Here is chapter nine, at last. I was feeling really uninspired, and I sorta just started typing this chapter, seeing where it would take me. And so as I typed and I typed I started becoming more inspired, and in the end, I came to a chapter that I was satisfied with. This chapter had no planning whatsoever, so I really am proud of myself. Especially after the crappiness of last chapter's ending. I was so out of it, having to right an essay for class, which at last got turned in today, so I was in a writing mood, an escape from horrid essays. So here is six pages that I typed out all today, for you guys.
Now, my reviewers, you guys are truly awesome…… 11 reviews! Thank you so, so, so, so VERY much. Ya'll rock! Kick-ass! So, Secret Agent Angel, kaylie hazelle, Leah, Mrs. Nikki Slater, JessesLatinaQuerida, Chisakami Saiyuki, starrynightdreamer, Tango0929, PixiePam, Sweet Sista Muffin, and WHDDCOS you are all the best. Thank you so much for reviewing last chappy :) you've all made me very happy!
Disclaimer: Meg Cabot owns the mediator, not me, of course.
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Jesse's appearance left me feeling… happy and giddy. This whole feeling genuinely good thing, I'm so not used to it. He'd been thinking of me… dreaming of me. Of me! I fell back onto my bed, trying to trigger my memory, for the cause of why he just so suddenly appeared. Once upon a time, Paul had taken it upon himself to explain to me about the great world of mediation. Of course, however, I hadn't been the slightest bit interested in what he said.
Mediation, to me, has always been a curse I've been well, cursed with. I've never once counted it as a blessing, so naturally when Paul tried to teach me about it, I didn't exactly care what he had to say. I suppose I could ask him now, again. But I am so sure he would not help me. Not with the current state of our relationship. Besides, he would get suspicious as to why I am suddenly interested.
Lying on my bed, I thought of the way Jesse had felt in my embrace, how easily I can lose myself in him. Before Jesse, I never thought much of love, and the power it holds on one. But the more and more time I spend with Jesse, the more I am starting to believe I could possibly be falling in love with him.
Love… I like the feel of it, all warm and so, so good. That one day at the beach had been fate. It really had been. Who knows where I would be now, had it not been for Jesse. Most likely, I think I would already be married with Paul. I would have tried to stall it of course, but eventually I would have failed in my attempts and wound up a very unhappy Susannah Slater. Now I am determined to keep that from happening, despite anything that might happen. The very thought of becoming Mrs. Slater chills me to the very bone.
A life married to Paul would be an eternity spent in hell. But a life with Jesse would be one of bliss, a life as if in heaven. All the more reason to figure out a way to stop the impending marriage.
Something ignited within me, and I stood from my bed, and marched down the stairs, heading straight to the barn, "Mother, I will be back in a little while," I called as the door slammed behind me. My mother hurried out the door, calling to me, but I ignored her and went to straight to get Shadow from his stable. Petting him briefly on the nose, I mounted and rode away.
The place I wanted to go was not one I voluntarily went to. But I directed Shadow in the general direction of Paul's domicile and galloped as fast as I could get Shadow to carry me. The horse sped beneath me, his hooves thundering on the path. A few twists and turns, and I was at the entrance of Slater Ranch. I went past the gates, knowing that I was welcome to come and go as I wish. And then, before knowing it, I found myself outside Paul's home, determined to do something. Whether I'd succeed, well I would soon find out.
Dismounting from my horse, I immediately sauntered to the door. As soon as I knocked, whatever prior confidence I felt evaporated. My heart pounded within my chest, resonating so loud I'm sure somebody else could hear it. Why was I here? I had come without a plan, no tact.
The door slowly swung open and a little girl leapt out at me, "Susie!" My heart lowed momentarily, in shock. The little girl that held onto me was Paul's youngest sibling, little Rosaline. I laughed and swept the young girl into my arms, holding her tightly.
"Rosie," I smiled cheerily at her, relieved that it had been her to open the door. Rosaline has loved me for as long as I can remember, and I have too. I pray to God that she will not end up like her brother, lose all her innocence. So far, though it seems Paul is the only Slater offspring who had lost his innocence. Everyone else in his family is purely sweet and caring.
"Susie, what are you doing here? Do you want to play with my dolls?" Other than my mother, I hate it when anyone refers to me as Susie, but with Rosie, I'm willing to let it go, because I know for a fact she does not like being called Rosie. I think that is why I adore her so much, she reminds me of me.
My lips curved into a smile, as I knelt to be eye-level with the girl. "Maybe some other time," I began, rumpling her hair, "But right now, I really can't. I came here to look for your brother. Do you know if he is here?" taking her by the hand, I stood up and led her out onto the porch, to sit on the steps leading to the house.
"I think he went out with daddy. They went to do," she trailed off, tilting her head upwards to think, "I can't remember. Business stuff." Then looking hopeful, she added, "Maybe now we can play with my dolls until they return!" She really has beautiful dolls. These beautiful intricate dolls, dressed with velvet and satin dresses. The only dolls I ever got as a child were the ones my mother made me.
I was ready to answer no, as nicely as I could. But the look on her face, the way her blue eyes shined with anticipation, her lower lip pouted at me, I could not resist. The one thing that all the Slaters have in common is the ability to be charming and adorable. I hate them for it. Hate, I suppose is a strong word, and truthfully only applies to one member of the family. And despite how cruel Paul can be, I don't think I honestly hate him. Dislike, yes, but I could never hate anyone. Hate is a strong emotion that should never be felt.
"Sure, I would like that, Rosie." As soon as I spoke, she jumped from where she sat, grabbing my hand and trailing me behind her with as much force a child of only six could muster, stomping ahead.
"That is so great, Susie. You truly are the best; Elizabeth never wants to play with me."
Elizabeth is Rosie's older sister, the same age as I. But we have never gotten along, and in a way she resents Rosie because she adores me so much. Of course though, Rosaline is too young to realize this, and simply thinks her sister is the wicked older sister. Someday, sadly she will know the truth.
Rosie trundled through the passageways of her home until we at last reached her bedroom, where on the ground, lay this magnificent doll house. The house in itself was meant to be a glorious Victorian house, but it looked more like a manor. It was of the deepest shade of green, with marvelous white shutters lining the fake windows. The house, on its own stood nearly as tall as Rosaline who knelt beside it immediately and began to pull out her dolls. The house was a giant hovering over Rosie.
Kneeling beside Rosaline, I took one o the dolls. I never played with dolls anymore, but her dolls were so beautiful that I could not pass on the opportunity. I wish I could have had these kinds of dolls when I was her age. But I didn't, and I was happy with the ones my mother gave me, knowing I would never have anything better.
"Paul says the house reminds him of your eyes," Rosaline said suddenly, and my heart, I swear skipped a beat. "He saw it in a shop, and he loved the color, so he got it for me."
And suddenly, a new side of Paul was revealed. The caring side of him. Could this be why no one can see him for who he really is, because he really is caring, and he buys his youngest sister a Victorian-style manor? "Paul gave this to you?"
"Of course, he always buys me presents. Daddy always gets mad at him for it, but Paul gets me things nonetheless. And he said the house was no exception, because he loves me. And then he added that the color of it reminded him of your eyes, had to have it. Isn't it beautiful, Susie? The house." She squinted up at me, placing the doll beside her.
"It's gorgeous," I replied automatically, awed. "Rosaline, how long ago did he get it for you?"
"About a half month, I believe." Just like that, she went back to playing with her dolls, finding it a proper place to end conversation. But what'd she just told me left me thing about Paul, a lot. The Paul I've come to known would not do kind gestures, such as. Especially if the gesture reminded him of my eyes.
Behind it all, could Paul really have feelings for me? My gaze landed on the wall of the manor, and I stared long and hard at the green color of it. I simply could not see how this rich green could compare with my dull green eyes.
As I mused on this thought, I absently mindedly played with Rosie, but my thoughts were no where in the game we played, but on Paul. Of course though, just because he was kind to his sister, does not mean he was kind to me.
I played with Rosie for about what could have been a half of an hour, when footsteps treaded in the direction of her room. Rosie's head perked up, waiting to see who it was. "Paul," she whispered and bolted to her feet, and ran out the door. "Paul!" Came a louder exclamation followed by gentle laughter. "Paul, you're back!" another pause, followed by more laughter, the sweet laugh of a young child. "Paul, Susie's here for you. She's waiting in my room. Come on."
"She is, is she? Do you know why?" At that moment, Paul appeared in the door way with his eyebrow raised trailing behind a very happy Rosie. "Why Suze, a pleasure seeing you here today. What brings you about?"
"She came to see you, Paul."
"Why of course she did, Rosaline. Thank you for keeping her company."
"We played with my dolls, and the new house you got me."
"That must have been nice for you, Rosaline. You are always searching for someone to play with you." Crossing the room, Rosaline settled back by the house, picking up her dolls.
"Susie, thank you for playing with me. You can go with Paul now." The little girl's eyes shined with pure joy, and a bright smile plastered on her youthful face.
"No, thank you for inviting me," I replied, standing up and waving my fingers at her in good-bye motion.
Following Paul out the door, I smiled one last time at Rosaline before she was out of my sight. My heartbeat suddenly picked up again, racing thunderously within my chest, as I remembered why I had come.
We walked along together in silence, the only sound my heart beating, but something inside me told me that Paul couldn't actually hear it. So I followed him, not knowing where he was leading me. Wherever it was, it soon became apparent would not be indoors. As we continued across the land in his ranch I began to recognize where he was leading me too. The landscape looked practically unchanged from when I'd last been through this part of the land. The shrubbery, the plants, they all looked the same. Untouched by time. If only my life could have stayed the same, untouched by the forces of time.
Not being able to contain myself, I smiled as the memories poured in. of when I was young and unknowing, a mere six years old, running through these woods so carelessly with my best friend, Paul. All the afternoons we spent out here.
At last, we reached the clearing that was met by a stream that ran through land. Scanning the area, I saw the tree I used to always go and sit underneath for the great shade it provided. Leaning against the trunk, I slid down until finally sitting on the ground beneath. Paul followed, sitting next to me.
"Suze," Paul at last broke the silence. "What is it that you came all this way to speak with me?"
My heart heaved, the pulsations getting stronger. I'd come to tell him that I was not going to marry him, that there was nothing he could do but stand back and agree. But of course, that would be too easy, wouldn't it? Voicing my thoughts, I waited expectantly for him to answer.
After a moment or two, he let out a light chuckle, "If you think I would so easily let you go, then you really are a lot more naïve than I thought Suze. So, no, I do not agree to this proposition of yours, not unless I get something in return. Or, I could slip the word to the town press about your abilities, like I've already told you."
"And what exactly might you want from me Paul? I've got nothing to offer. I just ask you to please not force us into something neither of us wants. Don't you want to be with someone you actually might possibly love? Or even care about. By being forced into this marriage, we're not allowing ourselves fair chance at finding someone we want to be with."
"Suze, don't be silly. This is the way things work these days. Marriages are arranged. Hardly are they ever because the two people knew each other prior to the arrangements, because they fell in love if there ever was such a thing. And who says I don't care about you?" At this point, his gaze turned away from my eyes, overcast amongst the running stream out ahead. "I've known you for as long as I can remember. Since I was a mere infant. You may not realize it," his gaze landed back on my eyes, penetrating and deep, "but I do care about you. More than you'll ever know."
"Then why are you so arrogant and condescending towards me all the time?" I tried avoiding his gaze, afraid I might lose myself in it. All this time, I'd thought for sure Paul resented me, could not stand the presence of me. He could be so nasty, so cruel, so horribly sick.
"Because. Because I don't know how to control myself around you. If I have ever offended you, I apologize, sincerely. But Suze, we could make this work, we really could." His warm hand came upon my own and he began stroking it, tenderly and lovingly. "Suze…"
"No. No… Paul, no, I can't. I can't make this work between us. I don't want to. I don't feel the same about you as you do me. A long time ago, I would have been willing to make this work. I could have requited those feelings, but you've changed, Paul. And I don't like who you have become. So please, I ask you, don't force this marriage upon us. It wouldn't be fair to me. If you really care about me, please, you would do this for me." The confidence had melted away from Paul's face, his certainty that I would give in to him. All that remained on his face was hopelessness that I won't change my mind. And he was right to feel hopeless, because I was not going to change my mind. It was already set.
His hopelessness, though soon turned to anger. Bursting to his feet, he paced in front of me, his head down, and some incoherent muttering streaming from his mouth. "Suze, there is no way I am going to do away with this marriage, whether you like it or not, we are getting married. I think I know why you have come to me, claiming all this nonsense about love. But I will not act until I have proven to myself why exactly you've come to me, proposing this foolishness." That's the last he said before storming off.
With Paul gone now, my soaring heart began to settle, and I leaned my head back against the tree. My eyes shut, and in my head I saw Jesse. Somehow, I think Paul had figured it out, that I felt something for Jesse, if his last statement had been any indication. Of course, he hadn't actually said anything pertaining to Jesse, but Paul is always right in his assumptions. He's very intuitive that way, perceptive, he sees things that others normally don't. And if I am correct in assuming what I think he is assuming, well things might not be too good from here on out.
Eventually, when my thoughts came to a halt, I stood up, going back to where I'd left my horse. Mr. Slater was outside, tending to a crop, with his other son, Jack hovering above. They granted me a good night, and offering to accompany me home, since it was now dark, but I kindly rejected their offers. I needed to be alone before getting home. Andy would surely be bothered, and my mother outrages. I would simply not be able to handle it all at once together like that.
Mounting my horse, I began for home, but a voice inside my head stopped me, and instead I went to the beach, to my place. It was late, and the later it would get, the madder my mother would get, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I needed time to think, to reflect upon what I am going to do.
So I rode to the beach instead, and when I arrived I saw that familiar honey colored horse that could only mean one thing. Jesse.
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So chapter nine has come to an end on a sort of cliffie…. Hehehe. You know the drill, review! 'Tis much appreciated! Chapter ten should be up in a week or so.
Now, I am working on a new story. I just had this idea come to me and I had to type it out. The only thing, I don't know whether to actually post it. You guys can be the ones to tell me. The story's about how Jesse never came back in time with Paul or Suze in Twilight, and Suze has like no memory left of Jesse except for these dreams that she has had since about the time they went back in time. Now Suze is going off to college and there she meets someone who looks exactly like Jesse in every way and…. His name's Jesse de Silva! So pretty much a story of reincarnation and stuff and J/S. So, if you're interested just tell me in a review, and I'll get to posting it