Here is chapter six, at last. I believe this is the longest I've ever taken to post a chapter…. But school has started and it has only been like six days, so still a fairly quick update.
Thanks to my reviwers, again. This is the most reviews I have ever gotten and I feel so special! Yay me!
So, my reviewers: Pixie Pam, DARKrosePRINCESS, black-rose-xo, TinkerBells magic, JessesLatinaQuerida, and Sunshine418, you guys ROCK
Disclaimer: Eh, Meg Cabot owns the Mediator and all its characters, blah, blah, blah, blah… you guys know the drill.
So, without further ado, Chapter 6: Consequences
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"Susie, come in here and help me with the cleaning," my mother stood at the window overlooking our yard and into the stables. I groaned inwardly. I didn't want to have to clean; I just wanted to spend all day grooming Shadow.
"I'll be back, Shadow," I cooed into his ears, petting his mane one last time before stalking off. "Coming," I yelled back, and my mom retreated from the window. When I walked in the door, my mother stood at the entrance, a feather duster in tow and several rags, smiling at me sheepishly.
"Susie, honey, I know you don't like to clean, but it has got to be done, and I am quite busy right now, working on other things, so please can you do it for me?" I nodded, since the way I figured it, I did not have much of a choice on the matter. If I did not agree to the dusting and what not, then surely I would be assigned to garden work, which is worse, having to be outside in the sun. "Good girl," she chimed and headed outside, picking up her vegetable basket.
At some point, amidst the dusting and cleaning and all that un stuff that pertains to keeping a home tidy, Paul showed up, making my delightful day all the better. If you have not realized this now, I was not enjoying cleaning, nor was I enjoying the fact that Paul decided to grace me with his presence; I could do much without.
"I like to see that you can maintain things around the house, Su-u-sie," he drawled my name in an infuriating sing-song voice, his lips curling into that despicable smile of his.
"Great," I muttered under my breath. "What do you want?" My mother says I can be hot-tempered at times, but I don't think she's ever realized that I'm only hot-tempered when Paul tries to make nice with me. Not that he ever could. Make nice, I mean. Paul is just not the type to excuse himself for his actions, and until the he shows any remorse for his actions, I will continue to believe that he is the vile creature I believe him to be.
"Can I not come and visit with my wife-to-be," his head bowed, as if some noble gesture of some sort. Inside, I seethed, wishing he'd just leave.
"No, you can not. New rules: you are not to see the dearly beloved until the day of the ceremony. How does that sound to you? I have absolutely no problem with it."
His head shook in mock annoyance, a subtle smile playing at his lips. "Is that what you really want, because I know that deep down, you won't be able to stay away long enough from me. I mean, you had every chance to say that you did not want to marry me, and you even told me so, but yet, here we are, to be married in…" he counted his fingers, "Oh, yes, four weeks. If you wanted me to leave you alone, Suze, you should have just said no to the whole thing. Now you will suffer the consequences of your decisions. And don't even try to get out of this marriage of ours, or I will tell everyone your little secret." He strode towards the door, stopping with his hands on the knob, ready to twist, "Like I said, you shall suffer the consequences," Any trace of a smile left his lips and he looked deathly seriously, "Have a good day, Susie." The smile returned to his face and he left.
Relieved, and somewhat distraught, I sighed, sitting back on a chair behind me. The duster fell to my side, and I didn't care… I really am in trouble. Outweighing my troubles, I realized, that yes, they are both bad. Anyone could figure that out, of course. But, the more I thought about it, I realized which I would be willing to endure, and as much as I'd hate it, I wouldn't mind the possibility that my secret could leak out into the world, anything, and I mean anything is better than being with Paul forever.
My mother came in, humming merrily to herself, her basket filled to the brim with greens. "Susannah, honey, have you finished?"
A stifled grunt was my response, and she sighed, putting her basket down by her feet. "Susie, what's bothering you?" She looked genuinely concerned, and as much as I wanted to tell her, I thought it best to not trouble her with my dilemmas, there is nothing she can do anyway. "Does it have to do with Paul, by any chance? I've heard the two of you arguing quite a bit these past couple weeks… I'm not saying that I heard you two today, but I have in the past."
I looked up into her deep brown eyes, the worry expressing itself. At least someone had noticed my unhappiness, I thought… perhaps there is a chance she could do something about it. After thinking it over, I nodded my head, agreeing. "Yes, ma," and then, before I knew it, I told her everything, not realizing it, much like I had agreed to the marriage. "Ma, I really do not want to marry Paul. I understand that I am of a decent age to marry, and that Paul, in the eyes of most qualifies a certifiable young gentleman, but no one knows him like I do, and I know that his image is nothing but a façade. I despise him, and I really do not want to marry him. I agreed before I even knew what I was saying and by that point it was too late to go back on my word." I felt tears starting to prick at my eyes, and I blinked, struggling to suppress my tears. "I really don't want to, ma." My knees rose to my chest, and I hugged them close to me, resting my head atop my arms. My eyes closed, though tears, despite how much I fought them back, continuously flowed, streaming my cheeks.
"Oh, honey, Susie," my mother's arms came around me, hugging me tightly, and rocking me gently, "If you really don't want to marry him, why didn't you just say so earlier? I'll talk with your step-father about this. I know he'll be disappointed, but neither he nor I can make you do something you really don't want to." Her embrace, so tight and comforting, at last undraped my shoulders, and surprisingly I did feel better. My mother loved me, and she would take care of my problems, or so I hope. Of course, if she does find a way to get me from not marrying Paul, then the rest of the world will know my secret, including my mother, who I have never told. Perhaps I will tell her, that is, if she is successful in freeing me.
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Not an hour had passed since Paul had left. After my tears were cleared, I went back outside, to tend to Shadow, who patiently waited for me at his stall, I'd been brushing his mane, when in the distance I heard the patter of feet ambling across the dirt path in my way. The sound of feet increased, and I saw Jesse approaching the barnyard, his own horse in the distance. Immediately I smiled, though he couldn't see it and my heart thumped just that little bit faster. Just yesterday, I'd felt his soft warm lips against my own, and I found myself wishing that action could repeat itself later. But by the way Jesse had reacted, I'm sure he won' try and kiss me again soon.
"Susannah, good afternoon." His hand was waving at me in the air, and I stood, placing Shadow's brush on the floor and patting him before leaving to join Jesse.
"Hello to you, Jesse." I smiled at him.
"Hello. Susannah, I've been thinking, about yesterday, and once again, I am sorry. But, I haven't had a chance to stop thinking about it. I want to talk about it with you, so can you accompany me into town right now? So we can talk somewhere?" My eyes brightened, anytime spent with Jesse was so much better than being at home.
"Of course," I smiled at him, and turned back into the stable to get my horse, moments later joining with him. "Can you give me a moment, though? I need to tell my mother I will be out. So she doesn't worry."
"Oh, yes. Go ahead. I'll be waiting here."
Smiling like a foolish ninny, I made my way inside. "Ma?" I waited for a response, and when her voice rang out with a 'yes' I resumed, "I'm riding into town. I will be back in a while." At that moment, she decided to show up, glancing out the window.
"Who is that out there?" She asked, her gaze locked on Jesse.
"That would be a friend, mother. His name is Jesse."
"Hmm, I've seen him around here before Susannah. How long have you known him?"
"A while," I answered, vaguely.
"Hmm, well, don't be late for supper."
I strode back to where Jesse waited, and mounted my horse, Jesse graciously helping me up.
Moments later, side by side, we headed off in the direction of the town centre. Jesse commented on how he thinks his cousin, Maria, the girl he is to marry could possibly be involved with another man. Diego, I think Jesse had said the man's name was.
What I do not understand is how, both Jesse and I, completely innocent of anything and everything can possibly both be in such awkward situations. Neither of us deserves this. We never did anything to condemn ourselves to such a terrible reality. I mentioned this to Jesse and a sweet chuckle erupted from within.
"I don't know, querida, seems like we are in quite a situation." His eyes brightened some what. "Susannah…. Don't you…" his voice trailed off, and gently he shook his head, deciding against whatever he was going to say.
"Don't I… what, Jesse?" I tried prying, but he shook his head, mumbling a never mind.
A couple seconds went by, a silence filling the space between us, separating us. Eventually, though, we resumed talking, I breaking the silence. "Jesse, if you be anything or do anything, what would you be or do?" For the longest time, I have suspected that he does not want to spend the rest of his life working on his family's ranch… through our conversations, I have noticed his voice always drop when he talks about ranch work, and I just have a feeling, deep down that that is not what he wants to do.
His gaze didn't turn to me; his eyes were locked on an object far away. Finally, though he sighed and opened his mouth, "I would be a doctor," he said quietly, solemnly. "But, it is something I know will never happen," his tone of voice unveiled a sense of defeat, one he had come to accept.
"Why not?" I hadn't meant to ask, the question just escaped from my lips.
"Because I'm the only boy in my family, and I need to take over the ranch once father is too old." He sighed, his gaze still locked on an object far ahead. All I saw were trees. "I've never told anyone, Susannah, that I want to be a doctor," He smiled wryly. "Every time one of my sisters gets a gentle scrape of some sort, or when someone in my family falls ill, I wish that I could be a doctor tending to them. I often do my sisters' bandages, but that's as far as my medical experiences go. Anything of a greater severity is handled by a doctor. An urgency fills me when someone I know is hurt or sick, but like I said, being a doctor is simply something I will never do or be." The gaze that had been permanently locked on something straight ahead finally turned to meet my own. All I saw was a deepness, something so dark, so wistful. His dark eyes held mine, entranced and I could not break away. It was as if through that one look, his eyes could penetrate to regions deep inside me, as if he were staring directly into my soul.
I don't know whatever it is Jesse saw, it must have, however been something good, because he was smiling by the time we broke away.
Jesse instills feelings within me, feelings that seem to have no words. "Querida," his voice a hoarse whisper, "Te quiero… mucho."
"What?" I asked, no doubt the confusion shown on my face.
"Nothing, querida, nothing," Moments like these that I wish I had acquired knowledge for the Spanish language. That nothing is very much something. You can hear it in the tone of voice he used following the ever wonderful querida.
I'd asked him once what querida meant, but he ignored my question. For all I know, he could be calling me ugly… then again, he could be calling me beautiful. There's no way I'll ever know, because I am pretty sure Jesse is not willing to admit the truth.
We reached the town centre, and we dismounted our respective horses, leading them by their ropes. I don't know how long it was, but Jesse and I walked around the town center, talking. He, again apologized for having kissed me the night before, and suffice to say I forgave him, telling him I had not at all minded.
Being within his presence comforted me sincerely and not once did I think of my troubles…
That is until I saw Paul coming around the corner from one of the town streets. The brimming serenity that had held me captive dissipated, flowing away from me. "Jesse, Paul is coming our way," I didn't know whether this was true or not, he hadn't spotted either of us. My stomach tightened and I fought the impulse to purge.
Paul did eventually see us, and no sooner had he spotted us than when he appeared suddenly in front of us.
"Susannah," Paul nodded, the ever formal gentleman. "Jesse, my dear friend. How are the two of you?"
"Greetings, Paul," Jesse exchanged. Jesse did not have to feign innocence, pretending to be a gentleman, sincerely and always, Jesse will be a gentleman.
"Paul," I smiled weakly, remembering his earlier visit.
"What brings the both of you into town today? I wasn't aware either of you were in relations with one another anymore. It's nice, isn't it? The three of us all together again after so many years."
Lovely.
"Of course it is," Jesse agreed. I could see however that he struggled with himself to say this.
"Suze," Paul sang in a sweet voice, "What do you think?"
"It's splendid," I choked out, "It really is." I hope the bitterness didn't sound through in my voice. I could feel the falsity of it constricting my throat.
"I'm sure you feel that way," Paul replied, giving me an all knowing smile.
Shitfing his weight from one foot to the other, Jesse cleared his throat and spoke, "I'm sorry to cut this reunion of ours short, but Susannah and I must get going Paul. It was good seeing you," he smiled weakly at Paul taking his hand, shaking firmly. "And congratulations, Paul. Susannah is a wonderful woman," There was nearly no expression on Jesse's face… could he possibly mean it? I felt my heart sank, and my breathing get a little raggedy. Could Jesse really possibly not requite the feelings I have developed so much for him over the past few weeks…?
"Thank you, Jesse. Well, I must get going, too." He began to walk away, but just as he was out of sight, he turned to me, "And Susie, I will tell," it's all he said, and though Jesse's brows furrowed in confusion, I very well knew what he was talking about. And just like that, Paul strode away, no second glances.
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I think I finally know what exactly I wanna do with the Paul thing….. I just need a little more thinking on how exactly I want to get there. Hopefully a completely fab idea will come to me and I will be able to solve it. I'll try and have chappie 7 up within a week!
Read and review, please:)