Authors Note: Thanks masamor99 and cmbarrytx for your reviews. I really enjoy reading them.

Chapter 3: Lorelai knows

I knew that next Friday would come sooner than I wanted it to. Ironic that it's now me, who's dreading Friday Night Dinner instead of Lorelai.

Thank God Richard is really away on business this time. I think it's far more easy to act normal, without him being present. It won't be so awkward.

For the time he's in Philadelphia, I moved into our house again. And now I'm asking myself why I ever went away. He should be the one living in a hotel.

It's good to be here again though. I'm sleeping a little better - just smelling his clothes next to me makes me feel comfortable. Damn I still love this man, but I can't stay and pretend that nothing happened. That he hasn't changed.

On the other side, seeing all his belonging makes me sad. My feelings are on a roller coaster – and now I'm thinking of our sleigh ride outside the Independence Inn. It's funny I nearly forgot about this.

"Say, when was the last time we were on a roller coaster?"

„Never." I replied.

"We should go on one."

"I'd be scared."

"I'll hold your hand."

"Fine. We'll go on a roller coaster."

We never did. I remember how safe I felt that night. That is until I found out that he'd retired without telling me. His own wife. I was so mad at him. But his apology in the lobby – I couldn't but forgive him. After all the years I still remember his words as if it was yesterday.

"Oh Emily, I know I've done nothing but disappoint you these past few months, what with all the social engagements I've made you cancel, and all the friendships I've jeopardized."

Yeah, back then you noticed when you were jeopardizing relationships. Why not now? And why are you ignoring me, when I come to you and tell you that you're jeopardizing our relationship with Lorelai? I know it's more important to me to have a functional relationship with our daughter, but it's not true that you didn't care about her at all. You're just hurt Richard. That she lied to us. So you've given up trying to get to know her – in fact you gave up long before. Is that the point? You're hurt and that is why you're hurting me? You can't have the relationship so I can't either? But then that's not you. You've always cared for my feelings.

"And you like order, you like lists, you like to know where you're going or what's coming. You like all things planned."

That's right Richard – I like everything planned. But now I have no plan. I'm just living for the next day and hope that I'll survive – and that perhaps I might get the clue how to solve our problems. But the point is – I can't, you have to solve them.

"Well, I couldn't face disappointing you again. I didn't want to fight."

That changed. Now you don't have a problem in disappointing me. But you still don't like fighting. Perhaps things would be a lot better if we would fight. If we would openly say what we dislike – even yelling – just letting everything out. But then that's not the Gilmore way. We bicker – about unimportant things. We rarely talk about the big problems.

"I'm very, very sorry."

I'm so waiting for you to tell me this again. Why aren't you coming Richard?

"Anyhow, um, I've been sitting here going over our financial situation."

He'd always cared for me. I got everything I wanted. I still do. I can still go shopping with my credit card. Not that I would expect him to change that, but you never know. The ex-husband of a friend of mine cutted his wife of immediately of all accounts the moment she left the house. It was a terrible divorce. Thank God we're not like this. I hope we'll never be.

"Richard, let's just go to bed."

That's what I was saying to him in the lobby after his apology. And we did. He took my hand in his and we went to bed. It was a wonderful night. To feel his strong arms holding me tight… – why am I allowing myself to think about this? I just makes me sad. Stop right now Emily Gilmore.

The girls will arrive any minute. I have to pull myself together. The doorbell is ringing.

"Hi Mom."

"Hi Grandma."

"Lorelai. Rory. Come in. Come in."

"How's Dad, Mom?"

"Right now? Cause as you know, he's away on business."

"No. Just in general."

"He's fine."

"Oh – that's great"

"Yes it is. What do you want to drink?"

"White wine."

"Coke."

"Well you two sit down, and I go and get your drinks."

I'm grateful for the opportunity to turn my back on them. This is harder than I thought. And why is her first question about Richard? I guess she knows that something is wrong. So act as normal as you can Emily. Just focus on Rory.

And that's what I'm doing when we're finally having dinner. I keep asking her questions about her love-life. I know this is a little unfair, but it's the only thing that comes to my mind to get rid of Lorelai's questions about Richard. That and going to the kitchen every now and then. She mentions him in nearly every sentence. She definitely has a suspicion. She questions everything – even the music I play. I turn to Rory.

"And you don't have a boyfriend?"

"Not really."

"Why, do you?" Lorelai says turning to me.

Oh yes, she knows. I'm pretty sure now. But I won't say anything. And she better keeps quiet about this, too.

Another Friday Night is over. I guess next Friday we have to face it. Richard is back by then, and if we don't have dinner Rory will get suspicious, too. Rory - I focus on her now, even when she's gone. Escaping my sad reality. Why hasn't she a boyfriend? As if there weren't many good-looking young men at Yale. I decide to help her a little bit.

Isn't Cassie Sullivan's son Graham at Yale, too? I think so. Tomorrow I'll arrange a meeting between the two of them and surprise Rory with it. At least I have something to do then – something that takes my mind away from my problems.

Ok, this turned out completely different from what I thought it would be, but I couldn't bring myself to delete it. I'm not totally satisfied, but I don't know how to change that. There's always next chapter though. But I do hope that you enjoyed it. Be kind and tell me so.