Anybody who thinks being stuck with a Sue would be fun should go right now and throw themselves off the battlements of the nearest castle. I am serious; go do it right now. Traveling with HER is the worst thing I've ever had to do. Neither of us can make a fire, and I, growing up in a forest with some pyromaniacs, learned early that you simply do not light fires where there are trees unless you like getting burned. And SHE is constantly complaining about something or other. But late at night when SHE thinks I'm asleep I can hear HER plotting. Her goal seems to get every male who appears cute in the movies to fall for HER. SHE's starting on Aragorn and then plans to leave him for Legolas who SHE plans to leave for Faramir who SHE plans to leave for Legolas who should be so infatuated with HER that he wouldn't notice that SHE ever left him in the first place. Hah! He is an elf, not a mindless slug. Although I haven't actually met him, or any other elves for that matter yet, so I should probably not form any opinions right about now. But if he is able to see for miles in ahead of him, I bet he has a brain and a long memory to go with it.

SHE also cannot travel very quickly. SHE had asked for a horse for each of us, but her horse is the feistiest creature I have ever seen. Of course, it is a pure white mare, but she has the soul of a demon. My horse looks like an Appaloosa, and she is very sweet and is helping me get over my horse phobia. And fortunately, SHE can ride and is teaching me; not in the tenderest of manners, I assure you. But we have to stop every few miles so I can brush through her mane of hair. I also noticed that SHE wears an amulet on a gold chain around her neck. If relations improve (which I doubt) I'll ask her what the amulet does. Oh, wait, I know. It's one of a Sue's evil tools. I'll bet is summons the godmother. Great, another thing that I have to get rid of.

Yay, Rivendell- I finally get to meet sentient beings. SHE magicked the door warden into believing that we were from a hidden land, come seeking shelter. SHE also gave me a name, and I hate it:

Kelanna.

I know it sounds Elvish, and that's because it actually can be broken down and translated, but "flow of gifts"? Come on, that makes no sense at all- in my case at least. And I think the door warden agrees with me about that, since he cocked an eyebrow when SHE called me. Although now, SHE has a name, Miriel meaning Jewel-star. If someone can think of a more Sue-ish name, I would stare at them for eternity. Ugh, foul name.

We got put in rooms next to someone who I think is Arwen. If she's not, then she has to be her unknown twin, because I don't think you could turn up the pretty-ness in her. And really, there are no words to describe her. It is an innocent sort of perfection, unlike HER's, which is the essence of evil. She is also incurably naïve, because she likes HER. That won't last very long, since SHE is probably going to start hitting on Aragorn the second SHE sees him. SHE was hoping for Legolas but hasn't been able to find him yet. If the Valar know mercy, they will keep him away from HER.

Okay, she is Arwen after all. I got to talk to her today. And I got to clear up a few things. "Are you Miriel's companion?" she asked.

I nearly choked on my own saliva. How did this news get out? Oh, right: HER. "Sort of, because of a threat."

Arwen looked dubious. "Pardon me, but you don't seem to be the sort of person to cave into a threat."

I snorted in a very un-ladylike fashion. "Au contraire. I am the world's worst wimp. That's why I'm here in the first place."

Arwen looked confused. "What does this mean, 'au contraire'? I am not familiar with the phrase."

Stupid, stupid me; I forgot about colloquialism barriers. "It's an expression. It basically means that nothing could be farther from the truth. And you should watch out for Miriel. She's got a plan for Aragorn."

Poor, naïve Arwen cocked her head. "I fail to understand you."

I snorted. "You will understand when you see it."

I met Legolas today! Don't mistake me; he is absolutely hot, but in a way very different from the movies. For starters, his hair is coal black, kind of curly, and short-ish. I guess now that it makes sense to have short hair if you live in the woodlands so that it doesn't catch on anything. His eyes are grey, but a sort of grey that makes you think of grey as a color rather than as a shade of black. And one of the more interesting facts is that his ears aren't pointed; they're more normal human-y shaped. So instead of thinking of Orlando Bloom as Legolas, think of him as Paris and you've got his basic looks (although I have to say the real Legolas is a lot hotter than Orlando Bloom- but no! Must stop Sue-ish thoughts!). But most interestingly, he glows. No joke. When he's in the dark, it looks kind of like a night-light with a thin shade over it. He would be really bad at hide-and-go-seek in the dark, but that's random. And fortunately for him, SHE is looking for an Aryan elf; and hopefully for him, SHE will never catch on to the fact that he is not blonde after all nor does he have blue eyes. Wait, who am I kidding? SHE's found an excuse for attending the council in a few days, where Legolas gets introduced. And then we go with the Fellowship. I was so stupid to believe that we might actually stay in a city with a library.

Also I just found out something that would make HER really mad, and will help Legolas fight HER off. And it just goes to prove that just because it's not in the history books doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

Legolas is married to an elf in Mirkwood; one in the gob for all his fangirls. From what I've heard, she's just the sort of person I'd wish on him; she's kind and quiet and is a strong person- err, elf: the opposite of a Sue soul. If I get back, I will totally spread the word all over the Internet about her. But then people wouldn't believe me. And worse, if I was believed, this poor girl will have Sues trying to kill her for the rest of her life. It would be a terrible existence and probably one shortened considerably, and Legolas would be left a very sad and sought-after widower. And what's more, he has a young daughter too who's still in a stage of Elven toddler-ness. I can just see the cuteness, you know, with a father like that...

Also, he is also not the only child of Thranduil. He has an older brother whose name I cannot spell in Mirkwood trying to figure out something about the spiders there. Again the clues are there to hit me in the face; would a king really let his only son or his firstborn go off on such a dangerous mission or leave and set up his own city? Gah, I was- am- such an idiot. I would kill myself if I wasn't such a wimp.

Hah! SHE is dead meat, or as the elves might say, warg fodder. Arwen caught HER on the arm of a very confused Aragorn. She would have lunged at HER if I, Glorfindel, Legolas, and the Peredhel twins didn't intervene. We didn't do it for HER, of course; we just didn't want to see Arwen kicked on the boat to Valinor because of a murder. Though from a comment by Glorfindel, almost any elf who saw anything happen would instantly swear that they had seen a wolf earlier and that it was not Arwen who attacked HER, but the wolf, and that Arwen was trying to help. And Elrond would ask no questions.

Arwen just informed me of the inevitable (that SHE and I are going with the Fellowship to Mordor) so she has named me unofficial champion against HER. To help me accomplish my mission (run HER through if SHE gets within two feet of Aragorn) she has been teaching me to use an Elvish sword. That godmother must have also sped up my reflexes, because I can actually block stuff. Arwen says that I'm doing very well for a human who hadn't picked up a sword until two weeks ago. She also gave me some clothes that I'll wear when I go with the Fellowship: a rose-brown tunic-dress with matching leggings and leather boots. The skirt part of the tunic-dress is like a split skirt, so I can run and still look feminine. Arwen has also given me a new name: Arë. She agrees that the name SHE gave me is stupid, but she thinks my real name is decidedly dwarvish, and therefore disgusting.

(Note to self: find out date as lines using up valuable pen ink!)

My nightmare is started. Tonight, SHE came in our room and sat down on the bed, looking at me through narrowed eyes. "One of those twins pointed out Legolas to me today. You were talking to him." I stayed silent. Moving like a cat, SHE got up and raked her long fingernails down my cheek. "He is mine, you hear, mine," SHE hissed.

This is rich! She believes that I'm going after Legolas. Not only is he married, we're just friends at most. And Miss I- Must- Have- Every- Hot- Guy thinks that he's sweet on me. Does SHE even know the meaning of a platonic relationship? Actually, since most adults don't know that word, her ignorance is not best explained in that example. But I'm not about to tell her about "Mrs. Greenleaf" so said elf won't end up at the bottom of a river. It's for Legolas to tell HER. Meanwhile, SHE calmed down slightly and said with concealed venom, "We're going with the Fellowship. I suggest you get ready."