about it. I'm not really angry with you. I'm just tired. Let's just go to sleep?" he said closing his eyes.
"Yes, you are angry with me." She lay down beside him on her back her head angled so she could see his profile. "But that's okay," she said realizing it was. She'd rather he wasn't angry, but he was and there wasn't much more she could do about it. "Just as long as you know I'm sorry and I love you," she muttered self-consciously.
He turned his head on the pillow to look at her. She'd followed his example and was lying on her back with her eyes closed and her hands resting on her stomach. His gaze lingered on her profile before he turned back and closed his eyes again.
"Tanner and I go way back, we're not just friends Max," he said finally into the silence. "Its more than that, he's more like… he paused turning his head to her as he searched for words to describe the connection.
"Like your brother Alec?" she suggested.
"No. Like my own pack," he corrected. As she knew he would.
"I've only got one brother."
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.
"Tav is my brother."
"You don't seem very surprised?" he added when she made no comment.
"He's very like you in a lot of ways Alec. I sort of figured it out and Kat confirmed it. Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Habit. We're just used to keeping it to ourselves. Safer."
She certainly understood that. In the harsh world that was Manticore the ones you cared about were just more tools to manipulate you with.
"Also because of Ben. He was always more your brother than mine, and your brother was dead.
"I don't begrudge you Tav, Alec."
"Yeah, I know that Max but there just never seemed a right time to tell you about him."
She moved onto her side, tucked the sheet under her arm and propped her head on her hands so she could see him better.
"How did you find out he was your brother?" she asked him curiously.
"When I was nine I busted into one of the labs and had a look through all our medical records. It was all there, Ben and me, Tav and his twin, all born from the same mother. Surrogate 27 they called her. She gave Manticore four children," he told her his face devoid of emotion.
"Tav's got a twin too?
"He had one, but he died when they were born. Evidently we all had random samples of surrogate 27's genetic material, plus Manticore contributed four identical gene cocktails. According to the file we're as genetically correlated as human siblings."
"Brothers," he finished simply.
"We were part of a wider study looking to test different Manticore gene mixes for males. There were five test groups in the study with six males in each group. In ours there was Tav and me, Steve, Cloud, Dale and Tanner and we were all given the same Manticore gene cocktail. Cloud and Dale were twins and got there other genetic material from surrogate 45, but Tanner and Steve got there's from different surrogates so they aren't brothers."
"They kept some of us together in the same units because they wanted consistency across our environments, so that our life experiences weren't to radically different."
"An identical gene contribution from Manticore makes you closely related to all the others in that sample as well Alec."
He laughed, "Max we've all closely related. Maticore mixed the genes consistently within both the sexes. It's lucky that they kept the male and female gene mixes so different, or we wouldn't be able to breed safely, because we wouldn't know who was genetically too close, for it to be safe. The one consistent thing for both the sexes, are the feline genes. Hence our mating behaviour and our similar instincts. Male instinct is of course stronger because of the larger feline gene component."
"So really Max I'm as closely related to kitty as I am to Dale or Tanner," he added smiling.
Her eyes followed the finger she stroked across the ball of his shoulder and down over the curve of his bicep. "I don't think there's much domestic cat in either off us Alec."
He grinned back at her. "Maybe not. But you make a good point. Having the same gene cocktail from Manticore has made our group similar in some ways. One obvious similarity is how we line up alpha wise. We all outrank every other transgen male we've ever encountered. The order is officially me, then Tav, then Steve in our Unit. Tanner's unit fights behind mine and Dale's unit fights behind Tanners.
"However for Tanner, Tav, Steve and me, dominance fluctuates, it depends on what's going on. Based on what I understand from animal genetics and behavioural studies that I've read, that would suggest we're all about the same ranking. Dale is still developing, he seems to be a little behind, but I'm picking that as he gets older he'll be on a par."
It was all so fascinating and when he talked he didn't lecture or patronise her like Logan had. "How do you know all this stuff Alec?"
"Years of nosing around Manticore and breaking into every data base they had, mega reading about genetics and animal behaviour," he shrugged.
"How come if you know all this you didn't know much about my heat when it happened?"
"I know all the tech stuff about it, but my personal experience of heat was confined to making sure, that the few times the meds they gave my females to regulate heat, didn't work, then I got them into lockdown quickly. I'd been told about it by other guys too, but none of that was very helpful." A pack of bullshit in fact.
"Not many of us have practical experience of heat Max. For the most part it was well controlled while we were in Manticore. The guys who have been through heat since we've been out here, are usually mated with those females and don't really talk about it."
"I didn't do too badly? Did I?" he asked smiling engagingly at her.
"You did alright for a learner," she smiled back.
"I'll be better next time."
His suggestive leer made her giggle.
"Where do I figure in this alpha line up? I mean why am I alpha Alec?"
"It's the same for females Max, your alpha status is also based on dominance. Although for females it seems to be based as much on personal presence as physical dominance. Female instincts just like male instincts will also tell you who is alpha to you."
"Mine don't Alec," she said regretfully, her eyes mournful as she chewed her lip.
He laughed and swung his arm around her pulling her into his chest. "They would Max if there were any females that were alpha to you, but there aren't." He was still laughing as he tilted her chin up and brushed his lips across hers.
"There are males that are, but that's probably only because we have more animal gene than you, and since I'm alpha to them, and I do what you tell me anyway, it hardly matters. Does it?"
"No I suppose not," she smirked, wiggling into a more comfortable position, relieved he was no longer angry with her.
She'd been quiet for a while and he thought she was asleep
"Alec?"
Just slipping into sleep he jerked back to wakefulness.
"What?"
"Did you read anything about transgenic and human cross breeding?"
Fuck.
"Not much Max, but we know it can be done. Every male transgenic has been doing nothing but, since he got out of Manticore," he answered deliberately misunderstanding her.
"Yeah, why is that?" she asked indignantly. Diverted as he hoped she'd be.
"Because they can't get enough of us Max. They love us. We're much better than what they're used too," he smirked at her.
"Aww. That hurt," he complained, rubbing where she'd pinched him in extravagation.
"Yeah, but you said yourself, we're much better with each other. We've got more stamina and there's the scent thing, they have no phemerones, and I know that human females could no more keep up with you than human males can with me. So why were all of you out there trying to screw every human female that would have you?"
"I wasn't, " he said defensively. "Well only at first," he mumbled when she scoffed in disbelief.
"Yes. You were. All of you were. Especially you," she added rolling her eyes.
Well so much for diverting her. This was even worse.
He grabbed her hand in case she decided to pinch him again.
"Yeah well, I don't want to talk about that now. I've got to get some sleep."
"And anyway I was very choosey," he added tetchily.
Her scornful snort into his chest really irritated him.
"Cece and Kat and I used to laugh at all of you. It was pathetic."
"Look Max," he was angry now. "Most of the guys had never been out of Manticore before, unless they were on active. That's straight into war zones and straight out again. Manticore didn't exactly release us for R&R so most of them had absolutely no experience of ordinary woman except the female personnel they encountered at Manticore, and believe me Max you wouldn't chose to go there of your own free will."
"Suddenly there're out here with no structure, no purpose, no one telling them what to do, and surrounded by a lot of hot, willing women, who not only didn't order us around, hit or pinch us," he squeezed the hand he was still holding. "But who didn't make fun of us either, and on top of that who thought we were hot. Combine that with the heady rush of scoring the females of the males who had treated you like animals most of your life Max, and yeah, some of us went a little crazy for a little while. So what?" he demanded defensively.
Why the hell can't I keep my big mouth shut she thought, taking note of when they had changed to us and we, and he had obviously started including himself?
"That was only initially anyway, once the units started reuniting and we were back in the familiar pack structure we all calmed down. As for me, I hadn't had an ordinary female for months before your heat. So I don't know what the hell you found that was so amusing and pathetic about me? He disengaged his body from hers and rolled onto his side turning his back on her. "I've got to be up in a couple of hours and I'm going to sleep," he finished curtly, jerking the quilt up over his upper body.
Closing her eyes she suppressed a groan at her inept clumsiness. When she opened them she found herself staring at the broad triangle of his shoulders and back. She'd made it much worse, having him go off to fight when he'd been angry with her about Tanner, would have been bad enough, but now he was not only angry but she'd offended him as well. Why the fuck did I say that.
"I didn't really think it was amusing Alec," she said quietly. "None of us did. We hated it. Cece hated seeing Biggs with them, and Kara hated watching Tyler, and Lisa hated watching Mezo, and I hated watching you. We joked about it because we didn't know what to do."
"All you had to do was treat us like they did. Not even that. Just acting as if you liked us would have been enough," he snorted.
"Yeah, the others figured that out Alec. I'm sorry it took me so much longer."
He didn't answer her and miserably she stared at the back of his neck where his hair met his barcode.
All the things I did to try and get her to take me seriously. All the times I went home on my own, miserable just in case it might make a difference. Amusing and pathetic. Fuck. That says it all.
Feeling flat and depressed he lay there staring bleakly at the wall. At least he wasn't tired any more, so he might as well get up and let Tav get some extra sleep. He used to really look forward to combat when he'd been in Manticore. He'd seen any time away from the facility both as a respite and a chance to prove he was good for something. A successful battle had always made him feel good about himself. He had that same feeling of anticipation about this action. It was good to be back doing what he was good at. Amusing and pathetic. Fuck.
Her nervous laugh intruded into his thoughts and he tuned back into what she was saying.
"Yeah, and I used to get so jealous. Just watching you talking to them would make me furious."
His lack of response was even more disconcerting than his anger. "Do you remember when White put that bomb in your head?" she rushed on as he continued to ignore her.
"I, I was so scared, and it made me angry that I was scared, and then I found myself arguing about the stupid fucking cure, which I couldn't have given a rats ass about, and then I looked at you and realized what I was doing. I was so relieved when he got it out of your neck, and my relief scared me to. You'd just tried to kill me and everything was so messed up. I didn't want to send you away, even then Alec but I didn't know what else to do.
She knew she was babbling but she didn't have much time. He needed to get some sleep, and she didn't want him leaving in the morning, thinking she'd ever though he was pathetic. She moved into his back and put her arm around his waist. He didn't move away, but nor did he move to welcome her like he usually did. It was plain he didn't want her touch, but she knew if she moved away, he was going to get up and go, and she would miss whatever chance she had to fix this. Trying to stem her frightening feeling of inadequacy she put her cheek against his back.
"Do you know that when I first met you in Manticore, Alec, I felt sorry for you. Feeling him tense she closed her eyes and ploughed on. Yeah, there you were still stuck in Manticore. Just another soldier clone and I was out in the real world living with humans. Free. She laughed sadly. It didn't take me long to realize who was the lucky one Alec.
"When you showed up after Manticore burned, keeping you in my life became so important so quickly I was terrified. Nobody besides my brothers and sisters had ever treated me like you did, and that had been so long ago that I'd forgotten how to accept it, and I just didn't know how to reciprocate. So I tried to push you away by treating you badly and putting you down, but I didn't want you to go. I wanted you to stay. I just didn't know how to tell you."
He still hadn't said anything but his body had relaxed and she knew she had his attention.
"So I clung to the fantasy of Logan because he was safe and he wasn't scary. I was used to doing the things he needed and being the person he wanted. I didn't know how to be the person you needed and wanted me to be."
"I didn't want you to be anybody but yourself Max."
"Yeah, I know that Alec. That's the person I didn't know how to be, until I got back with my own kind."
"I didn't want you with all those ordinary women, but I didn't know how to deal with that either. I was trying to be in love with Logan and I was so jealous of them with you that I couldn't see straight. I only ever started bringing Logan to crash because I wanted to piss you off."
"When you stopped coming to crash as much and started spending so much time at TC, for a long time I was scared that you'd mated with someone. That's why I started spending so much time there too, even though I didn't really fit in…"
Astounded he turned onto his side and leaning on his elbow he searched her face. How had he not picked this up if she had felt like this? He'd always known she was attracted to him because her scent had consistently told him. But he had a transgenic nose and he'd encountered that scent on a lot of women. It didn't really mean anything other than they wanted to fuck you. It didn't mean they would, and it didn't mean they didn't have the same response to ten different guys a day. So while it had given him some hope to cling too, he hadn't set that much store by it.
"My unit had arrived Max and I didn't need to go there as much."
"Yeah I know that now, but I didn't then. All I knew was that suddenly you were spending a lot of time with other transgenics a lot of whom were really hot females, who you seemed really close too…,"she trailed off.
"My unit Max."
"Yeah, but you hadn't told me that then Alec, and everything was so messed up. There was Logan and then there was you, and you had all those ordinary women plus the women in your unit and I was really confused about everything."
"If you felt like this how come you never told me? Or I never picked up on it?" he asked frowning in bewilderment.
"Because I didn't know how I felt. I told you I was confused about everything. I've only really figured it all out since my heat."
"Why are you telling me now?"
"Because I want you to know that I didn't think you were pathetic. I was just insanely jealous and didn't know what to do about it. My whole situation made me furious so I convinced myself that you were an asshole and that's why I treated you like I did. Why I was so… so physical with you."
"Why you hit me all the time," he corrected succinctly.
"Yeah."
"No. That's not why Max. If that had been the reason I wouldn't have let you do it. You hit me because that was the only way you could touch me that was acceptable to you. I let you because you had no pack to care about you and give you the touch that we all instinctively need because of our feline genes."
"Yeah," she agreed softly, her eyes roaming his face with affection. "But I also hit you because you deserved it," she added sweetly.
"Yeah, well, there was that too," he agreed his lips quirking.
"I don't know how we even got onto that Alec? I wasn't talking about that when I asked you had you read anything about transgenic and human cross breeding?"
Fuck.
"I'm tired Max I need to sleep," he said hastily hoping to circumvent her.
"Just tell me quickly then. " She angled her head so she could see him better.
"I was asking whether the children produced when we mate with ordinaries are transgenic or human?"
"Or are they a blend," she added when he didn't say anything.
"Alec."
"We can't breed successfully with them Max," he said finally. We can mate with them but we can't breed with them."
"What." Her shocked eyes fixed on him.
"Male ordinary sperm isn't strong enough to survive in your body it dies. Male transgenic sperm survives in the human females body but it doesn't usually manage to fertilise any eggs. In the trials that Manticore did when they forced ovulation the resulting foetuses were hideously deformed."
"But that can't be right two of my sisters had babies to humans."
He frowned in astonishment. "Well according to the studies it was next to impossible Max. Maybe they had also mated with other transgenics and just thought they were pregnant to the ordinaries?"
"Well Jace maybe, she had other transgenics around her, but Tinga didn't have any contact with other transgenics and she was married."
"Well I don't know Max, but that's what the studies showed, and that's what we've always believed. Maybe those females from your pack had less animal and more human DNA than other transgenic females. I don't know." That certainly isn't the case for you.
"I mean think about it Max, we have feline genes and feline breeding cycles. Is it sensible that we would be able to breed with humans?"
"Why the hell didn't you tell me this when I was with Logan?" she demanded.
"Because you were never with Logan, Max. He couldn't touch you for gods sake," he said in exasperation. I knew I didn't want to have this conversation.
"Is that supposed to be clever?" she demanded, moving away from him to the other side of the bed.
"Don't you think I had a right to know? she insisted irately.
"If he could have touched you I would have told you, Max." If he had tried to touch with you he'd be dead.
"Anyway you've just said that you know of two cases where interbreeding was successful. So maybe their studies were wrong."
"You don't believe they were wrong do you Alec?"
"No," he sighed with resignation.
"So you should have told me."
"Yes," he agreed, knowing exactly how that conversation would have been received.
"But I wouldn't have wanted to hear it then," she admitted.
"No," he agreed blandly his eyes wide with surprise.
"You still should have told me," she repeated. Settling back down against him she slung her arm around his waist and hugged him.
"Yeah," he agreed. Bemused he looked down his body to where her arm rested across him. Well that went better than expected.
"Your mine now Max so it doesn't matter anyway. Does it?" Leave it alone you fuckwit.
"That's not the point Alec. I still want to know these things just like everybody else?" she snapped. "I hate it when you don't tell me stuff and I find out about it afterwards. It makes me feel like and idiot."
Turning onto his side he pulled her further up his body and nuzzled his nose into the warm, Max scented spot behind her ear.
"Sorry," he mumbled against her neck.
"Go to sleep Alec."
She rubbed her cheek against his chest and tightened her arm around him. He was right, she would never have to worry about whether or not she could breed with an ordinary, but what about other transgenic women? He was probably right about successful mating with humans being dependent on the amount and maybe even the combination of animal DNA you carried. She shuddered thinking about the deformed foetuses and unconsciously shifted closer until his abdomen rested comfortingly against her womb. He was already asleep. She closed her eyes and tried to follow him.
Two hours later she was still awake. Rolling onto her side she propped her head on her hand, her eyes roaming over him as he slept. His arm was outstretched above her and the rest of him was spread untidily across the bed, the sheet lay skimming his hips leaving his upper body exposed, and his chest rose and fell with the rhythmic breaths of deep sleep. One thing about Alec he seemed to be able to sleep the sleep of the truly relaxed, wherever he was, despite what was going on around him.
His thick dark lashes rested on his cheeks and his lips were slightly parted, almost begging her to kiss them. She didn't want to wake him yet, so instead she moved closer and settled for the exchange of his warm breath for hers, breathing his air as he breathed it out.
She nestled back into his side and put her head on his shoulder. Still asleep, he immediately curved his arm and settled his hand on her hair. She liked the familiar, reassuring feel of his naked body wrapped around hers, and lay there just enjoying the closeness and comfort she always felt when he unconsciously curled himself around her when he was asleep. I wish I didn't have to wake him up.
Closing her eyes she turned her face into his shoulder inhaling his warm sleepy scent. Not for the first time she wished their lives were like other peoples, and she could lay here all night, secure in the fact that if she went to sleep, he'd still be here when she woke up, safe, and with nothing more on his mind than making love to her.
Except their lives weren't like other peoples. She sighed softly. She did have to wake him up and the few hours' sleep he'd just had, were probably going to have to do him for the next twenty-four hours. In a couple of hours he was going to be armed, kitted up, and en route for the army base outside the city.
"Alec," she whispered softly her hand stroking his stomach. He didn't stir.
"Alec. Its time to wake up."
Her breath was warm and tickling in his ear. He groaned and rolled onto his side pulling her into him. "I'm awake," he mumbled sleepily, burying his face in her neck.
"Alec," she whispered again, five minutes later when his breathing was again even and rhythmic against her throat."
"Hmm. I'm awake Max." Drowsily he rolled onto his back.
"I wish you didn't have to get up, " she said wistfully, stroking her fingers across his temple and through his hair
"Yeah, so do I," he murmured, closing his eyes and relishing her touch. Knowing that she just wanted to touch him, without sex, was strangely intimate and it always made him feel closer to her.
She loved it when he was totally relaxed with her like this, his content acceptance of her touch, without him wanting sex from her, added a depth of intimacy to his feeling for her, and made her feel even closer to him.
"I'm worried about hitting the army base, Alec. If we need all our fighting units for the strike it just seems like we're spreading ourselves awfully thin?"
"There's nothing to worry about Max," he moved his arm around her and curved her into his side. "It's just a routine sortie. The only thing different about this for us is that this time we're fighting for ourselves. Everything is quiet at the moment and it's the ideal time to get what we need from that base. It's just too good and opportunity to miss. Soon they're going to come after us anyway. When they do it's better we have as much of their equipment and munitions as we can score off them.
"Yeah, but I hate not being there to watch your back Alec."
"My unit have been doing it for twenty years and they're pretty good at it Max, I'll be fine," he murmured into her ear, unable to stop from grinning, sometimes when she worried about him like this it still took him by surprise.
"Yeah, well it's not the same as being there myself. You'd feel the same if it was me going off without you."
He couldn't argue with that. He felt exactly the same. He was just as worried about leaving her and the rest of the support units to hold Seattle without males in the units. He'd never left females in the field without males before, and he was as worried about that, as he was uneasy about having the male units in the field without females.
Transgenic males were strong on aggression and fighting skills, but when their testosterone and adrenalin was pumping they were less likely to want to reason a situation out and more likely to just throw muscle and aggression at it. Their military training and discipline balanced that. Except when they were fighting in their instincts then the compulsion to fight overrode everything except the territorial instinct.
It didn't happen often in military situations and only ever when their unit members were under extreme threat. In their instincts they were an invincible fighting force but they were not the clear-headed disciplined soldiers they were when they weren't in their instincts. Strong alphas could still control them but in the past there had always been females with them, unclouded by testosterone and instinct and still able to reason and think their way out of a situation. They had always provided a calming balance.
"Commanders aren't in the front line anyway are they Alec?" she asked hopefully.
Pulled out of his thoughts he gazed blankly down at her.
"Yeah, of course they are," he replied unthinkingly, once her question had penetrated.
"Yeah. I thought so," she sighed with resignation.
"But you'll be careful."
"I'm always careful," he answered absently, reaching for his fatigues his mind already on what he had to do before they left.
TBC
Please review it not only encourages me it reminds me to update here.
"They're an occupation force in my city aren't they Buzz?"
"Yeah," Buzz replied succinctly. Preoccupied he gazed sightlessly out the window as they drove back to the base.
Tanner had told him Steve was still alive but that he was one of the criticals they had in that hospital. He'd also told him that Tanya and Ana were missing and had been since their base burned down. He hadn't said it, but Howl could tell by his face and the abrupt way he'd turned away, that he thought they were dead. Those girls and their units had saved his life and if there was any chance that they were out there somewhere then he was going to do his best to find them.
He'd known that Tanya had a thing for Tanner, because it was one of the things she'd whispered in his ear, the nights when he'd been delirious and shaking with fever, and she'd kept him going by alternately telling him about her life, and hectoring him to hang on and not to give up, telling him they were only hours away from their front lines and safety. Half the time he'd been too feverish to know what she was saying, but he remembered the comforting feel of her body at his back and the sound of her voice in his ear, and how he'd clung to his life long past when he wanted to give up, because he hadn't wanted to fail her.
Now she was probably dead. Gunned down by the army she'd served and by the very soldiers she had served with. For what fucking reason he thought furiously. Before he'd realized that the special ops soldiers he owed his life too, and who had his deepest respect, were transgenic, he'd bought the media and government shit about transgenics being crazed animalistic killers, biological experiments gone wrong that needed to be eliminated for the good of mankind.
"They aren't crazed killers and they aren't animals either," Buzz said belligerently into the silence.
"No Anderson," agreed wearily. His son's recounting of his rescue and the nightmare trek out of Tanzanistan was indelibly etched in his memory. He knew that soldiers willing to risk what those special ops units had risked to get other soldiers to safety were nothing less than hero's. And the young women who'd cared enough, to take turns badgering and cajoling his son to keep the tenuous hold he had on his life, on the trek across hell, were certainly not crazed animals.
"As soon as Washington knows what's happening here we'll be ordered against them."
"Yeah," Anderson agreed. "So for now we keep this under wraps until we've had a chance to look at the surveillance footage, and onnce we have Tremaine's information then I can sit down and figure out what, if anything, we can do for them. How many at the base were with you in Tanzanistan? "
"About fifty."
Anderson glanced sideways at their driver.
"Him to," Buzz said. You can talk in front of him."
"Maybe contact the others and let them know that those special ops units were transgencis, " Howl suggested.
"It's already happening Sir. We had a quick meeting before we left base," he explained in answer to Anderson's sideways glance.
"Compile a list of where they're all stationed now, and their assigned duties, Buzz. We just might need their help."
"Already happening, Sir."
"I'll contact Danny maybe-"
"It will already have been done by now, Sir," Buzz interrupted. "Working in Intel at Langley he'll be able to fill in any gaps Tremaine can't."
Anderson's speculative eyes assessed him without comment.
"We didn't know how on board you'd be with this, Sir." Buzz said his eyes steady on Anderson's."
"On board with what Buzz?" Anderson asked as their eyes held. "As far as I'm concerned all I'm doing is gathering Intel before I report to my superiors."
Without comment Buzz turned his closed face back to the window, as they passed through the base gates.
"You're were sure that Danny would be on board then, Buzz?" Howl asked as they alighted from the jeep.
"You had to be there, Sir," Buzz offered quietly by way of explanation.
Anderson watching his departing back feared he might just be watching his career stroll cross the parade ground.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Max?"
She heard the abrupt, loud summons from across the length of the ER, and turning toward the voice, saw Tanner, his helmet under his arm, hovering ill at ease just inside the main doors.
Getting the message that he wasn't coming any further into the ER she walked impatiently over to him.
"I've got a message for Steve from Howl."
Irritated, about to tell him to tell Steve himself, she paused, taking in his aggressive unease, as his eyes continuously raked the room. His hostile wariness reminded her of Alec's behaviour when he had to deal with ordinary medical personal.
"You can tell him yourself," she suggested more mildly than she'd originally intended.
"No." he snapped. "I don't come into these places. You tell him," he ordered abruptly.
"Please," he added as an after thought. It still snapped out like an order, but realizing how he sounded he smiled at her. Taken aback at the transformation of his face from dark and glowering to charming she snapped her mouth shut and swallowed her angry retort.
"He'd be glad of the company. Some of the other CO's have been in to see him," she suggested evenly.
"No, he knows why I don't come in. Just tell him Howl wishes him well and he's gonna start looking for Tanya and Ana from his end." Abruptly he turned away.
"Its just a hospital Tanner. It isn't Manticore and those two bitches aren't here." She didn't know why she said it. It was really none of her business, but his aggressive panic at just being in the place reminded her of Alec, and she just couldn't help herself.
He stopped half way through the door and turned back to her, his face cold and shuttered, his eyes angry green balls of ice.
"What do you know about that?" he demanded harshly.
:
"Just that you're not in Manticore now and it's different out here," lamely she repeated what she'd heard Dex say to Alec, wishing she hadn't said anything.
"You must know? Otherwise why bring them up? Alec's told you." His savage voice was at odds with the stark pain in his eyes and the dull red flush infusing his face.
Out of her depth Max stared apprehensively at him, fervently wishing she'd said nothing. "No he hasn't told me any-. No wait Tanner I'm sorry-" He shrugged her hand off his arm as she followed him through the doors and into the hospital car park.
Max watched him shoulder anyone who got in his way aside as he aggressively made his way across the hospital car park. Fuck what have I done.
"Alec," she gasped, catching sight of him as he turned, smiling and unsuspecting, and Tanners fist exploded into his face.
No, No. She could hear the impact of fists on flesh and Alec and Todd's voices as they tried to calm him down. She tried to fight her way through the males who had closed ranks around them, but was presented with a wall of solid male backs wherever she turned. Fuck Kat hadn't been kidding when she said if they didn't want you there, they just blocked you out. Furiously she kicked the X'5 in front off her in the back of his knee. He faltered, but didn't go down, not even turning in her direction.
"Max." Tav bit out from behind her.
"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded.
"Tanner's just had a good go at Alec and he's now beating the crap out of Todd." Mezo said, as he and the males directly in her path turned to Tav.
"What the fuck. Why?" Tav asked in astonishment.
"Let me through?" Angrily, Max pushed Mezo aside. Only to find herself facing another row off male backs.
"Tell them to move Tav," she insisted through gritted teeth.
"Is he in his instincts?" Tav demanded.
"Doesn't appear to be. Just off his head," Mezo answered shrugging.
"Move," Tav ordered and the row of backs parted, as did the row in front of them until Max with Tav beside her had pushed through to the front.
"What the fuck is your problem, Tanner?" Alec grunted from the ground, where he struggled to hold Tanner in a headlock.
Another broken nose Max thought guiltily her eyes on Alec's face. Todd stood at the side holding his ribs, and she quickly inventoried his injuries. Broken nose, probably cracked ribs and his face was battered to hell. Tanner appeared unscathed.
"Let him up Alec." she demanded, grabbing the back of his vest and pulling him backwards. Surprised, he let go of Tanner and fell backwards at her feet. Tanner immediately on his feet stood flexing his shoulders and glowering as he waited for Alec to get up.
"You can beat your way through my whole fucking unit Tanner. I told you, I'm not fighting you," Alec said quietly, still sitting on the ground at her feet.
"Nobody is beating anyone. This is my fault. Look Tanner I'm sorry it was absolutely none of my business. I was just repeating what I heard Dex say to Alec. Alec has told me nothing about why the two of you are so freaked in hospitals he-." she faltered, becoming uncomfortably aware of the sudden silence and the tension around her. Her gaze flicked from Tanner's closed face and around the circle of now still and tense males, to Alec as he stood up. Her eyes fell from the rage in his.
"Tanner you've fought behind my unit since I can remember. Have I ever let you down? Betrayed you before?" his voice was strong as his gaze locked with Tanners.
"No."
"Tell us what you heard Max," he demanded his eyes still locked with Tanner's.
She waited until his angry eyes went to hers.
She glanced questioningly around the circle.
"Oh yeah you can talk in front of them Max," he said scathingly, his eyes following hers. Unlike you, they all know what this is about."
"Just that the two bitches weren't here and there was no reason to let the ordinary doctors freak you out." I'm sorry Tanner it was none of my business." She finished quietly.
"No it wasn't." Alec snapped. "What you heard will go no further. Will it Max?"
"No," she agreed, her eyes steady on Alec's profile as he continued to hold Tanner's gaze.
"Its alpha business. Not Dex's." Tanner bit out gruffly.
"Yeah I know Tanner," Alec accepted wearily, "and I told him to shut it."
"The strategy meeting is sitting now Tanner. Will you be there with me?"
"Yeah."
They were all still standing silently but Max could feel the collective release of tension. She watched Tanner head over to Todd as the circle started to break up.
"I'm really sorry Alec I didn't know he'd react like that, I-" she faltered in the face of his blank faced stare.
"I've got a lot of stuff to do before the briefing tonight, Max. I'll see you later." He was already turning away before he'd finished talking.
"Alec your nose it'll need to-"
"Organise a medic into us, will you Tav," he asked over his shoulder, ignoring her. "Not Dex," he added as an after thought.
She watched him walk over to Todd whose nose was straight on his face again thanks to Tanners assistance. Clapping Tanner on the back Alec turned him away from the others and they stood talking as the other CO's filed through a side door into the building beside the ER. The meeting room she assumed.
"Come on then Max, lets get a medic, and get into the meeting."
Mutinously her eyes trailed Alec as he turned and followed Tanner into the building. He doesn't have to act as if I did it deliberately.
Tav realizing she wasn't with him turned and walked back to her. "He'll just be mending what bridges he can with Tanner," he explained impatiently, glancing after Tanner and Alec and back to her sullen face.
"I didn't do it deliberately Tav," she snapped.
"Yeah I know that Max and so does Alec, but Tanner and Alec go back a long way, and they've never fought each other before, except when they've had too in training. What just happened here was a big deal for both of them, and not just personally either. Tanner is Alec's most important allegiance. His unit spent a lot of their time in another area of the compound and if Tanner decided to reject Alec as alpha, and walked away, all those units who grew up with him and owe him first allegiance, would walk with him.
Still staring at Alec she had that sense of overwhelming inadequacy again. Was she ever going to understand how it all worked?
Dispirited she turned and followed Tav into the ER.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"What do you think about the plan Kat?" Max asked curiously, as they exited the meeting.
"I'm a little worried about how thin our resources will be spread across the city for the time the males are at the base. But I suppose Alec is right, we're already holding the city internally without anybody being aware off it. The only people who have any idea that anything might be happening, are on that base, so it's highly unlikely that we'll have any internal trouble while they're gone, I guess.
"Yeah, I know the support units can handle it here, that's not my concern," Max replied. "I'm more worried about the fighting units. There are seven thousand military personnel on that base and our fighting units don't even number half that."
Kat laughed, "Yeah, Max but we're transgenics and while we don't have the numbers, in terms of effectiveness, our fighting units actually outnumber them five to one. I'm not worried about their ability to do the job, I'm just still not really comfortable with them going off to fight without us, and I don't really like being in the field without them either."
"There's not much we can do though, it's just the facts of our lives," Kat sighed. "Do you ever wonder what it would be like to go to bed at night and wake up in the morning safe, with nobody wanting to kill you and nothing to worry about except the things that ordinaries worry about. What are they anyway? Max?"
"Do they even have anything to worry about?" she giggled as an after thought.
"Well they think they do." Max laughed in return, thinking about some of the more ridiculous situations she'd found herself in on Logan's missions. How far away and disconnected from all that she was now. Exchanging grins with Kat as they walked side-by-side back to the ER she once again appreciated how lucky she was to be back with her own kind
"You take the first sleep break Max, that way you can have yours with Alec. He'll only get a couple of hours, but I heard him tell Tav he was taking his first."
"He's pretty pissed off with me at the moment Kat, he'll probably just bed down with the other guys," she said glumly.
"Just something I said to Tanner, that I shouldn't have," she mumbled in response to Kat's curious look.
"I heard that Tanner had a go at Alec and Todd tried to stop him," Kat said into the silence when Max wasn't anymore forthcoming. "Tanner's staunchly loyal to Alec. I can't imagine what you could have said that would make him want to fight him," she probed curiously.
"Must have freaked them all out," she added in the face of Max's ongoing silence.
"In case he'd challenged for alpha," she clarified into the continuing silence. "That would have caused a major disruption. Tanner's one of the few with the allegiances as well as the alpha rank to pull it off."
"What," Max spluttered. "But I thought that Alec hasn't had to fight for alpha since he was young. I though Thor was an aberration because he was crazy."
"No, Max he can be challenged for alpha at anytime. They fight amongst themselves for ranking quite a bit," she explained casually.
More stuff I don't know Max thought numbly, once again feeling the familiar feeling of inadequacy.
"Oh shit Kat. Tanner had a message for Steve. What with all the hassle I forgot to tell him. He came to tell Steve, that Howl sends him his regards and he's going to look for Tanya and Ana from his end."
"Is he?" Kat smiled delightedly. "I'll tell Steve. It's good that he's prepared to help us like that. You need to tell Alec that Max. That's the one thing that I really don't like about hitting that base. The fact that Howl and his guys are going to be there. We served with them and-"
"If they fire on us then they're just more ordinaries trying to kill us." Tav interrupted from behind her.
"Yeah, well I hope that none of you end up facing off against him and his guys." Kat mumbled after his departing back.
"Tav," Max called after him. "Where is Alec sleeping?"
"In that ordinary apartment, I'm supposed to wake him at 0200.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He'd obviously just got there and was sitting on the bed taking his boots off when she arrived.
"I'm sorry Alec I didn't realize I'd upset him like that I-"
"If I said I didn't want to talk about it with you Max, why the hell would you think that Tanner would?" he interrupted.
"I... Never mind, I'm just sorry. Okay? He was uncomfortable and I … I didn't mean to piss him off like that."
"You didn't piss him off Max, you did far worse than that," he said quietly, standing up and unzipping his fatigues.
"Yeah, I know," she admitted unhappily. "And I really am sorry, I was just trying to help, but I'm just not very good at it," she mumbled regretfully.
He didn't answer and she watched him quickly strip down to his boxers.
"Yeah well, lets just get some sleep, huh?" Getting into the bed he turned his back on her.
Her heart sinking she stared at his broad back. It was bad enough she was responsible for his battered face she didn't want this bad feeling between them as well. Not when he would be going off to fight in a few hours.
Quickly stripping her clothes off she climbed in beside him and rolled him onto his back. His long-suffering sigh sent her eyes quickly to his, and her resolve faltered as he gazed impatiently at her.
"I don't want you to go off this morning angry with me Alec. Her gaze moved over the two thin white strips of tape marring his face, I'm really sorry about your nose. And your black eyes," she mumbled as an after thought, her eyes falling away from his.
"What about my splitting headache Max? Tanner's king punch is even more lethal than Steve's right hook."
Her eyes returned to his. His face was serious but she thought his lips quirked. Just slightly.
"And that too." Her smile was small and hesitant.
He stared back at her uncertain face. She was so different now. Three months ago she wouldn't have cared less how he felt, or how many broken noses and black eyes he had, let alone whether he was angry with her.
"I'm not as good with people as you are Alec. I don't want to intrude where you don't want me but I…"
"Shhh it's alright Max," he interrupted his finger on her lips. "Lets just forget about it. I'm not really angry with you. I'm just tired. Let's just go to sleep?" he said closing his eyes.
"Yes, you are angry with me." She lay down beside him on her back her head angled so she could see his profile. "But that's okay," she said realizing it was. She'd rather he wasn't angry, but he was and there wasn't much more she could do about it. "Just as long as you know I'm sorry and I love you," she muttered self-consciously.
He turned his head on the pillow to look at her. She'd followed his example and was lying on her back with her eyes closed and her hands resting on her stomach. His gaze lingered on her profile before he turned back and closed his eyes again.
"Tanner and I go way back, we're not just friends Max," he said finally into the silence. "Its more than that, he's more like… he paused turning his head to her as he searched for words to describe the connection.
"Like your brother Alec?" she suggested.
"No. Like my own pack," he corrected. As she knew he would.
"I've only got one brother."
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.
"Tav is my brother."
"You don't seem very surprised?" he added when she made no comment.
"He's very like you in a lot of ways Alec. I sort of figured it out and Kat confirmed it. Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Habit. We're just used to keeping it to ourselves. Safer."
She certainly understood that. In the harsh world that was Manticore the ones you cared about were just more tools to manipulate you with.
"Also because of Ben. He was always more your brother than mine, and your brother was dead.
"I don't begrudge you Tav, Alec."
"Yeah, I know that Max but there just never seemed a right time to tell you about him."
She moved onto her side, tucked the sheet under her arm and propped her head on her hands so she could see him better.
"How did you find out he was your brother?" she asked him curiously.
"When I was nine I busted into one of the labs and had a look through all our medical records. It was all there, Ben and me, Tav and his twin, all born from the same mother. Surrogate 27 they called her. She gave Manticore four children," he told her his face devoid of emotion.
"Tav's got a twin too?
"He had one, but he died when they were born. Evidently we all had random samples of surrogate 27's genetic material, plus Manticore contributed four identical gene cocktails. According to the file we're as genetically correlated as human siblings."
"Brothers," he finished simply.
"We were part of a wider study looking to test different Manticore gene mixes for males. There were five test groups in the study with six males in each group. In ours there was Tav and me, Steve, Cloud, Dale and Tanner and we were all given the same Manticore gene cocktail. Cloud and Dale were twins and got there other genetic material from surrogate 45, but Tanner and Steve got there's from different surrogates so they aren't brothers."
"They kept some of us together in the same units because they wanted consistency across our environments, so that our life experiences weren't to radically different."
"An identical gene contribution from Manticore makes you closely related to all the others in that sample as well Alec."
He laughed, "Max we've all closely related. Maticore mixed the genes consistently within both the sexes. It's lucky that they kept the male and female gene mixes so different, or we wouldn't be able to breed safely, because we wouldn't know who was genetically too close, for it to be safe. The one consistent thing for both the sexes, are the feline genes. Hence our mating behaviour and our similar instincts. Male instinct is of course stronger because of the larger feline gene component."
"So really Max I'm as closely related to kitty as I am to Dale or Tanner," he added smiling.
Her eyes followed the finger she stroked across the ball of his shoulder and down over the curve of his bicep. "I don't think there's much domestic cat in either off us Alec."
He grinned back at her. "Maybe not. But you make a good point. Having the same gene cocktail from Manticore has made our group similar in some ways. One obvious similarity is how we line up alpha wise. We all outrank every other transgen male we've ever encountered. The order is officially me, then Tav, then Steve in our Unit. Tanner's unit fights behind mine and Dale's unit fights behind Tanners.
"However for Tanner, Tav, Steve and me, dominance fluctuates, it depends on what's going on. Based on what I understand from animal genetics and behavioural studies that I've read, that would suggest we're all about the same ranking. Dale is still developing, he seems to be a little behind, but I'm picking that as he gets older he'll be on a par."
It was all so fascinating and when he talked he didn't lecture or patronise her like Logan had. "How do you know all this stuff Alec?"
"Years of nosing around Manticore and breaking into every data base they had, mega reading about genetics and animal behaviour," he shrugged.
"How come if you know all this you didn't know much about my heat when it happened?"
"I know all the tech stuff about it, but my personal experience of heat was confined to making sure, that the few times the meds they gave my females to regulate heat, didn't work, then I got them into lockdown quickly. I'd been told about it by other guys too, but none of that was very helpful." A pack of bullshit in fact.
"Not many of us have practical experience of heat Max. For the most part it was well controlled while we were in Manticore. The guys who have been through heat since we've been out here, are usually mated with those females and don't really talk about it."
"I didn't do too badly? Did I?" he asked smiling engagingly at her.
"You did alright for a learner," she smiled back.
"I'll be better next time."
His suggestive leer made her giggle.
"Where do I figure in this alpha line up? I mean why am I alpha Alec?"
"It's the same for females Max, your alpha status is also based on dominance. Although for females it seems to be based as much on personal presence as physical dominance. Female instincts just like male instincts will also tell you who is alpha to you."
"Mine don't Alec," she said regretfully, her eyes mournful as she chewed her lip.
He laughed and swung his arm around her pulling her into his chest. "They would Max if there were any females that were alpha to you, but there aren't." He was still laughing as he tilted her chin up and brushed his lips across hers.
"There are males that are, but that's probably only because we have more animal gene than you, and since I'm alpha to them, and I do what you tell me anyway, it hardly matters. Does it?"
"No I suppose not," she smirked, wiggling into a more comfortable position, relieved he was no longer angry with her.
She'd been quiet for a while and he thought she was asleep
"Alec?"
Just slipping into sleep he jerked back to wakefulness.
"What?"
"Did you read anything about transgenic and human cross breeding?"
Fuck.
"Not much Max, but we know it can be done. Every male transgenic has been doing nothing but, since he got out of Manticore," he answered deliberately misunderstanding her.
"Yeah, why is that?" she asked indignantly. Diverted as he hoped she'd be.
"Because they can't get enough of us Max. They love us. We're much better than what they're used too," he smirked at her.
"Aww. That hurt," he complained, rubbing where she'd pinched him in extravagation.
"Yeah, but you said yourself, we're much better with each other. We've got more stamina and there's the scent thing, they have no phemerones, and I know that human females could no more keep up with you than human males can with me. So why were all of you out there trying to screw every human female that would have you?"
"I wasn't, " he said defensively. "Well only at first," he mumbled when she scoffed in disbelief.
"Yes. You were. All of you were. Especially you," she added rolling her eyes.
Well so much for diverting her. This was even worse.
He grabbed her hand in case she decided to pinch him again.
"Yeah well, I don't want to talk about that now. I've got to get some sleep."
"And anyway I was very choosey," he added tetchily.
Her scornful snort into his chest really irritated him.
"Cece and Kat and I used to laugh at all of you. It was pathetic."
"Look Max," he was angry now. "Most of the guys had never been out of Manticore before, unless they were on active. That's straight into war zones and straight out again. Manticore didn't exactly release us for R&R so most of them had absolutely no experience of ordinary woman except the female personnel they encountered at Manticore, and believe me Max you wouldn't chose to go there of your own free will."
"Suddenly there're out here with no structure, no purpose, no one telling them what to do, and surrounded by a lot of hot, willing women, who not only didn't order us around, hit or pinch us," he squeezed the hand he was still holding. "But who didn't make fun of us either, and on top of that who thought we were hot. Combine that with the heady rush of scoring the females of the males who had treated you like animals most of your life Max, and yeah, some of us went a little crazy for a little while. So what?" he demanded defensively.
Why the hell can't I keep my big mouth shut she thought, taking note of when they had changed to us and we, and he had obviously started including himself?
"That was only initially anyway, once the units started reuniting and we were back in the familiar pack structure we all calmed down. As for me, I hadn't had an ordinary female for months before your heat. So I don't know what the hell you found that was so amusing and pathetic about me? He disengaged his body from hers and rolled onto his side turning his back on her. "I've got to be up in a couple of hours and I'm going to sleep," he finished curtly, jerking the quilt up over his upper body.
Closing her eyes she suppressed a groan at her inept clumsiness. When she opened them she found herself staring at the broad triangle of his shoulders and back. She'd made it much worse, having him go off to fight when he'd been angry with her about Tanner, would have been bad enough, but now he was not only angry but she'd offended him as well. Why the fuck did I say that.
"I didn't really think it was amusing Alec," she said quietly. "None of us did. We hated it. Cece hated seeing Biggs with them, and Kara hated watching Tyler, and Lisa hated watching Mezo, and I hated watching you. We joked about it because we didn't know what to do."
"All you had to do was treat us like they did. Not even that. Just acting as if you liked us would have been enough," he snorted.
"Yeah, the others figured that out Alec. I'm sorry it took me so much longer."
He didn't answer her and miserably she stared at the back of his neck where his hair met his barcode.
All the things I did to try and get her to take me seriously. All the times I went home on my own, miserable just in case it might make a difference. Amusing and pathetic. Fuck. That says it all.
Feeling flat and depressed he lay there staring bleakly at the wall. At least he wasn't tired any more, so he might as well get up and let Tav get some extra sleep. He used to really look forward to combat when he'd been in Manticore. He'd seen any time away from the facility both as a respite and a chance to prove he was good for something. A successful battle had always made him feel good about himself. He had that same feeling of anticipation about this action. It was good to be back doing what he was good at. Amusing and pathetic. Fuck.
Her nervous laugh intruded into his thoughts and he tuned back into what she was saying.
"Yeah, and I used to get so jealous. Just watching you talking to them would make me furious."
His lack of response was even more disconcerting than his anger. "Do you remember when White put that bomb in your head?" she rushed on as he continued to ignore her.
"I, I was so scared, and it made me angry that I was scared, and then I found myself arguing about the stupid fucking cure, which I couldn't have given a rats ass about, and then I looked at you and realized what I was doing. I was so relieved when he got it out of your neck, and my relief scared me to. You'd just tried to kill me and everything was so messed up. I didn't want to send you away, even then Alec but I didn't know what else to do.
She knew she was babbling but she didn't have much time. He needed to get some sleep, and she didn't want him leaving in the morning, thinking she'd ever though he was pathetic. She moved into his back and put her arm around his waist. He didn't move away, but nor did he move to welcome her like he usually did. It was plain he didn't want her touch, but she knew if she moved away, he was going to get up and go, and she would miss whatever chance she had to fix this. Trying to stem her frightening feeling of inadequacy she put her cheek against his back.
"Do you know that when I first met you in Manticore, Alec, I felt sorry for you. Feeling him tense she closed her eyes and ploughed on. Yeah, there you were still stuck in Manticore. Just another soldier clone and I was out in the real world living with humans. Free. She laughed sadly. It didn't take me long to realize who was the lucky one Alec.
"When you showed up after Manticore burned, keeping you in my life became so important so quickly I was terrified. Nobody besides my brothers and sisters had ever treated me like you did, and that had been so long ago that I'd forgotten how to accept it, and I just didn't know how to reciprocate. So I tried to push you away by treating you badly and putting you down, but I didn't want you to go. I wanted you to stay. I just didn't know how to tell you."
He still hadn't said anything but his body had relaxed and she knew she had his attention.
"So I clung to the fantasy of Logan because he was safe and he wasn't scary. I was used to doing the things he needed and being the person he wanted. I didn't know how to be the person you needed and wanted me to be."
"I didn't want you to be anybody but yourself Max."
"Yeah, I know that Alec. That's the person I didn't know how to be, until I got back with my own kind."
"I didn't want you with all those ordinary women, but I didn't know how to deal with that either. I was trying to be in love with Logan and I was so jealous of them with you that I couldn't see straight. I only ever started bringing Logan to crash because I wanted to piss you off."
"When you stopped coming to crash as much and started spending so much time at TC, for a long time I was scared that you'd mated with someone. That's why I started spending so much time there too, even though I didn't really fit in…"
Astounded he turned onto his side and leaning on his elbow he searched her face. How had he not picked this up if she had felt like this? He'd always known she was attracted to him because her scent had consistently told him. But he had a transgenic nose and he'd encountered that scent on a lot of women. It didn't really mean anything other than they wanted to fuck you. It didn't mean they would, and it didn't mean they didn't have the same response to ten different guys a day. So while it had given him some hope to cling too, he hadn't set that much store by it.
"My unit had arrived Max and I didn't need to go there as much."
"Yeah I know that now, but I didn't then. All I knew was that suddenly you were spending a lot of time with other transgenics a lot of whom were really hot females, who you seemed really close too…,"she trailed off.
"My unit Max."
"Yeah, but you hadn't told me that then Alec, and everything was so messed up. There was Logan and then there was you, and you had all those ordinary women plus the women in your unit and I was really confused about everything."
"If you felt like this how come you never told me? Or I never picked up on it?" he asked frowning in bewilderment.
"Because I didn't know how I felt. I told you I was confused about everything. I've only really figured it all out since my heat."
"Why are you telling me now?"
"Because I want you to know that I didn't think you were pathetic. I was just insanely jealous and didn't know what to do about it. My whole situation made me furious so I convinced myself that you were an asshole and that's why I treated you like I did. Why I was so… so physical with you."
"Why you hit me all the time," he corrected succinctly.
"Yeah."
"No. That's not why Max. If that had been the reason I wouldn't have let you do it. You hit me because that was the only way you could touch me that was acceptable to you. I let you because you had no pack to care about you and give you the touch that we all instinctively need because of our feline genes."
"Yeah," she agreed softly, her eyes roaming his face with affection. "But I also hit you because you deserved it," she added sweetly.
"Yeah, well, there was that too," he agreed his lips quirking.
"I don't know how we even got onto that Alec? I wasn't talking about that when I asked you had you read anything about transgenic and human cross breeding?"
Fuck.
"I'm tired Max I need to sleep," he said hastily hoping to circumvent her.
"Just tell me quickly then. " She angled her head so she could see him better.
"I was asking whether the children produced when we mate with ordinaries are transgenic or human?"
"Or are they a blend," she added when he didn't say anything.
"Alec."
"We can't breed successfully with them Max," he said finally. We can mate with them but we can't breed with them."
"What." Her shocked eyes fixed on him.
"Male ordinary sperm isn't strong enough to survive in your body it dies. Male transgenic sperm survives in the human females body but it doesn't usually manage to fertilise any eggs. In the trials that Manticore did when they forced ovulation the resulting foetuses were hideously deformed."
"But that can't be right two of my sisters had babies to humans."
He frowned in astonishment. "Well according to the studies it was next to impossible Max. Maybe they had also mated with other transgenics and just thought they were pregnant to the ordinaries?"
"Well Jace maybe, she had other transgenics around her, but Tinga didn't have any contact with other transgenics and she was married."
"Well I don't know Max, but that's what the studies showed, and that's what we've always believed. Maybe those females from your pack had less animal and more human DNA than other transgenic females. I don't know." That certainly isn't the case for you.
"I mean think about it Max, we have feline genes and feline breeding cycles. Is it sensible that we would be able to breed with humans?"
"Why the hell didn't you tell me this when I was with Logan?" she demanded.
"Because you were never with Logan, Max. He couldn't touch you for gods sake," he said in exasperation. I knew I didn't want to have this conversation.
"Is that supposed to be clever?" she demanded, moving away from him to the other side of the bed.
"Don't you think I had a right to know? she insisted irately.
"If he could have touched you I would have told you, Max." If he had tried to touch with you he'd be dead.
"Anyway you've just said that you know of two cases where interbreeding was successful. So maybe their studies were wrong."
"You don't believe they were wrong do you Alec?"
"No," he sighed with resignation.
"So you should have told me."
"Yes," he agreed, knowing exactly how that conversation would have been received.
"But I wouldn't have wanted to hear it then," she admitted.
"No," he agreed blandly his eyes wide with surprise.
"You still should have told me," she repeated. Settling back down against him she slung her arm around his waist and hugged him.
"Yeah," he agreed. Bemused he looked down his body to where her arm rested across him. Well that went better than expected.
"Your mine now Max so it doesn't matter anyway. Does it?" Leave it alone you fuckwit.
"That's not the point Alec. I still want to know these things just like everybody else?" she snapped. "I hate it when you don't tell me stuff and I find out about it afterwards. It makes me feel like and idiot."
Turning onto his side he pulled her further up his body and nuzzled his nose into the warm, Max scented spot behind her ear.
"Sorry," he mumbled against her neck.
"Go to sleep Alec."
She rubbed her cheek against his chest and tightened her arm around him. He was right, she would never have to worry about whether or not she could breed with an ordinary, but what about other transgenic women? He was probably right about successful mating with humans being dependent on the amount and maybe even the combination of animal DNA you carried. She shuddered thinking about the deformed foetuses and unconsciously shifted closer until his abdomen rested comfortingly against her womb. He was already asleep. She closed her eyes and tried to follow him.
Two hours later she was still awake. Rolling onto her side she propped her head on her hand, her eyes roaming over him as he slept. His arm was outstretched above her and the rest of him was spread untidily across the bed, the sheet lay skimming his hips leaving his upper body exposed, and his chest rose and fell with the rhythmic breaths of deep sleep. One thing about Alec he seemed to be able to sleep the sleep of the truly relaxed, wherever he was, despite what was going on around him.
His thick dark lashes rested on his cheeks and his lips were slightly parted, almost begging her to kiss them. She didn't want to wake him yet, so instead she moved closer and settled for the exchange of his warm breath for hers, breathing his air as he breathed it out.
She nestled back into his side and put her head on his shoulder. Still asleep, he immediately curved his arm and settled his hand on her hair. She liked the familiar, reassuring feel of his naked body wrapped around hers, and lay there just enjoying the closeness and comfort she always felt when he unconsciously curled himself around her when he was asleep. I wish I didn't have to wake him up.
Closing her eyes she turned her face into his shoulder inhaling his warm sleepy scent. Not for the first time she wished their lives were like other peoples, and she could lay here all night, secure in the fact that if she went to sleep, he'd still be here when she woke up, safe, and with nothing more on his mind than making love to her.
Except their lives weren't like other peoples. She sighed softly. She did have to wake him up and the few hours' sleep he'd just had, were probably going to have to do him for the next twenty-four hours. In a couple of hours he was going to be armed, kitted up, and en route for the army base outside the city.
"Alec," she whispered softly her hand stroking his stomach. He didn't stir.
"Alec. Its time to wake up."
Her breath was warm and tickling in his ear. He groaned and rolled onto his side pulling her into him. "I'm awake," he mumbled sleepily, burying his face in her neck.
"Alec," she whispered again, five minutes later when his breathing was again even and rhythmic against her throat."
"Hmm. I'm awake Max." Drowsily he rolled onto his back.
"I wish you didn't have to get up, " she said wistfully, stroking her fingers across his temple and through his hair
"Yeah, so do I," he murmured, closing his eyes and relishing her touch. Knowing that she just wanted to touch him, without sex, was strangely intimate and it always made him feel closer to her.
She loved it when he was totally relaxed with her like this, his content acceptance of her touch, without him wanting sex from her, added a depth of intimacy to his feeling for her, and made her feel even closer to him.
"I'm worried about hitting the army base, Alec. If we need all our fighting units for the strike it just seems like we're spreading ourselves awfully thin?"
"There's nothing to worry about Max," he moved his arm around her and curved her into his side. "It's just a routine sortie. The only thing different about this for us is that this time we're fighting for ourselves. Everything is quiet at the moment and it's the ideal time to get what we need from that base. It's just too good and opportunity to miss. Soon they're going to come after us anyway. When they do it's better we have as much of their equipment and munitions as we can score off them.
"Yeah, but I hate not being there to watch your back Alec."
"My unit have been doing it for twenty years and they're pretty good at it Max, I'll be fine," he murmured into her ear, unable to stop from grinning, sometimes when she worried about him like this it still took him by surprise.
"Yeah, well it's not the same as being there myself. You'd feel the same if it was me going off without you."
He couldn't argue with that. He felt exactly the same. He was just as worried about leaving her and the rest of the support units to hold Seattle without males in the units. He'd never left females in the field without males before, and he was as worried about that, as he was uneasy about having the male units in the field without females.
Transgenic males were strong on aggression and fighting skills, but when their testosterone and adrenalin was pumping they were less likely to want to reason a situation out and more likely to just throw muscle and aggression at it. Their military training and discipline balanced that. Except when they were fighting in their instincts then the compulsion to fight overrode everything except the territorial instinct.
It didn't happen often in military situations and only ever when their unit members were under extreme threat. In their instincts they were an invincible fighting force but they were not the clear-headed disciplined soldiers they were when they weren't in their instincts. Strong alphas could still control them but in the past there had always been females with them, unclouded by testosterone and instinct and still able to reason and think their way out of a situation. They had always provided a calming balance.
"Commanders aren't in the front line anyway are they Alec?" she asked hopefully.
Pulled out of his thoughts he gazed blankly down at her.
"Yeah, of course they are," he replied unthinkingly, once her question had penetrated.
"Yeah. I thought so," she sighed with resignation.
"But you'll be careful."
"I'm always careful," he answered absently, reaching for his fatigues his mind already on what he had to do before they left.
TBC
Please review it not only encourages me it reminds me to update here.