Thanks to:
Aeris-Sama- Woo, have you read to chapter 22 yet? Might take awhile. I made osme chapter pretty long. But yeah, okay, I thought James was a Chaser; I don't know why they put that he was a Seeker in the movie. And yes! That was where I got the song from. I know what the next Harry Potter book was going to be called, but I didn't know that people thought it would be Remus, Snape, or Hagrid. I don't really think it's Hagrid, but it's a strong possibility that it could be Snape or Remus. Heck, for all I know it could be Seamus! He's a half blood too. But yeah, I started school already to, for further details go to the bottom. But I hope you have fun! At least you know what's coming this year. Hope to see another review from you.
Felicity 14- Ah, yes, those insults were pretty cruel....especially the werewolf part...poor Remus! Still, they'll only get worse. Maybe, maybe not. Lol, Okay, I'm sure your confused. But thank you so much for your review! Hope to hear from you again!
Kiko loves kurama- Ah, well maybe we could talk again sometime. Hope you have fun at school!
Starlitestarbritelilsis- Hey. I'm glad you like my writing style! I made it as one of your favorite authors?! YAY! You just made my day lol. Thanks a bunch!
Randomfrizzhead- I love your pen name. So cool. Anyways, I'm SO glad you like it! I hope to hear from you again!
MissBlueAngel- yeah, since school's started, I've barely had any time to update. Now I know how hard it is. It took me all week to write this one.
LilyProngs- Yeah, I'm so evil making James go through all that! Still, life isn't all fun and games, no matter how much I wish it was. I'm so happy you like my story and everything! I really am flattered. It's good that you can't see me because at this blush I'm blushing like mad lol.
All'improviso amore- Okay, first off, I LOVED your Fred and George fic. Yes, I know you didn't comment on this chapter, but just wanted to say, that I sort of borrowed your idea, you know, having Sirius talk I this chapter but not fully from his POV. If you don't like it, let me know. But I just wanted to give you credit for it! Love you fic! It was so sad and amazing!
Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I need you to stay away from me
Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didn't know
Somehow I need you to go
-Linkin Park
Chapter 23—I talk, you just don't listen
I'm Sirius Black.
James walked out to the Quidditch pitch, still fuming about the fight he had earlier with his friends. He was in his scarlet robes with his broomstick in his hand. The rest of the team was outside waiting for their captain—James Potter.
James Potter is my best friend. He's like a brother to me. I respect and care about him. But he's hiding something. And I can't figure out what.
"Okay, team!" James called, and team instantly went quiet, "Our math against Slytheirn is in two days! We're going to be on this pitch until dinner!"
The team groaned.
"Emma, Remus, go get us the balls." James ordered.
Emma nodded while Remus glared—something he didn't do very often.
"Have a good practice!" someone yelled from the stands.
James looked up. Lily and Peter were sitting on the stands, sipping hot chocolate. It looked like it was going to rain any second. Emma and Remus returned with the balls in their hands.
"Okay, mount your brooms!" James shouted, "when I say so, let the balls go!"
The team took off. "Let's start!"
December twenty fifth changed everything. That Death Eaters attack hit James pretty hard. I knew the Potter's really well; they were the parents I never had. Yet, James is hiding something. He won't tell me what. He said some pretty cruel things earlier today. I have sympathy for him, but I still can't help to feel angry.
James soared through the air on his broomstick with the Quaffle in his hands. The Keeper—Katie Lunner—was getting into position. Sirius was flying ahead of James, getting ready to hit the Quaffle.
Anger suddenly coursed through James veins like poison. He didn't know why he felt so angry looking at Sirius. It seemed like everything was going in slow motion. Then, just as suddenly as it came, the feeling was gone. James felt peaceful.
Maybe a little too peaceful. He couldn't think or feel. It was like he was in a dream. Just then, a voice filled his head that wasn't his own.
'Hit Black.'
'What?'
'Knock him out with the Quaffle!'
'Why?'
'You hate him. It's his fault they took John. If he wasn't there you would've been able to get away quicker.'
'That's not true....'
'It is! Now hit him!'
'He's my friend.'
'YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!'
It was as if James was a puppet. He felt his arm rise against his will. He had no control. James threw the Quaffle as hard as he could.
And I'm sorry.
Sirius turned around just in time to see James throw the Quaffle at him. He quickly ducked, but nearly got unseated. For what seemed like minutes, everyone was silent. Then, Sirius grabbed his bat and hit the Bludger as hard as he could at James.
I'm sorry I'm so angry.
James had to quickly dodge it. Glaring, he snatched up Remus's club, who happened to be conveniently next to him, and flung it at Sirius.
I'm sorry I don't understand.
The bat hit Sirius in the nose. It instantly began to bleed. Fuming, Sirius charged full speed towards James, ignoring the screams behind him.
I'm sorry I can't help you.
"SIRIUS!! JAMES!! NOOO!!" Emma was screaming from her position on the field.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!" Remus bellowed, staring at them in horror.
Sirius had tackled James, causing them both to fall off their brooms and fall head first to the ground.
But you won't let me try.
They were more than forty feet above the air and falling quickly. Screams filled both boys ears.
"SIRIUS!"
"JAMES!"
"SOMEONE CATCH THEM!" Lily screamed form the stands. She drew out her wand, but couldn't possibly think of a spell. Her mind had drawn blank.
Meanwhile, Sirius and James were holding onto each other, unaware of their fate.
"What's wrong with you, James?!" Sirius screamed.
"Leave me alone!" James bellowed back.
"TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"
"YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!"
"TRY ME, JAMES!"
As James opened his mouth to speak, a scream filled the air. It was just then where both boys looked around, hearing the screams of their team mates.
You won't let me help you. You won't even let me try. We promised we'd always be there for each other. I'm trying to keep my promise.
Both boys glanced at each other. Their brooms were falling with them. Thinking quickly, they both took out their wands, and both cried the same spell.
"Accio Broom!"
The brooms came speeding toward them. They both grabbed onto their own, and sat themselves on it as best they could. Both boys had grabbed the handles and tried to steer the broom up. They wouldn't budge.
Ten feet....
Nine....
They continued pulling.
Eight....
Seven....
We're running out of time. I can only want to help for so long. Sooner or later I'll get tired and drift away. Is that what you want?
Both brooms shot upward toward the sky. The team sighed, relieved that their best players okay. James slowly and steadily landed on the ground afterwards, the rest of them team following him.
Both James and Sirius were panting heavily, not sure what to make of what had happened.
"O-Okay....practice-" James panted, but was interrupted.
"Is caneled!" Emma said firmly, with Lily and Peter behind her, both looking pale.
"What? No, I was going to say to resume playing." James said.
"No. Everyone else back up to the castle! Practice is over!" Emma said sharply, looking angry.
"Why?" Katie asked.
"Because our captain and co-captain have lost their minds!" Emma cried angrily. She then rounded on James and Sirius, who both were looking at her shocked. She rarely did get angry.
"I want you two and Remus into the changing rooms now!" Emma said loudly.
"Wait a minute! I'm the captain and I'll tell them when practice is over!" James shouted.
Emma glared at him.
"Just do what she says, Potter." Lily said harshly.
James was thinking. He could handle Lily and Emma separately, but both their tempers together was a nightmare.
So he just shrugged and stalked off to the locker room, with Sirius and Remus behind him. They stepped in the room. Lily and Emma came after them, slamming the door loudly.
"Geez, Evans, with all the noise your making you'll have the whole school out here." James spat.
Lily's eyes flashed angrily.
"So I'm EVANS to you now, Potter? What ever happened to Lily?" Lily screamed.
"Don't worry, Lily, James just doesn't think anyone else is as important as he his." Sirius sneered, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.
"Evans, just let me go. We have a game to practice for! I won't have us lose because of you!" James said in frustration.
"You and Sirius nearly killed each other out there! You're not going back onto this pitch until you tell us what's going on!" Emma shouted, backing Lily up.
"Just stay out of it!" James snapped.
"What do you think of this?" Emma demanded, turning to Remus, who was sitting on the floor, looking weary.
For a moment he looked at James; they made eye contact, but it didn't last long. Remus just looked away and shrugged.
You're pushing us away. Why though? What'll you get out of it? You think you're the only one who's suffering? The only one who feels pain? It's time to wake up. Welcome to reality, James.
"What happened between you three?" Lily asked, looking at them sternly.
"James wants to pity himself alone. He won't accept help." Sirius muttered coldly.
"You don't understand!" James shouted angrily. "You—none of you—know what I'm going through!"
"YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO NEARLY LOST SOMEONE TO THE DEATH EATERS!" Lily screamed.
"YOU DIDN'T LOSE ANYONE! I CAME OVER AND SAVED YOUR SORRY ARSE!" James bellowed back.
You won't listen to us. Won't hear what we have to say. Do you honestly mean the things you say?
Lily shut her mouth. James stalked over and stood in front of her, his faces inches from her own.
"I saved a girl who thinks I'm nothing but a 'bullying toerag'! I saved you and lost my dad in return! And here you are saying you suffered more than me?! You have no right to say it!" James shouted; he grabbed Lily's shoulders roughly, making her whimper.
James was furious. Did Lily honestly have a right to tell him she suffered more? He looked into her eyes and continued his rant.
"You don't know everything! You don't know why Voldemort captured my parents! You don't know why he's after the people I care about! Personally, I just want you to stay away from me! I don't want to responsibility of having to watch over you! Take care of yourself, because I won't do it anymore!" James shouted, pressing hard on Lily's shoulders.
For a moment, the room seemed quiet. James let her go and turned away from her.
"You don't mean that." Lily whispered.
James turned around, and was surprised to find Emma in front of her.
"I know your going through a hard time, James. But you sure won't take it out on any of us." Emma said coldly.
Sirius had seen enough. He stood up and walked over to James.
It's time for you to listen, time for you to care. You may have good intentions, but your only making things worse.
"What about what you said to Moony and me?! This isn't all about you!" Sirius shouted.
"Leave me alone, Black!" James yelled.
"Not until you realize your not the only one who's in danger here! Voldemort knows, James. His Death Eaters saw us twice. We escaped twice. Whether or not you decide to stand by us, we're all in danger now." Sirius said, trying to make his voice even.
You're not the only one in danger. The only one that hurts. You need to see that you can't stand on your own.
"James, please, we need to stick together. We can't fall apart now." Remus whispered, talking for the first time.
James mind was reeling. He was honestly touched....but now, he felt ashamed. He had lost his temper, didn't realize what he was doing. Hell, he didn't even want to attack Sirius back on the pitch. It was like something was controlling him.
I don't care what you say or what you think. You will listen and you will understand. You're my best friend. I may be angry, but I'll get over it. I'm willing to help, but your have to be willing to accept.But no. You look at us and walk out. Walk out on your best friends.
James looked at each of his friends carefully. He looked down, shook his head, and walked out of the locker rooms without looking back. He ran as fast as he could toward the lake.
Don't turn your back on us.....I won't be ignored.
James sat by the lake. He had to admit, it was getting cold. It was cloudy and windy so no one else was on the grounds.
'How can they forgive me?' James thought. 'All those horrible things I said? I've never lost control like that! I wouldn't forgive myself! I don't know why I lost my temper....Voldemort really is messing around with me....I was just so afraid that one of them would be taken....but was that really it?'
'Did I actually mean it when I said I just didn't want to take the responsibility for their safety?'
"AARG!" James gave a frustrated sigh and threw a rock in the water.
"How can I even look at them in the face after all the things I said to them?!" James shouted to no one in particular.
"Ah yes, that was a nasty fight you had back there."
James jumped at the sound of another voice. He spun around and faced none other than Berta Denali.
"What are you doing here?" James snarled.
Berta was looking at him happily while she had a quill and parchment in her hands.
"So, as I was saying, how do you feel now? Ashamed that you took your anger out on your friends? Do you still stand beside yourself? Or are you angry that they came along and shared your glory in acting like the hero?" Berta asked.
James stood up angrily. "It's not like that! I'm not upset that they came along! In fact, if they didn't, I wouldn't be here right now!"
"How does that make you feel?"
Suddenly, the camera man popped up and began taking pictures of James non-stop.
"Hey! What're you doing?!" James cried out, his hands flying to his face to block the flashes.
"James dear, if you don't mind me calling you that-"
"But I do."
"The public is dieing to know how you feel and what exactly is going on with your family. We were informed a short while ago that a friend of the family, John, is it? Yes, was captured also. Is there going to be a search conducted for those two?"
"Will you leave me alone?!"
"But James, the public-"
"Only wants something to read about. Who out there possibly cares, huh?! Everyday someone goes missing—and you don't follow their relatives around! Tell me, what makes me any different? I'm no special than those people! How am I?" James demanded.
Berta was silent, but staring at him intently. Even the photographer seemed to stop taking pictures. James seized his chance. He quickly snatched up the camera and threw it with all his might. It landed in the lake with a 'splat.'
"If the public wants to know anything, tell them I'm a killer Chaser for the Quidditch team." James snarled, enjoying the bewildered look on Berta and the man's face.
He turned on his feel and ran back to the castle as fast as he could. It began to rain but he didn't care. He just ran. He ran across the grounds and threw open the Oak doors. Everyone was at dinner so no one saw James, though a little damp, run through the corridors and up flights of stairs. They didn't see him run all the way up to the Astronomy Tower and slam the door behind him.
He just ran. He stood by the window and sat down on the windowsill, feeling the wind and rain against his face; he didn't mind. It made him feel better. He loved the snow, but his mood wasn't all that bright, so this fit him perfectly.
"Nice to see you here, James. I daresay you wanted to be alone since everyone has been following you around?"
James turned around to see Professor Johnson standing a few feet away from him.
"Oh, Professor, it's just you...I thought it would be..." James trailed off.
"Sirius and your other friends?" Professor Johnson offered.
James nodded slowly.
"James, I've noticed that your mood has been down lately—everyone's noticed. Today you and your friends were strutting around as normally, but just now Mr. Lupin, Black and Pettigrew came in with a storming temper." Johnson said, chuckling slightly.
"I don't see how you find this amusing." James said indignantly.
Still smiling, Johnson sat down on a chair in front of James.
"Potter—James, if you don't mind me calling you that. It seems to me that they have been holding you down lately. That you fear for their lives. If I am correct, that's why you went to go save Ms. Evans, wasn't it? And what did you get out of it?"
James stayed silent.
"Excuse me for saying this, James, but you don't need any friends. It would be best to drop them. You don't need anyone but yourself. They'll only hold you back"
With that, Professor Johnson stood up and walked out, leaving a very confused James to stare after him.
A/N. Like it? I decided to make it long since I haven't updated for awhile. I'm updating as fast as I can for a few reasons.
my parents are getting a divorce. I have reason to believe that once they do I won't have a computer. See, this divorce isn't your regular one. Usually, one parent just packs up and leaves, right? Either the kids get the house or something. But no, this is turning ugly. One parent (won't say who) IS SELLING MY HOUSE! THE HOUSE I'VE LIVED IN ALL MY LIFE! And by order of the law, they want to split me and my brothers and sisters up! How can they DO that? We're still kids, we deserve to be with each other!
Also, I might be going with the parent I don't like. You know, the one that has made my life horrible and is selling my house. The one who hates me and wishes I doesn't exist. How do I know? Oh, it tells me pretty often. Anyway, I'm trying to stay strong and not cry. I don't want to scare my little siblings while trying to handle myself.
School....well, I like it. It's just that, I've made new friends, but a lot just want to stay with their whole group and don't care to make other new friends. I find this frustrating. I went to high school for the education and to meet new people.
Writing is my only escape. NO I am not a depressed girl, but sometimes you just feel like you need to get away. Everyone goes through that. For me, it's my writing. I bury myself in my work, because it feels so nice to get away and bury myself in a world full of magic and hope. (Yes, this sounds corny)
I love my reviews. I can't say why, but I just love you guys for your comments. I feel like my writing is going to waste and that someone out there really cares about my little fics. I don't know, life has never been easy, but I got this far, right? Just have to hold on a little longer. So yeah, I wil be updating fast, who knows when I'll be forced to stop. Thanks so much for reviewing. They truly do make my day every time I get one.
Love always,
Amour-Lily
P.S. I'm not asking anyone to pity me, I just thought I'd explain a few things.