Breathe
Chapter 4
Eric opened the door to the ballistics lab slowly, hearing the familiar sounds of the firing gun. He had heard it so often after Speed had died, that he thought she was shooting up the wall in the firing range, but he knew it was what kept her calm and soothed her pain. This firing range was her therapy. He walked to the range, seeing her standing straight , shoulder width apart and arms extended. Her focus was solely on what was in front of her and she didn't notice as he came to a stand still next to her. He reached out to her and placed a soft hand on her shoulder. She continued to stare ahead, but a tear dropped from her eyes . Eric slipped the protective head phones off of her ears, took the gun out of her hand, and took her into a hug.
" It's just like Tim," Calleigh said between sobs.
" I know , Cal."
" I can't help but think , if someone would've gotten there faster, he would be standing here with me," Calleigh continued. " Trent Spaulding was lucky."
Eric nodded his head and pulled away from her. The two years that had passed, had done nothing for their grief, but they were better friends.
" Calleigh, Speed will live on in our hearts. There's nothing that will ever take his place, there," Eric said as he pointed to her chest. " That's where it matters the most."
" I know, Eric, but I want to feel him next to me. I want to hear his voice... Is that so bad to wish that?"
" No, but as much as I hate to say it, we have to start healing. It's been two years, and we haven't let go."
" I can't , Eric. I love him, and I miss him so much. I can't stop thinking about him. Every time I look at Cammi, I see him. He's all around me, how am I supposed to just , just forget about him?"
" That's not possible, Cal. We just have to grow from this. For instance, you are still wearing your wedding band," Eric said as he gestured to her hand.
Calleigh glanced down at her hand and sheepishly slipped it behind her back, she couldn't help herself. She wanted to have him around her, " I couldn't bring myself to take it off, Eric."
" Calleigh we have to try."
" I know , Eric. And I will, it's just going to take me sometime."
Eric nodded and then started to walk out of the lab before she caught him, " Can you come by tonight? I don't really want to be alone."
" Sure, I'll bring Max and Chris. Cammi can play with her 'cousin' while we talk."
" Thanks, Eric."
" Not a problem, Calleigh," Eric said as he pushed through the door. What she didn't know was that this was more for his benefit as well.
TS
Horatio got out of the Hummer and made his way to the headstone standing in the distance. He had been here before, almost a month ago, but the events that unfolded this morning , had prompted him to visit again. The scene was the exact same as it was in the jewelry store and he had the exact same gunshot wound. But what was different was that this man survived, and Speed didn't. It was Horatio's guilt over that which kept him coming back here.
He stopped at the headstone and took off his glasses, standing there with his head held low. It was here and only here where he could truly let his grief show. Speed had been an important part of his team and his life and now he had to contend with his absence. He lifted his head up slightly to gaze into the horizon as the sun began to set behind a wall of clouds. The sky matched his demeanor , it being gray and barren, with no hope of sunshine peeking through an accidental break. He felt the overwhelming urge to sit on the ground and did so, without thinking twice.
The silence of this place was peaceful and Horatio didn't know if he wanted to interrupt it with his voice. He cleared his throat and tried to form the words in his mind. There was so much he wanted to say, but his brain wouldn't let his voice out. He was trapped in his own grief. He sat there in silence, as a slight breeze caught the fiery red strands of his hair and tossed it about . In his mind, he replayed what he did two years ago and tried to match wits with himself. When there was nothing more, Horatio got up and dusted his pants off . Even if there were no words said, Horatio knew that his point was made. He missed his partner.
TS
One month later...
" Tim, wake up. Wake up Tim."
He opened his eyes to see a very pretty nurse checking his IV and smiled slowly. She glanced down at him and returned the smile sweetly.
" Mr. Spaulding, it's good to see that you are awake. You've been gone for a while now."
" Really? How long?"
" Almost a month. You took a pretty nasty shot on your chest. But you haven't been alone. Your wife has come just about everyday to check up on you."
"Wife?"
" She's a beautiful woman, Mr. Spaulding," the nurse said as she checked his lines. " How long have you two been married?"
Before Tim could answer, the door swung open and she walked in with her head down. When she looked up, she saw as he was awake and started to walk back out of the room. The nurse saw this and stopped her.
" Oh don't leave. I'm finished here," she said as she ushered Calleigh to the bedside. " I'm sure you two have so much to say to each other."
Calleigh glanced to the nurse then to Tim as he watched her eyes. They were as he remembered them, but the dullness of them shocked him to the core.
" I'm sure we do," he replied as he smiled to her. The nurse then took her leave." Sit?"
"Oh no, Mr. Spaulding, I can't , I was just coming to see if you were okay," Calleigh said nervously.
" Call me Tim..." he said as continued to smile.
" What did you say?" Calleigh asked, taken aback.
" I'm sorry did I say Tim? I meant Trent. Call me Trent," Tim said as he tried to recover.
Calleigh stood at the edge of the bed and stared at him for a moment. There was something familiar about him. His eyes held her captive.
" Oh, okay Trent. Like I said , I was just coming to check up on you. You scared us for a moment there."
" Yeah , I feel like I've come back from the dead, so to speak," Tim saidas he dropped his head slightly. "How did you get in ? I thought only relatives could come in here?"
" I told them I was your wife. I hope you didn't mind?"
"Not at all, Ms..." Tim said ,knowing full well her name.
"Actually it's Mrs. ,Mrs. Speedle," Calleigh replied as he shifted his weight in the bed.
" So you are married? What does your husband think about you coming to see me?"
" He's deceased," Calleigh said as she twisted thewedding band on her finger.
" I'm sorry. I didn't know," Tim lied. He was trying his best to make this seem as harmless as possible, but inside he was screaming to tell her everything.
" It's okay, I didn't tell you. So, how are you feeling?"
" Better. A little out of breath, but better. I don't remember much."
" What do you remember?" Calleigh said as she finally took a seat in front of him.
" I remember walking into the store, and then seeing three men with guns. Next thing I know, I'm on my back."
" I'm sorry, you said store and according to the witness reports, there was only two men in the bank," Calleigh stated.
" I meant bank," Tim said as he closed his eyes. This was going to be harder than he thought. Without notice, the door swung open again and Tim opened his eyes to see Alexx walking in.
" Calleigh , what are you doing here?" Alexx asked clearly shocked to see her sitting there.
" The same could be asked of you. I was just checking up on Mr. Spaulding."
" Trent," Tim reminded her gently.
" Yes, Trent." Calleigh repeated. " Trent, I want you to meet someone..."
" Alexx Woods," Tim said extending his hand, surprising both of the ladies.
" That's right, how did you know?" Alexx asked as she took his hand.
Tim had to think about how to recover from this as well, he didn't hear if Calleigh had actually said her name, " Um, you have a good reputation around the PD."
" How would you know about me? I'm a ME."
" Word gets around, you are the fastest scalpel in the east," Tim said remembering what Horatio had said about her previously.
Alexx let her hand drop limply as she looked into his eyes. She too saw something there, but chose to ignore it and returned the compliment, " And I hear that you can talk anyone out of anything."
" Really?" Calleigh asked as she turned to Alexx.
" Yeah, I talked with some of his colleagues . Apparently he's the best negotiator in Miami. They said that they can wait for you to come back," Alexx said jokingly.
" They would," Tim said hesitantly. He had no idea what she was talking about.
Calleigh laughed quietly at his remark, it reminding her of Tim. She looked at him again and felt something rise in her. He held her gaze for a moment too long, and Alexx cleared her throat, causing them to break .
Calleigh glanced at Alexx, then turned to him, " Trent, I've got to go. I'm glad that you are okay."
" We must go out sometime, for drinks maybe?" he asked as Alexx shot her eyebrows up.
" Umm,I don't know, I get kind of busy with work and my little girl," Calleigh said as she gathered herself.
" Little girl?" Tim asked as he gulped hard. It dawned on him that Calleigh was pregnant when he died and he realized that he'd never seen what his daughter looked like. " Do you have a picture?"
Calleigh stopped and looked at him oddly. Why was he so interested in her little girl, or her, period? She shrugged and fished in her bag for her wallet and opening it, then handing it to him. Tim took the wallet and saw the little girl with dark brown eyes, dark hair ,and a spectacular smile. He gazed at it for a moment longer then allowed his eyes to drop on to the next picture that was adjacent to it. It was of him and Calleigh at the beach. Calleigh was on his back, holding on to his neck and he was looking back at her with a wide smile on his face. He remembered that day as if it was yesterday, and he felt the stinging behind his eyes as he cleared his throat.
" That's your little girl? How old is she?"
" She's two. She's my life."
" And I couldn't help but notice the other picture, is that your husband?"
Calleigh took the wallet back and dropped her head, speaking through choked emotion, " Yes, that's Tim."
" You look very happy."
" I was happy," Calleigh said as she wiped the tears before they made way down her face. " I'm sorry. I shouldn't be crying, he's been gone for two years now."
" It's okay. Grief is something that you can't just shrug off so easily," Tim replied as he gazed at her. He wanted to reach out and hold her and tell her that everything was alright. Alexx, continued to study him intently as she put a hand on Calleigh's shoulder.
"Calleigh, honey, I think it's time to let Mr. Spaulding rest,"Alexx said as she helped Calleigh to the door.
" Calleigh?" Tim said with urgency. He didn't know what would happen if he let her walk out of that door with out saying anything. " Would it be okay if I took you out to lunch. Just to thank you? It will be harmless."
Calleigh nodded her head and said, " I'd like that," then she walked out of the door with Alexx following close behind her. Tim laid his head down on the pillow and gazed into the ceiling. That had to have been the hardest thing he has ever had to do. He heard a voice at the door and lifted his head up again.
"Calleigh, go on ahead, I'll catch up to you. I forgot something," Alexx said as she cracked the door. She waited until she saw Calleigh get on the elevator before she entered the room again. When she closed the door, she walked over to the bed and looked Tim in the face.
" I don't know what you are up to mister, but she's not the one to mess with. She has a lot of people who care and love her and would stop at nothing if someone tried to hurt her."
" I don't want to hurt her, Alexx," Tim replied as he looked her in the eyes. She flinched slightly when she saw the intensity that swam in those dark pools.
" You remind me of someone," Alexx said as she backed up. Could it be?
" I hope he was nice," Tim said coyly.
Alexx put her hand over her mouth and sucked in a ragged breath, " It can't be..."
He smiled broadly and Alexx knew at that moment that she was staring at her lost son.
" Timmy?" Alexx asked with tears in her voice.
Tim looked at her and started to nod but he then saw Tony appear from behind her, and he didn't look very happy. Tim then looked back to Alexx and sadly shook his head and replied, " No, Alexx, my name is Trent."
Alexx dropped her hopeful gazed and wiped her tears, apologizing, " I'm sorry, it's just that you really do remind me of someone that I knew."
" People do say that I have that kind of face," Tim replied smartly.
Alexx chuckled lightly and exhaled softly, " It's not your face, it's your eyes. He had the same eyes that you have. So warm, and intense. It's freaky."
Tim sighed and rested his head back and Alexx noticed and apologized again before leaving. As the door came to a soft shut, Tony walked up to the foot of the bed.
" Timothy, what do you think you are doing?"
" I didn't do anything. She knew who I was, I didn't say anything."
" They cannot know, Timothy."
" You said that I couldn't tell them, but what happens if they figure it out for themselves? If I didn't tell them, I can't be in violation of these rules."
" You are walking a fine line, Tim. Stop it. Just be happy that you are alive and you can be around them."
" But it's not worth it, if they don't know who I am. Isn't that why I chose this in the first place? To reconnect?"
" No, you chose this so that you could live again. Don't walk this road ..."
"Tony, this is why I wanted to come back. I need to have Calleigh beside me. I want to get to know my daughter."
" Calleigh's not your wife anymore and Camille isn't your daughter. She's Timothy's daughter and Calleigh is Timothy's wife. You are not Timothy anymore."
" What if I get to know them as Trent? What harm would that be?"
Tony thought about it and shook his head and conceded , " Your training as a CSI never left you ,did it? You've found a loophole, but you've got to do this as Trent. If one hint of Speedle comes through, the game is over."
"Agreed," Tim said as he laid his head back against the cool pillow. He was alone in the room again and he closed his eyes, thinking of a way to get back into their lives.
TBC...