Authors Note: Thanks cmbarrytx and Cay for your reviews. I hope you like the way I portrayed Hope.
Chapter 8: Hope
I'm waking up in a hotel bed – well not just any hotel but The Ritz. Rory and I have a wonderful suite. It's very nice here – it always was. The sun is shining into my room and perhaps I'm lucky and don't get the jet-lag. I wonder if Rory is already awake. It was late yesterday so I don't think she will. I haven't told her about Hope yet. Well she knows I have a sister in Paris, but I didn't tell her that I want to see her – but she's a smart girl, she could imagine that.
I want to see her as soon as possible. That's crazy because I haven't seen her for years so a few more days shouldn't make any difference, but now that I know I can be at her house in 90 minutes (she lives a little outside of Paris) I can barely wait. I hope it's alright with Rory.
I'm going into our living-room – no sign of Rory. It's 8:30 – I decide to let her sleep until 9 am – then I'm going to wake her up. It's the best thing to fight the jet-lag. I'm picking up my novel and start to read. I can't concentrate, all I'm thinking about is Hope and how much I've missed her. She was always special to me. My little sister – we are different – but we've always understood each other. I know that I haven't seen her in a long time, but as soon as I'll walk through her door it will be like if we were never apart.
It's 9 am and still there's no sign that Rory is awake. So I'm standing up and walk into her room.
"Rory? – Rory, Sweetie wake up." I say softly, walking towards her bed.
"Rory, you really should wake up now."
I'm sitting down on her bed and put her hair out of her face. Slowly she's waking up.
"I'm sorry Sweetie but it is better if you wake up now. We have so much things to do and we need to get used to the European time zone."
"Good morning Grandma. What time is it?" she ask – yawning.
"Good morning Rory. It's 9 am."
"I'll stay up in a minute."
"That's good. But perhaps you could listen to me for a moment, I have something to say to you."
"Did I do anything wrong? You didn't tell me to set the alarm."
"No, you didn't do anything wrong." I say laughing.
"Do you remember the night when a snow-storm was hitting Hartford and you couldn't get back to Stars Hollow? The night you found the photo album?"
"Yes, I do – why?"
"Do you remember my sister Hope?"
"Yes – oh she lives here, right? Are we going to visit her? When Mom and I were in Paris last year she was away – Mom was truly sad that she wasn't able to see her Aunt Hopey."
Yes I can imagine that. Hope and Lorelai always had a special relationship – sometimes I think Hope understands her better than I do. Maybe because they're similar in some aspects. But I never got jealous of Hope – weird, but true. Perhaps because she never was around Lorelai for a long period of time, or perhaps because she's my sister and - unlike many siblings - we were never jealous of each other.
"Yes, she lives a little outside of Paris. And you're right I want to visit her. I haven't seen her for years. Rory I know you would like to see Paris and I promise you, we will go shopping and sightseeing, but somehow I really need to see Hope as soon as possible. Would you mind if we would go to visit her today?"
I'm holding my breath. Please say yes.
"Of course not Grandma. I would love to finally meet her. Mom always spoke so highly of her. And it's not that I've never seen Paris before. If you want to go there today that's fine with me."
"Thank you darling." I say kissing the top of her head.
"Then you really should get up now. What do you want for breakfast? I'll order it, so we can eat in our living-room."
We're sitting in a car on our way to Hope's house. It's a little smaller than Richards and mine, but everything in Europe seems smaller. Hope has married Maurice – an international banker – a few years after I've married Richard. They're still together – at least I think they are. I have never mentioned our separation in my letters to her either, so who knows?
"Does she know that we're coming?" Rory asks – interrupting my thoughts.
"No, but she loves surprises."
"How shall I address her?"
"Well she's your great-aunt, so Aunt Hope would be appropriate."
"Okay." she says, shifting a little in her seat.
"Are you nervous Rory?"
"Well – yes a little bit. It's just I don't know her, and it's weird – I hope she likes me."
"Oh she sure will. There's no need to be nervous. She will love you. And you can ask me anything you want to know about her."
"Does she have children? I know I should know that, and I'm sure Mom told me, but I just forgot and -"
"Don't worry about it Rory – calm down. Yes she has two children - Fleur and Pierre, but they're not living at home anymore. Fleur has married and lives in Marseille having to girls of her own and Pierre is studying in Oxford – he should graduate this year I think."
"And her husband – will he be at home?"
"Oh I don't know whether or not Maurice will be at home– probably not. He's away on business very often – but I don't know, he could be at home. Rory honestly, you shouldn't worry about this."
We're both sitting there lost in our thoughts. When I realize that we will be there soon I start to speak again.
"Hope has the most beautiful rose garden you can imagine. You have to see it. She always had a hand for flowers."
"Is that the reason why she named her daughter Fleur?"
"Yes, I think so."
We're there. I pay our driver and tell him to wait until someone is opening the door. We're standing in front of her house now. It really looks nice and it looks as if she's home – I can't say why I just have this feeling. We're walking towards the door. I'm ringing the doorbell. If she's home she will answer the door herself. Hope never thought much of maids, (and is always making fun of me) so she only has a woman that comes twice a week to help her clean the house. Everything else she's doing on her own. Including cooking which I could never understand but she claims that she's loving it.
And then I hear footsteps – her footsteps. She's opening the door and looks at me as if she would see a ghost.
"Emily! – I can't believe it, are you really here?" she says hugging me.
It feels so good to be in her arms again – to smell her perfume.
"Yes I am – I know how much you're loving surprises so I thought I wouldn't tell you."
"You're right. It's the perfect surprise. I can't say how happy I am to finally see you again. And who's that?" she says turning to Rory –
for a brief moment I have forgotten about her, but before I can answer, Hope is continuing.
"Don't tell me this young lady is Rory?"
"Oh yes she is – Hope, please meet my granddaughter Rory. Rory this is your great-aunt Hope."
"It's nice to meet you." Rory says stretching out her hand.
But Hope is ignoring it. She embraces Rory in a hug saying:
"And I'm so glad to be finally meeting you. Half of the letters your grandmother is writing to me are about you."
Rory looks at me – nervous.
"Hope-" I begin.
"Well it's true – perhaps even more. But don't worry – she's only praising you. Oh where are my manners, please come inside."
"Is Maurice at home?" I say walking into her house.
"No I'm afraid you've missed him – he left for Berlin yesterday."
Somehow I'm relieved. And I can tell that Rory is too. It's not that I don't like Maurice but I have to speak to my sister without him being present. And that's far more easier to manage if he isn't even here.
"Can I get you something to drink?"
"Yes, please. Some grape juice for me – I've always loved french grape juice."
"And you're lucky that I have some. And you Rory?"
"If Grandma is praising it that much I think I'll try it myself."
"Okay – I'll be right back. Sit down and feel as if you were at home."
With that she's going to the kitchen.
"You were right Grandma – she's really nice. And the house is beautiful."
"Yes she is – I knew she'd like you and you her. And you're right - the house is beautiful."
I can see how Rory's eyes are wandering to the books sitting on the shelves. Just when I'm thinking whether or not to give her a hint to leave me and Hope alone for some time, Hope is returning with three glasses of red grape juice – the most delicate one I know.
"Here it is – I hope you like it Rory. If not just say it, then I'll get you something else."
"No, I like it – Grandma was right – it tastes great."
"So when did you arrive in Paris?"
"Tonight."
"Wow and your first thing is to go visiting me? I'm flattered."
"You should be. So how is everyone?"
"Maurice has a lot of work to do – as always. Fleur is enjoying her little family and Pierre has to study hard for his final exams."
"Yes, I thought so. Too bad I don't get to see your grandchildren."
"Why not – do you have a special timetable?"
"Well we have plans, but perhaps we can change them. What do you think Rory?"
"Whatever you want Grandma."
"Well we can talk about that later."
"So Rory, your grandmother told me you're attending Yale?"
"Yes, that's right. But I've just started. I have to study a lot, but I like it."
"That's good."
The two of them are talking a little more about Yale and Lorelai. I have to talk to her on my own. But I don't want to be rude to Rory. Just when I'm about to say something to send her away I hear Rory saying:
"Grandma told me you have the most beautiful rose garden. Do you mind if I would go outside to take a look at it?"
I'm giving her a grateful look.
"Not at all – we could all go outside and sitting there on the bench. The weather is lovely."
"Hope, I would rather stay inside."
"But Rory – "
"Oh, I can be on my own. I'm sure the two of you have a lot to catch up on."
I love her. It's just as if she could read my mind. And finally Hope is realizing this, too.
"Well if you need anything, just come inside and ask me, will you?"
"I will. See you later."
With that she's out the door.
"So what did you say to her?" Hope asks looking suspicious at me.
"What do you mean? - Nothing."
"So you want to tell me leaving was her idea?"
"Yes. She's a smart girl – she knows we need some time for us. And I was just thinking about a way to send her somewhere else. She was just a little faster."
"But what will she do there – all alone?"
"Oh she never leaves the house without a book. At the moment it's 'Les Misérables'."
"In French?"
"No. She's learned Spanish at school. She only knows a little French."
"She really is a nice girl, Emily. She's everything you told me about her and even more. And she looks just like Lorelai."
"I know."
"Oh I totally forgot to ask - just blame it on the surprise – where's Richard? I can't remember the last time you were in Europe without him. Or is he just elsewhere in Paris doing some work?"
"He's at home." I answer looking down.
"Is everything alright, Emily?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Because you're acting weird. And because you wanted to send your precious granddaughter away. So something serious must be on your mind."
"And you think it has to do with Richard?"
"Could be. At least it's weird that you're here without him."
Yes, that's right. You know me way too good. It's like you're sensing it. And why am I playing games – with you of all people? I came here to talk to you about it, so I just have to start. And I have to say it directly as it is – there is no other way. I should know that, I just did it yesterday, so why isn't it getting easier?
"You're right. Richard and I have separated."
"What?"
"You heard right. The last weeks I was living in a hotel and when I'll get home he will move into the pool-house."
"I'm so sorry Emily. Why did you never tell me?"
"I don't know. Because it's hard to admit that we've failed – after all those years. Even to my sister. And because I've always hoped that we could work it out. But it seems that we can't."
"What happened?"
"At first it were little things. You know about his new company and Jason Stiles being his partner?"
"Yes you've mentioned that."
"Well I got more and more unimportant. I wasn't needed anymore. I planned this whole party for them, and they cancelled it because Jason decided to take the clients to Atlantic City instead –which was a horrible trip by the way – and Richard just agreed with it. You know if he thinks that's best, then I don't argue with him, but he never acknowledged the fact that I've put work into this party, too – he just cancelled it."
Hope is sitting opposite to me – just listening so I'm going on.
"But not everything was bad. When his mother died and wanted to be placed on our mantle he refused to do that. And I think he did that because of me. That day everything was fine. But then the big blow-out came – it was like Act V in a drama of Shakespeare. We had the Stiles over for dinner – thinking they would want to reconcile – when Floyd announced he would sue Richard. And it took me hours to get that out of him. All Richard would be saying to me was 'Everything is going to be okay' He wasn't talking to me at all. The same evening we found out that Lorelai was dating Jason. The next day I overhear a conversation between Richard and Lorelai in which she begs her father not to sue her boyfriend. I don't remember the last time she was asking us for something like that. And he let her down. You know how fragile our relationship to Lorelai is, so I went into his study and asked him, if it's really necessary to sue Jason – I told him my fears of loosing Lorelai again. Can you imagine his answer 'We can't control what Lorelai will do. Rory won't go away. I'm doing what I have to do.' He was oblivious to my fears. So I knew what I had to do, too. That evening I left him."
"Just like that?"
"Well I left him a note saying I would be there for Friday Night Dinner."
"You mean you just left him, without talking?"
"Didn't you listen to me, he wasn't talking to me at all. He was deciding, without consulting me anymore, without even telling me his decisions – I became unimportant to him, someone he was looking at at dinner. Oh and I didn't tell you, he had lunch once every year since we were married with Lynnie Lott."
"No!"
"Yes, I found out about that a few months ago."
"But that isn't the reason, why you've left him, isn't it?"
As I said, you know me way too good. That's why I had to come here, to talk to you.
"No, it wasn't – how do you know?"
"Because you nearly forgot to mention it. And you said it was months ago, if that would have been the reason you would have left him earlier - and because you called it lunch – so it was only lunch wasn't it?"
"I suppose so."
"Emily?"
"Yes. It was only lunch. At least he told me that. And he apologized for it."
"And you believe him?"
"Yes – yes I do."
I don't know why she's smiling now. Only a brief smile, but I've noticed it anyway.
"Oh and he's having a moustache now – the most ugly one you can imagine. And he refuses to shave it."
"Emily – are you telling me you've left him because of a moustache?"
"No, but-"
"No buts – we don't have to talk about the moustache or Lynnie Lott – "
"But don't you see, these are all signs saying that – "
"But they're not the reason why you've left him – am I right?"
"Yes you are." I admit.
"So he isn't talking to you anymore?"
"Yes. I can't even say when it began, but that's right. He's not consulting me, he's not talking to me."
"And then you've just left him, only leaving the note saying you would be there for Friday Night Dinner?"
"That's right."
"Did you ever think about how he must have felt when he found out that you were gone?"
"So you are on his side? I can't believe this!"
"I'm on nobody's side Emily. I just wanted to-"
"That's bad enough. You're my sister, you should be on my side."
"Emily now you're acting childish and you know that."
I hate when she's right. But I want her to comfort me, can't she understand?
"I don't care if I sound childish. I just want you to understand me, to comfort me." I say louder standing up and pacing the room.
"But I do understand you, all I was trying to do is, to look at it from his point of view – something you haven't done for the last weeks I suppose."
"So now you're accusing me of being unable to see the situation properly? I don't know why I came here, I thought you would understand me and wanting to help me, but I guess I was wrong."
With that I'm leaving for the garden. She's not even following me, I can't say how disappointed I am in her. I pay attention not to walk into Rory. I've seen her sitting on a bench reading her book – luckily she hasn't seen me – so I'm avoiding this part of the garden.
I was so looking forward to this meeting. I've really missed her. And now that. We rarely argue, so why now? His point of view – but she's right I haven't looked at it from his point of view and I don't want to – somehow I'm not ready for it. And I still think that our separation is his fault.
Why did I get so angry? I just wanted her to listen to me – but then she has a right to have her opinion and to say it to me – to be honest that's why I came here, to hear her opinion. I just didn't think she would say it so fast without any warning. But then that's Hope (and in this case she's just like me) – so I should have known that. What am I going to do now? I've made a fool of myself – getting so upset. I know what I have to do. I have to apologize a lot in the last few weeks – why? Because I don't have the self-control I should have. I'm way too emotional right now. But I have to do it. She's waiting for me – at least I hope that. So I'm walking slowly back to the house.
She's not in the living-room anymore. But I hear noises from the kitchen. Well it's nearly lunch-time so I'm going towards it. I stop in the door way. There she is, standing in front of the oven.
"I'm sorry Hope."
She's turning around – looking at me.
"I really am – you were right I was acting childish. I came here to hear your opinion, I just wasn't prepared for it – for getting it so directly. You're right I haven't seen the situation from Richard's point of view – but somehow I'm not ready for it. I didn't mean to get upset – Please forgive me, Hope."
She's walking towards me and gives me a hug. I start to cry – it's just too much.
"It's okay Emily. Shhh. - I'm sorry, too."
"You don't have to be – you didn't do anything wrong." I say calming down a little.
"I should have warned you – saying something like, 'here comes Hopes advice', or something like that – perhaps I should have just listened to you."
"No, I want to hear your opinion. Please say it to me. I was acting childish. I'm sorry."
"Well it's alright now. I'm glad you came back."
"Did I have any choice?"
"Not really – except you would have wanted to be really childish." she adds giving me her smile.
"Why don't you call Rory for lunch and we'll talk about it later?"
"Good idea." I'm about to leave the kitchen, but before I'm outside I turn around
"Hope – Thank you."
"Anytime."
I want to leave the kitchen, but she's calling me back so I turn around again.
"Emily - I love you."
"I love you, too Hope."
It is so good to hear these words again. I'm feeling a lot better than 5 minutes before. And it's not difficult for me at all to say them to Hope – to Lorelai instead… but I shouldn't think about that, now. I'm going to the garden to get Rory. Hope and I will talk about my problem later – we both need time to think about it.
So this was a long chapter, what do you think about it in general (and specifically about Hope)? Please review!