Hey there, you were probably thinking I was dead or something. Lol. Sorry for the ones that had to wait since winter of 2003, but it was necessary. Believe me. It was only until recently that I had the courage to do something with this fic, especially with the recent reviewing, I was very surprised. I didn't want to abandon it, no, I liked the story and knew it had potential but I didn't like how it had come to be. So…I´ve spent many hours writing on all the three previous chapter (after I finished this one, of course). Because seriously, for those of you that read the first version, it just needed to go.
I would like to believe that my style has improved, so it would be very awkward when I wrote this chapter and the style was so much better…anyways, you really have to be nice to me now. This is as much as I will most likely ever write for one chapter. Nearly 12,000 words! I´m speechless. This is all your fault, those of you that have encouraged me. I would like to thank those of you who had the cleverness to question the author, it made me think and realized it was all wrong. I´m sorry it has taken me more than one year to do something about it, but I think the wait was worth it. So thank you, you know who you are! And thank you all the other ones, that reviewed that simply read, thank you! and before you ask, yes, the title is from the anime series Kare Kano, or the english version,'His or Her Circumstances.' it´s my newest obssession right now! grins
Note: If you haven't read the other chapters, than I highly recommend you do, especially chapter three, if you don't feel like ready one and two.
You´ll be pleased to know that this fic has A LOT of fluff. It actually has my first kissing scene! gaps although it's a flashback XD but still…I hope I didn´t do too badly…remember, this is my first time writing actual fluff…so be very cautious! enjoy the story and long live the fluff!
Thank You
Since the reviews don't really match the chapters, I can't really 'comment' on your reviews, so I would just like to acknowledge everyone that did review:
Enzeru no Yami, SabineballZ, snow blossoms, Canadian Chica, Dariel, Ryuu Angel, Jhoeydagger, Rhapsody´s Song, Niffer, Onigiri Momoko, Lady Luna, Neko, Kya77, f-zelda, aLeQz aka Mizz Chilli, Pippin, Holly, Fiby, Lilly, Sweety, Alex, who am i?
Thank you very much for your support! Don´t think it didn´t help me, even if it was a wake-up call. I hope you enjoy the new chapter!
Stealing Hearts
Chapter Four - His and Her Circumstances
Friday afternoons had always been a good time of day for Hitomi. Mainly because of two reasons: one, it meant she had two days ahead with unlimited time of sleep, and second, it was a time she could relax and enjoy herself and forget all about her complicated problems. Well, maybe not all of them, thought Hitomi as she slumped against the door after Van's retreating form disappeared down the road.
Hitomi heaved a sigh and hung her head low. It was very hard to process the thought she had just seen Van Fanel. She had been so sure she would never see him again, had told herself it had been done and there was no way around it. Hitomi turned her head to the side and remembered the feeling of distraction that had come over her, nearly consuming her completely and devouring him. But she was never distracted, no, she was the type of person that was usually associated with 'uptight'. Since when had she ever been distracted? Until a certain raven haired sex-god reappeared into my life, grumbled Hitomi as she rubbed her temple. It was quiet unnerving the way that Van hadn't seen to change over the course of five years, reaming flawless and utterly sexy.
Well, all right, some things have changed, confessed Hitomi as visions of the last encounter with Van flew inside her mind. But only the dangerous and completely drool-proved ones. The man had a firm six-pack for crying out loud! Wined Hitomi as she had remembered the way his chest had felt under her fingertips as he had her encircled in his arms. Hitomi wondered how she hadn't swooned in front of Van as he had been looking at her with his deep maroon eyes and his body so close to hers. It was hard to believe that she had just seen Van, a person she had buried with her past long ago and certain would never see again.
The changes at first glance weren´t very noticeable, but thinking back Hitomi realized what had changed in him. His face was slender, all traces of the childish looks were gone, and the lanky silhouette had filled into a body of a man, firmer and rippled with muscles. Hitomi fanned herself and the memory of his hard chest, making her wonder how much he had really changed. The man had sexy written all over him, and Hitomi would not have been surprised if he had advertised Calvin Klein, and wondered why on earth the modeling agency hadn't discovered him.
Hitomi raised her head and looked at the ceiling with a solemn expression. How many time had she told herself to stop thinking of him? For many years. Hitomi sighed tiredly as her eyes roamed her modest but clean home. Her eyes fixed at the window and looked in amazement at the stars spread across a sea of darkness. But it was hard to ignore the image of Van to seep back into her mind, especially times such as these. It was hard to forget those sensual eyes looking at her like no other man had ever looked at her before, as if she was the most beautiful person in the world. How could she forget those sweet but nonsense that he had whispered in her ear while they had danced closely? Or his lips as he had kissed her hotly and touched—Hitomi stood up abruptly and shuddered.
"Enough," whispered Hitomi in a strained voice. She knew all too well where that road would lead to: countless hours of lack of sleep and a good dose of tissues. Hitomi was tired of thinking of the past, especially now that Van had returned to her life. That is what had hurt the most. To love someone so much but not able to be with them. Now that Van was back, it was painfully clear to Hitomi how much she had missed him. Hitomi stubbornly wiped away her tears and sluggishly stood up, making her way through the living room, and into the kitchen in search of the only thing that would take her mind away from Van: ice cream and a strong cup of coffee.
It's kinda funny if you think about it, smiled Hitomi to herself as she opened the small cupboard with a creek. It had been Van who had persuaded her to drink coffee. Hitomi smiled at the memory and leaned against the counter. Suddenly, she was no longer inside her home with puffy red eyes, but was sitting across from Van six years ago.
"You know, it's not that bad," said Van as he seeped his warm coffee and looked amusedly at Hitomi. The couple sat facing each other inside a cozy Cafe in mid-winter with warm coats and little flakes of snow falling outside.
Hitomi pouted and bit her croissant, "You know we've been over this. I just don't like coffee, it tastes funny."
Van laughed and shook his head, "Just like a child."
"Hey!" Hitomi said indignantly, "I'm older than you!"
Van snorted and looked at her behind his heavy bangs with that sexy smile of his that did funny things to her, "Yeah, four months."
"And three days!" interjected Hitomi in a choked voice from her seat.
Van raised an eyebrow with the cup to his lips.
"Still," grumbled Hitomi as she poked Van's chest playfully.
Van shook his head and winked at her, "But you like coffee ice cream, how is that any different?"
Hitomi sniffed as if she had been insulted and crossed her arms with her eyes closed, "It´s very different", She cracked an eye open and looked at Van's smiling face, "The ice cream has milk, sugar, and is cold and along with other things!"
Van hid his smirk behind his cup and said, "Exactly, and coffee is just a little bit stronger and has less calories."
Hitomi rolled her eyes at him and her lips twitched slightly upwards, "As if I care about that."
Van smiled and grasped Hitomi's hand tentatively from across the table. Hitomi jumped a little at the tenderness of his touch and looked at his face that could only express love, "just try it."
Hitomi's throat suddenly became dry and the only thing she could do was nod as Van passed his cup to her hands. Van watched Hitomi cautiously as she hesitated but quickly took a large gulp. Hitomi looked at Van with her mouth full of coffee with a look crossed between exasperation and uncertainty. It almost looked as if she was in pain.
Van tried not to laugh at Hitomi's expression, "You're supposed to swallow, you know."
Hitomi frowned at Van and did a polite hand gesture at him. Van let out a chuckle and rubbed her hand softly for forgiveness. Hitomi hastily swallowed and looked thoughtful as she rubbed her lips together.
"So," began Van as he intertwined his fingers with hers, "Does it pass?"
Hitomi made a gagging gesture and quickly gulped a sip of her hot chocolate.
Van shook his head, "A child is always a child". Van reached for his cup but Hitomi quickly grabbed away from his reach. Van raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Hitomi blushed lightly and took another swing from the cup, "I could get used to it, you know."
Van grinned and leaned forward and pecked her lips promptly, "And that's one of the reasons why I love you."
How ironic, laughed Hitomi weakly and she grabbed a mug and felt tears stream down her cheeks. Hurriedly she dried her cheeks and shook her head, stop doing this to yourself. Hitomi turned on the stove and settled the kettle to heat the water. Hitomi quietly sat down while she waited and turned to her voice mail. You have one new message. Hitomi punched a bottom.
"Hey, Hitomi! It's me, Millerna! You know, I was just calling to see if you're interested to go out or something. You know, for old time's sake. I heard there's a new club close to your flat and well, we all know how blessed you are with the population of young males living near you! I so envy you, if I had any idea my flat was located among a community of third-aged people; I would have so not bought this flat! Despite the fact that it's comfortable and cheap and not to mention with a working heater, said Millerna as an after-thought.
Anyways, call me sometime or something, and try not to make those lame excuses that you often do. The I'm-working-until-late won't work this time. There was a pause on the other line and Millerna sighed, I know what time you stop working and one in the morning is definitely not convincing for working until late. Well, whatever, I'll talk to you later, okay? Luv ya!
beep end of new messages
Hitomi looked at the answering machine for a moment and than gave a soft snort. Millerna is her friend at one of her many jobs. Despite the fact that they are completely and utterly different from each other doesn't mean they don't get along. From the contrary, they had kicked-off right from the start, with Millerna's wild nature and cheerfulness and Hitomi's rational mind and shyness. They went out together a couple of times and usually Millerna tried to play matchmaker. She had said Hitomi's life was too boring and she just needed a little bit of spice in it, with that Millerna had wiggled her eyebrows at Hitomi and had ran of laughing.
Hitomi smiled at the thought of Millerna's happy nature and good intentions but was abruptly interrupted when the kettle let out a pleasant shriek. Hitomi quickly left her seat and crossed the kitchen and turned the stove off. While humming she took out her precious coffee and scooped two small spoons full and chucked inside the coffee pot. Carefully, she poured hot water and pressed down. Hitomi grabbed her mug, serving herself of coffe, and began to stir. Almost sheepishly she brought the mug to her lips and sipped cautiously as she looked out the window.
Seems he is gone, thought Hitomi somehow disappointed. Disappointed? Hitomi shook her head at the thought. The only visible thing outside, almost five in the morning, were the dim streets light illuminating an abandoned road. Hitomi turned around while she continued sipping on her coffee and with a spoon at hand opened the freezer. Hitomi smiled as she took out a small pot of ice cream and opened the lid and scooped a large portion of ice cream. Eagerly she added the ice cream to her hot coffee and cleaned up the kitchen before she headed towards her bedroom.
Hitomi opened the door and turned the lights on. The room had a fresh smell of pine and cinommon. The bed looked slightly odd among the orderly room, in its tangled manner with its white linen and pillows disarranged and creased. Hitomi sat at the edge of the bed and glanced to the nightstand sitting next to the bed. The lamp perched on top of the nightstand shown over the clock, it blinked 5:07am. Quickly, Hitomi walked over to her wardrobe and just as quickly found her favorite cotton pajamas. Hitomi ruffled her hair and laid the empty mug on top her nightstand and padded inside the bathroom. Moments later Hitomi emerged from the bathroom ready to hit the sack, as Millerna used to say.
Hitomi sank under the covers and snuggled against the pillow while she waited for slumber to take her. Tiredly she closed her eyes and relaxed. I'm so tired. A flash of a raven haired man crossed her mind and memories began flooding back to her. Hitomi's eyes quickly opened and stat up, eyes glazed swimming with unshed tears. Please, not again. Hitomi flung back against the bed as more images of Van invaded her mind. Hitomi…
Hitomi opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling with tears swirling in her eyes and one tear slid down her pale face. She wasn't certain for how long she had stayed that way, unmoving and silently weeping. Slowly she turned her head to the side and focused her eyes at the nightstand. She bit her lips. With trembling hands Hitomi reached inside the drawer and let out a shuddered breath at the touch of a hard cover. Hitomi shut her eyes tightly at the waves of emotions as she opened the cover and felt the smooth texture of paper. Hitomi didn't have to look to know what was written on it, because the words had already engraved inside her mind long ago.
Hitomi,
You might not know, but there is someone out there that really likes you. You can say that I'm too coward to say it in your face that you're the most important person in my life. Yeah, it's really mushy and unnatural for a guy my age to say this, but it's true. I've been secretly crushing you since you moved here, and I have never felt for a girl like this before. It's all new to me and to be honest, I'm scared. All my life I've always known the answers to things and had a somewhat predictable life. That is, until you came into my life with your innocent green eyes. Ever since that day, it has become somewhat of a mission for me to study you, as creepy and perverse as it may sound.
I know all the little details about you, like when you are nervous and stressed you eat donut and you bite your nails. I know that when you are happy you like to paint and watch any movie with Eddie Murfy. You tend to chew on your lips when you're deep in thought and act silly whenever you get a high mark or when you don't sleep enough. And no, you don't like to wear skirts, sweat-pants are more your style even though you wear them anyways for fashion's sake. You like to read those sappy romance novels and you hate soccer, despite the fact that your brother and father devote their lives to the guys that wear shorts and chase after a ball. I know everything about you, even more than you do yourself.
It's scary, I admit it, but I can't help it. You just have this amazing control over me. I can't explain it, but just when you look at me makes me feel all warm and special. I can't stand it when you cry, it makes me feel helpless and angry all at once. Angry for whoever made you cry, I mean (even if it's me). Besides, I only want to see you happy. I don't know, but I've never seen a person look so...beautiful when you smile, Hitomi. It's like all the bad things that I had been thinking just vanish and all I can think is you.
Look, you might have all ready figured out who I am, but I had to really say this to you. We've been friends for over four years and I just couldn't hold it anymore. I don't know what I´m gonna do if you decided to stop talking to me, but I guess I deserve it after I freaked you out with this letter. I feel like I just want to shred this letter to pieces and forget all that I've written so far. But the problem is that I won't forget, and you had to know the truth sooner or later. I just hope you can still talk to me after this, I don't want to loose the friendship we have, it's too special to me. Well, happy Valentine's Day.
Love,
Van
Hitomi had stared a long time at the letter between her fingers. She had read everything, but it took a while before all the words sunk in. It was a strange feeling, after a long time of reading the words it finally had a meaning. Of course she had realized it was him before she saw his name sloppily written at the end of the letter. Some of the things he had mentioned only he knew, and she could recognize his handwriting from a mile away. It was almost like in a trance that Hitomi had stayed there, looking at the letter dumbly when the realization that her best friend liked her.
Suddenly, Hitomi gasped with her eyes glazed and flung everything inside her locker and ran to the place where she knew Van would be. He likes me! Her heart drummed heavily inside her ears and people looked oddly at her as she continued running like a headless chicken. Must find him..Hitomi ran faster and turned a corner quickly. She passed numerous doors and corners that for a split second she had no idea where she was. She had somehow lost sense how long ago her life had been simple and somewhat boring before she had read the letter. Her life was a normal one: a family, parents and a younger brother, friends at school and a newfound relationship with the opposite sex, a boy that had a nice smile and a handsome face. Hitomi had never dated someone and no on had ever confessed they had feelings for her. Well, Hitomi thought, no one had ever confessed those types of feelings.
When Jake, her first and only boyfriend, had said he liked her, she had been happy and agreed to start dating him. Although it didn't seem like it was anything special. They went out occasionally, went to the movies, held hands, stuff normal couples her age did. But she didn't see the fireworks like in her novels when he kissed her, or the tingly sensation when he accidentally brushed his knee against hers while they sat facing each other as they sipped on their milkshake. It was nice being with Jake and all, but deep down, she knew she didn't feel anything amorous for him.
But when she read the letter, it all made sense to her. It was like someone had taken the blind from her eyes and she could see again. I had been so stupid, thought Hitomi angrily. For some reason, she had countless of times compared Jake to Van, and she knew that she had babbled about him more than once while she was on a date with Jake. He had never complained or anything, he was too polite for that, but she sensed he would rather talk about the gum stuck under the table than about her best friend. It was so obvious now that Hitomi almost laughed at herself.
She had wondered why she had begun to feel embarrassed and self-conscious around Van. They had been best friends since she had moved and she hadn't cared when she acted silly and strange around Van, he was the only person whom she could tell anything and trusted the most. It's not like he was a stranger or anything, so why had she changed around him? And she didn't quiet understand why she had started thinking about the softness of Van's hair and what shampoo he used. And she had more than once wondered how soft his lips were when he pursed his lips in thought before talking to her. Since when did best friends think like that? She had no idea when she started looking at Van in a different way, but all she knew was that she liked him. As in, really like him.
Hitomi nearly stumbled at the thought and stopped running. I...like him? A surge of happiness filled Hitomi and she laughed out loud. Yes, I do! She didn´t really know this feeling, as she had no experience in this what so ever, but all she knew was that she liked him. She liked the way he held her hand when she needed support or how he always had a way of making her laugh in the worst of times. She liked everything about him: his eyes, unruly raven hair that she loved to touch, his oh-so-kissable lips, those strong hands and slender figure and most of all, she liked him. No, not the person outside (although she didn't mind the 'bonus') but the person that was inside, the person that made him what he was.
Hitomi continued running wildly until she almost missed the turn to the boy's bathroom. Still unaware of what she was doing, Hitomi began pounding on the door shamelessly, "Van! Get out here, you big baby!" Hitomi cried happily. She didn't care that the people were looking at her as if she had grown another head, all that mattered to her was Van.
On the other side of the door a muffled voice said quietly, "You've read the letter, haven't you?"
Hitomi grinned and laughed, "Yes! Come out!"
Van mumbled something to himself and said seriously, "Could you leave me for a moment, Hitomi? I can't face you right now, not when you are going to make fun of my feelings."
Hitomi made a pout and said in the most serious voice she could muster with all the butterflies that seemed to unsettle her stomach at the moment, "Van Fanel, I'm warning you, you better leave the boy's bathroom right now or I'll just have to go in myself."
In a sour and sarcastic tone, Van said, "Yeah, right, I would like to see you try."
Hitomi grinned and slammed the door open and quickly walked in.
"What the!" Van almost shrieked at the image of Hitomi inside the place where no female (apart from the cleaning lady, but that was a different story) had ever laid foot. He quickly scrambled to his feet and slammed against the sink. Two other boys huridly left the bathroom with their cheeks flaming red. Hitomi giggled to herself and approached Van slowly with a mischievous smile, "Told ya."
The boy´s bathroom wasn't as exciting as it seemed to be, mushed Hitomi as she noted the bathroom stalls and the urinals with a somewhat sick fascination. Hitomi wasn´t much of a gossip girl, but when she had been slightly younger she had more than once talked about what could be inside the boy's bathroom in the birthday sleepovers. There were no shelves with gel, or books with the answers to the math test, and much less soda machines. It wasn´t much different from the girls, actually, save the urinals, of course. It was, however, not as clean and appealing as the girl's bathroom. Hitomi wrinkled her nose at the stench and wiggled her foot at the broken tile.
Van gulped nervously and resembled a deer caught in headlights. Itt was so funny that Hitomi burst out laughing again. Van frowned and muttered between clenched teeth, "I'm so glad you found my letter so amusing, Hitomi. It really makes a guy feel special."
Suddenly it didn't seem so funny anymore for whatever reason Hitomi and been laughing and she looked down in shame, "I…I wasn't laughing at what you wrote, Van. I'm sorry."
Van looked away and sighed in such a way that Hitomi looked at him alarmed, "It's okay, I knew that you don't feel the same. I...don't really know what I wanted to get from this, but I guess that the spirit of the month got the better of me," laughed Van. " I mean, you have a perfect boyfriend who is rich and is nice and in a weird is OKAY in the looks department," said Van miserably.
Hitomi grinned secretly to herself and said with her cheeks burning slightly, "Yeah, but he isn't you."
Van's head turned so rapidly that Hitomi feared that it would snap, "What?"
Hitomi looked at the ground and her throat felt dry. Not so easy as it seems, does it? A snickering voice said inside her head. No wonder Van was so mad at me when I laughed at his reaction. Hitomi quickly looked at Van's wide-eyed expression and just as quickly looked down. I have to say it, I mean, he said it. Well, okay, he wrote it, but I still got the message, didn't I? Hitomi parted her lips and whispered so quietly that she hardly heard herself say, "I like you, Van."
Van had obviously heard it, because the next thing she knew was that his strong arms were wrapped around her and he looked like he wanted to laugh and weep all at once. He looked at Hitomi in disbelief and murmured almost to himself, "Could you...could you say it again? Please?"
Hitomi shuddered at the husky tone of his voice. She had never heard him say in that way before, "I like you."
Van grinned an uncertain smile, as if he couldn't quiet believe what he had heard and tightened his hold, "Do you mean it, Hitomi? You're not just saying this to make me feel better, are you?"
Hitomi didn't trust her throat at the moment and only nodded as she watched in fascination as Van continued to look at her in a way that made all her insides turn into mush. She was glad that Van was holding her so tightly, because she wasn't sure if she would be able to stand up if he continued to look at her that way. All at once Van chocked a laugh and borrowed his head on her shoulder. Hitomi wasn't sure what she was supposed to do, but instead embraced him as tightly as her shaking arms could.
"I'm glad," whispered Van next to her ear. Slowly, Van detangled his arms around her and scratched his head nervously, "Sorry, I…didn't mean to be so emotional in front of you, you know."
"It's okay," uttered Hitomi in a small voice as she touched his cheek hesitantly, "It's okay to show emotions once in a while."
It must have been an odd sight, a young couple wrapped around each other declaring themselves inside the boy´s lavatory. Not that they cared really, despite the horrid smell and the constant dripping from the sink.
Van looked at Hitomi with his intense brown eyes and for the first time since Hitomi had met Van she noticed it had flecks of red and orange and it was the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. And they were looking at her. Van leaned his head against hers and slowly fluttered his eyes shut, "I've waited to hear those words, Hitomi. Do you know how long?"
Hitomi caressed his cheek and shook her head. She saw him smile and he opened his eyes with a look in them that she had never seen before.
"I think I finally realized during the end of our sixth grade. I'm not sure, but I think I've always liked you," Van smiled at her and she sucked in a breath. She now knew that Van liked her, he had written a love letter to her for crying out loud, but it was the first time that she heard him say it. Somehow, it made the situation all the more real and she looked at him with tears in her eyes. How could three words bring so much joy? Van caught her gaze and returned with a smile. He tenderly wiped away a tear that had escaped and bowed slightly until they were almost a breath apart, "I like you, Hitomi Kanzaki. More than you'll ever know." And with his shinning eyes looking at her like she was the only girl in the world, he softly captured her lips with his own before Hitomi could answer.
His warm and inviting lips kissing and doing things to her that she had never experienced with Jake. His lips are soft, thought Hitomi light-headed. The farthest she had gone with Jake was press her lips to his, but with Van…Hitomi moaned softly when she nervously opened her mouth and felt his tongue touch her own. Attentively, Hitomi wound her arms around his neck and brought him closer, making him smile in their kiss and wrap his arms around her slim waist. But in all honesty, she had no idea what she would have said to him. Not with him looking at her that way, anyways. And so, she let him kiss her as long as he needed to reassure himself that she would always be with him from then on.
Hitomi gasped at the memory and quickly shut the cover of the book and closed the drawer hastily. A clatter sounded inside the silent room and Hitomi looked at the ground with almost dread. There, laying on the ground, laid a portrait of Van with his arms wrapped around her smiling at each other in a snapshot taken during their first year of dating. We were so in love. Almost automatically she touched her lips as if she could still feel the pressure of his lips on top of hers. Her lip trembled at the realization that she was alone in her cold bed and she hadn't felt his lips for the last five years. With her foot she dragged the portrait under her bed and let out a small whimper. She turned to her side as she hugged herself tightly. It seems that I can forget about sleep. Thought Hitomi as she gave up and let herself cry for things that she regretted long ago.
Have you ever felt in a situation that you couldn't quiet believe what happened and suspected it was all just a dream? Well, that's how Van was exactly feeling at the moment. The young detective frowned slightly in concentration as he walked under the night sky towards his apartment. It seemed too unreal to him, but he had in fact seen Hitomi Kanzaki. Hitomi, the only girl whom he had ever fallen in love with and had literally done anything for her. Hitomi, the girl who knew things no other living soul knew about him. Hitomi, the girl who had brought so much joy and love into his life and had than broken his heart.
Van shook his head as memories came back to him. Concentrate, thought Van firmly. But even Van had to admit the years apart had done some good to Hitomi … and that body, Thought Van as the scene of her handling the juvenile punks flashed again. Damn, what had she been up to these past few years? He was sure glad she hadn't done any karate when they had been—Van stopped at the trail of thought and looked up as the cool morning air hit his smooth olive skin.
He had definitely missed her, of course. Even Van had to admit it to himself, despite what she had done to him. He felt like he wanted to be angry with her, resent her and fuss like a child. Surely, after all these years after shattering his heart into smithereens and without any sort of communication and than suddenly literally popping back into his life was justified enough for him to resent her, even hate her. But for some odd reason, after all those years he had build a wall against her, was gone at the sight of her and all he could think was have her in his arms again.
But it doesn't matter anymore, Van told himself. We are now two grown adults and we have our own lives, separately. Van sucked in a breath at the last word. And it's not my business if she's seeing someone else as well. Van thought with a frown as an all too familiar feeling settled on the pit of his stomach. The same feeling that he had felt whenever Hitomi and he had gone to the beach and Hitomi wore that sexy red bikini that Van had secretly liked very much. But not so quiet when the rest of the male population on the beach also seemed to share the same sentiment.
Stop it, I'm over her. Thought Van as the jealousy that consumed came anytime when he thought of his Hitomi with another man and doing things that only he should do. Van abruptly stopped walking and kicked the ground with his feet in irritation. Damn it, Fanel, why can't you take her out of your head? Because you are most obviously still in love with her. I'm not in love with her, I'm just physically attracted to her, declared Van stubbornly. Somehow even in his mind it seemed like a weak excuse. Van shook his head vigorously, it doesn't matter. I just have to stop thinking about this. Van proceeded with his walking and tried to distract himself.
He had never again had a serious relationship like he had had with Hitomi, but he had his share of short relationships and one night stands. He just did it for pure desire. The girls he shared his bed with mattered to him as much as his shoes. Of course, he treated them nicely and with respect, but he had no emotional feelings for them, it was just sex. It's not like he was a womanizer and had a woman in his bed every night, but he had a quick escapade once in a while, only when he couldn't hold it any longer, which wasn´t very often.
Van let a puff of air out and watched its smoke rise until it mingled with the cold air and vanished. But in the end, he had always felt guilty. He somehow always had the image of Hitomi's disappointed face looking down at him as he lay bare in his bed with a girl he didn't even remember the name.
The strides quickened and Van thrust his hands inside his pockets as he saw the apartment building. He took out one of his hands away from the pocket and glanced at the wristwatch. 6:27am. Van looked surprised. He hadn't noticed he had walked for so long. Of course, Van grumbled, I had been the gentleman and took Hitomi to her flat and had somehow forgotten that her street were thirty blocks away from mine.
Why had he insisted on taking her home? So he could have spent more time with her? To make sure he wasn't dreaming and was really seeing her and could look at her as much as he wanted? To know where she lived so he could later pound on her door and kiss her senseless until they ended up in bed and make love to her? Van didn't know the answer but just standing close to her made him feel complete and strangely happy, like so many years ago.
Almost there, thought Van as only one more block separated him from his awaiting bed. The sky brightened slightly since he had left Hitomi on her doorstep, and soon the colors would change into a sea of red and orange for the new day that lay ahead. Van had often walked the streets late at night, as his job was to investigate and was done mostly during the afternoon and night. But he had never stopped and appreciated the way the colors changed from pitch-black with bright stars to hints of orange with hues of red and violet across the sky.
Van smiled softly as he entered his apartment building and walked up the wooden stairs until he stopped in front of his door. Van reached inside his coat and took out a key and carefully opened the door. He was just about to step inside and lock the door when his front neighbor opened the door and a head poked out. An old lady stood quietly with a purse at hand looking at Van curiously. Her silvery hair was sleek and neatly arranged into many rolls and bobbie pins. Her eyes were large and blue behind thick spectacles looking at Van with her brows slightly furrowed and her pale face wrinkled with age. A moment of silence settled between them until the old woman's thin lips parted and asked, "Worked until late again, Mr. Fanel?"
Van mentally rolled his eyes and wished he could shut the door on the woman's face. But instead he quickly mustered a fake smile and said, "Of course, Mrs. Barkley. You know me, I always want to make sure I give my very best."
Mrs. Barkley clicked her tongue and shook her head in disapproval, "People these days, the only thing they think is about work and money," the old lady leaned closer to Van and whispered quietly, "especially the sinful pleasures of the body."
Van tried not to laugh and covered his mouth as if in deep thought. Quickly he let his hand fall and said in a serious tone, "Yeah, I know. It's awful, isn't?"
Mrs. Barkley looked suspiciously at Van and nodded her head.
Van cracked a grin and opened his door wider, "Well, I would love to stay out here and chat with you, Mrs. Barkley, but I'm really tired."
Mrs. Barkley straightened her pink flowery dress and nodded, "I was preparing myself to go fetch my dear husband a loaf of bread. You know, my husband loves bread and just can't eat his breakfast if there isn't any on the table. I'm just glad the market is opened at 7 am. Well, I'll let you sleep now, dear." Mrs. Barkely grinned and gently closed the door.
Van didn't hesitate a moment and quickly closed his door. He sighed and shrugged his coat off and hung behind the door. Mrs. Barkley was a very nosey woman. The old lady was in her mid-seventies and from what Van had gathered, she had only one child, who rarely ever visited. She had always been a housewife with nothing to do, and now in old age and lonesome, she had somehow come to the conclusion to occasionally interfere into Van's life. Of course, it was never direct. She occasionally gave her opinion on things and advises to Van. It's not that Van didn´t like the old lady; it's just that he would have gladly appreciated a little bit more privacy. Van laughed at the memory of Mrs. Barkley's face when she had seen for the first time a woman leave his flat one morning. Van shook and scratched his head and walked inside the kitchen.
The cool marble floor reflected his image as he opened the fridge, taking out a water bottle. Not bothering to fetch a glass, Van opened the bottle and drank a mouthful before heading towards the living room.
Van sat at the armchair and looked the shelves of books behind the sofa facing the armchair. Despite what his friends had said when he was younger, Van had always enjoyed reading. Most of the books were old and worn by age and the countless times he had read it. He mother had been a writer, and since he could remember he had read books, much more advanced than it was thought for his age. Knowledge and the desire to learn had always fascinated him and it was no surprise he became the best student in his class. But it didn't mean Van was the typical bookworm. Oh, no. He had been well known in school for his humor and pranks that he did with his friends and was even nicknamed Doc. It had been during those years that he had met Hitomi.
Back in fourth grade when girls no longer had cooties and had surprisingly morphed into something interesting to kiss, Hitomi had been a transfer student and shyly entered his homeroom with those big innocent green eyes and hair cropped short. The moment he had laid eyes on her he knew he had fallen in love for the first time. Okay, so he hadn't thought it was 'love', but instead he had believed the flutter inside his stomach was a sign that he might not have been feeling very well. And well, the reason why he couldn't glue his eyes away from the girl was because he thought the new student was just interesting and nice to look at. Van could still remember as if it had been yesterday when Hitomi had invaded his mind and took his willing heart forever.
"Hello", whispered a nine-year-old Hitomi as she glanced at her black slippers, "My name is Kanzaki Hitomi."
Hitomi, Van had thought dreamily. It sounded like the most beautiful and fascinating name he had ever heard.
"Students", said the teacher, a skinny and tall woman whom Van remembered well for her long and pointy nose and the bifocals that had been perched on the bridge of her nose, "Hitomi will from now on join us in our homeroom." The walking and talking stick moved behind Hitomi and placed a reassuring hand on the young girl's shoulder, "I hope that all of you will be kind to our new student and please, help her if she gets lost."
Van had been strangely excited by the prospect of having Hitomi in his class everyday. He wasn't so sure why he was so mesmerized by this frightened creature, but the only thing he could describe this feeling was that she was interesting and Van wanted to know more about her.
Mrs. Lank, as had been the teacher's name, peered around the room in search of an empty seat and than caught sight of one close to the window. She had grinned and turned to Hitomi,"You may sit down there," she pointed to the vacant desk behind a dark haired girl wearing pigtails.
The young and timid girl had nodded her head of golden brown hair and awkwardly made her way towards the indicated seat. To Van's delight it just so happened to be next to his desk. The new student stopped in front of him and for a moment their eyes met. For some reason Van had begun to blush and stuttered a greeting,"H-hello."
The girl's eyes looked at him as if they were looking into his soul with an unreadable expression when all of a sudden her eyes sparkled and she smiled brightly at him," Hello, what's your name? My name, well, you all ready know, don't you?"
Van had suddenly liked the way Hitomi had smiled at him and felt like he always wanted her to look at him like that. Van nodded and pursed his dry lips," I… uh, my name is Van."
Hitomi smiled again and for the second time Van felt that odd flutter again, "Nice to meet you."
And Van returned the smile, "If you want, I can show you where the library is later," Van´s eyes widened and mentally kicked himself at the stupid thing he had just said. Since when was a library a romantic place to show a girl? And just hold on a second, since when had he ever wanted to think anything romantic? Much less with a girl? Van's blush deepened.
Hitomi's smile brightened and clasped her hands together," Really? I would really like that! I've always loved to read, do you?"
Van let out a sigh and grinned,"Yeah."
Hitomi returned the smile and a twinkle shone in her forest green eyes, "Well, it seems that we have something in common, Van. So...let´s be friends, all right?"
Van looked ecstatic and nodded his head, "Sure."
Van shook his head with a sad smile on his graceful face. Somehow, you always do this to yourself. Van glanced around the room until it landed on the answering machine. With nothing else to do and memories to forget, he resolved to hear his messages.
You have four new messages. Van rolled his eyes, must be from all those women
Message one,
Hello, dear. It's you mother speaking. Van sat up slightly
Well, I just called to see how you are doing, you know. I had thought you wouldn't be home anyways, Mrs. Fanel sighed on the other line, you work too hard. I don't want you to stress too much, okay? You brother has told me that you were given a new mission and I wish you luck, my son. Your father and I miss you terribly, we wish you could visit us sometime. The house is big and if you like you can bring your…girlfriend or... whatever woman…you are seeing at the moment, his mother sounded uneasy at saying this. I know, you're a very busy young man, but please, spare a time to spend with your old parents. We just want you to ourselves sometimes, dear.
Van chuckled. His parents weren't that old. His father was fifty-nine while his mother had just turned fifty-five last monthHis father had been a young but very intelligent professor, at a very prestigious college. His mother had been his pupil and they had quickly fallen in love. His mother was an only child from a traditional and rich family, who had disapproved of his penniless father. His mother had rebelled against her family and stayed by his father's side. It was only years later that his mother had come to peace with her family. After two years of dating they had decided to get married and one year later Folken was born.
For financial reasons and because of his father's and his mother's career, the young couple had planned on having another child later. Unfortunately, it had taken nearly five years after they had planned on having another child for Van to be born. That's why his brother was ten years older than he was.
And oh, don't be too harsh on yourself, darling. I know you still think about her. There was another pause. I know she was very important to you, but try to find another lovely young lady again. I just want to see you happy, Van. That's all I have ever wanted, even when you were young and when you…well, I better stop now. Just try and forgive the past, all right? Well, mother and father sends many kisses, take care. And oh, do try to call us, we love hearing your voice every now and then.
beep
Van looked at the ceiling and contemplated whether he felt like hearing the rest of the messages or if he should stop. He loved his mother very much, but he didn't like it when she mentioned about the past, mainly a certain green-eyed girl. He knew she was trying to make him forgive and forget the past and move on, but, he didn't know, he just didn't want the past to be mentioned. In the end, Van decided to listen to the rest of the messages. Might as well, because all I can see right now is green. Thought Van as he waited for the next message.
Message two,
Van! This is Sandra, remember me? Well, I was just calling if you were interested in hooking up again and—message deleted.
Van rolled his eyes and waited for the next message. As if he would ever go out again with a woman that laughed at the slightest touch. He hadn't even taken her to bed, afraid of how much noise she would make. Probably laughed herself croak. And besides, mushed Van to himself, I rather have someone who isn't…so loud.
Message three,
Hey! Van, it's me, Vanessa!—message deleted.
Van shuddered. Let's just say that the woman didn't have the habit of shaving. What so ever. Van was just tempting to delete the next one as well, when the familiar voice began speaking
Message four,
Van! Don't you dare delete this! A chuckle sounded from the answering machine. I know you have a lot of calls from your fans, but try to at least hear five seconds of each! Oh, by the way, if you haven't recognized my voice, it's your only brother. That's right, the blue haired man with the weird name Folken. Hello!
Van looked sheepish and grinned. His brother was referring to when he had neglected the answering machine for a few days and had about twenty calls from fans and his brother had left a message, and well, he had just deleted all of them.
Yes, well, now that you know, let me start speaking. About your new 'mission', I've decided that you won't be working in the museum. Van looked puzzled for a moment
Yeah, I know, the whole point of starting this mission is for you to catch emerald, and what better way is if you work in the next place she will(try) to rob? Well, I rather you don't get too close to the thief, even if you don't know who it is. But you are definitely going to be around the place every once and a while. You're going to be a journalist. But not just any journalist, your specific area is history/art. And well, what better place than gather the pictures for your article than at the museum? Yeah, yeah, you can later bow down to me cuz you're gonna write and all that stuff. And before I hang up, what the hell just happened this afternoon? Oh yeah, Nayria sends kisses and all the best and Jr. and Cecilia want you to come over and play cowboy with them again. Later, bro.
beep
Van shook his head with a smile on his face. He had two adorable six-year-old nephew and niece. Despite the fact that they were twins, they didn't fight as often as their mother used to fight with her twin sister. Van chuckled softly. It was definitely not advised to be near when Nayria and Eria started fighting. You had to literally separate them at times. And this was when they were young adults. Van winced at the memory of the stories their mother told them of how bad the situation was between the two when they were kids. But somehow, after they had left home and started their new lives, they had become best friends. It was as if they were glued at the hip and couldn't imagine doing something without the other's opinion. It was quiet a shock for everyone, not even Folken had believed them at first, thought that they were drunk or had hit their head or something.
But life has a funny way of changing and as his mother had once so wisely said, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Van twirled his bottle and watched as the water made a small swirl. His eyes flickered towards his books again and set the bottle of water on the coffee table. Silently, Van stood up and walked to the luring shelves of books. With his rough hands Van touched the binds of the book carefully and felt the engraved letters with his fingertips as it passed each book slowly. Van had always enjoyed reading, something that he had enjoyed as a kid. But sadly, his profession didn't leave much time for him to read as he used to. He had books about everything; from astronomy to economics and comics to mechanics. Van smiled at the familiar books and its value in his life. His hand stopped suddenly, and Van stood still looking at an unfamiliar book. Van slid the book away from the shelf and sat down on the sofa with it lying on his lap.
Curiously, he opened the book and knew it had been used several times by the way the bind was loosened and the edges of the book were worn out. Van flipped through the pages and stopped once and a while and admired the illustrations and captions under it. It was a math book. But for the life of him he had no idea what it was doing on his shelf. It almost looked like a school textbook...Van stopped flipping through the pages and looked at the cover once more. Junior High Math – Level one. Van caved through his brain why on earth he would have his math book when he was in Junior High. Suddenly, it was all clear to him and slowly he let the book fall from his lap to the floor with a soft thump. Of course, how could he haven forgotten? It all made sense now. Junior High Math – Level one had been the time when he was in sixth grade. When he had realized he liked Hitomi. Van slid his hand down his face and moaned softly at the memory.
"Van?" Hitomi asked uncertainly as she sat next to Van in the dinning room. It was mid-May and school was almost over, the weather was unbelievably hot, and both teenagers were studying for finale exams inside Van´s house with the AC and fan full blast. Hitomi was wearing a summer dress, light yellow with her hair smooth and barely touching her creamy shoulders, slightly longer than when they had met. The table was filled with papers and a heavy book was opened in front of Hitomi as she tapped the pencil between her fingers on the table.
"Yeah?" asked Van as he averted his eyes away from his work and looked at Hitomi´s nervous face. She was lightly chewing her lips between her teeth, and had her brows furrowed as she looked at Van expectantly and blurted quietly, "I, uh, need help." Hitomi bowed her head towards her work and looked away from his eyes.
Van blinked quickly and smiled, "Okay, are you still having trouble?"
Hitomi blushed, "Yeah, I'm too dumb to understand math, that's what." She tapped on her head on emphasis.
Van looked taken aback but promptly scolded, "That's not true! You're not dumb Hitomi; I don't know why you keep saying that. You're very talented, you know. I mean, you can really draw, while I can't even do a stick figure right," Van scrunched his face but quickly grinned when Hitomi let out a soft chuckle, "besides, you've been working hard and you've gotten right answers."
Hitomi glanced sideways at Van with a solemn expression, "I've been working on this for over an hour and I've only gotten six out of twenty-four answers correct."
Van looked sheepishly as he scratched his head, "Uh, well...you're having a bad day...?"
Hitom´s lip quirked upwards and threw her arms around a startled Van and snuggled against his chest, "You're so adorable, Van." She said with some exasperation as she fiddled with the soft material of his shirt. Hitomi raised her head and looked at him with her long lashes, "Adorable, but sometimes annoying. Really, Van, I know I suck at Math; you don't have to pretend I'm a wiz or something. But thanks, I admire your adorableness." Hitomi snuggled closer and laughed softly at his reaction.
Van looked at the girl in his arms and felt himself tense at the intimacy, "You think I'm adorable?" Van felt slightly light-headed at their proximity and blushed at the feel of something very soft against his chest that had only been aware to him since the beginning of the year.
"Yeah, what's wrong with that," pouted Hitomi as she hugged tighter and pressed her small breasts closer to Van.
Van sucked in a breath and trembled at the feel of her legs resting on either side of his thigh and said in a high voice, "Uh...Hitomi? Don't you want to...," Van cleared his throat, "I mean, don't you want to work on that problem you were having trouble?"
Hitomi blinked several times before she sprang from his arms and hopped back onto her seat, oblivious of the way she had been affecting Van, "Oh yeah! I almost forgot about that!" Hitomi shuffled through her many papers while Van let out a small sigh in relief.
Hitomi had always been...very touchy, it was something that she had done since they had met back in fourth grade. But it was only recently that Van had started getting uncomfortable at her sudden hugs and usual touches. He wasn't so sure why he was acting the way he was now, Hitomi was the way she had always been, so why was it different for him now?
Of course, he had always had a certain attraction to her, per say, but not to the point of…thinking like that. He found her pretty, liked the way she was filling, and possibly wanted a girlfriend like her, so big deal. But he had only recently been thinking more of her, and less…um…friendly. Especially now, that puberty had hit him hard and most of the times made him wish he was still a nine-year-old only worried that he would be in time to watch Tom Jerry.
"Yo? Van?" Hitomi waved her hand in front of his face and he jumped. She bit her lip with a smile and tilted her head to the side, examining Van with twinkling eyes. Van suddenly felt very self-conscious and stuttered, "W-what?"
Hitomi smiled cheekily and twirled her hair around her finger, "Nothing..."
Van was momentarily transfixed while she continued to coil her light brown locks around her freshly painted nail. His eyes dropped down and caught sight of her chest, pushed forward by the way she was sitting slightly towards him and the way the material was stretched tight as her chest heaved up and down from every breath. Van blushed brightly and looked away. What was that all about?
"Ah!" squealed Hitomi excitedly and bounced from one side to the other in her seat.
"What?" asked Van more alarmed as she continued looking at him with that knowing look on her face. Somehow, he didn't quiet like it.
"Nothing," giggled Hitomi.
Van raised an eyebrow at her. Hitomi might be a spirited girl and very cheerful, but she didn't giggle. This was serious, very serious. Van furrowed his eyebrows in irritation, "Hitomi, tell me!"
Hitomi giggled again and leaned so close to Van that he felt her breath fan his face, and if he looked down he would be able to see her small bra peeking just a little under her dress. Van shook his head from the thought and swallowed with some difficulty and drawled, "Hitomi..."
Hitomi neared towards Van and whispered in his ear, "I think you have a crush on someone."
Van was so surprised that he lost balance on his chair and toppled backwards. Hitomi let out a peal of laughter and everything about math and final exams were left forgotten on the table as she saw him stand from the ground with his cheeks flushed brightly, "WHAT?"
She shook her head and smiled, "You like someone, Van!" Hitomi leaned close again and said in a hushed voice, "Who is she?"
Van chocked and looked away, "What makes you think such a thing?" Van straightened his back and glanced towards the running fan and the glass of lemonade close by.
Amusement gleamed in Hitomi´s eyes as she studied Van's tense figure, "Because, silly, you're blushing all the time and you're so distracted that it could only mean one thing...so, who is she? Do I know her? Are you scared that she would say no if you asked her out? Do you want me to help you two hook-up?"
Van's mind swirled at the countless questions and gripped his chair for support, "You...think I l-like s-someone?"
Hitomi raised an eyebrow, mimicking what he had done to her earlier, "Well, don't you?"
"I.." Van swallowed, "don't know." Van tried to look anywhere but her face in fear she would realize he had been peeking at her breasts and that he hadn't been thinking of her in a proper fashion. He was uncertain what to do; his heart was pounding heavily inside his head, hands sweating, and thoughts swirling inside his head.
Why…why did that question bother me so much? I mean, it's not like I like anyone…right? Hitomi has asked me that before…but…why is this different? Van furrowed his eyebrows in irritation and took a quick glance at Hitomi. For a moment, their eyes met. Van panicked and looked at his hands resting on his lap.
Why…did my heart go faster when I looked at her? I mean, this is Hitomi, right? We've been…best friends for a long time. A vision of Hitomi pressed closely to him flashed behind his eyes. Van shook his head stubbornly
No! You're not supposed to think about that! She's your best friend! Van´s mind shrieked and bombarded with reasons for not to think about her in an indecent way. It´s unforgivable! Why would you do such a thing? How to you think she would feel if she found out? She's the best thing that ever happened to you!
Van paused at the thought and glanced once again towards Hitomi. He didn't quiet understand her expression; it was a mixture of concern and curiosity, but the way she was looking at him suddenly made his stomach do a flip. She caught his eye again and she looked like she wanted to say something, reached her hand out but drew it back and looked away. She bit her lips nervously; something Van knew meant she was worried about something. Van looked at her more closely and he once again felt a flutter inside his stomach at the memory of her small figure near to his. Van shook his head and looked away. What is the matter with me?
Van was so frustrated that he could have screamed, but instead he clenched his fist and angrily punched his seat. Unknown to him, he was quiet strong and didn't actually think it would hurt. "Ow!"
In a heartbeat Hitomi was out of her seat and was at his side, worry written across her face, "Van?"
Van scrunched his face in pain and cradled his pulsing red hand and said in a whine, "It hurts."
Hitomi pressed her lips together and keeled in front of him. Attentively, almost in a scared manner, Hitomi reached for his hand and held between her own. Her warm and delicate hands touched lightly his now purple fist. Van sucked in a breath at the feel and fluttered his eyes closed. Hitomi regarded him for a moment and pursed her lips, "Does it hurt a lot?"
Van cracked an eye open and forced a grin, "I'll live."
Hitomi suppressed a smile and swatted him on the shoulder, "I'm serious, Van."
Van bowed his head forward and leaned against her shoulder, "I'll be okay, you don't have to worry." He closed his eyes again and inhaled Hitomi´s sweet fragrance of peach and cinnamon. I wonder what shampoo she uses…Van´s eyes snapped open and sat straight up, almost colliding his head with hers. Since when have I wondered what shampoo she uses?
Hitomi looked puzzled at his reaction, "Are you sure you're okay?"
Van snapped his eyes to her face and squeaked, "Yeah, never been better." Stupid hormones.
Hitomi raised an eyebrow and stood up warily, "Do you want me to call your mom?"
Van´s eyes widened and shook his head, "No, really, I'm okay." Van shook his hand but quickly cringed at the soreness, "it doesn't hurt that much." It sounded lame, but he said it more to reassure himself.
Hitomi bit her lip once again and glanced from Van's hand to his pleading expression, "You know you're not, but I'm not the one to force it through your thick head, Van," Hitomi sighed and shook her head as if she had just spoken to a child.
Van nodded and was thankful she hadn't gone prancing to his mother, the last thing he needed was his mother breathing on his neck about precaution. Really, sometimes she seemed to think he was made out of porcelain or something. Well, you very a sickly child, a voice snickered inside his mind. Still, Van thought hopefully, it would be nice if mom didn't freak out every time I came home with a scratch after soccer.
Hitomi regard him for a moment and pursed her lips, "You don't have to tell me, you know."
Van had been so deep in thought that he almost didn't hear her speak. Suddenly he felt uncomfortable again at the subject and looked to the side, "Can we, uh, talk about this later, ´Tomi? I mean, we should really finish that math homework…not to mention study for the exams…"
Hitomi nodded her head slowly and smiled, "Yeah we should." She sat down in her seat and pulled back her homework into view, and like before, looked hopefully at Van for guidance.
After much time explaining mathematical problems and disturbing thoughts, Van leaned back and stretched with a grin, "I think that's enough for today." He glanced at his finished work then shifted to Hitomi writing the last problem. Van studied her as her nose wrinkled in thought and quickly looked relieved when she jotted something down and leaned back as well with glee.
"I'm glad that's over," Hitomi laughed and looked at Van, "Thanks for the help, Van."
A lump formed in his throat at the way she was looking at him and he said with some difficulty, "Sure, no problem."
Hitomi smiled again and gathered her things quickly, almost happy to shove them down her backpack.
Hastily, Van stood up and walked Hitomi to his door. They looked at each other for a moment and he opened the door, both of them walking out to the warm sun. The silence between them was peaceful, but for some reason Van felt like he had to say something.
Hitomi broke the silence and said in a quiet voice, "Van."
Van looked towards her and nearly chocked when he felt her warm body close to his and her arms laced around him. Her backpack dropped to the ground and the both of them stood there, close together awkwardly and each searching for the right words to say.
Van felt tense once again and asked just as quietly, "What?"
Hitomi said in a muffled tone between his shirt, "You don't have to hide anything from me," she lifted her head up and looked at Van with an almost pained expression, "I´m your best friend, Van, and I really care about you. So…you can tell me anything, honest. You know I would help you with anything, if you needed me." Hitomi tightened her hold on him.
"I care about you too," Whispered Van. Van realized his meant those words, but for some reason they had a different emphasis than hers. Suddenly, it all made sense to him as she continued to hold him on his porch under the sun. He liked her. Plain and simple. Strangely, Van didn't seem as shocked as he should have been, under the circumstances of realizing he was attracted to his best friend as a potential girlfriend. It seemed as if he had always held this feeling, and maybe he had, but it was only than that he realized it. Van brought Hitomi closer and he heard her gasp quietly.
"Van?" Hitomi asked uncertainly.
"Mmm?"
"I promise I won't ask you anymore questions about your crush," she said in a serene voice.
Van smiled and brushed his hand against her cheek, marveling at the softness of her skin, "It´s okay, Hitomi. I mean...I think I like someone." Van's eyes widened and he had the sudden urge to smack his head.
Hitomi´s eyes brightened, "Oh?" She looked like she wanted to say something be restrained herself.
Van blushed brightly, "Yeah."
Hitomi grinned mischievously, "How about we have an agreement?"
Van dropped his hand and looked suspiciously at her, that look on her face always meant trouble, "What sort of agreement?"
Hitomi tiptoed and whispered in his ear, "If I pass Math, you tell me who she is."
Van trembled slightly at the feel of her warm breath fanning his ear and the way her body molded perfectly against his. Hitomi leaned back and waited for his approval. The way she was looking made him dizzy and without thinking he opened his mouth, "Sure." Once again, Van felt like smacking himself. Damn Hitomi and her distracting cute face.
Hitomi beamed at him and threw her arms around him, "Thanks."
Van stood very still and with some regret felt her body pull away. He cleared his throat, "No problem."
Hitomi picked up her backpack and looked at her watch, "Oh, I really have to go know. I have painting class now."
Van dove his hands inside his pockets, "You should go, than."
She glanced at him and smiled again, "Yeah, but make sure you don't forget about our agreement! I'll be anxious to know when I rub in your face my A in math!" She left and climbed down the stairs, crossed the small front yard and started heading down the road.
Van smiled and called back, "Don't you worry, I'll tell you."
"I'll hold you to your word!" Hitomi shouted back and she was gone.
Van stood outside for a while, watching the sun and still tingling from the feel of her body so close to his. Slowly, a lazy smile graced his lips, "Don't you worry, Hitomi. I won't be the one to stop you."
Van chuckled bitterly to himself. You are a sorry man, Fanel. Van cleared his mind and stood up quickly away from the sofa, from the fresh memories. He felt something on his cheek and reached up cautiously. It was with some surprise that he felt moisture, he had been crying. Stubbornly, Van wiped away his tears, as if they would sting him. Van moved away from the living room and sighed in relief after shutting the door to his bedroom. He eyed the bed with longing and quickly busied himself in the bathroom.
The sound of running water filled his ears and Van shut his eyes at the feel of cold water splashing against his face. Turing the tape off and drying his face with a towel, Van studied the reflection on the mirror. He inspected his image for a moment, and swiftly brushed his teeth and gurgled.
Clean and ready to fall asleep, Van quickly stripped down to his boxers and laid down on his bed. He looked at the ceiling for a while and clenched and unclenched his jaw as he waited for sleep to claim him. Van thought back on the math textbook and ran a hand over his dark locks. Hitomi hadn't passed math class, like she had vowed she would, but it had been surprisingly close. As true to her word, she had never mentioned again on the subject, to his great relief, but he had sensed she had the question on the tip of her tongue once in a while. Van wasn't so sure what he would have done if she had indeed passed the class, but he had a feeling she had said that knowing she wouldn't pass the class. Almost like she wanted something to hold her back from asking the question later, knowing it bothered him. Van smiled, that seemed just like his Hitomi. The smile quickly dropped and he thought angrily, just like the Hitomi he had known. Van sighed and flopped to the side, quiet annoyed and frustrated at the moment.
Now he remembered why he had bought the forsaken book. Van had wanted to keep the book as a recollection of when he had realized he had fallen in love with Hitomi. He had been such a lovesick fool that he had agreed to pay for the book in the end of the year, when he had been supposed to hand it back. Van smiled bitterly. You really are a sorry man. Van reached out and switched the lamp off, leaving the room dark and hollow, much like the way Van was feeling at the moment.
So, there you have it. The continuation of their meeting. Chapter four is done! grins Hope you liked the memories, I personally liked the coffee one, had fun writing that one. And the valentine's. So now you know a little bit more about their past relationship and new questions arise…you ask why she left him? Umm…that´s for you to find out hehe…poor Van, he suffered in the beginning of his puberty with Hitomi, haha. That oblivious girl!
Well, since I'm only one day away and this chapter surprisingly matches with the mood, I wish you all a happy valentine's! I have no idea when the next up-date will be, so don't get so excited. You have no idea how much time I've spent with this story. But it will definitely not take another year for the next up-date, lol.
Hitomi-chan
10/02/05