"The truth is, I feel really insecure at the moment. Vincent is so caring and supportive, yet there is this gap between us. I almost wish we were still married. We could have made it work, if only we'd tried harder. Oh, I don't know. We were young and foolish, and thought as long as we loved each other everything would be fine and marriage would be great. But it's so much more than that. I still love Vince as much as I did on that day, all those years ago, when we got married. But look at us now. In our thirties, good friends, but me a single mum with another man's children, from a one nightstand, and him completely alone."
"He must get sick of me. I mean, he must want to get on with his on life, you know, get married again maybe, have kids. But I am this strange burden that comes alone with him. You know? Maybe it would make other women jealous, us being so close. We are still so crazy about each other, deep down, but it is all too complicated to do anything about. I mean, imagine if it were simple, we'd just get married again and all would be great! But over these years the relationship had changed. To him, I'm more like a sister than a wife."
"We were so happy to start with, just like we'd always been before we were married, crazy lovers, spending all our time together. We were so nuts about each other! We had big plans for the future, it was all worked out. We'd focus on our careers and maybe travel a bit together, all that stuff you can't do with kids. We'd set up hospitals in third world countries, and really make a difference. It would be great! Then we'd settle down and start a family, and take an equal role in the parenting."
"But this marriage was doomed from the start. We never really had either family's blessing. Sure, they were happy for us, but were worried we were way too young for such a commitment. You know? They were so awkward about us from the start, if we were holding hands or standing next to each other, even when we were married. They'd look at us strangely, like we were shameful and doing something terribly wrong."
Terri smiled sadly. "I know what you mean. Mitch and me were childhood sweethearts. We grew up together, and we just forever destined to be together. But our parents were so disapproving. Me, a good Catholic girl, marry that rascal Stevens boy? No way! They let us stay together, thankfully, but we always felt like we were embarrassing to them or something. Oh I don't know, Charlotte. I am so regretful now. We were so stupid! We spent all that time chasing each other, when…" Tears started to flow down Terri's cheeks. Charlotte put a supportive hand on her shoulder.
"Look, Terri, I know it's hard, but…" Charlotte paused for a moment. "What is it Charlotte?" asked Terri. "Well, I don't want to seem to intrusive or anything… but as a friend from the outside, Terri, I think you've been bottling up all these thoughts for too long. It's driving you crazy, isn't it? Nibbling away inside you, you need to let some of it out. You're making it ten times harder for yourself. It's just going to get worse when Anna gets older and starts asking questions…"
Terri gave a small sniffle. "She did," she said "The other day, actually. She asked me so innocently, 'Mummy, how come everyone else has a Daddy and I don't?' Oh Charlotte! I didn't know what to say! It broke my heart. How can explain all the terrible things of the world to her?" Charlotte hugged her. "I know it's hard. But at least we've got each other, right?"
Terri smiled and wiped away her tears. "Well, what a happy night!" she said lightly. "But don't you feel better for it?" asked Charlotte brightly. "It certainly lifts the weight off your shoulders!" "Thanks, Charlotte! I know what you mean. I have to tell the truth to Anna, even if it's painful for me. I just feel so bad for all that time Mitch and me wasted foolishly chasing each other when we could of enjoyed it together. Why didn't we just follow our hearts…" "Look Terri, you can't blame yourself for the past. The most you can do is learn from your experiences, look to the future and live your life to the full. Don't waste the rest of your life longing for things, for then it's too late. Go for it, girl!"
Terri took this into her thoughts and pondered on it. Sure, it sounded very true and righteous, but if we just meant to 'go for it' like Charlotte had said and ignore the complications, then why didn't Charlotte get together with Vince? Because it was too complicated! The whole thing with this theory was it was hypocritical to itself. Terri sighed. Where was this getting her?