Here is chapter 5 at last. Hope you all like it.
A thanks to my reviewers: Mrs. Nikki Slater, tokengirl, JessesLatinaQuerida, Daddys Little Baby Girl, PixiePam, shawna-xo. You guys rock!
Disclaimer: Don't own Suze, Jesse, or Paul. A shame it is. On the plus side, I do own the plot! Whooppee for me…. I still don't own Suze, Jesse or Paul… grrr
Now on with the show!
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I never dreamt it would be this way, I made a mistake, and now I've lost all my chances to go back. I wasn't prepared then and I am certainly not prepared now. What have I done? How could I let it happen? In a short, yet seemingly eternal two weeks, I will no longer be Susannah Simon. No, I'll be Susannah Slater. That name does not sound like it could possibly ever be my own. How could it? I don't love Paul, and despite how often arranged marriages happen, one should have the choice to marry whom they choose, not who their parents choose. Because if this decision were up to me, I can certainly say that I would never be Susannah Slater, but I am going to be her, I wonder if she will be different from me, Susannah Simon.
I mean, she has to be different from me, she obligingly agreed to marry Paul Slater, something I would never do. Maybe this Susannah Slater is already taking over me, controlling me from the inside. Because I was certainly not in my right mind when I told Andy and Paul and Jesse, that yes, I would marry Paul. The thought is just preposterous¸ but, if it is so preposterous, then how come it is happening?
I feel as if I could wake any moment now. This is not happening. "Susie! You have a visitor!" My mother's cheery voice rang through the walkway. I groaned to myself. It is! It is happening! How? Why? Won't Paul ever just leave me alone?
Grudgingly, I lifted myself from my bed, smoothing down the sides of my skirt. The descent from the stairs was slow and unhurried, the longer it took to stay away from Paul. For this reason I did not realize that my visitor was someone else. When I reached the landing, I didn't look up to face my visitor, so when that smooth voice rang out across the room to where I was standing, to say I was stunned would most definitely be an understatement. My ears easily recognized the owner of the voice and my gaze lifted to assure that it was Jesse standing there.
"Jesse?" I asked dumbly. I needed the confirmation.
"Susannah," he stated, answering for me that he is Jesse. "I need to speak to you," his voice lingered, hesitant. "Do you mind?" Do I mind? Of course not.
"No, Jesse, I don't. I think we need to speak as well, over our misunderstanding."
His head went up and down, a half nod of some sort. "Yes, the misunderstanding. But… not here. Out at the cove." With no other words, he turned around and went back out the door, leaving the door, I'm assuming, for me to follow. I did. He got his horse and pulled him along as I went to the stables to get my own.
After an insufferable silence, we finally reached the beach. Quietly, we climbed up through the stairs into the cove over looking the whole of the ocean. Taking a deep breath, I took in the scent of the salty ocean air, enjoying the way the smell was everywhere. As is usual, I sat at the long extended rock and Jesse joined me.
For what must have been an eternity, we sat not saying a word each. My mind was racing, storming. I've no idea why he asked me to come here, and he is in no hurry to explain to me. Maybe I should speak first? If it weren't for my idiocy, neither of the two of us would even be here.
I opened my mouth to speak, but at that moment, Jesse turned to face me and spoke first. "Susannah, I'm still not sure what happened last night, and it got even more so confusing once we parted ways. You're father, he came to me…" Andy? He does not know I'm even in relations with Jesse…? "It was late at night, and I'd been reading the last bit I could before my candle went out when he showed up." My dad dad? "It's funny really, he spooked me. He said your name simply, and that was all it took to frighten me. Never had I been spooked by a…" he hesitated, picking out his words carefully probably, "Ghost." The word hung in the air, building a tension impenetrable by outside forces.
So, Jesse could see ghosts, I could too. He admitted this truth to me, barely even knowing me, when I had never ever told anyone about this. Paul is merely a fluke, he found out on his own. What do I say? Share my deepest secret with a man I barely knew, yet found myself to care deeply about? His opinion of me mattered. A lot. And the fact that he thought of me as some untruthful person, deceitful, I couldn't handle it. I need to let him know about my abilities… but I have never told anyone. I can't just tell him? He just told you. Fair's fair. The thought rang across my mind as if an outside voice.
"Jesse-" my voice croaked, nervously. I swallowed, and opened my mouth to speak, the words lingering on the tip of my tongue, "My dad went to you?" Well, that is not the truth I had wanted to admit, though it will have to do for now.
"Yes." His deep voice rang out.
I waited expectantly for him to continue, when he didn't, I sighed. "Wha…what did he say?" It's strange how such a situation I have tried avoiding my whole life finally surfaced, in the most unexpected manner. I never thought someone else would figure it out themselves, and if I ever did, I thought I'd have to do a whole lot of explaining, so far though, there's been none of that.
"He said you made a grave mistake, it was completely unintentional, not thought out. He said you were beating yourself over it. I don't believe you would go as far as to actually hit yourself, but I got the general idea. Just before he dematerialized, I asked who he was, by then he was gone, though. I stayed up the whole night trying to figure out who he was, and finally, I realized he was your real father. I remember seeing him that first day we met, I saw him and he saw me, or so I think, and then dematerialized. When I remembered that, I knew he was your father." So far, he had said this with no tone whatsoever, flatly and plainly. "So, my question is: why did you say yes? What happened?" I swear for a second I saw a glint of hope in his eyes, although as soon as it had come it left.
I let out a breath I realized I had been holding for a while now. "I told you, I panicked last night when I was asked. When Andy first came, I was about to say yes, though, since Paul chose that minute to come up to me I said yes. Something overcame me and I had spoken before even realizing what I had said. Jesse, I… I-I never meant for me to hurt you. As I said, something overcame me."
"I know, querida, I know that now." He took hook my hand in his. This is the first time my skin has ever come in contact with his, and just the feel of his hand alone sent warm chills up my spine. "You can thank your father, if you'd like."
"Yeah, I think I will." I smiled at him, loving the way his thumb was gently rubbing at my hand, caressing it with sweet care. "How did you figure out I could see him? That I could see… ghosts in general?"
"I to took me a while, but he kept saying that you had told him everything he told me. At first I didn't hear that part and as I replayed the conversation over and over in my head, I realized you told him everything directly, and he passed the information on to me. Susannah, I know how you feel about your-our abilities. I've had them my whole life, too. I never wanted anyone to know for fear that I'd be disowned by my family and friends, so I knew exactly why you wouldn't ever tell me. Honestly, I would never have told you either had your father not come to me. When I realized you had the same abilities, I only figured it would be fair. Since I was sure I knew you secret, I thought it would only be fair otherwise for you to know. I hope I can restore my trust in you if you hold my secret like you have held yours your whole life."
I listened to all this intently, a small smile finally forming. His hand was still on mine. "Of course I won't ever tell anyone, Jesse."
"Good. Thank you." His calloused hand freed mine, much to my chagrin. Lazily, he looked out into the ocean, his eyes drifting. We sat in silence together, I watching the waves as they lapped in crushing the shores beneath us, he: his eyes never leaving the distance ahead.
It seems like all had been forgiven, everything solved. Except for, of course, the biggest problem ahead: I have to marry Paul Slater.
I heard Jesse sigh, snapping me out of my reverie. His eyes were locked on me intently, and he was muttering quite incoherent words to himself, probably in Spanish since I could not understand a word of them. "Excuse me for being so… so unchaste," he muttered at last. I didn't quite here what he said, and as I was going to ask him to repeat himself, his lips met mine and it was perfect bliss. Not anything like the feel of Paul's lips against mine.
He broke away moments later, standing and going near the edge of our vantage spot, leaning against a rock wall behind him. He sighed, turning away, not even looking at me. "Susannah… I am sorry I didn't mean for th-that to happen." He muttered more incoherent things to himself, all the while I found myself reliving the memory of his lips against mine. I had loved it, every last part of it and my body-more like my lips-ached for more. Maybe this is how Paul feels every time he finds someone to kiss, he has a desire to feel the lips of another's against his. "Jesse, don't. Don't apologize, I mean."
He looked up, stopping his inane muttering, "But I have to Susannah. I have dishonored you as a lady, as a woman set to marry another man, a man who so happens to be an old friend. So, yes Susannah, I have to apologize. I knew all of that and yet I could not contain myself. A true gentleman would never act in such a manner."
I smiled, I don't know why, but it seemed like the thing to do. He was being so sweet about the whole thing. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the kiss, because I did, very much so, in fact. And I'm sure he did too, yet he was apologizing for something so nice, something that truly had not offended me at all. This only caused me to realize how wrong Paul really is for me. He always tries to kiss me and I never enjoy it, making me feel offended in some way and never ever does he apologize.
A silence filled the air, Jesse, still not in reaching distance of me, and me sitting on the giant rock I've always loved to sit on, to clear mind. I tried to clear my mind right, so many things happening, nothing making sense. For a split second, I wished this place could all just be mine again, that I didn't have Jesse to share it with now. Truth is, Jesse has always known about it, and it never really was just mine or my father's, it was also Jesse's, and probably somebody else that I don't know. That is why I tried to clear my mind, but thoughts kept coursing through my mind, not letting me find peace.
When Jesse kissed me, all these troubling thoughts had ceased to exist, but the moment he apologized, they all came stumbling back, crushing in with more strength.
"Jesse, I would like to go home now," I stated simply. I didn't wait for his response, just started climbing back do to my horse. Moments later, he showed up behind me, mounting his own horse as I did mine. He followed me home, and parted the minute we reached the fence to my house, not having spoken a word. That is, until he said, "Good night, querida." With that one word, all my troubles disappeared again. Something about it put me to ease, and though I didn't quite understand how or why, I felt myself liking the feeling.
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I still don't know how I'm gonna get the Suze out of the marrying Paul thing, so this chapter was just kind of to fill up the time, but I'm sure each and every one of you will be satisfied with what happened in it. Paul will be in the next chapter, whether I think of a solution to their problem…. Well, who knows. Hopefully something will come to me.
Read and review, my dearies!